We have all heard the legend of Rousimar Palhares. Born in a radioactive swamp deep in the Brazilian jungle, “Toquinho” was raised in captivity, locked in a dark, damp cellar that only received 15 minutes of sunlight a day. It was a cruel, traumatizing upbringing, but the townspeople agreed that it was the only way to maintain the utopia they had built. Living off bread crumbs and rage for the first 20 years of his life, Palhares vowed to seek revenge on those who had enslaved him. Unfortunately for the world, he could only see the ankles of his overlords through a crack beneath the bolted steel door that held him, so his curse did not have the luxury of extending to only those who entered Camp Crystal Lake, or she who read from the Necronomicon. If you were born with a pair of ankles, then Palhares is coming for you.
Thankfully, “Toquinho” celebrated his 32nd birthday last Sunday, so the appendages of mankind have been granted a reprieve for a couple more days. Why, you ask? Well as it turns out, this past Sunday went down as a particularly special birthday for the middleweight mangling machine, as it was the first one in which he was given a cake. Unfortunately, his friends and family decided to throw a surprise party for this glorious celebration. There were no survivors.
Check out Rousimar’s reaction to the surprise after the jump.
(What do you mean marrow is not a flavor?!!)
We have all heard the legend of Rousimar Palhares. Born in a radioactive swamp deep in the Brazilian jungle, “Toquinho” was raised in captivity, locked in a dark, damp cellar that only received 15 minutes of sunlight a day. It was a cruel, traumatizing upbringing, but the townspeople agreed that it was the only way to maintain the utopia they had built. Living off bread crumbs and rage for the first 20 years of his life, Palhares vowed to seek revenge on those who had enslaved him. Unfortunately for the world, he could only see the ankles of his overlords through a crack beneath the bolted steel door that held him, so his curse did not have the luxury of extending to only those who entered Camp Crystal Lake, or she who read from the Necronomicon. If you were born with a pair of ankles, then Palhares is coming for you.
Thankfully, “Toquinho” celebrated his 32nd birthday last Sunday, so the appendages of mankind have been granted a reprieve for a couple more days. Why, you ask? Well as it turns out, this past Sunday went down as a particularly special birthday for the middleweight mangling machine, as it was the first one in which he was given a cake. Unfortunately, his friends and family decided to throw a surprise party for this glorious celebration. There were no survivors.
Scheduled to face Alan Belcher at UFC on Fox 3 in May, Palhares said the celebration was short lived, as he had to get back to training, but he was thankful all the same:
That was really a big surprise for me. I became a child again because this was the first time in my whole life I celebrated my birthday with a cake. Everybody knows my family always had a very humble life. I thank my BTT partners to have given me this happiness. I hope this is going to be a year of much work and that God can continue giving me the opportunities to represent Brazil and show my talent inside the Octagon.
And believe it or not, Palhares was so touched by the gesture that he decided to pay it forward, offering to sign a few of the t-shirts purchased at his website, www.toquinhomma.com.br. So head over there if you want the chance to win the autograph of a man with a scarier reputation than Bill Brasky.
Two weeks ago, fans around the world were delighted to partake in the Ultimate Fighting Championship’s latest attempt to broaden its revenue streams with the release of UFC Undisputed 3. It didn’t take long before word began to spread about just how incredible the game is. But despite all of the improvements and advantages that Undisputed 3 has over the game’s first two installments — such as an improved submission system, a less cluttered career mode, and the inclusion of two additional weight classes and a PRIDE mode — the game just isn’t quite “as real as it gets.” At least not yet. Here are five things that UFC and THQ need to add the next go-’round if they want to put a little truth in their advertising and gain some more street cred among UFC die-hards.
Hat Thieves: If you’ve been watching the sport for any amount of time you will have noticed that fighters love to promote their sponsors with every opportunity they get, from donning their gear to slapping a sticker on everything they wear. Some even go as far tattooing a logo on their calf. One of the easiest ways to rep a company that gives you a paycheck for the exposure is to throw a ball cap on your head on the way to the Octagon…and hope that you still have it on when you hit the Harley Davidson prep point.
Hat snatchers are the lowest of the low, depending on whom you ask, and yet they add a comically endearing bit of chaos to the broadcast. C’mon, admit it. You chuckle every time a hat vanishes into the crowd. Therefore when my created fighter, The Bulldog, makes his way to the cage, I want to see someone snatch his hat. Then, and only then, will I know I’ve made it.
