Tag: Funny Shit

CagePotato PSA: Please Stop Daring Your Opponents to Knock You Out, Bush League MMA Fighters of the World

(All praises be to MiddleEasy for the find.) 

Alright, you guys, this is the last time we’re going to explain this.

We understand that six months of sprawl training can fill you with a previously unimaginable sense of self-confidence. Hell, throw in a couple BJJ lessons and a month or so of P90X and most of us would probably feel damn near invincible. It’s understandable to a degree, for we are a fragile-minded species that are easily influenced and oft corrupted by our own power, no matter how fleeting it may be.

But as fragile as our minds truly are, our bodies usually pale in comparison (*cough* Kevin Ware *cough*). And in the MMA game, taking one’s body for granted is a surefire way to wind up on the wrong end of a knockout — an embarrassing moment made all the more embarrassing when it comes just moments after you dare your opponent to test your otherworldly chin strength. Just ask our winner for the Biggest MMA Fail of 2012 or the Diaz wannabe who got front-kicked into never-neverland what showboating leads to. Hint: It’s pain. Only pain.


(All praises be to MiddleEasy for the find.) 

Alright, you guys, this is the last time we’re going to explain this.

We understand that six months of sprawl training can fill you with a previously unimaginable sense of self-confidence. Hell, throw in a couple BJJ lessons and a month or so of P90X and most of us would probably feel damn near invincible. It’s understandable to a degree, for we are a fragile-minded species that are easily influenced and oft corrupted by our own power, no matter how fleeting it may be.

But as fragile as our minds truly are, our bodies usually pale in comparison (*cough* Kevin Ware *cough*). And in the MMA game, taking one’s body for granted is a surefire way to wind up on the wrong end of a knockout — an embarrassing moment made all the more embarrassing when it comes just moments after you dare your opponent to test your otherworldly chin strength. Just ask our winner for the Biggest MMA Fail of 2012 or the Diaz wannabe who got front-kicked into never-neverland what showboating leads to. Hint: It’s pain. Only pain.

As you can tell by his pathetic attempts to perform what we in the MMA world call a “kick,” the jackwagon featured above clearly falls into the category of “Six Month Sprawl Superstar.” And while it’s fitting that this guy would be so confident in his chin that he would charge face first into a punch with his hands down, the humor we can take away from his misfortune only masks the bigger picture: reckless endangerment.

The simple fact is that one of these crazy bastards are going to get themselves killed while attempting to show off during a fight, and when one of them inevitably does, our beloved sport will once again be put the ringer as a result. It’s pretty selfish, honestly, but who am I kidding? I’m talking to the guy who is so self-centered that he laughs at the notion of a mere mortal somehow possessing the strength to knock him out.

Look, we know it looks cool/intimidating when Nick Diaz effortlessly absorbs his opponents best shots whilst throwing Stockton Heybuddies all the while, but none of you are Nick Diaz. If you were, you would certainly be too caught up in some good old fashioned nunchucking to own a computer and therefore read this plea.

You want to show off how much of a badass you are? Try finishing your opponent then celebrating. There’s a much smaller window for failure there. In the meantime, we beg you impressionable MMA fighters out there to please spend a little less time thinking you’re God and a little more keeping your hands up. For our sake and yours.

–J. Jones

Anderson Silva vs. Jose “Pele” Landi-Jons: The Next Great Grudge Match That MMA Fans Will Be Dying to See


(Photo via MMAMagazine.)  

The only thing that irks Dana White more than his fighters giving “pointless” interviews is when he misses the opportunity to exploit a grudge match between said fighters. Seriously, it keeps him up most nights and sometimes even causes fits of dizziness in the poor fellow. And unfortunately, now that the UFC has finished cashing in on their latest grudge match, there has been a void left behind in the lives of “true” MMA fans. You know, the ones who need fabricated storylines and endless trash-talk in order to find the sport exciting in the first place. People who think Brock Lesnar has obviously earned a spot in the UFC Hall of Fame, in other words.

