Author: By Dan Downes

Just as George Washington crossed the Delaware to free America from the tyranny of King George; I, Danny Boy Downes, have come to deliver you from your mundane existence with another edition of the Downes Side. I hope all of your were able to survive a weekend without a UFC event or (more importantly) my guidance. I spent my time at Lewbowski Fest and the Dude himself asked to have a picture with me. Being the magnanimous person I am, not only did I grant him his request, I even bought the first round of White Russians.

Now while the Dude abides, the same cannot be said of middleweight champion Anderson Silva. The insults and grandiloquence of challenger Chael Sonnen seemed to have hit their mark and gotten inside the champ. The time for talk is over, though, and the score will be settled at UFC 148 inside the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, Nevada. Oh, and there are a couple other fights we can watch, too.
 
Ivan Menjivar (24-8) vs Mike Easton (12-1)
 
The night begins with a bantamweight battle between Ivan Menjivar and Mike ”The Hulk” Easton. Easton has been impressive in his two previous UFC bouts, the most recent being a highly entertaining split decision win over Jared Papazian in January. He’ll be taking a big step up in competition as he takes on the veteran  “Pride of El Salvador” who has won four of his last five.
 
If cowboy movies have taught me anything, it’s that you always take the crafty veteran over the young hot shot. They’ve also taught me that heavy drinking and opium use seem to have little to no repercussions. Seeing that both those pieces of advice have served me well thus far, I’m sticking with it. Easton is an aggressive striker whopushes the pace and forces action. Coming straight forward may work against the Papazians of the world, but it won’t help him against Menjivar. His over-aggression will hurt him and he’ll get clipped and lose in the first.
 
Demian Maia (15-4) vs Dong Hyun Kim (15-1-1)
 
We move up a couple divisions to the welterweights for a contest between Demian Maia and “The Stun Gun” Dong Hyun Kim. Maia has gone 4-4 in his last eight and is making the drop to welterweight seeking the momentum that once had him in the top 5 of his division. The Korean judo expert Dong Hyun Kim seeks to make Maia’s 170 debut as successful as the last 20 Adam Sandler movies at the box office.
 
Everyone talks about Maia’s jiu jitsu, but he hasn’t submitted an opponent since 2009. If the Weidman fight taught us anything, it’s that a strong grappler from top position will be able to stifle his BJJ offense. Expect a repeat here. Kim hasn’t finished an opponent since 2008, but he has shown the ability to grind his opponents to decision victories and will do the same and take the UD
 
Chad Mendes (11-1) vs Cody McKenzie (13-2)
 
The next fight pits Team Alpha Male product Chad “Money” Mendes against the second best thing to come out of Alaska (the baked Alaska being the runaway #1). Mendes, a two time NCAA All American wrestler looks to rebound from his first ever career loss and hopes to work his way back for another title shot.  McKenzie (who has 11 of his 13 career wins from the same move) hopes to build off win against Marcus Levesseur in May.
 
Mendes is a lock here. Yes, the “McKenzitine” is a threat, but Mendes’ teammates at TAM also are also known for their guillotine chokes, so he should be properly prepared. The odds are that it won’t even come to that. Mendes is stronger and possesses far superior striking. He KOs the “AK Kid” in the 1st

Patrick Cote (17-7) vs Cung Le (7-2)

The next fight takes place in the middleweight division between Patrick “The Predator” Cote and Cung Le. Cote begins his second stint in the UFC riding a four-fight winning streak including a win over fan favorite Kalib Starnes. Cung Le makes his second appearance in the Octagon after losing to Wanderlei Silva in November.

I like Cung Le’s fighting style because he utilizes the same strategy I use in UFC Undisputed — all spin kicks. While his flashy style may he entertaining, fatigue does come into play. The 40 year old proved that conditioning was an issue in his last fight and the same will happen here. Cote will be patient and bide his time. When he has the opportunity, he will get on the inside and smother Le, thus negating his ability to throw spinning back flying crescent dragon kicks. Cote grinds this one out for a UD decision. Sure this might mean that Cung will get his pink slip, but he can rest assured that he has the baddest ass 40 year old spin kicks since this guy.

