Suggestion Box: New Jobs for Fired UFC Fighters, Fall 2012 Edition


(“…unless it’s on short notice, in which case I’ll have to decline because it would be the worst decision of my career.” Pic Props: No Holds Barred)

By Jason Moles

The Ultimate Fighting Championship recently held its own version of Dana White’s “blocking spree,” as the official roster has been narrowed quite noticeably, leaving many to seek employment elsewhere. Over the past few weeks, a handful of fighters received their pink slips for refusing to take a fight on short notice, losing a fight taken on short notice, missing weight, and flat-out sucking. Although it’s been quite a while since we last did this, we feel it only necessary at this point in time to offer a few suggestions to the latest Zuffa casualties.

Dennis Hallman: If there’s one thing we’ll remember about Hallman, it’s his appearance in the Octagon wearing nothing but a Speedo and the gloves on his hands. The aging veteran (he’ll turn 37 in December) still has a few years before he’s eligible to receive those social security checks and will need to find a new gig to line his wallet. The timing couldn’t be better, really; as it turns out, Speedo needs a new PR guy. And to think you thought I was just grabbing low-hanging fruit. Psssh! Having a former UFC fighter with over 65 fights pushing your product will definitely put Speedo back on the map. He’ll tell consumers about the extra attention and unique propositions you’ll undoubtedly receive because of the confidence you exude. If he plays his cards right, maybe someone will pay him to just go away.


(“…unless it’s on short notice, in which case I’ll have to decline because it would be the worst decision of my career.” Pic Props: No Holds Barred)

By Jason Moles

The Ultimate Fighting Championship recently held its own version of Dana White’s “blocking spree,” as the official roster has been narrowed quite noticeably, leaving many to seek employment elsewhere. Over the past few weeks, a handful of fighters received their pink slips for refusing to take a fight on short notice, losing a fight taken on short notice, missing weight, and flat-out sucking. Although it’s been quite a while since we last did this, we feel it only necessary at this point in time to offer a few suggestions to the latest Zuffa casualties.

Dennis Hallman: If there’s one thing we’ll remember about Hallman, it’s his appearance in the Octagon wearing nothing but a Speedo and the gloves on his hands. The aging veteran (he’ll turn 37 in December) still has a few years before he’s eligible to receive those social security checks and will need to find a new gig to line his wallet. The timing couldn’t be better, really; as it turns out, Speedo needs a new PR guy. And to think you thought I was just grabbing low-hanging fruit. Psssh! Having a former UFC fighter with over 65 fights pushing your product will definitely put Speedo back on the map. He’ll tell consumers about the extra attention and unique propositions you’ll undoubtedly receive because of the confidence you exude. If he plays his cards right, maybe someone will pay him to just go away.

DaMarques JohnsonGoogle “glutton for punishment” and you’ll spot this BJJ blue belt. (Okay, not really. But you get the idea.) Enlist in the Army, which is essentially code for signing up to get screamed at while being forced to run or do pushups? Check. Willfully live in a house full of testosterone-and-booze-fueled dudes, away from your family, and without life’s many pleasures for an entire season of The Ultimate Fighter? Check. Take a short notice fight just two weeks after your medical suspension has ended? Double check. The next logical step for Johnson is for him to become a career human medical research subject. Hey, if it’s one thing “Darkness” enjoys is being paid in exchange for tremendous amounts of pain and suffering.

Rich Attonito: Former TUF 11 castmember Rich Attonito is best known for just that — being on a reality television series. If it weren’t for a broken hand sustained during his second fight in the house, he might have been remembered for so much more. With nothing to lose, “The Raging Bull” starts his own blog where he will later be recognized for his unique and colorful look at life in the MMA world. Hey, the man did a bang up job for us during his days as a reality TV star. It could happen. But until he starts earning CagePotato-money, Attonito will resume his duties as a fitness manager and personal trainer for New York Sports Clubs.

