Tag: Funny Shit

What Will Rampage Jackson’s New Comic Book Be Like? Here Are Some Unsolicited Suggestions


(This is an actual thing that’s happening. Image courtesy of Lion Forge Comics via TitoCouture.com)

By Matt Saccaro

A few days ago, our friends at MiddleEasy were kind enough to let the MMA world know some earth-shattering news: Quinton “Rampage” Jackson was going to be starring in his own comic book, Rampage Jackson: Street Soldier.

The comic’s premise? Rampage gets superpowers from a meteorite and then goes around fighting crime. Seriously, that’s it. The cage-fighter best known for dry-humping female reporters and tigers is now a superhero. However, one area where Lion Forge, the comic’s publisher, might run into trouble is coming up with storylines. Rampage’s comic will need story arcs and bad guys and other things. Fortunately for them, we at CagePotato have given this some thought.

What have we come up with? Check it out!

    Villains:

Dana Wight: An evil business mogul who harbors a terrible secret — he’s a soulless zombie that’s attempting to convert the entire MMA world into his own undead army. Dana Wight uses his billions of dollars to thwart Rampage Jackson’s efforts at improving the world. Wight consistently tries to pay Rampage off but he never realizes one important, in-no-way-false fact: Rampage Jackson is not for sale!

The Crimson Singlet: The Crimson Singlet will be one of Rampage’s worst foes. Rampage’s feud with the Crimson Singlet is fueled by the fact that he and Rampage used to be on the same wrestling team. Rampage abandoned the tenets of wrestling while the Crimson Singlet embraced them. Did Rampage betray the Crimson Singlet or did the Crimson Singlet betray Rampage? The comic book can tackle this complicated, psychological issue. What makes this story more exciting is that the Crimson Singlet is, obviously, a master of Rampage’s weakness — wrestling.


(This is an actual thing that’s happening. Image courtesy of Lion Forge Comics via TitoCouture.com)

By Matt Saccaro

A few days ago, our friends at MiddleEasy were kind enough to let the MMA world know some earth-shattering news: Quinton “Rampage” Jackson was going to be starring in his own comic book, Rampage Jackson: Street Soldier.

The comic’s premise? Rampage gets superpowers from a meteorite and then goes around fighting crime. Seriously, that’s it. The cage-fighter best known for dry-humping female reporters and tigers is now a superhero. However, one area where Lion Forge, the comic’s publisher, might run into trouble is coming up with storylines. Rampage’s comic will need story arcs and bad guys and other things. Fortunately for them, we at CagePotato have given this some thought.

What have we come up with? Check it out!

    Villains:

Dana Wight: An evil business mogul who harbors a terrible secret — he’s a soulless zombie that’s attempting to convert the entire MMA world into his own undead army. Dana Wight uses his billions of dollars to thwart Rampage Jackson’s efforts at improving the world. Wight consistently tries to pay Rampage off but he never realizes one important, in-no-way-false fact: Rampage Jackson is not for sale!

The Crimson Singlet: The Crimson Singlet will be one of Rampage’s worst foes. Rampage’s feud with the Crimson Singlet is fueled by the fact that he and Rampage used to be on the same wrestling team. Rampage abandoned the tenets of wrestling while the Crimson Singlet embraced them. Did Rampage betray the Crimson Singlet or did the Crimson Singlet betray Rampage? The comic book can tackle this complicated, psychological issue. What makes this story more exciting is that the Crimson Singlet is, obviously, a master of Rampage’s weakness — wrestling.

The Swagger Jacker: The Swagger Jacker is more of a minor annoyance to Rampage rather than a real threat. He just goes around stealing people’s swag, acting like it was his swag the entire time.

The League of Keyboard Assassins: Not one enemy, but an army of them. The League of Keyboard Assassins is a constant threat to Rampage. They always criticize his actions and manipulate the media into portraying Rampage’s acts of heroism as villainous.

