(Is it just us or did Mortal Kombat seem a lot more badass when we were growing up?)
Suffice it to say, when a 62 year-old man sporting a ponytail, a Tapout shirt, and a pair of GSP-esque tights waltzes into an MMA ring, people tend to take notice. When that man appears to have developed a fighting strategy reminiscent of a falling helicopter leaf and is challenging a much younger man who is easily a weight class above him, well…
Pitting senior citizen Wayne Smallwood against a guy named Weeg Hewson, it’s safe to say that there is no way in hell this Alaskan slobberknocker was sanctioned. That is ultimately a moot point, because our boy Blue showed up to throw down, and if he has to die trying to prove that he can still hang with those young punks who keep skateboarding on the sidewalks, then we will witness his demise firsthand.
Fortunately for Smallwood, his opponent apparently placed an order for one good old fashioned ass whipping with extra old, so let’s get to the action.
The fight gets off to a frenzied start, with Hewson throwing a couple haymakers and Smallwood responding by shooting for a single leg takedown. Hewson easily thwarts the attempt, and soon enough both men are back on their feet. While most of us are thinking that Gramps will be on his way to the Shady Acres Nursing Home at any moment, it turns out that the old coot still has some fight left in him. Smallwood feints a jab and proceeds to floor his already gassed opponent with the same spinning backfist/back elbow hybrid strike he used on those damn Krauts in dubya dubya two. The audience cheers, the referee tries to hold back laughter, and Smallwood’s legion of fans toss their colostomy bags and canes into the ring in celebration.
Old man strength: It’s for real.