Cast as “Japanese schoolgirl” in the latest video by electro pop band Manufactured Superstars, Ms. Celeste turns in a performance that will surely go down as the single greatest piece of acting in a four minute party sequence of all time. Simply put, it brought tears to my penis eyes. As for the music itself, well, it roughly reminds me of something I’d come upon if I happened to be playing Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, so make what you want of that, and join us after the jump for the video.
Cast as “Japanese schoolgirl” in the latest video by electro pop band Manufactured Superstars, Ms. Celeste turns in a performance that will surely go down as the single greatest piece of acting in a four minute party sequence of all time. Simply put, it brought tears to my penis eyes. As for the music itself, well, it roughly reminds me of something I’d come upon if I happened to be playing Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, so make what you want of that, and join us below for the video.
Manufactured Superstars – “Silver Splits the Blue”
Now that you’ve punctured both your eardrums with a spork, check out something mildly more entertaining– a drunk Quinton Jackson slapping a fan in the face outside of a club. The fan said it was by request, but we think he may have asked Quinton when that album of his was dropping.
Set to take on Ben Rothwell at UFC 145, Brendan Schuab recently took a little time to go ghost hunting with the crew of Ghost Show #315, or the creatively titled Ghost Adventures, which airs on the Travel Channel. Though it is only a preview of the upcoming episode, we’re going to go ahead and take a guess at what happens over the course of the actual show.
1. Three to four chairs will either creek or tip over.
2. Wind will be passed off as a paranormal encounter.
3. Grown men will wander around in the darkness, repeatedly asking/shouting questions that never get answered.
4. They will conclude that the building they entered was in fact haunted.
Ok, I can’t possibly be the only one who is reminded of this classic Chappelle’s Show ‘Real World’ sketch whenever I watch Karyn Bryant get accosted by Quinton Jackson while her husband/cameraman/cuckold, Wade Eck silently and passively stands by and films the proceedings.
First there was Rampage’s attempt at motorboating Bryant to celebrate his win over Matt Hamill, and now this week he was back to his old tricks on Bryant’s MMA H.E.A.T. show. We’ve almost become numb to his antics and come to expect molestation from Rampage whenever a woman sticks a microphone in his face since it isn’t the first (or the second) female reporter Rampage “be humping” or otherwise sexually assaulting. Hell, we’ve lost count of the amount of videos out there of Rampage being his classy self.
Anyway, this time around Bryant had a full 45-minute sit down with Quinton, who we now know is all hopped up on testosterone injections, and besides his uncomfortable closeness to and constant leering and grabbing of Bryant, it was actually a pretty solid interview. He touched on a ton of topics including why he wants to leave the UFC, his rap career aspirations and how he helps his family and friends out financially.
Ok, I can’t possibly be the only one who is reminded of this classic Chappelle’s Show ’Real World’ sketch whenever I watch Karyn Bryant get accosted by Quinton Jackson while her husband/cameraman/cuckold, Wade Eck silently and passively stands by and films the proceedings.
First there was Rampage’s attempt at motorboating Bryant to celebrate his win over Matt Hamill, and now this week he was back to his old tricks on Bryant’s MMA H.E.A.T. show. We’ve almost become numb to his antics and come to expect molestation from Rampage whenever a woman sticks a microphone in his face since it isn’t the first (or the second) female reporter Rampage “be humping” or otherwise sexually assaulting. Hell, we’ve lost count of the amount of videos out there of Rampage being his classy self.
Anyway, this time around Bryant had a full 45-minute sit down with Quinton, who we now know is all hopped up on testosterone injections, and besides his uncomfortable closeness to and constant leering and grabbing of Bryant, it was actually a pretty solid interview. He touched on a ton of topics including why he wants to leave the UFC, his rap career aspirations and how he helps his family and friends out financially.
(Video courtesy of YouTube/MMAHEAT)
But there was poor, pathetic Wade again, behind the camera, taking it all in, only this time he was forced to endure (or relished, who knows?) the grabbing and feigned foreplay much longer.
Not wanting to disappoint, Rampage, who said that Bryant is listed as “Karyn Motorboat” in his cell phone contact list, took things up another notch this time.
At one point, when the groping evidently got to be a little too distracting for Bryant, who asked if the T made him “more horny,” instead of telling him to stop, she reminded Jackson that her husband was standing right there. That’s when Jackson, without taking his legs or arms off of Karyn, began to dig in verbally at Eck, making fun of how Wade said he trains “full contact four days a week,” and telling him “while you were out training I was at your house.”