    Sidekicks/Other Characters:

Ariel Hekwani: Rampage’s sidekick and comic foil.

King Bo: Another street soldier who, initially, used to be enemies with Rampage. Now, they both help each other out.

Njal Rebneb: The kind-hearted millionaire who bankrolls Rampage’s crime-fighting operations.

    Storylines:

Issue 1: Rampage escapes the contractual clutches of Dana Wight. When Wight learns that Rampage is planning to tell the world about his evil plans for worldwide zombie domination, he enlists the help of the Crimson Singlet in order to silence Rampage for good. The Crimson Singlet beats Rampage in combat time after time. Rampage contemplates what it means to be a Street Soldier. As he considers giving up on one starry night after a battle with the Crimson Singlet, a meteor lands in his backyard, giving him superpowers and a better sprawl. He finally beats the Crimson Singlet and lets the world know about Dana Wight’s secret.

Issue 2: The Swagger Jacker steals Ariel Hekwani’s neon green shoes. Rampage defeats the Swagger Jacker but refuses to return the shoes to Hekwani because they’re ugly. Instead, he takes him on a shopping trip, teaches him what it means to be a true alpha, and offers him a breath-mint. Also in this issue, Njal Rebneb introduces himself to Rampage and finances the construction of a monster truck fit for a Street Soldier.

Issue 3: It turns out that Rampage’s efforts to expose Dana Wight’s zombie-ness and his plans to zombify the world were all for naught. The League of Keyboard Assassins discredited Rampage, making many people not believe his tale. Rampage attempts to fight off the out-of-shape writers and forum posters, but he’s overwhelmed. He seeks the help of King Bo, another anti-League of Keyboard Assassins fighter, to defeat the organization.

As silly as this stuff may sound, you can bet that the actual reality of a comic book about Quinton Jackson fighting crime after catching superpowers from a meteorite will be far more ridiculous. Do you have any better ideas for the comic? Go nuts in the comments section.

[VIDEO] NFL Star Tamba Hali Cross-Trains With the Gracies

(Video via The Gracie Academy’s YouTube page)

It seems like more and more professional ball players of every stripe are taking up Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and MMA training in their off-seasons. Rarely, however, have we gotten much more than general interview references to the training they are doing.

Jiu Jitsu and salesmen extraordinaires (seriously, Rener could probably sell you your own urine) Rener and Ryron Gracie, sons of UFC founder Rorian Gracie, bring us a pretty great inside look at the fight training that at least one NFL star has been doing this past off-season. On the latest episode of their YouTube series, The Gracie Way, Rener and Ryron train with their student and Kansas City Chief All-Pro outside linebacker, Tamba Hali.

It looks like Hali has really bought in to “The Gracie Way.” The 270 pound giant is focused not on getting bigger and stronger, but on getting leaner and more wholistic in his approach to health, it seems as he reveals that he has lost fifteen pounds so far training with the Gracies.

First, Hali does some hill runs, alternately pulling and pushing Ryron, who is on a skate board, up-hill. We also see Hali eat some of Rener’s sandwiches and acai bowls as well as training in a gi at their Gracie Academy.

Hali not only rolls with the Gracies and other students in the video, but also with former UFC light heavyweight champion Lyoto Machida. Check all that out, plus Halis reflections on his training and life style over haul and his blue belt ceremony.

Then, get out there and do some training yourself on this Sunday afternoon. Only, you know, leave your computer on CagePotato and come back real quick to check out more later because we’re needy and start missing you quickly.

– Elias Cepeda


(Video via The Gracie Academy’s YouTube page)

It seems like more and more professional ball players of every stripe are taking up Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and MMA training in their off-seasons. Rarely, however, have we gotten much more than general interview references to the training they are doing.

Jiu Jitsu and salesmen extraordinaires (seriously, Rener could probably sell you your own urine) Rener and Ryron Gracie, sons of UFC founder Rorian Gracie, bring us a pretty great inside look at the fight training that at least one NFL star has been doing this past off-season. On the latest episode of their YouTube series, The Gracie Way, Rener and Ryron train with their student and Kansas City Chief All-Pro outside linebacker, Tamba Hali.