(If you’re controlling the Japanese fighter against Rampage, just hit down, down, up, X, down to poison his food.)
Two weeks ago, fans around the world were delighted to partake in the Ultimate Fighting Championship’s latest attempt to broaden its revenue streams with the release of UFC Undisputed 3. It didn’t take long before word began to spread about just how incredible the game is. But despite all of the improvements and advantages that Undisputed 3 has over the game’s first two installments — such as an improved submission system, a less cluttered career mode, and the inclusion of two additional weight classes and a PRIDE mode — the game just isn’t quite “as real as it gets.” At least not yet. Here are five things that UFC and THQ need to add the next go-’round if they want to put a little truth in their advertising and gain some more street cred among UFC die-hards.
Hat Thieves: If you’ve been watching the sport for any amount of time you will have noticed that fighters love to promote their sponsors with every opportunity they get, from donning their gear to slapping a sticker on everything they wear. Some even go as far tattooing a logo on their calf. One of the easiest ways to rep a company that gives you a paycheck for the exposure is to throw a ball cap on your head on the way to the Octagon…and hope that you still have it on when you hit the Harley Davidson prep point.
Hat snatchers are the lowest of the low, depending on whom you ask, and yet they add a comically endearing bit of chaos to the broadcast. C’mon, admit it. You chuckle every time a hat vanishes into the crowd. Therefore when my created fighter, The Bulldog, makes his way to the cage, I want to see someone snatch his hat. Then, and only then, will I know I’ve made it.
The Ultimate Fighter Online Capability: Think of The Sims if they were all ready to destroy a door or ejaculate on their roomie’s food. You create a fighter, get a few local fights, and hope to pass the TUF tryouts. Survive the TUF house by training and beating anyone that gets in your way and snag a six-figure contract in the UFC. The best parts of the new TUF mode are the coach’s challenges and the down-time in between fights and training. Just think of the fun to be had in the virtual mansion as you hide a dude’s gloves preventing him from hitting the heavy bag later on or sprinkling itching powder on someone’s bed.
Verbal Assaults and Coaching Advice from Belligerent Fans: “Get a room!”, “Kick his ass!”, and “Punch him with your punches!” are all things shouted by inebriated fans. Sure, I can see how you’d think this was a bad thing to add to the game, but just imagine the look on your girlfriend’s face when your fighter is on his back with GSP in full mount showing off his spectacular Lay and Pray. (Yes, this is really a selectable gameplan in Undisputed 3.) As soon as a FOX noob in the stands yells, “Get a room!” she’ll smile and inform you that that was exactly what she was thinking. Is it as annoying as listening to the same questions being asked to fighters by three or four different so-called journalists? You bet. But that’s how the game is played.
Weight Cutting Mini-Game: An optional feature, the weight-cutting mini game before each fight would challenge you to get your fighter on weight by performing a correct sequence of buttons, like dancing in GTA, or hitting the correct buttons at precisely the right time a la Guitar Hero. Each successful button pressed allows your fighter more time in the sauna thus, he has a greater chance of making weight. On the other hand, should you miss weight you will be penalized 20% of your purse in Career Mode and your stats will be impacted negatively in all modes, including online. If you fail as miserably as Anthony “Rumble” Johnson did, you may just get cut from the UFC and demoted to a spot in Supremacy MMA.
Joe Rogan ‘Castigation Mode‘: Ahh, Joe Rogan. Is there nothing controversial that doesn’t involve you? Don’t get us wrong, bro, we love you on the stick and your antics are indeed comedy gold, but some of the ish that comes out of your mouth is complete insanity. For better or worse, Rogan will forever be linked to ultimate fighting and some of the crazier things that have happened will forever be remembered thanks solely to the masterful commentary of “Balloons.” I especially love your ‘Spilled Bag of Ice Meltdown‘. In this much-needed addition to the next installment of Undisputed, gamers would be treated to the following:
– Auto-correction of improper Rubber Guard technique
– Referee challenging
– Challenging a fighter’s preparation
– Diamond MMA cup plug
– Mocking fighters who clearly don’t know $%*@ about BJJ
& much, much more!
What do you think? Tell us what you want to see in the next UFC video game in the comments section.
