Sam Stout Launches GoFundMe To Help Spencer Fisher

Sam StoutSpencer Fisher recently made MMA headlines by revealing the impact a lifetime of fighting was having on him, now his career as a UFC athlete was over. The ‘King’ revealed that he had been diagnosed with early symptoms of CTE, at the same time as when the UFC had cut him from their roster of […]

Sam Stout

Spencer Fisher recently made MMA headlines by revealing the impact a lifetime of fighting was having on him, now his career as a UFC athlete was over. The ‘King’ revealed that he had been diagnosed with early symptoms of CTE, at the same time as when the UFC had cut him from their roster of retired fighters.

Now Sam Stout, a former opponent of Fishers, is making moves to assist him through these hard times. Stout recently started a GoFundMe page for Fisher, with the initial goal of reaching $2000. However, the fundraiser has been met with a great response, currently having made over double the original goal.

Speaking with MMA Fighting, Stout had the following to say:

“It’s great to get him a couple thousand bucks, but it’s a short-term solution, it’s pretty sad to see.”

“It’s always a risky thing to say anything about the UFC’s practices, but we’re talking about a guy that I’ve got a bond with that’s going to last the rest of our lives,” he said. “Spencer’s earned my respect almost more than any other man walking this planet. Just to see him twisting in the wind with no help, it’s really hard for me to watch, because it could have been me.

Stout also went on to discuss what steps need to be taken in order to ensure that more fighters in the future do not end up following Fisher’s tragic path.

“I think some things need to change. There’s more information coming to light about CTE and the lasting effects of head injuries. I think ongoing medical coverage for the fighters should be part of their expenses that they need to factor into their business. Sometimes I think they worry about the bottom line more than the people that are making their company the great powerhouse that it is. I think it’s not right and something needs to change.”

Gray Maynard Gives Further Insight

Former UFC lightweight title contender, Gray Maynard, has also weighed into the situation surrounding Fisher. ‘The Bully noted that it is essential that the impacts of a career in MMA become commonly known.

(Fisher said) like, ‘Dude, I don’t care not being known and I don’t want to be in the spotlight. And I could relate to him,” Maynard said. “I’m like, ‘Dude, I hear ya. I’m with ya. But it’s not about us, it’s about all these other guys and girls. You have to get this story out and you have to tell them what’s going on in this sport and what’s going on in this world.’ It definitely was hard on him. We’ve talked a couple of times, but I really feel like he went through with it because of that. Because he definitely didn’t want to get his story out. That’s not the point of why he did it. ‘Oh, I want people to know what I’m going through.’ No. I want people to know what I’m going through because other people are going to go through this. And it’s going to happen a lot. It’s already happened’ He’s just the person that got the story out. There’s a lot of scared people out there, man.” (BJPENN.com).

Fighters like Max Holloway have already taken steps to avoid such future ramifications, by no longer having heavy sparring as an integral aspect of their training camps.

What are your thoughts on the Spencer Fisher situation? Will you be donating the page set up by Sam Stout?

Spencer Fisher vs. Yves Edwards, Michael Chiesa vs. Reza Madadi Booked for UFC on FOX 8 in July


(The plaque is nice and all, but Chiesa would have gladly entered the TUF 15 tournament for two dollars.)

Although we can’t exactly accuse Spencer Fisher of violating our ban on MMA fighters retiring only to immediately unretire, he came about as close as humanly possible when he told various media outlets that his trilogy-completing fight with Sam Stout at UFC on FX 4 last June would probably be his last. As we originally remarked, it seemed about as fitting an end to his MMA career as Fisher could have asked for — his pair of previous fights with Stout had not only fueled an intense rivalry between the two (not on the level of Paraguay vs. Uruguay, but still), but had earned the duo Fight of the Night honors on two separate occasions. That he suffered a razor-thin split decision loss should not have cheapened the significance of the moment, at least in our minds.

In either case, it appears that Fisher is not quite ready to call it quits, as he has been booked to face fellow UFC vet Yves Edwards at UFC on FOX 8, which transpires from the KeyArena in Seattle, Washington on July 27th. Fisher has dropped 5 of his last 6 contests, whereas Edwards has gone win-loss in his last 5 fights and is coming off a unanimous decision loss to Strikeforce newcomer Isaac Vallie-Flagg at UFC 156. For Fisher’s sake, we hope he wins this, because ending your career on your own terms sure beats joining the And Now He’s Fired club.