Tito Ortiz (16-10-1) vs Forrest Griffin (18-7)

Next up is the co-main event of the evening between UFC legends Tito Ortiz and Forrest Griffin. Ortiz is looking to go out on top before he ends a career that dates back all the way to UFC 13. Griffin looks to rebound from a 1st round TKO loss to Shogun Rua in August and has the unique opportunity to beat someone already inducted into the UFC Hall of Fame. Personally I’d rather see him beat up a different HOFer, but Joe Silva said that it was “impossible” since Ty Cobb died in 1961. Excuses…

This is a hard fight to call. Ortiz has one win in his last eight fights, and Forrest Griffin just doesn’t seem to really care about what happens. Despite Forrest’s apathy, he’ll take this one. Tito Ortiz may be a Hall of Famer, but he evolved as a fighter in his whole career. Forrest may have shaky defense, but he’s stronger and has a better chin than Ken Shamrock. He’ll tag Tito, avoid the takedowns and get the finish in the 2nd round.

Anderson Silva (31-4) vs Chael Sonnen (27-11-1)

That brings us to the main event of the evening. Sure it’s for the UFC middleweight championship, but this fight goes far beyond title concerns. Frankly, I haven’t seen a fight get this personal since UFC 139 when Shamar Bailey said that Danny Castillo’s headband looked stupid. Anderson Silva will cement his legacy with a win and Chael Sonnen looks to prove that his performance at UFC 117 was no fluke.

Whether you love or hate Chael Sonnen’s Superstar Billy Graham gimmick infringement, it has been effective. Not only has he riled the Spider up, but it’s also made people think that “West Linn’s Finest” is a greater threat than he truly is. He took Silva down in their first fight, but what did he do with it? By my scientific estimates, Sonnen hit Silva 3036 times and hurt the champ with maybe three of them. You don’t spit into the wind, you don’t pee uphill and you don’t piss off Anderson Silva. Sure I learned those first two lessons the hard way, but I’m glad I won’t learn the third. Silva via 2nd round TKO

That wraps up another awe-inspiring edition of the Downes Side. Be sure to follow me on Twitter @dannyboydownes and read my blog here Also, feel free to add your comments, thoughts or suggestions for which fictional Jeff Bridges character I should meet next. My money is on Rooster Cogburn.
 

We’re halfway through June and in the Northern Hemisphere that means summer is in full swing. In Milwaukee (where I live), that means bratwurst and lots of beer. Sure, we do that during the winter, too, but now it happens outside. Luckily for all the MMA fans out there, the fight card this Friday is as hefty as your average Wisconsinite.

The first of a two-fight card weekend begins with UFC on FX 4 at the Revel Casino in Atlantic City. The main event features a lightweight bout between Clay Guida and Gray Maynard. If there ever were two guys built for Atlantic City, it’s these two. Clay Guida is as big and recognizable personality as anyone that Jersey Shore has given us. Then, we have Gray Maynard, a man who needs no more introduction than this New Jersey hot spot.

Ross Pearson (13-5) vs Cub Swanson (16-5)
The night begins with a featherweight contest between Ross “The Real Deal” Pearson” and Cub Swanson. This will be Pearson’s second fight in the division after a successful 145 lb debut at UFC 141 against Junior Assuncao. Cub Swanson experienced injuries before it was the in thing to do, but now he’s looking to the momentum going after an impressive TKO victory over George Roop in January.

This fight has the most potential for Fight of the Night. Both guys are seasoned strikers who are game to stand toe-to-toe and swing it out. Cub Swanson really impressed me in his last fight (and I don’t impress easily). His strikes were much more crisp and he looked stronger overall. Pearson’s striking defense exceeds Roop’s, but Cub has a speed advantage that could pose problems. Swanson needs to move in and out and avoid prolonged engagements. Unfortunately for Cub, fighters often lack the patience for this nickel and dime strategy and eventually make a mistake. Swanson will overcommit to one too many punches and get clipped. This will allow Pearson to get the finish and put it away in the second.

Brian Ebersole (49-14-1) vs T.J. Waldburger (15-6)
Next up is a welterweight fight between Brian “Bad Boy” Ebersole and T.J. Waldburger. Ebersole is a 12-year journeyman currently riding a 10-fight win streak. Despite these successes, you probably know him best as the guy with the Hairrow. T.J. Waldburger is a BJJ black belt who’s won three of his four UFC fights and does not have any recognizable body hair art that I’m aware of.

