(Somewhere in Manhattan, there’s a dumb bastard with the phrase “IFL Pitbulls” reverse-imprinted in his forehead.)
Late last night in New York, legendary fighter/trainer Renzo Gracie was accosted by two men with obvious bad intentions. And since Renzo is one of the gamest S.O.B.s of all time, he wound up beating the shit out of them. Actually, let me re-phrase that: He beat the shit out of one of them, tracked down mugger #2 after he went running off into the night, “raccooned” mugger #2 (explanation below), and tweeted out a live play-by-play of the whole experience including photos. Are you kidding me? Renzo Gracie is like a prime Steven Seagal with an iPhone.
Now, did all this really happen, or was this entire situation just a staged social media infomercial for Gracie Jiu-Jitsu? I don’t know. But I want to believe. Here’s the entire story, from beginning to end, as taken from @RenzoGracieBJJ:
3:11 AM: 22nd street and 10th ave right now two guys following me, can’t help but have a big smile upon my face Im talking about a happy one 
)))
3:12 AM: Waiting for them… Are they really thinking I’m drunk??? They have to be kidding. Hahahaha
3:13 AM: 25th and 10ave they are getting closer lol
3:16 AM: I just stop to take a pic, they pretend they are looking at the window, can’t lie… My blood runs in a different speed, man I miss Brazil
3:17 AM: JiuJitsu )) never leave home without it
3:18 AM: Please hold there for just a couple minutes be right back
3:23 AM: They are coming closer, asking for a cigaret lol can’t help but have a smile in my face. I don’t smoke. Pretend to wobble. They smile
3:47 AM: My hands hurt… Can’t help but look at him the other one took off running, not much of a friend. Chicken :-/ I can still see him, he looks
3:49 AM: Back as he runs, no chance to catch him… Even though I began to try to run after him, I realize How slow I was. Fuck it :-///
3:53 AM: This one asks me why did I do that, pretending to be stupid, one little kick to the ribs makes him whine and apologize, as I’m writing this.
3:55 AM: I ask him if he was planing to rob me, he says no. All he wanted was a cigarette, lol I can’t help but have a big smile upon my face, and ..
3:57 AM: The certainty that if it was an ordinary man he would be sad about his stolen goods. Fucking cunt cries like a bitch when the tide turns…
3:58 AM: I can’t help but take a pic as his nose bleeds and he wines and asks why did I do that… Like he doesn’t know the reason…
3:59 AM: My fucking hands hurt, hurt like hell…
4:06 AM: Drove around two blocks… The other fellow disappear, I’m heading home… Angry for not finding the second one. Guess no sleeping tonight
4:26 AM: I knew it yessss
4:59 AM: There is basic things like you don’t come back to where the problem was.. You just don’t, I knew he would, just going around the block would
5:01 AM: Be enough… Dumb f%#^ I just gave him the old style Raccoon, it has been a while since the last time I did.. Choke him out 3 times…
5:03 AM: And before he woke up I did hit each eye socket at least twice, tomorrow he will wake up like a raccoon, and every time he woke up I was…
5:06 AM: Whispering at his ears.. That’s what death feels like it.. Don’t do that again. My fucking hand hurts, :-/ a lot
5:08 AM: Next time I will use only the elbows, damn I miss that feeling, sometimes I wonder if the easy life has been making me
5:09 AM: Soft.. All those years in Brazil, without knowing if I would make it home had to count for something, I can’t lie I could have jump in a cab
5:11 AM: But I could not help, I could spot them from a mile away, walking was my option, thank you mayor Giuliani, nobody carries a gun in our…
5:14 AM: Beautiful state, my lucky day, their bad day… My hand hurts and @FrankieEdgar is here at 9:30am for some training, shoot damn little guy
5:16 AM: Could not take a second pic guys sorry, believe I try, as I reach for my iPhone he almost took off :-/ fast mofo