(“Take it easy, Martin! You are with people that love you and just want to see you clean and sober again. There you go…there you go…” Photo via Getty Images.)
We’d hate to accuse the dickish reality show producer currently finding work as a UFC matchmaker of getting ahead of himself, but it seems a little odd that he has yet to declare a main event for the UFC’s highly-anticipated debut on the FOX Sports 1 channel while simultaneously announcing over the weekend that a rematch between Carlos Condit and Martin Kampmann will headline the promotion’s second event on the FS1 channel, which goes down less than a fortnight after the first. Still, that’s what’s happening.
Then again, as I was informed by a Vietnamese prostitute in a ritual dubbed “seven knots to heaven” during a study abroad semester in 2009, “The thrill comes from the anticipation, not the climax,” so perhaps the UFC is just stringing us along until they surprise us with Jones vs. Silva* (or in a perfect world, Martinez vs. Zimmer II) come August 17th and cause a fangasm visible from outer space is all I’m saying.
In any case, the announcement of Kampmann vs. Condit 2 was made to none other than FOXSports.com, and Kampmann seemed more than excited for the opportunity to put Condit away this time around:
He’s going to have his rematch. It’s going to be a different fight. I’m a different fighter. He’s a different fighter. We had a good scrap last time, and this time it’ll be five rounds. That’ll give me plenty of time to get the finish.
It’s somewhat shocking how much of that quote could be attributed to Bich Nguyen, the Vietnamese prostitute of which I speak, but I digress.
Condit and Kampmann first met back at UFN 18 in the year of my unforgettable (seriously, you can’t scrub away memories) trip to Vietnam, with Kampmann emerging victorious by way of split-decision. The loss, which came in Condit’s UFC debut, snapped an eight-fight win streak for “The Natural Born Killer,” who had built up a reputation as the WEC’s fiercest welterweight in the years prior.
Both fighters are coming off losses to #1 contender Johny Hendricks, although the tale of those fights could not be any more different. Condit suffered a hard fought unanimous decision loss to “Bigg Rigg” at UFC 158, whereas Kampmann was basically shot out of a cannon by Hendricks’ left hand in under 50 seconds at UFC 154. Advantage Condit.
“UFC on FOX Sports 1:2 — Condit vs. Kampmann 2 So What Fuck You If You Don’t Like Our Numbering System” goes down on August 28th from the Bankers Life Fieldhouse. Who do you like for this rematch, Potato Nation?
*In this scenario, Chris Weidman would presumably play the role of Soa Palelei.