Although a “much” “anticipated” “grudge match” between Chael Sonnen and Jon Jones is set to transpire any day now, recent events have pretty much dispelled any idea that those two actually hate each other, so no luck there. Enter Anderson Silva vs. Jose Landi-Jons: a bitter rivalry that dates back to the glory days of the Chute Box gym. Sure, most of these “true” fans have likely never heard of Landi-Jons despite his legendary status and longevity in the sport, but when they get ahold of the positively Diazian story involving “Pele” chasing old Andy through the streets of Brazil, you can bet your bottom dollar that the Twitter rally campaigns will be shortly behind (via Portal do Vale Tudo, translation via Sherdog):

Anderson was jogging in the company of a friend when Pelé, who was driving by the location, saw his enemy and decided to go back and confront him about stuff Anderson wrote about Pelé in his book. According to witnesses, the only reason they didn’t fight was because Anderson’s friend stopped them.


(Photo via MMAMagazine.)  

The only thing that irks Dana White more than his fighters giving “pointless” interviews is when he misses the opportunity to exploit a grudge match between said fighters. Seriously, it keeps him up most nights and sometimes even causes fits of dizziness in the poor fellow. And unfortunately, now that the UFC has finished cashing in on their latest grudge match, there has been a void left behind in the lives of “true” MMA fans. You know, the ones who need fabricated storylines and endless trash-talk in order to find the sport exciting in the first place. People who think Brock Lesnar has obviously earned a spot in the UFC Hall of Fame, in other words.

Although a “much” “anticipated” “grudge match” between Chael Sonnen and Jon Jones is set to transpire any day now, recent events have pretty much dispelled any idea that those two actually hate each other, so no luck there. Enter Anderson Silva vs. Jose Landi-Jons: a bitter rivalry that dates back to the glory days of the Chute Box gym. Sure, most of these “true” fans have likely never heard of Landi-Jons despite his legendary status and longevity in the sport, but when they get ahold of the positively Diazian story involving “Pele” chasing old Andy through the streets of Brazil, you can bet your bottom dollar that the Twitter rally campaigns will be shortly behind (via Portal do Vale Tudo, translation via Sherdog):

Anderson was jogging in the company of a friend when Pelé, who was driving by the location, saw his enemy and decided to go back and confront him about stuff Anderson wrote about Pelé in his book. According to witnesses, the only reason they didn’t fight was because Anderson’s friend stopped them.

Jose: I saw him joggin in the runway, turned around and called him out for a fight. He said he would fight me, but soon came a car full of security guards, saying there would be no fight. Anderson started screaming, calling me a punk. I cursed him a lot as well and told him that he is the champion outside, but in Curitiba he is nothing. He always challenged me, I accepted and beat him twice, now I’m challenging him. I wish him a long life with the UFC belt that brings so much pride to the people of Curitiba, but I think we owe it to Curitiba: Anderson x Pele part 3, maybe in a UFC in Curitiba.

Despite being rivals in the 90s, when they fought twice under Muay Thai rules (with two decisions for Pele), Anderson Silva, Noguchi`s student, became part of Chute Boxe and started to dispute the number one spot in his weight class against Pelé. Both guys always remained rivals inside the Chute Boxe rings. After becoming a UFC champion, Anderson helped Pele in his trainings and, according to what Anderson has told friends, even financially. The quarrel between them happened after Landy read Anderson`s version about an episode in which Pelé splashed water on Anderson and his daughter driving the car over water. After reading the book, Pelé told PVT (the source website) that the story was not true, but Anderson has confirmed it many times. 

We can picture it now: Dana White books these two opposite one another on the next season of TUF: Brazil, spends some time telling the media that this fight is the one that fans want to see, a few missed press conferences, talks of Andy “unleashing the dark side,” and BOOM! Pay-per-view dynamite.

The fact that Landi-Jons is coming off a loss should all but seal the deal. Who you like for this one?