Charlie Brenneman: With a family to feed, “The Spaniard” will return to his roots as a high school Spanish teacher. Unfortunately, the worsening economy will all but put the final nail in the coffin at Hollidaysburg Area Senior High School. In an attempt to save all extra-curricular activities, especially wrestling, from impending doom, Brenneman will become the real-life version of Scott Voss from Here Comes the Boom by fighting his way back to the bright lights of the big stage in a desperate attempt to pay off the school’s debts — or at least earn some bonus cash. You know, whatever.

Michihiro Omigawa: Since he’s obviously not cut out to be an Octagon warrior, Omigawa will head to the land of the rising sun and do the whole Puroresu thing. It’s not the highest-paying line of employment in the world, but it’s the only place that still exists for him to try to earn a living in combat sports entertainment. Maybe Vince McMahon will try to strike gold in a new Japanese star, thus signing the journeyman mixed martial artist to a lucrative deal and starting an ongoing feud with Yoshi Tatsu.

Carlo Prater: After blasting UFC color commentator Joe Rogan for his ‘unethical’ criticism of referee Mario Yamasaki, Prater goes on to become a full-time public speaker focusing on Athlete-Journalist Relationships, Professional Personal Conduct, as well as the Golden Rules of Critiquing. Not only will he make appearances at the annual UFC Fighter Summit, the BJJ black belt will be requested by the NFL, NBA, and MLB in an attempt to steer the mainstream sports stars away from their normal ways of reckless abandon.

Shane Roller: Two Words: Fashion Designer.

Damned If You Don’t: Rich Attonito Fired by UFC for Backing Out of Gunnar Nelson Fight


(He beat the crap out of Jamie Yager, so he’ll always be a legend in our book. Photo props: Justin M. Bowen/ Las Vegas Sun)

When UFC matchmaker Joe Silva calls you to fight on short notice as an injury replacement, sometimes it’s better to not even answer the phone. That’s the lesson we’ve learned from a contradictory pair of recent firings that seem to define the phrase “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

As confirmed by MMAFighting.com, welterweight contender (and former CagePotato guest-blogger) Rich Attonito has been released by the UFC. Attonito had an official record of 3-2 within the Octagon, and last competed at UFC 140 in December 2011, where he was TKO’d by Jake Hecht. Here’s the sequence of events that led to Rich’s firing, from the MMAFighting report:

When [Pascal] Krauss pulled out of UFC on FUEL TV 5, [Joe] Silva offered Rich Attonito the fight against [Gunnar] Nelson via Attonito’s manager Dan Lambert. Lambert spoke to the American Top Team fighter, who agreed to take the welterweight bout. The next day, Lambert called Silva to tell him Attonito said he would not be able to make the 170-pound weight limit on short notice. Silva then offered him the opportunity to take the fight at a 175-pound catch weight, which both Attonito and Nelson, through his manager and father Haraldur Nelson, agreed to. The next day, Lambert called Silva back again to inform him that Attonito would not be able to make the 175-pound catch weight either. As a result, Silva decided to release Attonito from his contract.

Here’s the deal: When the UFC offers you an opportunity to come in as a replacement fighter, you generally don’t get a day or two to think about it. Attonito’s crime was speaking too soon — agreeing to a fight before he realized that making weight would be impossible. But at the time the fight was offered to him, saying “no” to Joe Silva probably seemed like the bigger sin.

Anyway, Attonito changed his mind and got fired for it. And you probably remember what happened next…


(He beat the crap out of Jamie Yager, so he’ll always be a legend in our book. Photo props: Justin M. Bowen/ Las Vegas Sun)

When UFC matchmaker Joe Silva calls you to fight on short notice as an injury replacement, sometimes it’s better to not even answer the phone. That’s the lesson we’ve learned from a contradictory pair of recent firings that seem to define the phrase “damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

As confirmed by MMAFighting.com, welterweight contender (and former CagePotato guest-blogger) Rich Attonito has been released by the UFC. Attonito had an official record of 3-2 within the Octagon, and last competed at UFC 140 in December 2011, where he was TKO’d by Jake Hecht. Here’s the sequence of events that led to Rich’s firing, from the MMAFighting report:

