Serious Question: Would Any of You Actually Read Bruce Buffer’s Autobiography?


(Already, Bruce? But you have so much more living to do…)

From Chuck Liddell to Matt Hughes to Forrest Griffin, we’ve seen plenty of UFC legends share their life stories in published autobiographies. But for the first time, one of the UFC’s peripheral characters is releasing a tell-all. Unfortunately, it’s not Joe Rogan, who definitely should write an autobiography someday, or Burt Watson, who probably knows more inside-dirt than anybody. No, it’s actually Veteran Voice of the Octagon™ Bruce Buffer, whose book — It’s Time!: My 360-Degree View of the UFC — will be released on May 14th. So, is anyone interested in hearing the rags-to-riches story of the guy who introduces UFC fights? Allow Bruce to give you the hard sell (book description via Amazon.com):

If you’re reading these words, chances are that you, like me, are a fan of the great sport we call MMA.*

And if you’re a fan, then you probably recognize my face.

Yeah, that’s right — I’m that guy you see at every UFC match, spinning around and roaring into the microphone and getting up in fighters’ grills.

Okay, so I might not be the most subtle or refined announcer in the business. But I hope I communicate my passion for the sport in a way no other announcer does.

I’ll say it again: Passion. Because that’s what this book is about.


(Already, Bruce? But you have so much more living to do…)

From Chuck Liddell to Matt Hughes to Forrest Griffin, we’ve seen plenty of UFC legends share their life stories in published autobiographies. But for the first time, one of the UFC’s peripheral characters is releasing a tell-all. Unfortunately, it’s not Joe Rogan, who definitely should write an autobiography someday, or Burt Watson, who probably knows more inside-dirt than anybody. No, it’s actually Veteran Voice of the Octagon™ Bruce Buffer, whose book — It’s Time!: My 360-Degree View of the UFC — will be released on May 14th. So, is anyone interested in hearing the rags-to-riches story of the guy who introduces UFC fights? Allow Bruce to give you the hard sell (book description via Amazon.com):

If you’re reading these words, chances are that you, like me, are a fan of the great sport we call MMA.*

And if you’re a fan, then you probably recognize my face.

Yeah, that’s right — I’m that guy you see at every UFC match, spinning around and roaring into the microphone and getting up in fighters’ grills.

Okay, so I might not be the most subtle or refined announcer in the business. But I hope I communicate my passion for the sport in a way no other announcer does.

I’ll say it again: Passion. Because that’s what this book is about.

In these pages, I want to tell you about the passion that first led me to bet everything on this sport of ours, way back when MMA was outlawed in half the country and there wasn’t a dime to be made on it. I want to tell you how that passion all started, with my larger-than-life father, a former Marine Drill Sergeant who, by the time I was 10, had taught me to play poker and blackjack, field-strip a Luger pistol blindfolded and recite poetry. He was a man who thought nothing of confronting a group of thugs armed with nothing but his fists — and who expected the same strength and honor from his sons.

I want to take you inside the incredible brotherhood that makes up the UFC as nobody ever has before, to tell you about the bond we all share and the crazy times I’ve had over the years with guys like Randy Couture, Tito Ortiz, Chuck Liddell, B.J. Penn and Jon “Bones” Jones. I want to give you my octagon-side insights on many of the big fights you remember, and just maybe, to tell you about a few memorable fights that took place outside of the octagon, too — from my own sparring match with a youngster named Royce Gracie back before the phrase “Mixed Martial Arts” even existed, to some other brawls you might’ve heard about.**

And I want to tell you about the remarkable, late-life meeting with the celebrity brother I never knew I had*** — a brother whose existence my parents had never once breathed a word about! — that helped inspire me to chase my own dreams of standing up in the octagon.

Surprising stuff from the guy in the fancy tux, right? And that’s just the start. There’s a lot you don’t know about me yet.****

And now… IT’S TIME! I told you.*****

[Footnotes below]

* I preferred the original opening line, “If you’re reading these words, that means I’m dead, and Chael Sonnen is the new UFC light-heavyweight champion.”

** He means the time he fucked up Frank Trigg in an elevator.

*** Weird, true fact from the Amazon page: “[Bruce Buffer] also manages the career of his brother, boxing announcer Michael Buffer, and has helped parlay Michael’s ‘Let’s Get Ready to Rumble®’ catchphrase into hundreds of millions in sales revenue from licensed products and ventures.”

**** “Chapter 24: The Jealousy Triangle and How to Use It to Your Advantage TONIGHT

*****

Corn Nuts Are the Official Corn ‘Nut Sack’ of the UFC, According to Bruce Buffer [VIDEO]

(Sadly, this was the only interesting moment of the Lawlor vs. Carmont fight. Props: ybrekyert via Reddit MMA)

Even the suavest sons-of-bitches occasionally make mistakes. UFC cage-announcer Bruce Buffer — the sharply-dressed Trigg-abusing card-shark who has long showcased his golden throat and trademarked catchphrases as the “Veteran Voice of the Octagon” — made quite a verbal boner during the main card of UFC 154 on Saturday. Honestly, it’s not his fault. When your product slogan includes the phrase “nut snack,” you’re setting yourself up for unfortunate accidents.