And now let’s address the possible person of interest pictured above, who has also been booked for UFC on FOX 8…


(The plaque is nice and all, but Chiesa would have gladly entered the TUF 15 tournament for two dollars.)

Although we can’t exactly accuse Spencer Fisher of violating our ban on MMA fighters retiring only to immediately unretire, he came about as close as humanly possible when he told various media outlets that his trilogy-completing fight with Sam Stout at UFC on FX 4 last June would probably be his last. As we originally remarked, it seemed about as fitting an end to his MMA career as Fisher could have asked for — his pair of previous fights with Stout had not only fueled an intense rivalry between the two (not on the level of Paraguay vs. Uruguay, but still), but had earned the duo Fight of the Night honors on two separate occasions. That he suffered a razor-thin split decision loss should not have cheapened the significance of the moment, at least in our minds.

In either case, it appears that Fisher is not quite ready to call it quits, as he has been booked to face fellow UFC vet Yves Edwards at UFC on FOX 8, which transpires from the KeyArena in Seattle, Washington on July 27th. Fisher has dropped 5 of his last 6 contests, whereas Edwards has gone win-loss in his last 5 fights and is coming off a unanimous decision loss to Strikeforce newcomer Isaac Vallie-Flagg at UFC 156. For Fisher’s sake, we hope he wins this, because ending your career on your own terms sure beats joining the And Now He’s Fired club.

And now let’s address the possible person of interest pictured above, who has also been booked for UFC on FOX 8…

Since making mincemeat of his three opponents during his run on the fifteenth season of The Ultimate Fighter, Michael Chiesa has collected two straight victories in the octagon via rear-naked choke (sound familiar?). Although he’s heard a fair share of criticism in regards to his standup game (again), Chiesa’s smothering Jiu-Jitsu attack has been the kiss of death for all of his opponents thus far in his MMA career.

Unfortunately for Chiesa, he’ll be facing an equally dangerous submission artist when he takes on Swedish prospect Reza Madadi, also at UFC on FOX 8. Like Chiesa, Madadi has collected both of his octagon victories via submission and is coming off a third round, come-from-behind Brabo choke victory over TUF something-or-other runner-up Michael Johnson at UFC on FUEL 9. 

Who do you like for this pair of lightweight battles, Potato Nation?

J. Jones

CagePotato Presents: A Mostly Video Tribute to the Standing TKO


(James Thompson, seen here demonstrating the CagePotato “What in the bloody hell are you on about, mate?” rule of early stoppages.) 

Over the past few days, we’ve witnessed a pair of rarely seen finishes in the octagon — a suplex KO and a flying reverse triangle — and after we here at CagePotato collectively picked our jaws up off the floor and found a clean pair of shorts, we got to thinking, what other techniques/finishes do we rarely come across in the MMA stratosphere? And more importantly, which of these techniques/finishes have we not devoted some sort of gif or video tribute to already?

Taking all of those factors into account, we came to the standing TKO, a finish so uncommon in MMA that we could only name a handful of occurrences before having to resort to the Interwebs for assistance. So in honor of the iron-jawed sumbitches who wouldn’t bow to defeat even when it was kneeing/punching/kicking them damn near to death, we’ve placed our favorite examples of this phenomenon below. Check ’em out after the jump and let us know which stoppages you thought were warranted and which ones could have gone on a little longer.


(James Thompson, seen here demonstrating the CagePotato “What in the bloody hell are you on about, mate?” rule of early stoppages.) 

Over the past few days, we’ve witnessed a pair of rarely seen finishes in the octagon — a suplex KO and a flying reverse triangle — and after we here at CagePotato collectively picked our jaws up off the floor and found a clean pair of shorts, we got to thinking, what other techniques/finishes do we rarely come across in the MMA stratosphere? And more importantly, which of these techniques/finishes have we not devoted some sort of gif or video tribute to already?

Taking all of those factors into account, we came to the standing TKO, a finish so uncommon in MMA that we could only name a handful of occurrences before having to resort to the Interwebs for assistance. So in honor of the iron-jawed sumbitches who wouldn’t bow to defeat even when it was kneeing/punching/kicking them damn near to death, we’ve placed our favorite examples of this phenomenon below. Check ‘em out after the jump and let us know which stoppages you thought were warranted and which ones could have gone on a little longer.