When two grapplers face one another, there’s always a possibility of the epic “Stand and Wang,” but this isn’t one of those times. Waldburger has notched 12 of his 15 wins via tapout, but I don’t see him finishing Ebersole. When you have that many miles on your tires, you don’t make it this far without learning a few tricks. Just ask this lady. Ebersole will be able to hold top position and keep Waldburger down. Sure he’ll be active and go for submissions, but judges rarely give rounds to the guy on his back. Ebersole takes this by UD

Sam Stout (17-7-1) vs Spencer Fisher (24-8)
Jesus’ temptation in the desert, Back to the Future movies and Sam Stout vs Spencer Fisher — that’s right, all good things come in threes. After fighting each other at UFC 58 (March 2006) and UFN 10 (June 2007) the series is tied and both fighters are searching for something I never got from the TV show Deadwood — closure. Since that last rematch, both fighters have had their respective ups and downs. Stout has gone 5-4 and is looking to rebound off a loss to Thiago Tavares. Fisher has lost 4 of his last five, is looking to rebound off a loss to Thiago Tavares, and may well need a victory to stay on the roster.

Unfortunately for “The King” he’ll have to search elsewhere for a win. Both are tough, battle-tested fighters but this one comes down to power. These two lightweights will stand in front of one another and Stout’s heavy hands will be the X factor. Fisher will consider changing his name to “Chin of Stone” because he’ll absorb a lot of damage en route to a UD loss.

Gray Maynard (10-1-1) vs Clay Guida (29-12)
That brings us to the main event of the evening. While the lightweight title picture looks about as clear as New Jersey’s skyline, either one of these fighters could secure a spot on the top third of the rankings with an impressive win. Clay “The Carpenter” Guida wants to get himself back into the title picture after losing to Benson Henderson in November. It was his first loss since 2009 and the 2nd worst Clay Guida performance I’ve seen — numero uno being the time he interrupted my friends’ drum circle at 10,000 Lakes Festival (true story). Speaking of crazy hippie jam bands, Gray “The Bully” Maynard wants another shot at the belt after two entertaining fights against then-champion Frankie Edgar.

For me, Clay Guida fights are like the first time you hook up with a girl. Beforehand, there’s a lot of excitement, jumping around and getting ready. Then, once the time for action comes, there’s just a bunch of flailing of limbs and you just kind of lay on top of the other person until time runs out. While this tactic proved successful against opponents like Nate Diaz and Anthony Pettis, Maynard will not be a willing participant. Maynard’s strength surpasses even his charisma and not only will he defend the takedown attempts, but he’ll also be able to get the better of the standup exchanges as he cruises to a UD win.

That wraps up another edition of the Downes Side. Be sure to follow me on Twitter @dannyboydownes read my beer reviews here and see a picture of my cat playing Yahtzee here. Also, be sure to leave your thoughts, comments, questions and attempts to hurt my feelings on the page as well. Even if you succeed in making me feel bad, I have enough encased meats and booze to fill the hole in my soul so HAH!

The ancient Greeks had the Oracle of Delphi and UFC fans have me. Danny Boy Downes back again for another edition of the Downes Side. And while I can’t guarantee that my advice won’t lead to your ultimate destruction at the hands of Persians, I can promise that I definitely dance much more provocatively than the oracles from 300.

The UFC rolls into Sunrise, Florida for UFC on FX 3 at the BankAtlantic Center in sunny Florida. Hopefully this time we’ll get an actual result to the flyweight contest between Demetrious Johnson and Ian McCall and not be derailed by simple addition. Luckily, I hear all Florida officials are given calculators ringside. Let’s just hope they use them wisely instead of spending their time doing this.

Eddie Wineland vs Scott Jorgensen
The main card kicks off with a bantamweight contest between former WEC stars Eddie Wineland and Scott “Young Guns” Jorgensen. A former bantamweight champion, Wineland has had a rough introduction into the UFC, facing Urijah Faber and Joseph Benavidez in his first two matches.  Jorgensen is also looking to shift his momentum after Renan Barao completely shut him down at UFC 143 in February.

While Wineland has both the reach advantage and the edge in standup striking, he lacks the speed and dynamic ability of Renan Barao that stifled “Young Guns” a few months ago. He’s also struggled against strong wrestlers in the past, which plays right into the former Boise State standout’s strengths. Jorgensen will mix up his punches and takedown attempts effectively, put Wineland on his back and control him for the UD win. It’ll be hard loss for him to take. I haven’t seen a champion fall this far from grace since Kobayashi got totally dominated by that Grizzly Bear. Fortunately, this loss comes with much less indigestion.