–J. Jones

[VIDEO] Pat Barry Completely Loses His Sh*t Celebrating Rose Namajunas’ Win at Invicta FC 5

It’s a pretty well known fact that UFC heavyweight Pat Barry is a pretty eccentric guy. The same can be said for his girlfriend, Invicta FC strawweight Rose “Thug” Namajunas — in fact, it’s probably what drew them to each other in the first place.

Anyway, Rose recently scored her second professional win via 12-second flying armbar at last weekend’s Invicta FC 5, as you well know. While we were thrilled for her for obvious reasons, our excitement paled in comparison to that of “HD,” who proceeded to jump up from his ringside seat and leap onto the cage like he had just finished stomping a mudhole in Christian Morecraft following Rose’s big win. Thank God there were no small children in his way, or we may very well have witnessed a massacre worse than Cyborg vs. Muxlow that night.

Barry’s (literally) over-the-top celebration should come as no surprise to those of us who have seen him corner Namajunas before, but damn, I just really want what those two have. Not love, I’m talking about brutal knockout power and the ability to pull off flying armbars. I can force someone to love me with those two things.

After the jump: A video of Namajunas’ brilliant submission from Invicta FC 5, because big whoop wanna fightaboutit?

It’s a pretty well known fact that UFC heavyweight Pat Barry is a pretty eccentric guy. The same can be said for his girlfriend, Invicta FC strawweight Rose “Thug” Namajunas — in fact, it’s probably what drew them to each other in the first place.

Anyway, Rose recently scored her second professional win via 12-second flying armbar at last weekend’s Invicta FC 5, as you well know. While we were thrilled for her for obvious reasons, our excitement paled in comparison to that of “HD,” who proceeded to jump up from his ringside seat and leap onto the cage like he had just finished stomping a mudhole in Christian Morecraft following Rose’s big win. Thank God there were no small children in his way, or we may very well have witnessed a massacre worse than Cyborg vs. Muxlow that night.

Barry’s (literally) over-the-top celebration should come as no surprise to those of us who have seen him corner Namajunas before, but damn, I just really want what those two have. Not love, I’m talking about brutal knockout power and the ability to pull off flying armbars. I can force someone to love me with those two things.

After the jump: A video of Namajunas’ brilliant submission from Invicta FC 5, because big whoop wanna fightaboutit?

–J. Jones

Street Fight Funhouse #3: One Fight, Two Knockouts

You know, I remember when fighting in the middle of a ring of parked cars with their headlights on used to mean something. In the latest installment of Street Fight Funhouse, MMA fighter/comedian Gerald Harris adds some play-by-play commentary to an unsanctioned backyard boxing match that results in a pair of brand new concussions for a dude named “Chicken Dance.” Subscribe to CagePotato on YouTube for more of our street-fight remixes, and follow Gerald on twitter @GHurricane. As always, your comments/suggestions are appreciated.

You know, I remember when fighting in the middle of a ring of parked cars with their headlights on used to mean something. In the latest installment of Street Fight Funhouse, MMA fighter/comedian Gerald Harris adds some play-by-play commentary to an unsanctioned backyard boxing match that results in a pair of brand new concussions for a dude named “Chicken Dance.” Subscribe to CagePotato on YouTube for more of our street-fight remixes, and follow Gerald on twitter @GHurricane. As always, your comments/suggestions are appreciated.

MMA Meme of the Day: Clark Gracie, Ridiculously Photogenic Jiu-Jitsu Guy


(The original image, via Deadspin.)

Meet Clark Gracie. The decorated BJJ blackbelt is the son of Carley Gracie, the master of the Clarkoplata (Crucifix Omoplata hybrid), and the owner of The Clark Gracie Jiu Jitsu Academy in La Jolla, CA. He also happens to be a ridiculously photogenic guy, capable of making a blackbelt grappling match look like an Esquire Magazine photo-shoot. Even though this image has been around for a while now, the jokesters over at quickmeme have finally taken notice and created “Ridiculously Photogenic Jiu-Jitsu Guy” in his honor. We’ve compiled some of the best ones after the jump.