We gotta say, we are really digging these rogue movie parody advertisements for UFC events that have been popping up lately. First we were trated to G.I. Joe’s discussing all things horse related, then Nick Diaz scared us into locking our doors. Now it seems that perennial funnyman Will Ferrell has gotten into the mix of things, or at least his Anchorman character, Ron Burgundy, has.
Along with the classic Anchorman scene, the video combines clips from Buffer’s introductions with a recent appearance by Ferrell at a New Orleans Hornets/Chicago Bulls game in which he introduced the starting lineup. As with many Will Ferrell movies, the clip starts off strong before kinda pitter-pattering its way to the end. Enjoy, or don’t. It’s Friday, so wacky clips are kind of our thing today.
Join us after the jump for another mashup that will make you go into full montage mode.
We gotta say, we are really digging these rogue movie parody advertisements for UFC events that have been popping up lately. First we were trated to G.I. Joe’s discussing all things horse related, then Nick Diaz scared us into locking our doors. Now it seems that perennial funnyman Will Ferrell has gotten into the mix of things, or at least his Anchorman character, Ron Burgundy, has.
Along with the classic Anchorman scene, the video combines clips from Buffer’s introductions with a recent appearance by Ferrell at a New Orleans Hornets/Chicago Bulls game in which he introduced the starting lineup. As with many Will Ferrell movies, the clip starts off strong before kinda pitter-pattering its way to the end. Enjoy, or don’t. It’s Friday, so wacky clips are kind of our thing today.
(Props to Karma for the find.)
We’re not sure what the anonymous narrator is saying (something about linens?) , but goddamn it if this video isn’t inspiring. Will Frankie Edgar be able to pull of another victory come Saturday night? Discuss.
(If you think about it, a giraffe is nothing more than a horse with a really, really long neck. Watch your back Olivier.)
No, this is not one of MRuss’ award winning photoshops, although we imagine everyone in the UFC’s heavyweight division wishes it was. It turns out that this beanstalkian figure is Olivier Richter, otherwise known as the tallest man in Holland. He stands at 7’2, or three inches taller than Stefan “Skyscraper” Struve, and according to Alistair Overeem, has already begun to train kickboxing and weight lifting with the hopes of one day making it into the UFC.
(If you think about it, a giraffe is nothing more than a horse with a really, really long neck. Watch your back Olivier.)
No, this is not one of MRuss’ award winning photoshops, although we imagine everyone in the UFC’s heavyweight division wishes it was. It turns out that this beanstalkian figure is Olivier Richter, otherwise known as the tallest man in Holland. He stands at 7’2, or three inches taller than Stefan “Skyscraper” Struve, and according to Alistair Overeem, has already begun to train kickboxing and weight lifting with the hopes of one day making it into the UFC.
It’s obviously too early to tell what kind of fighter Richter will be, but you have to see the potential in a guy that makes the 6’5, 265 lb Ubereem look like a child, a notion that this writer didn’t think was humanly possible. Seriously, my universe is fucking shattered right now. Discuss, Potato Nation, or perhaps start preparing for the day this guy decides to come to your dorm room, beat the fuck out of your roommate, take his bed, smack a couple of your teachers, your professors, your RAs, and your deans.
This video comes to us from Empire Fight League 4 in Montreal on Saturday, in which a back-and-forth amateur scrap between Jeremie Capony and Dan Lariviere ended suddenly — and ridiculously — in the second round. Watch as Lariviere attempts the kind of flying switch-kick that would have made him a viral Internet superstar if it connected. Oh, if only. Capony sees it coming and slides out of the way, leaving Lariviere to drop to the mat and land on his arm and shoulder, which somehow knocks him out. Either that, or chi knockouts are real, and this is the no-touch-KO equivalent of Fedor vs. Arlovski.
This video comes to us from Empire Fight League 4 in Montreal on Saturday, in which a back-and-forth amateur scrap between Jeremie Capony and Dan Lariviere ended suddenly — and ridiculously — in the second round. Watch as Lariviere attempts the kind of flying switch-kick that would have made him a viral Internet superstar if it connected. Oh, if only. Capony sees it coming and slides out of the way, leaving Lariviere to drop to the mat and land on his arm and shoulder, which somehow knocks him out. Either that, or chi knockouts are real, and this is the no-touch-KO equivalent of Fedor vs. Arlovski.