When [Pascal] Krauss pulled out of UFC on FUEL TV 5, [Joe] Silva offered Rich Attonito the fight against [Gunnar] Nelson via Attonito’s manager Dan Lambert. Lambert spoke to the American Top Team fighter, who agreed to take the welterweight bout. The next day, Lambert called Silva to tell him Attonito said he would not be able to make the 170-pound weight limit on short notice. Silva then offered him the opportunity to take the fight at a 175-pound catch weight, which both Attonito and Nelson, through his manager and father Haraldur Nelson, agreed to. The next day, Lambert called Silva back again to inform him that Attonito would not be able to make the 175-pound catch weight either. As a result, Silva decided to release Attonito from his contract.

Here’s the deal: When the UFC offers you an opportunity to come in as a replacement fighter, you generally don’t get a day or two to think about it. Attonito’s crime was speaking too soon — agreeing to a fight before he realized that making weight would be impossible. But at the time the fight was offered to him, saying “no” to Joe Silva probably seemed like the bigger sin.

Anyway, Attonito changed his mind and got fired for it. And you probably remember what happened next…

DaMarques Johnson was then offered (and accepted) the fight against Nelson, and as we previously told you, he was swiftly cut by the UFC following his first-round submission loss. We figured it was because he missed the 175-pound catchweight by a full eight pounds, and we weren’t wrong. Here’s what Joe Silva had to say about it:

I thought it was incredibly unfair to Gunnar Nelson to fight someone that much larger than him,” Silva said. “Johnson told me he could make the weight. He’s not doing me a favor if he missed weight because I could have gotten someone else who would have made the weight. I never pressure anyone to take late notice fights. I got a bunch of guys who want to fight. If one says no, I will find someone else. No problem.”

So in other words, don’t accept a short-notice fight unless you’re 100% certain you can make the weight, at the moment the fight is offered to you. Otherwise, you could be fired if you take the fight, or if you end up not taking the fight. And as Ben Fowlkes points out in his latest MMAJunkie mailbag column: “If the UFC has ‘a bunch of guys who want to fight,’ why was Johnson, whose medical suspension ended less than two weeks before the Nelson fight, No. 2 on the list of possible replacements?…[The UFC] should have known that Johnson – who’d been medically suspended for 45 of the 56 days between his knockout loss to Mike Swick and his submission loss to Nelson – might not have been in tip-top fighting shape just then.”

With so many UFC fighters getting injured lately, Joe Silva has had to scrape the bottom of the matchmaking barrel to find warm bodies. That’s what led him to DaMarques Johnson, who simply would not have been an option under ideal circumstances. The truth is, Johnson was doing Joe Silva a favor by saying “yes” to the Nelson fight. And that favor was repaid with a pink slip. Let that be a message to the UFC fighters who want to improve their standing in the promotion by taking short-notice fights that are against their best interests: Just say no.

And Now They’re Fired: DaMarques Johnson, Shane Roller Axed From UFC After Recent Losses


(Johnson secures a dominant position against Mike Swick at UFC on FOX 4, shortly before it all fell apart.)

After suffering his third-straight stoppage loss against newcomer Gunnar Nelson at UFC on FUEL 5: Struve vs. Miocic, UFC welterweight DaMarques Johnson has been released by the promotion. Johnson confirmed the news via Twitter late last night. “And the hits keep on coming,” Darkness wrote. “No longer a UFC fighter.”

The TUF 9 finalist complied an official record of 4-6 within the Octagon, with none of those fights going to decision — a stat that placed him in a first-place tie on the “Least Decision-Prone UFC Fighters of All Time” leaderboard. His most recent fight was somewhat controversial in that it came just 56 days after a brutal knockout loss to Mike Swick. Johnson faced Gunnar Nelson on short notice as an injury replacement, and while the UFC usually gives extra leeway to fighters who step up to save fights, the fact that Johnson didn’t even come close to making weight likely sealed his fate.

In other firing news…


(Johnson secures a dominant position against Mike Swick at UFC on FOX 4, shortly before it all fell apart.)