By the end of the interview Rampage basically had Bryant mocking her husband too. Sad and weird.
Though he’s off camera, one can just imagine the “Chad” character’s expression from Chappelle’s Real World sketch as he sobbed and masturbated while watching “Lysol,” and “Tyree” work his lady over in front of him on Wade’s face. Chad was of course being played by an actor in a fictional sketch. We’re not sure what Wade’s deal is.
(It was at that moment Ryan Hall knew he would have to defend the integrity of both his hoagie and the Denny’s establishment he had chosen to accomodate.)
William Shakespeare once said, “Justice oft comes on swift legs, and if thou happen to bear witness, make surest thou placeth thine proof on thine Internet for all to see.” Luckily, we managed to stumble across this video of BJJ savant and 2009 ADCC Bronze medalist Ryan Hall choking out a drunken, self proclaimed “psychopath” at a restaurant, and in William’s honor, have placed it below for you all to see.
(It was at that moment Ryan Hall knew he would have to defend the integrity of both his hoagie and the Denny’s establishment he had chosen to accomodate.)
William Shakespeare once said, “Justice oft comes on swift legs, and if thou happen to bear witness, make surest thou placeth thine proof on thine Internet for all to see.” Luckily, we managed to stumble across this video of BJJ savant and 2009 ADCC Bronze medalist Ryan Hall choking out a drunken, self proclaimed “psychopath” at a restaurant, and in William’s honor, have placed it below for you all to see.
As the Paranormal Activity style text informs us, the night was December 11th, 2011. Why it took so long for this video to come to fruition is beyond us, but that’s not the point. Along with the company a few friends, Ryan Hall was enjoying what appears to be chicken sandwich when the anonymous drunken a-hole approached him and asked for a lighter. Ryan informed the patron, who we will now refer to as “Shitshow,” that he didn’t have one, at which point the man became enraged, launching into a tirade and threatening everyone within seeing distance. Because, you know, that’s a reasonable reaction.
Anyway, after getting all up in Hall’s grill, claiming that he’s been locked in a mental institution on multiple occasions, which calls into question both the effectiveness and security of institutions nationwide, Shitshow challenges Hall to a fight. He takes a second to inform Ryan that he has “no idea of what I’m capable of,” a notion so steeped in irony that Hall can simply not resist.
Hall opts for the double leg and smoothly transitions to mount, where he just kind of hangs out and waits for the authorities to be called. His top control, though smothering, is ultimately ineffective. After allowing Shitshow to get back to his feet, Ryan backs off, giving him one last chance to hit the road. Shitshow does not get the message, at which point the restaurant owner gets involved, begging him to “please stop.” Playing on this dickhead’s sense of honor proves pointless. Hall remains calm, even as Shitshow continues to goad him. “I wanna see you kill me,” he cries. This is stage one of Shitshow’s ultimate demise: the call out.
The moment Hall steps outside, however, stage two quickly sets in: realization. Yes, Shitshow quickly begins to reconsider, opting to start up with one of Hall’s crew instead. Typical bitch boy behavior, folks. At this point, Hall has had enough, and seizes Shitshow by his shoulders. Smashing Shitshow’s head off the metal framed door on the way out, Hall proceeds to promptly choke him unconscious. Stage three: acceptance, and untimely hibernation.
And as in every movie ever made, the police show up when the action is over, their criminal already subdued, and begin to question everyone as to what exactly went down. Our boys in blue later inform Hall that Shitshow is looking to press charges. Stage four: grief and backtracking.
Thankfully, this video will likely serve as evidence in this whack job’s future civil suit, granted he ever fully recovers from the embarrassment of shitting his pants in front of nearly 30 people.
(Props: Amazon.com, via CP reader “joe sons balls,” who claims that he randomly came upon one of Phil Baroni‘s old fetish-modeling gigs while searching for XTC t-shirts. Sure, buddy. Your secret’s safe with us.)
Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere…
(Props: Amazon.com, via CP reader “joe sons balls,” who claims that he randomly came upon one of Phil Baroni‘s old fetish-modeling gigs while searching for XTC t-shirts. Sure, buddy. Your secret’s safe with us.)