The Justified Stoppages

Hermes Franca vs. Spencer Fisher – UFC Fight Night 8

Matt Brown vs. Luis Ramos – UFC on FX 4

Paul Daley vs. Martin Kampmann – UFC 103

For some reason, the embeddable is being a dingus, so check out the full fight here.

Jason Day vs. Alan Belcher – UFC 83

UFC on FX 4 Aftermath: Up is Down, Black is White, Fans Cheer Gray Maynard

By George Shunick


Our thoughts exactly. Props: MMAMania

Gray Maynard has never been the most popular UFC fighter. Maybe it’s because it’s almost impossible to picture him as an underdog; he’s an enormous lightweight who lives up his “Bully” moniker. (His choice of entrance music probably doesn’t do him any favors, either.) He’s always Goliath, and in our society we’re conditioned to root for David. That attitude was epitomized in Frankie Edgar’s back-to-back comebacks against him, with the crowd firmly in favor of the smaller fighter who seemed to rely on his will and technique, while Maynard relied on his size and power. As long as Maynard’s achievements were contextualized within that narrative, he would always be the villain.

Clay Guida won the first two rounds of their main event last night by constantly remaining out of Maynard’s reach, dictating the pace, occasionally landing jabs, and landing a solid head kick in the latter half of the second round. The action had been sparse throughout, but it seemed understandable; Guida obviously didn’t want to engage Maynard head on at first, he’d tire him out and then wear him down. Well, that didn’t happen. For the majority of the third round, Guida squandered whatever momentum he may have built by circling, dancing, and circling some more. It was UFC 112 Anderson Silva on meth. By the end of the round, Maynard was flailing with power punches, frustrated by Guida’s unwillingness to engage.

Midway through the fourth round, Maynard had enough. With Guida still circling and refusing to engage, Maynard finally grabbed a hold of him, landed some knees and then proceeding to embody the audience’s frustrations by dropping his hands and bellowing epithets, daring Guida to just stop running and hit him. Guida proceeded to oblige him, only to have Maynard walk through a hard overhand right, stuff a takedown and almost secure an arm-in guillotine in an unprecedented display of attitude and badassery that it actually caused fans to cheer him. Round 5 was unfortunately more of the same, which is to say, not much at all.

By George Shunick


Our thoughts exactly. Props: MMAMania

Gray Maynard has never been the most popular UFC fighter. Maybe it’s because it’s almost impossible to picture him as an underdog; he’s an enormous lightweight who lives up his “Bully” moniker. (His choice of entrance music probably doesn’t do him any favors, either.) He’s always Goliath, and in our society we’re conditioned to root for David. That attitude was epitomized in Frankie Edgar’s back-to-back comebacks against him, with the crowd firmly in favor of the smaller fighter who seemed to rely on his will and technique, while Maynard relied on his size and power. As long as Maynard’s achievements were contextualized within that narrative, he would always be the villain.

Clay Guida won the first two rounds of their main event last night by constantly remaining out of Maynard’s reach, dictating the pace, occasionally landing jabs, and landing a solid head kick in the latter half of the second round. The action had been sparse throughout, but it seemed understandable; Guida obviously didn’t want to engage Maynard head on at first, he’d tire him out and then wear him down. Well, that didn’t happen. For the majority of the third round, Guida squandered whatever momentum he may have built by circling, dancing, and circling some more. It was UFC 112 Anderson Silva on meth. By the end of the round, Maynard was flailing with power punches, frustrated by Guida’s unwillingness to engage.

Midway through the fourth round, Maynard had enough. With Guida still circling and refusing to engage, Maynard finally grabbed a hold of him, landed some knees and then proceeding to embody the audience’s frustrations by dropping his hands and bellowing epithets, daring Guida to just stop running and hit him. Guida proceeded to oblige him, only to have Maynard walk through a hard overhand right, stuff a takedown and almost secure an arm-in guillotine in an unprecedented display of attitude and badassery that it actually caused fans to cheer him. Round 5 was unfortunately more of the same, which is to say, not much at all.