After suffering his third-straight stoppage loss against newcomer Gunnar Nelson at UFC on FUEL 5: Struve vs. Miocic, UFC welterweight DaMarques Johnson has been released by the promotion. Johnson confirmed the news via Twitter late last night. “And the hits keep on coming,” Darkness wrote. “No longer a UFC fighter.”

The TUF 9 finalist complied an official record of 4-6 within the Octagon, with none of those fights going to decision — a stat that placed him in a first-place tie on the “Least Decision-Prone UFC Fighters of All Time” leaderboard. His most recent fight was somewhat controversial in that it came just 56 days after a brutal knockout loss to Mike Swick. Johnson faced Gunnar Nelson on short notice as an injury replacement, and while the UFC usually gives extra leeway to fighters who step up to save fights, the fact that Johnson didn’t even come close to making weight likely sealed his fate.

In other firing news…

UFC lightweight Shane Roller also confirmed his release — and apparent retirement — on Twitter, writing “Looks like I’m hanging up the gloves for good. It was fun, but time to move on. Sux that it ended like that. Now startn the next chapter!!”

Roller competed on the preliminary card of last weekend’s Browne vs. Bigfoot card, and lost to Jacob Volkmann via first-round neck crank. It was Roller’s fourth loss in his last five fights, and Volkmann’s first stoppage victory in nine UFC appearances; neither of those details would suggest future employment for Shane Roller. On the bright side, now there’s more space on the UFC lightweight roster for Gilbert Melendez. See? We always try to find the positive around here.

Watch the ‘UFC on Fuel: Struve vs. Miocic’ Weigh-Ins Right Here… [UPDATED w/RESULTS]

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Stefan Struve, Stipe Miocic, Dan Hardy, Amir Sadollah, and the rest of the fighters on tomorrow’s UFC on FUEL TV 5 card will be hitting the scales today at the Capital FM Arena in Nottingham, England, and you can watch all the thrilling weigh-in action in the player above, beginning at 11 a.m. ET / 8 a.m. PT; we’ll be updating the results after the jump. Remember to come back to CagePotato.com tomorrow at 4 p.m. ET / 1 p.m. PT for our liveblog of the FUEL main card.


(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Stefan Struve, Stipe Miocic, Dan Hardy, Amir Sadollah, and the rest of the fighters on tomorrow’s UFC on FUEL TV 5 card will be hitting the scales today at the Capital FM Arena in Nottingham, England, and you can watch all the thrilling weigh-in action in the player above, beginning at 11 a.m. ET / 8 a.m. PT; we’ll be updating the results after the jump. Remember to come back to CagePotato.com tomorrow at 4 p.m. ET / 1 p.m. PT for our liveblog of the FUEL main card!

MAIN CARD (FUEL TV, 4 p.m. ET)
Stefan Struve (251) vs. Stipe Miocic (239)
Dan Hardy (169) vs. Amir Sadollah (169)
Yves Jabouin (136) vs. Brad Pickett (135)
Paul Sass (156) vs. Matt Wiman (156)
John Hathaway (169) vs. John Maguire (169)
Duane Ludwig (169) vs. Che Mills (170)

PRELIMINARY CARD (Facebook, 1 p.m. ET)
Kyle Kingsbury (204) vs. Jimi Manuwa (204)
Akira Corassani (144) vs. Andy Ogle (144)
Brad Tavares (185) vs. Tom Watson (186)
DaMarques Johnson (183)* vs. Gunnar Nelson (175)
Robert Peralta (144) vs. Jason Young (145)

* Since Johnson was coming in as a short-notice injury replacement, this fight was originally scheduled for a 175-pound catchweight. However, Johnson encountered difficulties during his weight cut and missed the limit by a full eight pounds. Yikes.

‘UFC on FOX 4: Shogun vs. Vera’ Preview and Predictions


(“You know the deal, guys. Whoever puts on the most impressive performance tonight gets the title shot.” [*unzips*] / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com. For more photos from this set, click here.)