It looks like Hali has really bought in to “The Gracie Way.” The 270 pound giant is focused not on getting bigger and stronger, but on getting leaner and more wholistic in his approach to health, it seems as he reveals that he has lost fifteen pounds so far training with the Gracies.

First, Hali does some hill runs, alternately pulling and pushing Ryron, who is on a skate board, up-hill. We also see Hali eat some of Rener’s sandwiches and acai bowls as well as training in a gi at their Gracie Academy.

Hali not only rolls with the Gracies and other students in the video, but also with former UFC light heavyweight champion Lyoto Machida. Check all that out, plus Halis reflections on his training and life style over haul and his blue belt ceremony.

Then, get out there and do some training yourself on this Sunday afternoon. Only, you know, leave your computer on CagePotato and come back real quick to check out more later because we’re needy and start missing you quickly.

– Elias Cepeda

[VIDEO] MMA in The Wild: Most Technical Street Brawl Ever?

(Props: FOFOMARTINEZ)

Because we are degenerates, we here at CagePotato love street fights. We watch em, rank ’em and just all-around appreciate them. Especially when they take place in a pool and there’s fucking dolphins involved or when a mom scores the KO shot.

But we never really expect to see beautiful, evenly-matched displays of sustained technique in one of these Youtube messes. That’s why we were pleasantly shocked to find perhaps the most technical street fight ever recorded and published on YouTube yesterday.

Ok, “street fight” may be stretching it, as these two guys did not fight on an actual paved road, but rather on what looked to be a Eurasian dirt patch. But dang, they could fight.


(Props: FOFOMARTINEZ)

Because we are degenerates, we here at CagePotato love street fights. We watch em, rank ‘em and just all-around appreciate them. Especially when they take place in a pool and there’s fucking dolphins involved or when a mom scores the KO shot.

But we never really expect to see beautiful, evenly-matched displays of sustained technique in one of these Youtube messes. That’s why we were pleasantly shocked to find perhaps the most technical street fight ever recorded and published on YouTube yesterday.

Ok, “street fight” may be stretching it, as these two guys did not fight on an actual paved road, but rather on what looked to be a Eurasian dirt patch. But dang, they could fight.

Boxing lovers beware: There isn’t a whole lot of slipping and crisp jabs on the feet. But the grappling — from honest to goodness belly-to-back suplexes to triangle choke attempts — looks more like a professional MMA fight than a pick-up brawl.

All that really begs the question, according to CP Chieftan Ben Goldstein, is this really a street fight or actually a “way-off-Broadway unsanctioned yard-MMA match run by the Dagestani version of DaDa5000?”

Presumably such a man would go by “DaDagestani5000.” In any case, enjoy the beautiful destruction above, and we dare you to find and send us any better street fights than this one.

– Elias Cepeda

And Now, The Daft Punk Remix of That Azerbaijani Wrestling Celebration Video

I was bored today, so I made this. Enjoy…and please subscribe to CagePotato’s YouTube channel!

Previously: And Now, The Greatest Victory Celebration in Azerbaijani Wrestling History [VIDEO]

I was bored today, so I made this. Enjoy…and please subscribe to CagePotato’s YouTube channel!

Previously: And Now, The Greatest Victory Celebration in Azerbaijani Wrestling History [VIDEO]

And Now, The Greatest Victory Celebration in Azerbaijani Wrestling History [VIDEO]

(Props: AZWrestling1993 via Deadspin)

His name…is Rasul. His passion…is DANCE.

The video above was captured earlier this week at the Summer Universiade athletic competition in Kazan, Russia, where Azerbaijani wrestler Rasul Chunayev defeated his Russian opponent Islam-Beka Albiev for the 66-kg gold-medal in Greco-Roman wrestling. And my goodness, what an excited young man. MMA victory dancers, it’s time to step up your game.

