You’ve probably heard by now that Kim Jong-il is dead. No, he was not killed by the hands of Hans Blixs and no, the above video is not a collection of clips from the 2002 fake karate film Kung Pow: Enter the Fist. The sad reality is that what you are watching is simply what the former North Korean dictator’s bodyguards went through on a daily basis. Unreleased until a few hours ago (shocking), the footage is…uh…impressive to say the least, but not without that extra bit of crazy thrown in to let you know this is a KJi joint.
According to the narrator, il’s bodyguards are forced to “hit something” from the moment they wake up, whether that be a giant, cement block attached to another guard’s face, or a two-by-four placed on another’s neck. The rest of their day, however, is not that different from what many of us do to make a living here in America:
6 a.m. – Dodge knives thrown at you like some kind of circus act
8 a.m. – Break bricks over stomach
10 a.m. – Brunch
10:05 a.m. – 8 hours of various shooting exercises
6 p.m. – PULL A TRUCK FULL OF PEOPLE ACROSS AN EMPTY LOT WITH YOUR BARE HANDS
6:30 p.m. – Purchase oversized sunglasses and khaki pants from passing gypsy woman
7 p.m. – Kill gypsy woman
8 p.m. – 5:55 a.m. – Just beat the ever-loving shit out of one another
5:55 – 6:00 a.m. – Sleep
It may sound bad, but I hear that once a year, il allowed his bodyguards to visit their families, whom had all mysteriously been locked away in dog kennels and sent to opposite corners of the country. So, it’s not like he was a monster or anything.
-Danga