(“Oh, the coat? Funny story. So there I was, robbing Steven Seagal at gunpoint…”)
After sifting through your brilliant questions — and your idiotic ones — MMA legend Don Frye has graced us with the first installment of his mailbag column on CagePotato. Read his wisdom below, and please lay down your own questions in the comments section. If he answers your question in a future column…well, you won’t be getting a prize or anything, but it’ll be the closest you come to greatness. Enjoy, and visit DonFrye.com for all your Don Frye needs.
danomite asks: Where the hell did you get those American flag trunks?
My mother-in-law made them and it was so exhausting that she had to retire from the fight shorts making business. The shorts were made from the flag Teddy Roosevelt waved charging up San Juan Hill. The flag was a gift to her personally because she was the horse that carried him.
johnny6pack asks: The eye gouge you suffered against Gilbert Yvel was the worst one this side of Kevin Burns getting his retina ripped out by Anthony Johnson. [Ed. note: You got that one backwards, but okay.] Good on ya for keepin’ on with the fight. Did you ever try to get a rematch to kick his sorry cheatin’ ass? Also, how bad was the injury post-fight?
There was never a rematch. The eyes healed in a matter of a few days, as eyes heal quickly, mine just heal faster than anybody else. I was back in the strip club hours later rehabbing my eyes.
leoherbie asks: Who is your favorite MMA pioneer (early 1990s era), and who is your favorite modern-day MMA fighter?
Don Frye is my favorite pioneer, you big dummy! I like anybody who has a world championship belt because they have dedicated their lives and worked hard to succeed and be on top. They built it themselves despite what the claim may be from people who have not done anything on their own and/or who have had their position purchased for them.
bgoldstein asks: If MMA didn’t exist, what do you think you would have done with your life?
I would have been a gynocologist for the CIA.
2dadeath asks: Obama or Romney?
Romney! Hey everybody, this time vote American like I always do!
Loki asks: Have you been approached to play a role in the Expendables series yet? (If not, when will be see you on the big screen again?)
My agent advised me that my tendency to use multi-syllable words prevents me from participating in the film. Although, I did enjoy the movie, especially the firearms and fight scenes.
keithhackneywilndmillpalmstrike asks: What is your typical breakfast? I imagine it somewhere along the lines of a large steak or slab of flesh of some kind, a tall glass of Bourbon, a pile of bacon, a bowl of nails and some shards of glass…am I in the ballpark?
You are quite right, you just forgot that it is served up by a half dozen female porn starlettes armed with machine guns and hand grenades begging me to allow them to tend to all my personal needs.