The recently-unretiredAleksander Emelianenko made his return to MMA Saturday night in Moscow against Bob Sapp, and if the fighter introductions, stare-down, and instructions didn’t last longer than the actual fight, they were certainly more exciting. First, the good news. Aleks appears to be doing more sit ups and less shaving than ever before, resulting in an epic monastery beard and less gut than the Emelianenko family has collectively seen in twenty years.
And in the good news/bad news category, depending on your perspective, Bob Sapp is still putting food on his presumably massive plate. While that’s good for “The Beast,” it’s not so great for fans of legitimate MMA fights, since Sapp’s preferred method of making money in recent years is to take apparent dives against whomever he is matched up against. To his credit, Sapp actually threw some strikes and attempted some clinch work this time around, and Aleksander actually had to land multiple solid shots before Sapp assumed the fetal position. Once there, Sapp didn’t even tap out; the referee stepped in to stop the pathetic mismatch/collusion.
Following the stoppage, the Russian helped his opponent up and they talked to one another. Then they kept on talking. Lots of talking between these two. Glad we got to witness these friends catch up.
Anyway, that’s Sapp’s eleventh consecutive “loss” and his fourteenth out of his last fifteen bouts. Aleks got back on the winning track after getting choked out by Jeff Monson in his previous bout.
The recently-unretiredAleksander Emelianenko made his return to MMA Saturday night in Moscow against Bob Sapp, and if the fighter introductions, stare-down, and instructions didn’t last longer than the actual fight, they were certainly more exciting. First, the good news. Aleks appears to be doing more sit ups and less shaving than ever before, resulting in an epic monastery beard and less gut than the Emelianenko family has collectively seen in twenty years.
And in the good news/bad news category, depending on your perspective, Bob Sapp is still putting food on his presumably massive plate. While that’s good for “The Beast,” it’s not so great for fans of legitimate MMA fights, since Sapp’s preferred method of making money in recent years is to take apparent dives against whomever he is matched up against. To his credit, Sapp actually threw some strikes and attempted some clinch work this time around, and Aleksander actually had to land multiple solid shots before Sapp assumed the fetal position. Once there, Sapp didn’t even tap out; the referee stepped in to stop the pathetic mismatch/collusion.
Following the stoppage, the Russian helped his opponent up and they talked to one another. Then they kept on talking. Lots of talking between these two. Glad we got to witness these friends catch up.
Anyway, that’s Sapp’s eleventh consecutive “loss” and his fourteenth out of his last fifteen bouts. Aleks got back on the winning track after getting choked out by Jeff Monson in his previous bout.
It’s pretty much known by anyone who possesses a working set of ears that Taylor Swift has the vocal range of a walrus being strangled to death by a vibrating belt machine (as opposed to say, Warbringer, who are basically the Three Tenors of our generation). Still, that fact hasn’t stopped her from snatching up damn near every Billboard, CMT, MTV, BET, or Grammy award out there, because musical talent is something that is apparently determined by how many lovestruck 12 year-old girls buy your relationship-prostituting albums nowadays.
In any case, Ms. Swift and her voice have become quite the subject of parody on the Twitters and Youtubes lately, with her hit song “I Knew You Were Trouble” taking the brunt of it. While her duet with a screaming goat might be the most notorious of these parodies, Youtube user FreeFights4You has offered an alternative, MMA-themed take on the song that will surely ascend to the top of the Taylor Swift-based parodies for at least a week.
Featuring none other than UFC 160’s Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva on guest vocals, this parody might just be the greatest thing you will ever witness today. I mean, it’s no “baby monkey riding on a pig,” but what will ever top that slice of fried gold, honestly?
It’s pretty much known by anyone who possesses a working set of ears that Taylor Swift has the vocal range of a walrus being strangled to death by a vibrating belt machine (as opposed to say, Warbringer, who are basically the Three Tenors of our generation). Still, that fact hasn’t stopped her from snatching up damn near every Billboard, CMT, MTV, BET, or Grammy award out there, because musical talent is something that is apparently determined by how many lovestruck 12 year-old girls buy your relationship-prostituting albums nowadays.
In any case, Ms. Swift and her voice have become quite the subject of parody on the Twitters and Youtubes lately, with her hit song “I Knew You Were Trouble” taking the brunt of it. While her duet with a screaming goat might be the most notorious of these parodies, Youtube user FreeFights4You has offered an alternative, MMA-themed take on the song that will surely ascend to the top of the Taylor Swift-based parodies for at least a week.