At the end of the fight, Maynard was awarded a split-decision, with two 48-47’s and one 47-48. I don’t have a problem with the decision, though I can understand why some might; the fight was difficult to score just because so little happened during it. But that’s not what this night should be remembered for; this is the night that Gray Maynard broke the narrative paradigm that has plagued him throughout his UFC career. By expressing the frustration that so many of us felt, Maynard wasn’t a bully anymore; last night, he was one of us.

Well, and the night that Clay Guida single-handedly destroyed his reputation as a fan-favorite. Hey, I’m trying for the glass half-full approach here, people. Moving on…

Disappointing main event aside, this was a pretty good card. Sam Stout and Spencer Fisher lived up to expectations, in what was – I imagine – either the most difficult or the easiest fight to live blog of the night. (It depends if you try to actually give a play by play, or simply copy and paste “They engage. Both land shots,” over and over.) Although Fisher seemed to get the better of the standup exchanges ever so slightly, Stout sealed his victories by nailing takedowns in each round, securing the unanimous decision in their trilogy fight.

Just as interesting was the ground war waged between young gun T.J. Waldburger and battle-tested, immaculately manscaped Brian Ebersole. Waldburger got off to a fast start, dropping Ebersole with a straight left, and almost finishing him on the ground with a D’Arce choke. Despite his face turning the color of Prince’s garments of choice, Ebersole survived. In the next round, Ebersole escaped from an omoplata, an arm bar, and two triangle chokes. Despite Waldburger’s active guard, Ebersole took the round on the strength of his ground and pound, turning it on in the final seconds. The deciding round saw Ebersole secure a takedown, escape yet another triangle, and deliver shoulder strikes and elbows until the bell rang. It was enough for Ebersole to take a unanimous decision, 29-28 across the board. With this momentum, Ebersole plans to set up a higher profile fight at 170 in an attempt to… wait, no, apparently he’s going to try to cut to 155. Huh?

Cub Swanson and Ross Pearson was another highly entertaining fight, in which Swanson really got to show off just what was in his arsenal. Although Pearson was clearly the larger and stronger of the two, Swanson’s speed and ingenuity allowed him to get the better of the exchanges. At one point in the first round, Swanson threw a capoeira kick that would impress Anthony Pettis, which Pearson didn’t even flinch from, with Swanson following with upkicks from his back. The end came as Pearson pushed forward, Swanson landed two jabs, pivoted to his left and unleashed a counter left hook that sent Pearson crashing into the fence at 4:14 of the second round. Bring on Do Bronx, please.

The prelims were generally solid, but the highlight had to be Ricardo Lamas’ upset of Hatsu Hioki. Hioki had passed on a title fight with Jose Aldo because he believed he wasn’t ready to face him, and took the fight with Lamas as a tune up to that title shot. Well, it proved to be the right decision, because there was no way Hioki was ready for a title shot. After winning the first round and losing a competitive second round, Hioki was utterly ineffective in the third. It’s not so much that Lamas dominated him, although he did almost submit him with a number of guillotines, so much as Hioki just didn’t do anything in the final round. His standup looked atrocious, and his cardio looked almost as bad.

Fight of the Night went to Fisher-Stout, KO went to Swanson, and Sub went to Dan Miller for his third-round guillotine win over Ricardo Funch.

UFC on FX 4 Results: What We Learned from Sam Stout vs. Spencer Fisher

Who would have thought that the third bout in the Sam Stout vs. Spencer Fisher trilogy would be decided by wrestling? The first six rounds between these two took place primarily on the feet, but the rubber match went everywhere and the takedowns from S…

Who would have thought that the third bout in the Sam Stout vs. Spencer Fisher trilogy would be decided by wrestling?

The first six rounds between these two took place primarily on the feet, but the rubber match went everywhere and the takedowns from Stout ended up being the deciding factor.

 

What We’ll Remember About This Fight

This could be the final appearance for Fisher inside the cage, and there wasn’t a better opponent for him if this is indeed his final bout.

The trilogy with Stout is one of the best in the history of MMA, and even though Fisher came out on the losing end, he still showed he has some serious skills tonight.

 

What We Learned About Sam Stout

Sam Stout is no longer just a striker.

The standup between Stout and Fisher was extremely close for the entire fight, but Stout’s ability to get the fight to the ground whenever he felt like it made a huge difference in the outcome of the bout.

 

What We Learned About Spencer Fisher

It’s been a long, tough career for Spencer Fisher, and he showed he still has plenty of fights left in him if he feels like he wants to continue in MMA.

