Judo Chump: Russian bloggers duke it out for some reason

Two internet “personalities” engaged in fisticuffs for internet clout. That’s it. That’s literally the story.

Are you craving displays of technique, skill, and bravado? You already clicked the link, so you should know by now that’s absolutely not what you’re going to get today.

Today is all about a lovely little thing that took place in Russia, land of burly manly men and bold everyday navigators.

What sets this apart is the nature of the exhibition and the contrast between competitors. The pugilists were two bloggers that agreed to engage in some rooftop pugilism because apparently there must not have been any other available location.

The first participant is a gentleman that goes by the name “Grigory Fatty TV“, which isn’t quite in the realm of a SoundCloud rapper name, but close enough. He’s the corpulent gentleman wearing the 98 JNCO cargo shorts and those sneakers I lost when i was 15 that my mother never lets me forget about. If you were thinking from the thumbnail that this would perhaps turn into a situation where we found our Russian Bob Roberts, I’m sorry to inform you that it doesn’t even reach the level of the far inferior Rufus. This man not only appears to be a subject that you can find at almost any Waffle House in America, he fights just as badly.

His opponent was a gentleman known as “Oleg Mongol“, a skinny guy who doesn’t look like he wants to fight you for a sandwich, but it won’t take much convincing for him to get around to it.

If Mongol seems familiar, it’s because another popular video he took part in. In an MMA fight, he took on “bodybuilder” Kirill a man that was referred to in certain circles as Russian Popeye. I’ll give you three guesses as to why.

It was a surprisingly competitive contest for two very inexperienced fighters. And that’s fine, because neither one is ready to take on any serious competitors. It’s two amateurs doing what they do. But this time it’s hands-only, and Oleg is actually wearing appropriate gear, unlike Grigory. With slick boxing shorts and shoes, he came ready to actually do some serious fighting.

Oleg works jabs, body shots, doubles up on some punches and actually hurts Grigory quite a bit. After being shoved down early, Oleg responds by nailing Grigory’s left eye at the 1:02 mark (followed by the DISRESPECT). After a break between rounds (yes, they had rounds — no, I have no idea why), we got a masterclass form Grigory in feints and swats, lots of bobbing and head movement that he only uses when he’s not about to get hit. He did duck a mean hook that was headed to his dome, that was smooth.

After getting his bell rung a few times (and possibly breaking or losing a tooth), he just keeps getting battered by Oleg, who works at a fast enough pace to make you wonder if he’s double-parked downstairs. After eating punches like Pac-Man does pellets, the turns his back and the bout is mercilessly stopped. This wasn’t David vs Goliath, this was a series of bad life decisions playing out just as they should have.

Butterbean would be ashamed. Big dudes took an L on this one, and it didn’t have to be this way. Man could have learned from Tony Calories and tried to connect. At least his pre-fight shadowboxing was better than Mark Coleman’s, so there’s something. The post-fight proceedings were a nice display of fraternity:

Followed by the obligatory group photo to conmemorate the event, Grigory showed true warrior spirit with a bold proposal:

No, king. Don’t do that. Stay home and play Probotector or something. The one thing I learned from this video is that there appears to be a boxing version of “six months of sprawl training“.

Somebody take this man’s gloves from him before the Bare Knuckle people hit him up. Please.