Mike Pyle vs Josh Neer
Next up is a battle between veterans Mike “Quicksand” Pyle and Josh “The Dentist” Neer as they both try to continue their recent career resurgences . Neer has won six in a row (all of them finishes) and seeks to make his third stint in the UFC his most successful one yet. A dangerous striker prone to brawling, he too has struggled against wrestlers. A UFC fixture for over three years, Mike Pyle comes off an impressive first round TKO of Ricardo Funch at UFC 142 which was almost as impressive as how badly he beat Alan Belcher and I at bowling one night in Vegas.

Neer is one of those “bully” strikers (no, not that type of bully). He likes to get in his opponents’ faces, and he has a hard time adapting if he’s not moving forward forward and doing damage. That could make him prone to takedowns. The coin-flip factor here is knockout power. Neer’s hands are much heavier than Pyle’s and that will allow him to put this one away in the 2nd. Sure, it will put the brakes on “Quicksand’s” resurgence, but there’s always bowling. Plus, he could totally kick Pete Weber’s ass.

Erick Silva vs Charlie Brenneman
After those guaranteed fisticuffs, we get another welterweight matchup as Erick “Indio” Silva looks to wade deeper into the 170-pound pool as he takes on Charlie “The Spaniard” Brenneman. SIlva has been quite impressive in his first two appearances in the Octagon with first round-finishes in both. Sure he got disqualified against Carlo Prater, but that’s like a person’s opinion on the internet — it doesn’t really matter (yours truly obviously excluded). After a brutal knockout at the hands of Anthony Johnson, Brenneman rebounded nicely with a win over Daniel Roberts in January. He’s looking to get back to elite status in the division and not only be known as the guy that beat Rick Story that one time.

While people have been justifiably impressed with Silva’s striking, they generally don’t mention that he also holds a BJJ black belt from Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. Brenneman has excelled at getting his opponents down to the mat, but he has never grappled with someone as dangerous as Silva. Couple that with the fact that he hasn’t finished any of his UFC opponents, and this one is for Silva to end. Mini-Nog takes out Brenneman in the third round and catapults himself up the welterweight ladder. At least Brenneman still has cool hair, though. That counts for something, right?

Demetrious Johnson vs Ian McCall
That brings us to the main event of the evening: the much anticipated rematch between Demetrious “Mighty Mouse” Johnson and Ian “Uncle Creepy” McCall. The winner of this fight earns the right to lose to Joseph Benavidez for the inaugural flyweight championship.

In their first fight, I underestimated McCall. Perhaps it was my subconscious reacting against one too many hipster ironic mustaches. Regardless of why,  I thought Mighty Mouse was going to win. After seeing the first fight, I’m trusting in Uncle Creepy’s abilities (that just sounds odd…). In previous fights, Johnson’s greatest attribute has been speed. His ability to change levels and transition from striking to takedowns has given many top opponents difficulties. McCall, however, didn’t seem to struggle with this and he stuffed Mighty Mouse’s takedowns quite well. While equally matched on speed, McCall has distinct standup and power advantages. Johnson has never been finished, but just like Ecto Cooler, all good things must come to an end. Uncle Creepy gets the TKO in the third round and a date with Mr. Benavidez in the third quarter. 

Well, that wraps up another awe-inspiring edition of the Downes Side. Be sure to follow me on Twitter @dannyboydownes and check out my blog here. Also, leave comments, thoughts, opinions and idle threats. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have more valuable calculator work to attend to.

Danny Boy Downes, aka the Nostradamus of MMA, here to give my predictions for The Ultimate Fighter Live Finale. If you haven’t been following my TUF recaps here on UFC.com, you’ve been missing out. Not only were they entertaining, but they also brought a new level of intellectualism that reality TV rarely receives. Personally, I think it was my greatest work since I noted the parallels between Moby Dick and Keeping Up With the Kardashians. The similarities between Ahab and Kim are pretty clear once you analyze them.

Justin Lawrence vs John Cofer

The main card kicks off with a bout between Justin “The American Kid” Lawrence and John Cofer. The number one pick overall, Lawrence was an early favorite to win the whole thing. In addition to hubris, Lawrence has tremendous power in his hands that earned him two first round knockouts before losing to Michael Chiesa. John Cofer has a wrestling pedigree that earned him a ticket into the house, but it couldn’t get him past Vinc Pichel in episode seven. His last “official” fight took place in October at something called “Masquerade Fight Party” which interestingly enough was also what I lobbied the St. Ignatius College Prep Student Council to make the theme of our senior prom.