Featuring none other than UFC 160′s Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva on guest vocals, this parody might just be the greatest thing you will ever witness today. I mean, it’s no “baby monkey riding on a pig,” but what will ever top that slice of fried gold, honestly?
Although he’s getting more press for his TRT usage than he is for his actual octagon performances nowadays, there was a time when Vitor Belfort was just a fresh-faced Brazilian assassin who was quite literally trimming the fat from the UFC’s heavyweight division. That time was 1997, and there was perhaps no greater a display of Vitor’s ability to crush hopelessly outmatched and overweight opponents than his UFC 12 thrashing of Scott Ferrozzo. Thankfully, UFC.com has made the fight temporarily available to the public, presumably so we can gain some perspective on what a true squash match looks like and be happy with the fights we’re given.
As hilarious as it is depressing, join us after the jump as we take a look back at just what constituted a UFC tournament final. You will laugh, you will cry, you will declare that you’re getting too old for this shit.
Although he’s getting more press for his TRT usage than he is for his actual octagon performances nowadays, there was a time when Vitor Belfort was just a fresh-faced Brazilian assassin who was quite literally trimming the fat from the UFC’s heavyweight division. That time was 1997, and there was perhaps no greater a display of Vitor’s ability to crush hopelessly outmatched and overweight opponents than his UFC 12 thrashing of Scott Ferrozzo. Thankfully, UFC.com has made the fight temporarily available to the public, presumably so we can gain some perspective on what a true squash match looks like and be happy with the fights we’re given.
As hilarious as it is depressing, join us after the jump as we take a look back at just what constituted a UFC tournament final. You will laugh, you will cry, you will declare that you’re getting too old for this shit.
(Props: MMA Fighting via UFC.com. Scroll to the right to enable fullscreen.)
Honestly, there is just so much fail going on in the video that we momentarily thought it was another JERRY RIPS! masterpiece. A few highlights…
0:06 – Best. Tale of the Tape. Ever. 0:15 – It’s moments like these that just demand Mike Goldberg. “Belfort is 118 pounds lighter and 13 years younger, but the rest is VIRTUALLY IDENTICAL.” 0:20 – Psssh, has this joker on the mic even attempted to start a fight with an MMA fighter in an elevator? 0:52 – When they called Ferrozzo a “pit fighter,” do you think they were referring to the fact that his training regimen likely consisted of starting a fight at the annual family barbeque? 1:52 – “It don’t matter. You know, Roy Jones Jr. ain’t gonna knock out Mike Tyson.” Yep, that’s Tank Abbott comparing Ferrozzo to Mike Tyson. I promise this is not a Scanners gif. 2:02 – “It’s done, it’s over with.” – Tank Abbott, currently reconsidering the Jones Jr./Tyson comparison he just made. 2:15 – A Vitor Belfort fight ending with a series of illegal punches to the back of his opponent’s head? Surely you must be joking. 2:55 – “What’d this guy do, win the Olympics?” – Tank Abbott, clearly the authority on appropriate celebrations. 3:36 – “I don’t think that you can compare either one to a boxer.” – Tank Abbott 4:51 – “Brazilian motherfuckers.” – We’re just going to assume Tank Abbott.
(“It’ll never happen, ladies. Now go back to the kitchen and make me an eight-sided sandwich.” / Image via CagePotato’s Facebook page, which you should all follow immediately.)
By the CagePotato.com Staff
They were undeniable truths — until suddenly, they weren’t. Check out our latest list below, and ask yourself: What do I believe now that will turn out to be utter bullshit someday?
1. Alistair Overeem will become the UFC heavyweight champion in less than a year.
(Photo via Esther Lin/MMAFighting.com)
2. There’s no way a boxer could ever beat a mixed martial artist under MMA rules.
(“It’ll never happen, ladies. Now go back to the kitchen and make me an eight-sided sandwich.” / Image via CagePotato’s Facebook page, which you should all follow immediately.)
By the CagePotato.com Staff
They were undeniable truths — until suddenly, they weren’t. Check out our latest list below, and ask yourself: What do I believe now that will turn out to be utter bullshit someday?
1. Alistair Overeem will become the UFC heavyweight champion in less than a year.
(Photo via Esther Lin/MMAFighting.com)
2. There’s no way a boxer could ever beat a mixed martial artist under MMA rules.
(Sure, “Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Champion” is a respectable title in its own right, but it just doesn’t carry as much weight at the Playboy Mansion, you know?)