After the jump: Meanwhile in the 60-kg division, Russian wrestler Bekkhan Goygereev pulls off one of the most incredible escapes you’ll ever see.


(Props: AZWrestling1993 via Deadspin)

His name…is Rasul. His passion…is DANCE.

The video above was captured earlier this week at the Summer Universiade athletic competition in Kazan, Russia, where Azerbaijani wrestler Rasul Chunayev defeated his Russian opponent Islam-Beka Albiev for the 66-kg gold-medal in Greco-Roman wrestling. And my goodness, what an excited young man. MMA victory dancers, it’s time to step up your game.

After the jump: Meanwhile in the 60-kg division, Russian wrestler Bekkhan Goygereev pulls off one of the most incredible escapes you’ll ever see.


(Props: 101greatgoalsFan2)

Yeah, So Jon Jones Is Fat Now


(Photo via Jon Jones’ Twitter page)

Jon Jones recently tweeted a “before” photo of himself as he begins training for his September 21st UFC 165 title defense against Alexander Gustafsson. It wasn’t pretty.

Listen, we know that Jones is coming off of a brutal ass-kicking and nasty injury at the hands of Chael Sonnen, but while Jon needs his toe to balance himself and pivot, he doesn’t need it to do a crunch or to put down the tray of hoagies he’s evidently eating for every meal. Any serious athlete knows that when you’re laid up with an injury, you have to be even more careful with your diet so as not to get all soft, nasty and well, Jones-like.

Seriously though, we’d hate to see one of the most gifted and best young fighters in history be brought down by his own unwillingness to do what is needed in the off season: Staying disciplined, improving himself and thus being better prepared for his next battle. Champions like Georges St. Pierre, Randy Couture and Bernard Hopkins stay in shape year-round, and improve their skills in the off-season so that during training camps they can concentrate on tactics, strategy and sharpening their swords.

Their results and longevity speak for themselves. Champions like Ricky Hatton and Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, on the other hand, are world-class talents who get fat in between fights and use their training camps as extreme weight-loss science experiments.


(Photo via Jon Jones’ Twitter page)

Jon Jones recently tweeted a “before” photo of himself as he begins training for his September 21st UFC 165 title defense against Alexander Gustafsson. It wasn’t pretty.

Listen, we know that Jones is coming off of a brutal ass-kicking and nasty injury at the hands of Chael Sonnen, but while Jon needs his toe to balance himself and pivot, he doesn’t need it to do a crunch or to put down the tray of hoagies he’s evidently eating for every meal. Any serious athlete knows that when you’re laid up with an injury, you have to be even more careful with your diet so as not to get all soft, nasty and well, Jones-like.

Seriously though, we’d hate to see one of the most gifted and best young fighters in history be brought down by his own unwillingness to do what is needed in the off season: Staying disciplined, improving himself and thus being better prepared for his next battle. Champions like Georges St. Pierre, Randy Couture and Bernard Hopkins stay in shape year-round, and improve their skills in the off-season so that during training camps they can concentrate on tactics, strategy and sharpening their swords.

Their results and longevity speak for themselves. Champions like Ricky Hatton and Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, on the other hand, are world-class talents who get fat in between fights and use their training camps as extreme weight-loss science experiments.

Given the lofty terms with which Jones has always used to speak of his own ambition and professional dreams, we assumed he was willing to do the basic level maintenance work of not looking like your uncle Freddy — or his brother Arthur — in between fights. Increasingly, however, it has become clear that Jones might not be too concerned with staying in shape between fights.

Not to beat a dead horse, but we know the guy likes to party between fights, and now we also know he is probably chasing those drinks with a good deal of frosting. What are the chances that Alexander Gustafsson is fat and out of shape right now, eight weeks before his world title fight with Jones? Jon has a bulls-eye on his back, and it is getting wider by the minute.

– Elias Cepeda