Lawrence likes to throw big, single shots that look for the knockout every time. This strategy usually spells doom for someone facing a wrestler, but it shouldn’t come into play in this fight. Cofer slowly marches forward in his standup, which is exactly what an aggressive striker like Lawrence wants. The American Kid finishes this one in the first.

Max Holloway vs Pat Schilling

We drop down a weight class for a featherweight contest as Max Holloway takes on “Thrilling” Pat Schilling. Both had rough introductions to the UFC, losing via first round submission. The 20 year old Holloway held his own against Dustin Poirier (well at least for two minutes…) before getting caught in a triangle armbar while Schilling fell victim to a first round rear naked choke from Daniel Pineda.

Both fighters haven’t really given us much to see in their early careers. Our best bet is to look at their past resumés. Schilling has finished all his opponents in his victories, but those opponents have a combined record of 14-31. Basically this one boils down to the fact that Holloway will be too explosive for Schilling to handle and this one ends with a TKO in the second round. On the bright side, Schilling still has his full time job at Best Buy to go back to, so I’m sure he has a pretty sweet home theater to watch future UFC events.

Jonathan Brookins vs Charles Oliveira

We stay in the featherweight division as The Ultimate Fighter season 12 winner Jonathan Brookins faces the always exciting Charles Oliveira. Brookins rebounded from his loss to Erik Koch in November nicely with a first round knockout of Vagner Rocha in February. Oliveira is coming off a first round submission win over Eric Wisely. He accomplished the feat with the rarely seen calf cutter, which is also the number one piece of farm equipment on veal farms.

Known for his wrestling, Brookins’ takedown ability has not been impressive in previous fights against Koch and Michael Johnson. What he has been able to do, though, is grind opponents and control them on the fence. It doesn’t always make for the most exciting fights, but it’s still been effective. This tactic continues as Brookins will be able to control Oliveira’s explosiveness and take this one by unanimous decision. Sure it won’t be terribly exciting, but life could be worse. You could be confined in a small room, fed until you’re plump and soft and rarely move or get physical activity. Now that I think about it, veal has a lot in common with a few kids in my freshman dorm…

Michael Chiesa vs Al Iaquinta

That brings us to The Ultimate Fighter Finale, as Michael “Maverick” Chiesa looks to get that six-figure UFC contract by taking on Serra-Longo Fight Team product Al Iaquinta. Chiesa brought some actual reality to reality TV after losing his father in the second episode. Al Iaquinta didn’t have that level of emotion (or any for that matter) on the show. He’s what Robocop would have looked/sounded like if the movie was set in Long Island.

Chiesa has been the surprise of the season. He’s a durable fighter that has had a couple come from behind victories on his way to the finals. His strength is on the ground, where he can utilize solid submission skills. Iaquinta is a heavy handed striker that can mix both the punches and kicks in his repertoire. The difference here is strength. Not only does Iaquinta hit harder, but I think he’s too big and strong for Chiesa to get him to the ground. Iaquinta will tag Chiesa, who has shown a solid chin, but all that will crash in the third as Iaquinta becomes the winner of The Ultimate Fighter: Live. When asked what it feels like to win the competition, I anticipate him saying something like, “it’s pretty cool.”

Jake Ellenberger vs Martin Kampmann

We now come to the main event of the evening, as Jake “The Juggernaut” Ellenberger looks to grab a number one contender spot as he squares off against Martin “The Hitman” Kampmann. Both fighters are coming off victories, but in less than impressive fashion. After taking the first two rounds convincingly, Ellenberger gassed in the third and barely scraped by Diego Sanchez at UFC on Fuel TV in February. Martin Kampmann was behind on many expert score sheets (including yours truly’s) before locking in a late guillotine on Thiago Alves.

Kampmann’s plan here should be to stay on the outside and soften Ellenberger up with kicks and punches, then take him into the later rounds and see if his conditioning has improved. Unfortunately for him I don’t see that happening. Looking back on “The Hitman’s” last three fights, his defense has been extremely porous as of late. That means he’s been getting hit a lot. I see this fight going to the second round, where Kampmann will crowd his range, get clipped with a big uppercut and then get finished on the ground. Then, in the post fight interview, Ellenberger will cement his shot against the Condit/GSP winner by yelling this.