If there’s one thing you can say about former UFC heavyweight champion and Depends spokesperson Tim Sylvia, it’s that the SOB is persistent. Although his once successful MMA career has become little more than a seriesof punctuatedjokes nowadays — most of which revolve around his fat, fatty, “Fatty Boom-Boom” fatness — “The Maine-iac” will simply not be denied his rightful place back in the UFC’s heavyweight division no matter how many times Dana White pisses in his cornflakes.
But the main issue preventing Sylvia’s UFC aspirations from coming to fruition is one that he doesn’t seem to realize: relevant wins. In the past few years, Sylvia has crushed a few cans (and a professional bodybuilder) in unimpressive fashion, been decapitated in 9 seconds by an aging boxer, dropped a decision to Satoshi Ishii, and been spared a loss on a loosely-defined technicality in his completely unnecessary fourth fightwith Andrei Arlovski at OneFC 5. Yet despite all this, Sylvia is still holding onto the hopes that he will end his mixed martial arts career “where it started,” which for all intents and purposes is the UFC. He spoke with MMAWeekly:
I don’t know what is going to happen in the future of the UFC heavyweight division. Ideally I would like to finish out my career where it started and that is in the UFC. There’s great fights out there for me and I’d like to put on a great show for the fans on the biggest stage there is, and that’s obviously the UFC.
And who would Boom-Boom like to face in his glorious return, you ask? For starters, Frank Mir, who infamously snatched Sylvia’s title (and his arm) at UFC 48: Payback, otherwise known as the event wherein Ken Shamrock scored his last relevant win…over Kimo. But the second name on Sylvia’s hit list (just beating out Jared from the Subway commercials because “I ate a thousand of those subs and didn’t lose a fucking pound.”), might surprise you:
(Sure, “Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Champion” is a respectable title in its own right, but it just doesn’t carry as much weight at the Playboy Mansion, you know?)
If there’s one thing you can say about former UFC heavyweight champion and Depends spokesperson Tim Sylvia, it’s that the SOB is persistent. Although his once successful MMA career has become little more than a seriesof punctuatedjokes nowadays — most of which revolve around his fat, fatty, “Fatty Boom-Boom” fatness – “The Maine-iac” will simply not be denied his rightful place back in the UFC’s heavyweight division no matter how many times Dana White pisses in his cornflakes.
But the main issue preventing Sylvia’s UFC aspirations from coming to fruition is one that he doesn’t seem to realize: relevant wins. In the past few years, Sylvia has crushed a few cans (and a professional bodybuilder) in unimpressive fashion, been decapitated in 9 seconds by an aging boxer, dropped a decision to Satoshi Ishii, and been spared a loss on a loosely-defined technicality in his completely unnecessary fourth fightwith Andrei Arlovski at OneFC 5. Yet despite all this, Sylvia is still holding onto the hopes that he will end his mixed martial arts career “where it started,” which for all intents and purposes is the UFC. He spoke with MMAWeekly:
I don’t know what is going to happen in the future of the UFC heavyweight division. Ideally I would like to finish out my career where it started and that is in the UFC. There’s great fights out there for me and I’d like to put on a great show for the fans on the biggest stage there is, and that’s obviously the UFC.
And who would Boom-Boom like to face in his glorious return, you ask? For starters, Frank Mir, who infamously snatched Sylvia’s title (and his arm) at UFC 48: Payback, otherwise known as the event wherein Ken Shamrock scored his last relevant win…over Kimo. But the second name on Sylvia’s hit list (just beating out Jared from the Subway commercials because “I ate a thousand of those subs and didn’t lose a fucking pound.”), might surprise you:
I’d like to fight a striker so that we could put on a good show. I have a good friend, Pat Barry, who is in the UFC. I think if him and I fought it would be Fight of the Night or Knockout of the Night. Someone would go to sleep and it would be Fight of the Night. We might be able to score both of them. One of us gets Knockout of the Night and Fight of the Night. We’d put on a good show. We’ve had some good sparring sessions so it would be a good fight for the fans.
Once again, you gotta love Sylvia’s enthusiasm, which is bordering on delusional at this point. The only people he has been putting to sleep lately are his fans, yet he still fancies himself a feared striker and a FOTN contender. It’s like he never even saw his fights with Assuerio Silva, Jeff Monson, Brandon Vera, or his third fight with Arlovski, and that was some forty pounds and six years ago.
His UFC hopes aside, Sylvia is scheduled to face 6-1 prospect Tony Johnson at the upcoming One FC 6. It’s a win that would make a stronger argument for a potential return to the UFC than Sylvia has been able to make since his departure, so let’s hope he’s been cranking out the girly push ups and Evanescence tunes to prepare for it.
