(Always the craftiest of the Cabbage Patch Kids, “Funky” would wait until nap time to pounce upon his enemies.)
Although Ben Askren may be the king of Bellator’s welterweight division for the time being, he certainly isn’t earning any new fans inside or outside of the cage, and in fact is likely losing them in droves. On the heels of yet another tepid, albeit title-retaining performance against Douglas Lima at Bellator 64, Askren returned to his day job as the most successful Serta mattress salesman in the world and decided to start shit-stirring with UFC President Dana White.
It started when DW stated at the UFC on FUEL post-fight press conference that it would be “impossible” to administer random drug tests to the over three hundred members of the UFC’s current roster. The general public’s initial response to the notion was that of skepticism. While it would be incredibly difficult to perform random drug tests on fighters based all over the planet, it would not be impossible, and would help avoid situations like the Alistair Overeem/UFC 146 calamity that the UFC currently finds themselves facing.
Apparently not impressed with White’s view on the matter, Askren took to Twitter and let his feelings be known:
@Benaskren
The USOC random tests Olympic athletes in all sports. Dana saying testing his fighters would be impossible is a bold faced lie.
Who knew that the most significant blow Askren ever threw would be to that of his own career?
When the information was relayed to White himself, the UFC Prez proceeded to lay the smack down on Askren’s monkey ass in a few short sentences:
@danawhite
Dana White@thefightweek @benaskren when ambien can’t sleep it takes Ben Askren. The most boring fighter in MMA history. I would rather watch flys f**k
Having been witness to both a Ben Askren fight and the fornication of flies (where Seth is from they consider that Friday night-worthy entertainment) we can assuredly say that we are with DW on this one. Simply put, Askren has been responsible for more cases of nap-induced trauma than narcolepsy and sleep fighting combined. And we’re not referring to his submission game. The man manages to redefine “lay-n-pray” with every performance, to the point that the “praying” aspect of the phrase has become attributable to the audience members who, upon realizing that there are four rounds left of his “fight,” wish upon a star for death. Sweet, untimely death.
He’s not an exciting fighter is what we’re saying.
And apparently he’s not an astute businessman either.
-J. Jones