That wraps up another edition of the Downes Side. Be sure to follow me on Twitter @dannyboydownes and check out my blog here. Also, be sure to leave questions, comments, and queries here on the page and I might even respond (lucky you).

It’s a sad fact of life that all good things must come to an end. Our loved ones pass away, our own bodies start to fail us as we age and worst of all, The Ultimate Recap: Live! has run its course. It’s been a fun ride. We’ve laughed. We’ve cried. We’ve marveled at Jon Anik’s dogged persistence to try to get something quote worthy. So, it is with a heavy heart that I begin the final recap.

The show opens with a sponsored, er, riveting look at the Harley Davidson store in Las Vegas. As you may know by now, the winner of TUF as well as his coach will receive a brand new custom Harley Davidson motorcycle. The segment sounded like this: “It’s awesome to be here at Harley Davidson to check out all the great Harley Davidson motorcycles at this Harley Davidson store. I really hope I win a Harley Davidson motorcycle and cruise around town in my Harley Davidson bike and Harley Davidson gear with my buddy Harley Davidson.” It wasn’t a total loss though. Seeing James Vick marvel at the handlebars and seats like a kid on Christmas morning was adorable.

We cut to the house where we get our only real taste of drama the whole season. That rascal “Bad” Tickle as at it again with his pranks. This one involved the particularly brilliant gag of hitting a sleeping man in the crotch with a water bottle (genius!). He succeeds in striking a napping Cruickshank and the only thing dumber than the “prank” is the response. Cruickshank gets up, runs at Tickle and throws a couple punches and a low kick. To his credit, Tickle doesn’t escalate situation, but seriously? Who kicks someone in a fight? That’s like being the guy that tries to pull guard in a bar fight. I mean, that’s like throwing a shoe. Who does that?

Back at the training facility and Dana tells all the guys how proud he is of them, best season ever, etc et al and so on and so forth. He then says that every single guy will fight on the Finale show next week…except not. Both Mike Rio and Andy Ogle’s injuries will prevent them from competing. Rio’s knee is still hampering him while Ogle has a medical suspension due to the concussion suffered in his previous fight.

We then see how the training for the first semi-final contestants Michael Chiesa and James Vick is progressing. Cruz worries about Vick’s vulnerability if he gets put on his back and wants to keep it standing. Chiesa talks about how he has striking ability and can stand toe to toe with Vick but the show then cuts to him getting handled in sparring. Clearly emotional with the struggles, Chiesa does what anyone would do — locks himself in bathroom. Props to Urijah Faber for getting him to open the door, though. If he ever has a teenage daughter, he’ll do well.

The show comes back from commercial with its signature Britney boob shot. Sometimes I’d like  to see her wear a frumpy sweater just to change things up, but then again, BOOBS! They also inform us that we can help pick the walkout music. I hope you will all agree that we should ensure “Let’s Get Physical”  and “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.”

Round one of Chiesa vs.Vick features a lot of gangly guys swatting at each other. There are no real significant strikes landed, until Vick starts to turn the tide toward the end of the round and hurts Chiesa. Chiesa turtles up and tries to survive as Vick attempts a Darce, but is unsuccessful.

With his back against the wall, Chiesa steps it up in round two. He comes out more aggressively and starts opening the holes in Vick’s defense. At the 3:20 mark Chiesa takes him down and we see that Cruz’s fears were well founded. Vick immediately gives up his back and Chiesa rains punches down and the ref ends it.

We then have a brief glimpse of the training for Iaquinta vs. Pichel. Faber is really excited for the fight and expects, “one for the history books.” Pichel ruins any expectations I have for his success when he says, “who wants to throw jabs?” He also baffles me when he tells Iaquinta, “I hope you have a metal on because I’m gonna break that thing.” What does that even mean? I once watched all of Gymkata and even that confused me less.

In the fight, Iaquinta is able to get a broomstick takedown about a minute in but is unable to really advance position. Pichel gets back up and thy exchange. Both are connecting, but Iaqunita definitely lands the more significant strikes. Later, Iaquinta gets another takedown and rides ou the last minute out.

Round two is more of the same. The most important thing that happens is that someone loses their mouthguard and Faber flips out. It’s nice to know that he’s concerned about proper dental protection, though. Iaquinta gets the decision and cements himself as the new Mark Hunt of post fight interviews. It appears that when Jon Anik calls someone “stone cold” that’s code for short and stoic.