Fisher got the better of a tough striker in Stout numerous times on the feet, and his defense on the mat was excellent as well, but in the end, he just didn’t do enough to earn the decision.

 

What’s Next for Sam Stout

After rebounding from a controversial decision loss to Thiago Tavares in his last fight, Stout is back in the winner’s circle and will be looking to continue his streak of exciting fights in his next bout.

The UFC seems to love matching Stout up against fellow strikers, and with UFC 152 set to go down in Stout’s native Canada, a fight against someone like Takanori Gomi would be awesome.

 

What’s Next for Spencer Fisher

Hopefully, Fisher gets one more chance in the UFC, but now that he’s lost five of his last six fights, that seems unlikely.

If Fisher gets another fight, someone like Yves Edwards would be a nice final fight for “The King.”

Read more MMA news on BleacherReport.com

UFC on FX 4: Guida vs Maynard — Live Results and Commentary


(I don’t see any braids, homeboy.) 

Tonight, the UFC makes its ever glorious return to FX, and if the undercard is any indication, we are in for a night of action packed goodness, Potato Nation. Clay Guida and Gray Maynard will battle for a spot amongst the endless string of lightweight contenders, and Spencer Fisher will be battling for his dignity against Sam Stout. Our very own Jared Jones will be liveblogging everything as it goes down, so join him as he recaps all the action as it plays out, won’t you?


(I don’t see any braids, homeboy.) 

Tonight, the UFC makes its ever glorious return to FX, and if the undercard is any indication, we are in for a night of action packed goodness, Potato Nation. Clay Guida and Gray Maynard will battle for a spot amongst the endless string of lightweight contenders, and Spencer Fisher will be battling for his dignity against Sam Stout. Our very own Jared Jones will be liveblogging everything as it goes down, so join him as he recaps all the action as it plays out, won’t you?

Ross Pearson vs. Cub Swanson

Before we get started, I would just like to say that I told you so concerning Hatsu Hioki. Nah Nah Nah boo boo, stick your head in doo doo.

God Damn was Cub Swanson’s TKO of George Roop brutal. That said, I got Pearson all day on this one.

Round 1: And we are underway. Pearson with a left hook. Cub is trying to get in and out. Pearson throws a knee that’s off the mark. Leg kick misses for Swanson. Pearson with a nice takedown, but Swanson gets to his feet quickly. Very nice. Swanson lands a right that sends Pearson spinning, then throws a beautiful elbow. Don’t you fuck my Parlay already, you British bastard. Swanson with an uppercut that partially lands. Swanson nails Pearson with a capoeria style kick as he falls to the mat, then throws a couple upkicks. Pearson wades right through them and lands a couple punches of his own, and Swanson gets back to his feet. A couple nice combinations, but mostly feints from both men. Swanson lands a nice straight right and the round is over.

Round 2: They trade leg kicks to start the round. Pearson with a nice pair of jabs. Swanson lands a nice right, and then a spinning punch (?). Hell of an exchange; I’m having trouble keeping up. Anyway, Person lands a takedown, but Swanson gets up as Pearson goes for his back. Right hand Swanson. Pearson looks cut. Nice left by Pearson. Both these guys are displaying some great chins. Swanson throws a kick that Pearson catches and turns into a takedown. Swanson lands another nice upkick before Pearson moves into his guard, postures, and lands some nice GnP. Nice inside elbows from pearson, followed by a couple almost-as-nice body shots. Swanson to his feet, and Pearson lands a nice left…and SWANSON LANDS A LEFT HOOK THAT KNOCKS PEARSON DOWN!!! Motherfuckersonofabitch!!! Pearson was battered, and definitely seemed to be dazed, but was going for a takedown when Yves dove in. Either way, nice win for Swanson. Florian compares his athleticism to Jose Aldo. I’m laughing so hard that I nearly pee’d, yet somehow crying that my parlay is already fucked at the same time.

Cub Swanson def. Ross Pearson via TKO at 4:14 of round 2

Enough with the FOX football music. ENOUGH!!

Brian Ebersole vs. TJ Waldburger

The tale of the tape informs us that Waldburger has age on his side, but Ebersole has number of chest hair shaped arrows on his. You tell me which counts more.