Some selected highlights from our friends around the MMA blogosphere…
A million arigatos to our friends at TerezOwens for sending us actual footage of the rap concert that Quinton Jackson did in Tokyo immediately following his loss to Ryan Bader at UFC 144. We can’t tell if this clip is an excerpt from Rampage’s new “doggy style” tribute, but either way, the lyrics are $kala-caliber. FYI, the performance went down at a club called Vanity in Tokyo’s Roppongi district. (As in, “vanity project.” As in, “My God this vanity project.”) Allow us to half-assedly transcribe:
Rampage: Get on sowaggichain Get down with Rampage We party like we paid Move! Yo ass, like you wanna get laid Now shake it, *you* shake it I wanna see that ass butt-naked
Rampage’s Asian hype-man: Yo, whassup? Everybody get down on the floor wuhsay HALT! Sup?
New York [Ed. note: You’re in Tokyo, idiot.]
The video was uploaded to the YouTube account ShuHirata1968; Hirata is like the Ed Soares of Japan, and he always seems to have his video camera with him. For example, here’s another recent clip from Shu’s account that made us even more uncomfortable than Rampage’s rap show…
A million arigatos to our friends at TerezOwens for sending us actual footage of the rap concert that Quinton Jackson did in Tokyo immediately following his loss to Ryan Bader at UFC 144. We can’t tell if this clip is an excerpt from Rampage’s new “doggy style” tribute, but either way, the lyrics are $kala-caliber. FYI, the performance went down at a club called Vanity in Tokyo’s Roppongi district. (As in, “vanity project.” As in, “My God this vanity project.”) Allow us to half-assedly transcribe:
Rampage: Get on sowaggichain Get down with Rampage We party like we paid Move! Yo ass, like you wanna get laid Now shake it, *you* shake it I wanna see that ass butt-naked
Rampage’s Asian hype-man: Yo, whassup? Everybody get down on the floor wuhsay HALT! Sup?
New York [Ed. note: You’re in Tokyo, idiot.]
The video was uploaded to the YouTube account ShuHirata1968; Hirata is like the Ed Soares of Japan, and he always seems to have his video camera with him. For example, here’s another recent clip from Shu’s account that made us even more uncomfortable than Rampage’s rap show…
That’s UFC “babysitter to the stars” Burt Watson, by the way. As the video description puts it, “Burt Watson and we went out to the hostess bar in Roppongi!! ”
Spoiler alert: It was a better punch than this one, and twice as effective. Props: Getty Images via MMAFighting.com
I guess it goes without saying, but today has been a pretty slow news day. But even if it wasn’t, I like to imagine we’d still give this our attention. When something as rare as Bob Sapp being involved in a competitive fight happens, it’s worth a few cheap laughs seconds.
Sapp headlined Super Fight League 1, which was live on Youtube earlier this morning, against robbery victim James Thompson. While weighing in for his fight against “The Colossus”, Bob Sapp landed one of the most beautiful backfists I’ve ever seen. His technique was flawless, like it was a something he had actually been practicing. Even Phil Baroni, who was on hand to introduce fighters, seemed shocked at the technique on display from “The Beast”.
Of course, it would have been far more impressive if it actually landed on James Thompson. Or if it, you know, was intentional. But it’s probably for the best that the move was an accident. If he had been trying to do that, he probably would have missed, taken a dive and immediately started tapping.
Spoiler alert: It was a better punch than this one, and twice as effective. Props: Getty Images via MMAFighting.com
I guess it goes without saying, but today has been a pretty slow news day. But even if it wasn’t, I like to imagine we’d still give this our attention. When something as rare as Bob Sapp being involved in a competitive fight happens, it’s worth a few cheap laughs seconds.
Sapp headlined Super Fight League 1, which was live on Youtube earlier this morning, against robbery victim James Thompson. While weighing in for his fight against “The Colossus”, Bob Sapp landed one of the most beautiful backfists I’ve ever seen. His technique was flawless, like it was something he had actually been practicing. Even Phil Baroni, who was on hand to introduce fighters, seemed shocked at the technique on display from “The Beast”.
Of course, it would have been far more impressive if it actually landed on James Thompson. Or if it, you know, was intentional. But it’s probably for the best that the move was an accident. If he had been trying to do that, he probably would have missed, taken a dive and immediately started tapping.
As for his actual fight against James Thompson, picture his fight against Rolles Gracie. Now imagine he had mounted an actual attack at some point during the fight. And imagine that he tapped after awkwardly landing after a takedown a little less than two minutes into the fight. Yep, that’s how he lost this time.
Also of note from the card, Jimmy Ambriz defeated Satish Jha via TKO just fourteen seconds into their bout. Your move, Todd Duffee.
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