After a brief face-off of next week’s finale between Iaquinta and Chiesa, movie preview guy comes in to give us a preview of the other fights. And that my friends is the end of the season. Will Chiesa overcome all his emotional difficulties to beat the hard hitting New Yorker? What other guys will have enough success to earn themselves a UFC contract? Will Al Iaquinta get suspended by the Nevada State Athletic Commission for being a cyborg? Find out this and more on The Ultimate Fighter Finale: Live! Friday night on FX.

In the meantime, be sure to follow me on Twitter @DannyBoyDownes and the show at @InsideTUF. Now I know you’re all upset that you won’t be able to read my brilliant recaps, but it’ll be alright. You still be able to read my Downes Side predictions before every UFC event and my blog. Don’t cry for me, I’ll be fine. My wit, intellect and boyish good looks have gotten me this far and will continue to serve me well. Remember, it’s not goodbye, it’s see you later. Unless, we don’t see each other. I suppose in that case it really is goodbye.

Team Cruz (5-7)
Myles Jury – (0-1) lost a split decision to Al Iaquinta in episode 4
Jeremy Larsen – (0-1) lost via unanimous decision to Mike Chiesa in episode 5
Justin Lawrence – (1-1) won via KO over Cristiano Marcello in episode 3; TKOd by Mike Chiesa in episode 10
Vinc Pichel
– (2-1) submitted John Cofer in episode 7; beat Chris Saunders by
majority decision in the episode 11; lost a unanimous decision to Al Iaquinta in
the episode 12 semifinals
Mike Rio – (0-1) lost via submission to Andy Ogle in episode 9
Sam Sicilia – (0-1) lost a split decision to Chris Saunders in episode 8
Chris Tickle – (0-1) lost via submission to Joe Proctor in episode 6
James Vick
– (2-1) won via KO over Daron Cruickshank in episode 2; won a unanimous
decision over Joe Proctor in episode 10; lost via TKO to Mike Chiesa
in the episode 12 semifinals

Team Faber (9-6)
Mike Chiesa
– (3-0) won a unanimous decision over Jeremy Larsen in episode 5; TKOd
Justin Lawrence in episode 10; TKOd James Vick in the
episode 12 semifinals; scheduled to fight Al Iaquinta at the TUF Live Finale June 1
John Cofer – (0-1) lost to Vinc Pichel in episode 7
Daron Cruickshank – (0-1) lost to James Vick in episode 2
Al Iaquinta
– (3-0) won a split decision over Myles Jury in episode 4; TKOd Andy
Ogle in episode 11; won a unanimous decision win over Vinc Pichel in the episode 12
semifinals; scheduled to fight Mike Chiesa at the TUF Live Finale June 1
Cristiano Marcello – (0-1) lost to Justin Lawrence in episode 3
Andy Ogle – (1-1) submitted Mike Rio in episode 9; lost via TKO to Al Iaquinta in episode 11
Joe Proctor – (1-1) submitted Chris Tickle in episode 6; lost a unanimous decision to James Vick in episode 10
Chris Saunders – (1-1) beat Sam Sicilia by split decision in episode 8; lost a majority decision to Vinc Pichel in episode 11

In America we celebrate Memorial Day this weekend. We remember fallen soldiers and lost relatives and eat too much at barbecues (which is something we rarely do). And while I’m sure that after I’m dead and gone I’ll be remembered rightfully as the James Joyce of MMA and a voice of a generation, for now I am content to give you another edition of the Downes Side.

This weekend the show rolls back into Las Vegas for UFC 146 at the MGM Grand Garden Arena. When you think about it, Las Vegas is the perfect place for Memorial Day weekend. While he hasn’t told me explicitly, I’m pretty sure my father would like me to spread his ashes at a Carrot Top show. I think we can all agree that there’s something about prop comedy that speaks to humanity’s spiritual side.

Stefan Struve (23-5) vs Lavar Johnson (17-5)

The main card kicks off with a heavyweight bout between Stefan “The Skyscraper” Struve and Lavar “Big” Johnson. The 6’11” Struve brings a 7-3 UFC record into the fight after a 1st round TKO of Dave Herman in February. Johnson seeks a quick turnaround after beating Pat Barry only three weeks ago.

For as tall as Struve stands, he fails to utilize it in most of his fights. I find his propensity for flying knees especially perplexing. If I were that tall, I would just throw straight punches, win easily and then spend my free time getting children’s Frisbees out of trees. Lavar Johnson, while not the most technical, brings a lot of power and has never seen the judges’ scorecards. If I were that strong, I would just throw big punches, win easily and spend my free time putting nerds’ Frisbees in trees. I see this fight playing out like Struve vs. Browne at UFC 130: Struve will crowd the range, get caught with a big punch and send Johnson home with another 1st-round TKO.