Round 1: TJ lands a left hook, then a nice straight left that drops Ebersole! TJ in half guard, working for mount. He’s got it; not good for Ebersole. Ebersole is trying to push off, but Waldburger locks in a tight D’arce in the scramble! WOW. Ebersole is turning purple, but gets out and to his feet. Amazing escape. Nice body shot by Ebersole. Leg kick Waldburger, and they clinch. Nice elbow on the break by Ebersole. Body kick TJ. Both men land in an exchange, then a nice right by Waldurger. Ebersole answers with a left. Ebersole tries for a takedown but is firmly denied. Good round, but I’d give it to Waldburger easily.

Round 2: TJ starts with a left, then grabs a double and gets Ebersole down. TJ goes for the back but Ebersole spins him around and gets his own. Ebersole going for an omaplata, but Ebersole pulls out and lands a nice right, then a couple elbows. Now Waldburger goes for an armbar. Man, this kid is really something to behold off his back. Very similar to Tim Credeur in his constant attack/transitions. Ebersole escapes again and tries to land some punches, but TJ throws up a triangle now. Ebersole backs off and gets into full guard. Waldburger throws up another armbar attempt. Waldburger locks up a triangle after Ebersole lands a couple punches. Now Waldburger switches for a reverse triangle, but Ebersole breaks free and lands some nice strikes. Ebersole ends the round with some powerful punches from the top.

Round 3: Waldburger catches Ebersole coming in with a left hook, and Ebersole goes for the Muay Thai clinch and nails him with an elbow. Ebersole tries his patented cartwheel kick, but it is miles from the mark. TJ looks tired, and Ebersole goes in for a single. He gets it easy. Yep, Waldburger is definitely tired. TJ throws up another triangle, but it’s a little loose. He’s gotta shift position, but Ebersole breaks out and takes his back for a second. Back to full guard with a minute left. Walburger looking for a sweep, but Ebersole is looking real smooth on top. Ebersole lands a few hammerfists and a big left as the round ends. Ebersole really turned it around those last two rounds; I’d probably give it to him.

Brian Ebersole wins by UD (29-28×3) 

Spencer Fisher vs. Sam Stout

I have some high expectations for this one, Potato Nation, as I’m sure you do.

Round 1: Nice left by Fisher to start. Body shot Stout. The combinations are quick on both ends, go figure. Nice right by Stout, but Fisher smiles and hits him a little low. Leg kick checked by Fisher. Nice right by Fisher, but Stout lands a counter left. Another nice left by Fisher, who is looking real sharp right now. Left hand Stout, but Fisher lands a right hook. Leg kick Stout, who lands a takedown and moves into guard. Stout tries to land some elbows, but they are blocked by Fisher. They get to their feet, and Stout immediately grabs a takedown. Spencer gets to his feet quickly this time. Both men land inside leg kicks, and Fisher lands a spinning backfist to end the round.

Round 2: Stout starts with an inside leg kick. Nice combo by Stout, answered by Fisher. Stout goes for a double, but gets denied. A good straight left by Fisher. Fisher lands another left as Stout goes for a body kick. Hard right hook by Stout, then a body shot. Right hand Fisher. Nice left hook from Stout, who’s going for the same right hook to the body, left up high that he KO’d Yves Edwards with. Stout lands a low blow that halts the action temporarily. After the break, Stout lands a takedown, and finishes the round in Fisher’s guard, likely taking the round.

Round 9 (you know what I mean): Fisher’s corner is calling for the knockout, and he lands a spinning elbow and a left. Fisher presses Stout to the cage, and Stout misses an inside trip. Nice overhand right from Fisher that lands. Stout has a decent sized mouse under his right eye, and Fisher is landing on it over and over again. Nice right by Stout, who follows shortly thereafter with a body and leg kick back to back. Another body kick by Stout, but Fisher answers with a right. Straight left by Fisher. Stout rushes in on a double and gets it. Fisher trying to wall walk, and manages to get to his feet. Left hook Stout, who rushes in for another takedown,which he grabs after a little resistance. Stout into half guard. Wow, quick stand up by Kevin Mulhall. Fisher with a nice right, and both men are swinging for the fences. Fisher gets cut as the bell rings.
And takedowns win the day again.

 Sam Stout by Unanimous decision in a hell of a fight. 