By Ryan Sarr

Who is going to win the “Jon Jones Sweepstakes?” That is the big question heading into the UFC’s fourth venture onto network television tonight. Dana White was so pissed about the boring, lackluster abomination that was the UFC 149 main card, that he decided to award a light-heavyweight title shot to the man who wins the “most impressively” among the four main and co-main event participants. (Yes, even Brandon Vera)  The only problem with this scenario is that all four men — Shogun, Vera, Machida, and Bader — have each been decisively destroyed by Jon Jones in previous fights.

Nonetheless, this fight card is still very intriguing and offers many reasons to tune in.  First of all: It’s free on Fox. Second, all four main card bouts are likely to be exciting, fast-paced battles. It also marks the return of the very talented Mike Swick to the Octagon, who hasn’t fought in over two years. Finally, we have a chance to see a true Cinderella story play out once again as Jamie Varner gets a chance to take another huge step up in his comeback by fighting on a main card on network television. So, join me as I break down the main card for UFC on Fox 4 and offer my predictions as to who will emerge victorious.

Mike Swick (14-4, 9-3 UFC) vs. DaMarques Johnson (15-10, 4-4 UFC)

DaMarques Johnson said in the fight promo, “There’s a 50% chance I’m gonna win this fight, there’s a 100% chance that somebody’s taking a nap,” and Johnson has the track record to back it up: None of his fights in the UFC have gone the distance. The Jeremy Horn protégé has slick submission skills to go along with his heavy hands. We know Johnson will bring a fast-paced, exciting style into the Octagon, and his opponent Mike Swick will almost certainly do the same.


(“You know the deal, guys. Whoever puts on the most impressive performance tonight gets the title shot.” [*unzips*] / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com. For more photos from this set, click here.)

By Ryan Sarr

Who is going to win the “Jon Jones Sweepstakes?” That is the big question heading into the UFC’s fourth venture onto network television tonight. Dana White was so pissed about the boring, lackluster abomination that was the UFC 149 main card, that he decided to award a light-heavyweight title shot to the man who wins the “most impressively“ among the four main and co-main event participants. (Yes, even Brandon Vera)  The only problem with this scenario is that all four men — Shogun, Vera, Machida, and Bader — have each been decisively destroyed by Jon Jones in previous fights.

Nonetheless, this fight card is still very intriguing and offers many reasons to tune in.  First of all: It’s free on Fox. Second, all four main card bouts are likely to be exciting, fast-paced battles. It also marks the return of the very talented Mike Swick to the Octagon, who hasn’t fought in over two years. Finally, we have a chance to see a true Cinderella story play out once again as Jamie Varner gets a chance to take another huge step up in his comeback by fighting on a main card on network television. So, join me as I break down the main card for UFC on Fox 4 and offer my predictions as to who will emerge victorious.

Mike Swick (14-4, 9-3 UFC) vs. DaMarques Johnson (15-10, 4-4 UFC)

DaMarques Johnson said in the fight promo, “There’s a 50% chance I’m gonna win this fight, there’s a 100% chance that somebody’s taking a nap,” and Johnson has the track record to back it up: None of his fights in the UFC have gone the distance. The Jeremy Horn protégé has slick submission skills to go along with his heavy hands. We know Johnson will bring a fast-paced, exciting style into the Octagon, and his opponent Mike Swick will almost certainly do the same.

Swick hasn’t fought in over two years due to esophageal spasms, a condition which his doctors told him would never allow him to fight again. Well, he proved them wrong and now his comeback fight will be in front of a national television audience. Swick is a UFC veteran, with over 10 fights in the Octagon, but his last two outings have been losses. Like Johnson, Swick loves to stand and trade, and possesses knockout power in both hands. Look for this fight to stay on the feet, with each man exchanging heavy blows in the pocket. The question is: How much ring rust will Swick have? Johnson hasn’t beat anyone of Swick’s stature, but Johnson has fought six times since Swick last fought.

Prediction:  The chances of this fight making it out of the first round are slim. Johnson will definitely come with the thunder, but Swick will be too much on the feet. Swick wins by counter-punching his way to a first round TKO.