(The original image, via Deadspin.)

Meet Clark Gracie. The decorated BJJ blackbelt is the son of Carley Gracie, the master of the Clarkoplata (Crucifix Omoplata hybrid), and the owner of The Clark Gracie Jiu Jitsu Academy in La Jolla, CA. He also happens to be a ridiculously photogenic guy, capable of making a blackbelt grappling match look like an Esquire Magazine photo-shoot. Even though this image has been around for a while now, the jokesters over at quickmeme have finally taken notice and created “Ridiculously Photogenic Jiu-Jitsu Guy” in his honor. We’ve compiled some of the best ones after the jump.

Overall, a decent start. Some of these are pretty good, some of these are so-so, and, like most memes, most of the others are extremely repetitive knock-offs. Surely, you guys can do better, right? Prove it in the comments section.

@SethFalvo

[VIDEO] How to Spend Your Day Off, According to Dana White

You know, I may not have a fleet of G5 airplanes or an insanely successful, multi-million dollar company at my disposal, although I totally could if it wasn’t for my bum knee. I may not be part of a secret group of rich adulterers that smash the hottest trim in shanty towns across the globe, or show up to Hollywood premiers with Ronda Rousey on my arm — again, I’m blaming the bum knee. But despite all this, I take solace in the fact that — regardless of whether you’re UFC President Dana White or Skeeter the local angry drunk — as men, we all like to let loose in pretty much the same fashion. Mainly, getting our friends to embarrass themselves and blowing shit up.

So goes the latest Danavlog (seen above), in which The Baldfather grants us behind-the-scenes access to the one day off he gets each year. And oddly enough, DW doesn’t spend it getting a mani-pedi and eating veal that was killed in front of him like most of his fellow 1%ers. Instead, he spends it at his house in Maine with a few of his closest buddies, completing the redneck superfecta of hot sauce challenges, goat milking, skeet shooting, and hitting 125 mph on his dirt bike. Seriously, if White did all of this while slugging down Labbatt Blues, chain smoking cowboy killers, and demanding that Barack Obama show us his damn birth certificate already, I’d be convinced that we were born in the same town.

Then again, this is the same millionaire who willingly throws himself into mosh pits when he’s not cussing out members of the MMA media, so perhaps we should stop acting surprised when DW continuously defies our expectations for how the President of a major sports organization should act. Party on, Dana. Party on.

–J. Jones

You know, I may not have a fleet of G5 airplanes or an insanely successful, multi-million dollar company at my disposal, although I totally could if it wasn’t for my bum knee. I may not be part of a secret group of rich adulterers that smash the hottest trim in shanty towns across the globe, or show up to Hollywood premiers with Ronda Rousey on my arm — again, I’m blaming the bum knee. But despite all this, I take solace in the fact that — regardless of whether you’re UFC President Dana White or Skeeter the local angry drunk – as men, we all like to let loose in pretty much the same fashion. Mainly, getting our friends to embarrass themselves and blowing shit up.

So goes the latest Danavlog (seen above), in which The Baldfather grants us behind-the-scenes access to the one day off he gets each year. And oddly enough, DW doesn’t spend it getting a mani-pedi and eating veal that was killed in front of him like most of his fellow 1%ers. Instead, he spends it at his house in Maine with a few of his closest buddies, completing the redneck superfecta of hot sauce challenges, goat milking, skeet shooting, and hitting 125 mph on his dirt bike. Seriously, if White did all of this while slugging down Labbatt Blues, chain smoking cowboy killers, and demanding that Barack Obama show us his damn birth certificate already, I’d be convinced that we were born in the same town.

Then again, this is the same millionaire who willingly throws himself into mosh pits when he’s not cussing out members of the MMA media, so perhaps we should stop acting surprised when DW continuously defies our expectations for how the President of a major sports organization should act. Party on, Dana. Party on.

–J. Jones