Prediction: Following his triumphant performance as the ShockmasterTom Lawlor will show up to his next UFC weigh-in appearance as a corn nut-sack.


(Sadly, this was the only interesting moment of the Lawlor vs. Carmont fight. Props: ybrekyert via Reddit MMA)

Even the suavest sons-of-bitches occasionally make mistakes. UFC cage-announcer Bruce Buffer — the sharply-dressed Trigg-abusing card-shark who has long showcased his golden throat and trademarked catchphrases as the “Veteran Voice of the Octagon” — made quite a verbal boner during the main card of UFC 154 on Saturday. Honestly, it’s not his fault. When your product slogan includes the phrase “nut snack,” you’re setting yourself up for unfortunate accidents.

Prediction: Following his triumphant performance as the ShockmasterTom Lawlor will show up to his next UFC weigh-in appearance as a corn nut-sack.

Rest Assured, Bruce Buffer Is Dropping That “It’s Fight Time” Nonsense

(Perhaps the greatest “It’s time!” in UFC history. Thank you, Brazil.) 

I know it’s a pretty obvious fact to state, but I would be remiss if I did not tell you that Bruce Buffer is the greatest ring announcer to ever walk the face of this or any other planet, bar none. The man’s passion for his job is unmatched by his counterparts (sorry, Jimmy Lennon Jr., but you gotta step your shit up!), and his in-ring enthusiasm harnesses enough power and masculinity to immaculately conceive with over 90 percent of his audience, male or female, on any given night. Seriously, Buffer has the Howard Sternian ability to bring a woman to full climax using only the sound of his voice and a speaker with the bass cranked up, except when he does it, the woman throws herself into a volcano afterward. And as far as Buffer’s ocular presence goes; have you even seen the Buffer two-step? How about the Buffer 360? The man simply dominates in every medium he is presented with.

However, in the past couple UFC events, the Buffernation has noticed a infinitesimal, yet present crack in Bruce’s armor. Mainly, his decision to start saying “It’s fight time!” rather than his traditional “It’s time!” when introducing the main event. The audiences in attendance simply could not wrap their minds around this concept, and their reactions varied from this to this. Riots almost immediately broke out in downtown L.A after the world was greeted by this abomination at UFC on FOX 4, and many of us went as far as to claim that it was the exact moment the UFC reached its tipping point.

Thankfully, Lord Bruce has realized his mistake, which he attributed to “going through some marketing aspects” in a recent interview, and claims that we can all expect the classic “It’s time!” at the next UFC event. So rest assured, Potatoites, all is once again Yub Nub in the land of mixed martial arts.

After the jump: A behind-the-scenes look at the making of the Buffer 360, for nostalgia’s sake, and a tribute to the man behind it all.


(Perhaps the greatest “It’s time!” in UFC history. Thank you, Brazil.) 

I know it’s a pretty obvious fact to state, but I would be remiss if I did not tell you that Bruce Buffer is the greatest ring announcer to ever walk the face of this or any other planet, bar none. The man’s passion for his job is unmatched by his counterparts (sorry, Jimmy Lennon Jr., but you gotta step your shit up!), and his in-ring enthusiasm harnesses enough power and masculinity to immaculately conceive with over 90 percent of his audience, male or female, on any given night. Seriously, Buffer has the Howard Sternian ability to bring a woman to full climax using only the sound of his voice and a speaker with the bass cranked up, except when he does it, the woman throws herself into a volcano afterward. And as far as Buffer’s ocular presence goes; have you even seen the Buffer two-step? How about the Buffer 360? The man simply dominates in every medium he is presented with.

However, in the past couple UFC events, the Buffernation has noticed a infinitesimal, yet present crack in Bruce’s armor. Mainly, his decision to start saying “It’s fight time!” rather than his traditional “It’s time!” when introducing the main event. The audiences in attendance simply could not wrap their minds around this concept, and their reactions varied from this to this. Riots almost immediately broke out in downtown L.A after the world was greeted by this abomination at UFC on FOX 4, and many of us went as far as to claim that it was the exact moment the UFC reached its tipping point.

Thankfully, Lord Bruce has realized his mistake, which he attributed to “going through some marketing aspects” in a recent interview, and claims that we can all expect the classic “It’s time!” at the next UFC event. So rest assured, Potatoites, all is once again Yub Nub in the land of mixed martial arts.

In honor of this return to glory that the UFC really needed in light of recent events, we’ve placed a behind-the-scenes look at the making of the Buffer 360, for nostalgia’s sake, along with a tribute to the man behind it all, below. Enjoy.

The Making of the Buffer 360

Bruce Buffer: A Tribute

In unrelated news, nearly 2,000 of you have voted in our Ken Shamrock Questionable Assault Poll thus far, and a staggering 85.6% of you agreed that Shamrock had just cause to believe that the woman he struck was actually a man. We have never been so proud of you.

J. Jones

[VIDEO] – The MMA Fighter Who Got Choked Out By a Girl Gets a “Web Redemption” on Tosh.0

(Hey, if it can happen to Joe Lauzon, it can happen to anyone, right?) 