Jamie Varner (20-6-1, 2-1 UFC) vs. Joe Lauzon (21-7, 8-4 UFC)

10 months ago, Jamie Varner had just lost to our favorite gay for pay Ultimate Fighter Dakota Cochrane, and it was looking like he would never fight under the Zuffa banner again. But, after winning two fights in smaller shows, the UFC called in May and gave Varner a short-notice fight against the undefeated Edson Barboza at UFC 146.  Barboza was coming off his Sportscenter-worthy spinning wheel kick KO of Terry Etim, and it seemed Varner was being fed to the beast. Varner had other plans however, and knocked out Barboza in the first round. So, now Varner gets another huge opportunity in Joe Lauzon, who is a consistent contender in the lightweight division.

The jiu-jitsu specialist Lauzon has 21 victories, with 17 coming by way of submission. This does not bode well for Varner, who has never been knocked out, but has proven susceptible to submissions in the past, losing in this manner to Shane Roller, Hermes Franca, and Ben Henderson.  Lauzon is coming off a first round KO loss to Anthony Pettis, and will no doubt be looking to avoid Varner’s heavy hands and drag this fight to the ground. If Lauzon can take Varner down, a choke or armbar will be soon to follow, but if Varner can keep this fight standing, he could pull the upset and put himself “in the mix” in the UFC’s 155lb division.

Prediction: While the Cinderella story of Jamie Varner is enticing, look for that story to have a sour ending Saturday night. Lauzon will not give Varner the chance to knock him out, and Lauzon will win by first-round armbar.

Lyoto Machida (17-3, 9-3 UFC) vs. Ryan Bader (14-2, 7-2 UFC)

Of all the men to fight Jon Jones, Lyoto Machida seemed to have to most success, frustrating Jones in the first round of their fight with his unorthodox striking and exceptional defensive skills. But, that success was short-lived as Jones choked Machida unconscious and dropped his lifeless body on the mat in the second round. Now Machida gets a chance to rematch Jones if he can impressively defeat Ryan Bader. Bader, on the other hand, is riding a two-fight win streak following his shocking loss to Tito Ortiz last summer. In his last fight, Bader defeated perennial contender Rampage Jackson, though Jackson came in overweight and undermotivated.

In this fight with Machida, Bader needs to use his excellent wrestling skills to put Machida on his back where he is more vulnerable to attack, but as many fighters have found out, that can be very difficult to do. Machida’s unorthodox striking and karate skills are difficult to defend standing up, and with Sensei Seagal in your corner, you never know when a front kick might be unleashed.  Bader does have an outside chance of landing a big punch ala Shogun Rua, but the longer the fight stays on the feet, the more it favors the Dragon. The wrinkle in this fight, though, is the fact that both men are vying for that title shot, so we may see Machida be much more aggressive than usual, which could play into Bader’s favor if Machida was to open himself up to counter-strikes. Either way, this should be a very exciting fight between two contrasting styles.

Prediction:  Bader will quickly realize he is unable to take Machida down, and will be looking to end it with big punches. This will leave Machida many openings to counter, which he will not miss. Machida floors Bader with punches and finishes the job with a second round choke.

Mauricio “Shogun” Rua (20-6, 4-4 UFC) vs. Brandon Vera (12-5, 8-5 UFC)

If you find it quite odd that Brandon Vera is headlining a network television UFC card with a chance for a title shot if he wins, you are not alone. Once considered the future of the UFC heavyweight division, Vera’s career has been consistently mediocre since 2007.  After stunning Frank Mir at UFC 65 in 2006, Vera lost his next two fights, dropped to light heavyweight, and then lost to Keith Jardine. Vera got his chance against Jones two years ago, but Jon Jones broke his face (literally) with a devastating elbow that was tough to even watch. Now after being released and subsequently re-signed by the UFC, Vera gets to face Mauricio Rua, who many consider the number three light-heavyweight in the world.