Stipe Miocic (8-0) vs Shane del Rosario (11-0)

Next up is a battle of heavyweight unbeatens as Stipe Miocic takes on former Strikeforce standout Shane del Rosario. A former Golden Gloves champion, Miocic only needed 43 seconds in February to end Philip de Fries’ undefeated streak. With 8 of his 11 wins by knockout, del Rosario hasn’t seen the second round since September of 2008. Now I forgive you for not remembering that because there was a lot going on in the world, like the birth of the person who’s 7th in line to the Norwegian monarchy.

The big story here is Shane del Rosario’s comeback after 14 months off and while ring rust is certainly a worry, I still like him in this fight. I think he’s more explosive than Miocic and a superior grappler as well. He puts this one away in the 2nd and lobs himself up the the heavyweight ladder. He’ll also surpass standard dimension ratio as the second most popular SDR acronym. (He still has some work to do to beat special drawing rights, though.)

Roy Nelson (16-7) vs Dave Herman (21-3)

We get another heavyweight match as Dave Herman looks to beat up our favorite bearded doughy TUF alum, Roy Nelson. Herman looks to rebound from his previous loss to Stefan Struve, while Nelson seeks to get his groove back. Sadly, the only country that Big Country resembles lately is North Korea. Not only does he look undernourished, but after losing three of his last four, he’s been about as successful as their recent rocket launch. (See? Current events can be fun!)

Nelson possesses every advantage in this fight and will end his skid against the (mixed martial) artist formerly known as Pee Wee. Herman may have had early success against Struve, but his standup leaves a lot of holes that Big Country will be able to exploit. Nelson drops him with a shot in the 2nd, gets top position and submits “Sasquatch” for the win. While this may not propel Big Country to USA status, he’ll cross over the DMZ and resemble a more respectable nation, like South Korea.

Cain Velasquez (9-1) vs Antonio Silva (16-3)

Again, we have another heavyweight contest (I’m starting to see a trend here) as former champion Cain Velasquez meets Antonio Silva in his first Octagon appearance since losing the belt to Junior dos Santos last Novermber. “Bigfoot” debuts in the UFC after losing in the Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand Prix to eventual winner Daniel Cormier. He’s also trying to get some momentum going before he takes Dave Herman to court for gimmick infringement.

Full disclosure, I do have insider knowledge on the Velasquez camp because I once ate at a Mexican restaurant in San Jose that has his picture on the wall. The key here will be for Velasquez to avoid going to the ground. Velasquez has a significant speed advantage that should allow him to move in and out and accomplish this task. While I don’t think he’ll put Bigfoot away, he’ll outwork him and score enough clean hits to earn an easy UD victory. On the bright side, I think Bigfoot’s black eyes will create a sympathetic jury should the situation with Herman ever make it to trial.

Junior dos Santos (14-1) vs Frank Mir (16-5)

That brings us to the main event of the evening which, interestingly enough, is another heavyweight fight. The champion Junior dos Santos looks to continue his reign as he steps in against former champion Frank Mir. “Cigano” has won all 8 of his UFC fights, and it appears that he could hold onto the title for a long time. Mir has been cruising through his competition lately with wins over notable fighters such as Mirko Cro Cop, Roy Nelson and Big Nog.

I am not a huge Frank Mir supporter. Maybe it’s because he looks like the stereotypical bad guy from a Revenge of the Nerds movie, or maybe it’s because I still haven’t forgiven him for ruining the body of modern-day Adonis Tim Sylvia with an armbar at UFC 48. Who knows? What I do know is that while Mir’s standup has steadily improved, it won’t be enough against JDS. I’d give him a shot to get a grinding decision victory, but I think that Mir is going to stand there, trade with dos Santos, get clipped and lose in the first round.

That wraps up another enlightening, awe-inspiring edition of the Downes Side. Be sure to follow me on twitter @dannyboydownes and read my blog.   Also, don’t forget to leave comments, thoughts and criticisms (if that’s even possible). May all the American readers have a great Memorial Day, Filipinos enjoy their Flag Day and Ethiopians commemorate Derg Downfall Day responsibly. For those of you living in countries without national holidays and have to go to work — deal with it.