As with Josh Thompson and Gilbert Melendez, I could watch these two fight at every UFC event until the end of time.

And it’s main event time…

Gray Maynard vs. Clay Guida

Guida comes out to “Walk” by Pantera. I now want Guida to win times a million bajillion. Maynard comes out to some autotuned Rap affair, which only confirms my decision. Dammit Buffer, please don’t remind us that we’re in New Jersey. Guida’s hair looks…odd. His staredown, on the other hand, is shit-your-pants intense. Interesting that KenFlo is commentating, being that he’s fought both men.

Round 1: Crowd chanting Guida immediately. Maynard lands a stiff left, then wings a right by Guida. Guida somehow has already cut Maynard on his nose. Lead left hand Maynard. Guida is moving like a coked up Cirque du Soleil performer, but isn’t throwing a lot. Maynard is just a bit short on most of his punches, and can’t seem to get Guida’s rhythm down, go figure. Guida lands a 1-2, but Maynard counters. Maynard goes low, and Guida follows with a body kick. The two juke it out to end the round.

Round 2: Guida pokes Maynard in the eyes at the start of the round, but action restarts quickly. Guida is all over the fucking place, and Maynard seems a bit puzzled. Nice right by Guida, then another looping overhand. Maynard needs to start pressing the action and throwing some multi-punch combos or go for a takedown. Mike Pyle agrees with this notion, and considering he just dicknailed Josh Neer, Maynard should follow his advice. Head kick from Guida that is partially blocked. Maynard whiffs a big right, and the crowd is sporadically booing. Head kick lands by Guida, but Maynard isn’t fazed. Maynard lands a couple nice punches to end the round but the crowd is really emphasizing their disappointment.

Round 3: Crowd is booing to start the round. Guida lands a knee, but Maynard with a crisp right. Guida needs to do less bouncing and more punch throwing. He obliges, and lands a couple nice jabs. Finally Gray shoots for a takedown, but is firmly denied by Guida. Guida shoots for a single but is also denied. Maynard is lifting his hands ala either Diaz in frustration. I feel you there, bro. Gray misses a huge right, and Guida lands a jab. Gray is just chasing Guida around instead of cutting off the cage. Nice right by Maynard, who is complaining about another eye poke, but gets no response from Miragliotta. Crowd is chanting Guida for some reason. Maynard lands a nice knee, but Guida backs out ala Carlos Condit as the round ends. Maynard is fucking pissed.

Round 4: Guida lands a short left, then a quick 1-2. Maynard tries to clinch and lands a knee after a failed takedown attempt. It’s two and a half minutes in and not much has landed from either fighter. Guida slips a left hook and the crowd is still on edge. Anytime Maynard even gets Guida in a corner he is literally sprinting out of it. Maynard with a short left and is now talking a little shit. Gray lands some knees in the clinch, and is now going full on Diaz on Guida, hands down and talking shit. Guida is suddenly caught off guard, as he just landed a flush right that Maynard walked right through. Maynard stuffs a takedown and goes for an arm in guillotine that looks deep, but Guida slams his way out of it and the round ends. Badass display by Maynard.

Round 5: Crowd now chanting Maynard, and for good reason. It’s like Rocky 4 up in this bitch. Maynard lands a right. Gray throws a right hook and a half ass flying knee. Maynard looks much fresher than he did against Edgar. Guida lands a good kick and combo, but Maynard answers with a hard right hand. Maynard misses a single leg attempt, and resorts back to chasing Guida like he’s his older brother on the playground. Guida with a left. Guida is running like a scared dog, and Miragliotta gives him a warning for doing so. Right hand by Maynard lands. I hate to come off as bias, but Guida is fighting not to lose, and Maynard is trying to finish this. Maynard goes for a single, and has Guida pressed up against the cage. Maynard throws a couple knees from the clinch and the two dance around and throw a couple punches that hit mostly air as the round ends.

If Guida wins this, I don’t even know…

Gray Maynard wins by Split Decision, proving that at least one MMA judge in every fight couldn’t see water if they fell out of a boat. 

Well, that’s it for me, Potato Nation. Thanks for joining me tonight, I truly appreciate it. KenFlo says Guida had a “smart gameplan.” If putting up as little of a fight as possible is a great gameplan nowadays, I guess I agree with him. I’m going to finish off this bottle and forget everything that just happened.

J. Jones