Shogun, who is coming off his fight of the year loss to Dan Henderson, is itching for another crack at Jon Jones. Shogun claims he wasn’t 100% in the Jones fight, and wants another shot at the champ. But first, he has to deal with Vera. Even though Vera’s record is pretty terrible as of late, he does possess the skills of an elite fighter. Unfortunately, the things Vera does well, like leg kicks and clinch striking, Shogun seems to do a little better. Also, Shogun has proven very difficult to finish when 100%, and his penchant for violence can lead to an early night for his opponents. Look for Shogun to be very aggressive early in this fight, doing all he can to punish Vera with leg kicks and big punches. If Vera can survive the early onslaught, his chances of winning improve significantly, as Shogun’s cardio has been suspect in the past, and you never know how conditioned he will be for a fight. Nonetheless, this should be an exciting stand-up war as both men want that title shot and rematch with Jon Jones.

Prediction: Shogun has proven he’s an elite light-heavyweight, Vera has not. Shogun will simply out-class Vera early, leaving “The Truth” scrambling and searching for answers. Shogun wins by second round TKO, leaving Vera’s face a bloody mess.

Extra prediction: With Machida and Shogun both winning “impressively,” Dana decides to have these two fight to determine who will face Jonny Bones for the title.

Dust Off the Cobwebs: Mike Swick to Return to Action (Hopefully) at UFC on FOX 4 in August


(Needing to decided upon his future in the UFC, Swick galloped into a wooded glen, and after punch-dancing out his rage and suffering an extremely long and very painful fall, he realized what had to be done.)

To quote David After Dentist, “Is this real life?”

Outdated reference? Sure, but to give you some perspective, the last time anyone saw UFC welterweight Mike Swick in action, that little SOB’s anesthesia adventure was the biggest Youtube sensation going. It has really been that long.

But it seems the man known as “Quick” will finally step back into the octagon before his mid-life crisis hits him, as he has been scheduled to take on TUF 9 alum Damarques “Darkness” Johnson at UFC on FOX 4, which goes down at the Staples Center in Los Angeles on August 4th.


(Needing to decided upon his future in the UFC, Swick galloped into a wooded glen, and after punch-dancing out his rage and suffering an extremely long and very painful fall, he realized what had to be done.)

To quote David After Dentist, “Is this real life?”

Outdated reference? Sure, but to give you some perspective, the last time anyone saw UFC welterweight Mike Swick in action, that little SOB’s anesthesia adventure was the biggest Youtube sensation going. It has really been that long.

But it seems the man known as “Quick” will finally step back into the octagon before his mid-life crisis hits him, as he has been scheduled to take on TUF 9 alum Damarques “Darkness” Johnson at UFC on FOX 4, which goes down at the Staples Center in Los Angeles on August 4th.

If you recall, Swick has been out of action for over two years, dealing with more injuries and diseases than you could shake a stick at. We last saw him at UFC 109, where, after eating a counter left in the second round of his fight with Paulo Thiago, he was promptly Brabo-choked unconscious. The following September, Swick was misdiagnosed with a stomach disease which limited his diet to such a degree that he was unable to pack on any weight for his anticipated reinstatement in the middleweight division. His condition was later determined to be an esophageal spasm, and after undergoing treatment, Swick was expected to return in early 2011.

However, Swick was booked for his original return (now back at welterweight) against David Mitchell at UFC: Fight for the Troops 2 in January of 2011. Mitchell was forced to pull out from the bout with a back injury, and when given the option of taking a last minute replacement, Swick opted to take more time off to ensure that his condition fully healed. Swick’s run of Paul Taylor-esque bad luck continued just weeks before his scheduled contest with Erick Silva at UFC 134, as he suffered a knee injury in training that kept him on the shelf for the rest of 2011.

Johnson, on the other hand, has seen his own set of ups and downs as of late, going win-loss in his last six UFC appearances. Most recently, Johnson fell victim to a brilliant second round armbar at the hands of John Maguire at UFC on FUEL 2 in April. The loss followed a brutal first round knockout of Clay Harvison at the inaugural UFC on FOX card, but Johnson will more than likely be looking to take the fight to the ground against a lightning striker like Swick, whose infamous knockouts of Alex Schoenauer and Gideon Ray earned him his “Quick” nickname.

You know the deal, who you got Potato Nation?

-J. Jones