Featuring special appearances by Arianny Celeste and Bruce Buffer, the most recent “Web Redemption” on Tuesday’s episode of Tosh.0 was probably the most star studded redemption to date. That’s not saying much for a show whose “celebrity” guest list has included the Cobra Kai Sensei, Carrot Top, and whoever David Archuleta is, but still, you get what we’re saying.

Starring Brandon “Bitch Boy” Han a.k.a the wuss who got choked out by a girl, and Courtnie Korpela a.k.a the woman who will haunt his dreams forever, this web rematch carried the fate of the male sex on its shoulders. With Ronda Rousey already making bold claims that she could beat up most of the male fighters in her weight division, we needed to suppress this notion of “equality in the cage” once and for all.

Join us after the jump to see how the rematch played out.


(Hey, if it can happen to Joe Lauzon, it can happen to anyone, right?) 

Featuring special appearances by Arianny Celeste and Bruce Buffer, the most recent “Web Redemption” on Tuesday’s episode of Tosh.0 was probably the most star studded redemption to date. That’s not saying much for a show whose “celebrity” guest list has included the Cobra Kai Sensei, Carrot Top, and whoever David Archuleta is, but still, you get what we’re saying.

Starring Brandon “Bitch Boy” Han a.k.a the wuss who got choked out by a girl, and Courtnie Korpela a.k.a the woman who will haunt his dreams forever, this web rematch carried the fate of the male sex on its shoulders. With Ronda Rousey already making bold claims that she could beat up most of the male fighters in her weight division, we needed to suppress this notion of “equality in the cage” once and for all.

Go figure, Buffer showed up and totally stole the show, combining childlike enthusiasm with some clever insults such as, ”…in the adorable, non-threatening blue trunks,” “standing 5’1 and weighing none of your goddamn business,” and my personal favorite, ”…and in the kitchen, I’m sorry, I meant the secretary desk.”

Tosh, on the other hand, opts for a mix of ignorance, latent homosexuality, and a Brock Lesnar-esque microphone tattoo in order to get his laughs, most of which hit their mark (especially the rip on Affliction t-shirts). But mocking Randy Couture’s record? Oh no you di’int.

That’s Captain America you’re talking about you fucking Kraut.

But thank Christ, the 17 year old Han was able to emerge victorious over Korpela, securing a mounted triangle for the victory. Its safe to say that every man on this Earth will sleep better tonight.

Fun fact: Korpela trains with UFC veteran Eric Schafer over at Red Schafer Mixed Martial Arts. So at least you learned something today.

-J. Jones

Video of the Day: The Will Ferrell/Bruce Buffer Collaboration That Needs to Become a Reality

We gotta say, we are really digging these rogue movie parody advertisements for UFC events that have been popping up lately. First we were trated to G.I. Joe’s discussing all things horse related, then Nick Diaz scared us into locking our doors. Now it seems that perennial funnyman Will Ferrell has gotten into the mix of things, or at least his Anchorman character, Ron Burgundy, has.

Along with the classic Anchorman scene, the video combines clips from Buffer’s introductions with a recent appearance by Ferrell at a New Orleans Hornets/Chicago Bulls game in which he introduced the starting lineup. As with many Will Ferrell movies, the clip starts off strong before kinda pitter-pattering its way to the end. Enjoy, or don’t. It’s Friday, so wacky clips are kind of our thing today.

Join us after the jump for another mashup that will make you go into full montage mode.

We gotta say, we are really digging these rogue movie parody advertisements for UFC events that have been popping up lately. First we were trated to G.I. Joe’s discussing all things horse related, then Nick Diaz scared us into locking our doors. Now it seems that perennial funnyman Will Ferrell has gotten into the mix of things, or at least his Anchorman character, Ron Burgundy, has.

Along with the classic Anchorman scene, the video combines clips from Buffer’s introductions with a recent appearance by Ferrell at a New Orleans Hornets/Chicago Bulls game in which he introduced the starting lineup. As with many Will Ferrell movies, the clip starts off strong before kinda pitter-pattering its way to the end. Enjoy, or don’t. It’s Friday, so wacky clips are kind of our thing today.


(Props to Karma for the find.) 

We’re not sure what the anonymous narrator is saying (something about linens?) , but goddamn it if this video isn’t inspiring. Will Frankie Edgar be able to pull of another victory come Saturday night? Discuss.

-J. Jones

Video: Jimmy Buffer is Ready to Take the Reins from His Famous Announcing Brothers

(Video courtesy of FCFighter.com)

If you thought Bruce and Michael Buffer had game (and we’re pretty sure you did), wait until you see their younger, more athletic brother’s repertoire of flashy ring announcing moves.


(Video courtesy of FCFighter.com)

If you thought Bruce and Michael Buffer had game (and we’re pretty sure you did), wait until you see their younger, more athletic brother’s repertoire of flashy ring announcing moves.

I have a feeling we’re going to be hearing a lot more of little Jimmy’s signature catchphrases like, “Are you ready for some hot guy-on-guy action?”

At least Bruce and Michael will always win the style portion of the competition.