Lucky/Brave S.O.B. Subdues Armed Robber at Gas Station Via Triangle Choke [VIDEO]

Philadelphia News, Weather and Sports from WTXF FOX 29

Props to R/MMA for passing along the wildest bit of gas station footage since Maiquel Falcao slapped that girl and got KO’d with a 2×4. Early Saturday morning in Norwood, PA, a 20-year-old local kid named CJ Gostynski decided to throw on a mask and rob a gas station at gunpoint. Unfortunately, he ran into a tough/brave/crazy son-of-a-bitch named John McGowan, who had just lost his car and was in no mood for the bullshit.

When Gostynski demands money, McGowan tells him “You’re fuckin’ with the wrong guy,” and proceeds to walk up on the would-be robber, who is pointing a gun directly at his face. [Ed. note: This is the point where I would be fishing my wallet out of my urine soaked slacks.] McGowan tackles Gostynski — “right into the racka potata chips,” says the regionally-accented news anchor — and locks him down with a triangle choke. McGowan then proceeds to beat Gostynski with his own gun (!) and holds him in place until the cops arrive. Renzo would be proud. The Gracie Brothers are masturbating furiously.

During the fracas, the gun went off twice, and McGowan’s shoe was grazed with a bullet. Gostynski, who has no criminal history, is facing 33 charges including robbery and assault. As MyFoxPhilly reports, an AR-15 rifle with 60 rounds of ammunition was found in Gostynski’s truck, but honestly, everything’s an AR-15 these days. Anyway, kudos to John McGowan, whose balls are way, way bigger than ours.

Philadelphia News, Weather and Sports from WTXF FOX 29

Props to R/MMA for passing along the wildest bit of gas station footage since Maiquel Falcao slapped that girl and got KO’d with a 2×4. Early Saturday morning in Norwood, PA, a 20-year-old local kid named CJ Gostynski decided to throw on a mask and rob a gas station at gunpoint. Unfortunately, he ran into a tough/brave/crazy son-of-a-bitch named John McGowan, who had just lost his car and was in no mood for the bullshit.

When Gostynski demands money, McGowan tells him “You’re fuckin’ with the wrong guy,” and proceeds to walk up on the would-be robber, who is pointing a gun directly at his face. [Ed. note: This is the point where I would be fishing my wallet out of my urine soaked slacks.] McGowan tackles Gostynski — “right into the racka potata chips,” says the regionally-accented news anchor — and locks him down with a triangle choke. McGowan then proceeds to beat Gostynski with his own gun (!) and holds him in place until the cops arrive. Renzo would be proud. The Gracie Brothers are masturbating furiously.

During the fracas, the gun went off twice, and McGowan’s shoe was grazed with a bullet. Gostynski, who has no criminal history, is facing 33 charges including robbery and assault. As MyFoxPhilly reports, an AR-15 rifle with 60 rounds of ammunition was found in Gostynski’s truck, but honestly, everything’s an AR-15 these days. Anyway, kudos to John McGowan, whose balls are way, way bigger than ours.

This May Be The Greatest Thief Getting Squashed Story Yet

Tisk, tisk, tisk. Apparently word travels fast, because it seems we cannot go more then a couple days here at CagePotato without hearing another tale of some Charles Bronson-esque vigilante justice. Today’s story takes us to Hendersonville, North Carolina, where avid MMA fan and pawn shop clerk Darren “Rocky” Mothershead (?) found himself on the wrong end of a Friday night robbery attempt and decided to solve things the good old fashioned way, with his fists.

And we mean “attempt” in the lightest sense of the word, because as “Rocky” was handing over the day’s take to the gun-toting thief (a gun which later turned out to be of the pellet variety), he went all Jason Statham on the SOB and delivered a BRUTAL left hand that KO’d the dirty rapscallion instantly.

If the fact that this was all caught on tape wasn’t awesome enough, Mothershead then forced the burglar to CLEAN UP HIS OWN BLOOD off the carpet as they waited for the police to arrive. These are the actions of a boss, ladies and gentlemen. The thief was later identified as Mostafa Kamel Hendi, so if anyone out there knows this guy, send us his address so we can in turn send him a crushed ice pack and our condolences for failing at every turn in his life thus far.

Tisk, tisk, tisk. Apparently word travels fast, because it seems we cannot go more then a couple days here at CagePotato without hearing another tale of some Charles Bronson-esque vigilante justice. Today’s story takes us to Hendersonville, North Carolina, where avid MMA fan and pawn shop clerk Darren “Rocky” Mothershead (?) found himself on the wrong end of a Friday night robbery attempt and decided to solve things the good old fashioned way, with his fists.

And we mean “attempt” in the lightest sense of the word, because as “Rocky” was handing over the day’s take to the gun-toting thief (a gun which later turned out to be of the pellet variety), he went all Jason Statham on the SOB and delivered a BRUTAL left hand that KO’d the dirty rapscallion instantly.

If the fact that this was all caught on tape wasn’t awesome enough, Mothershead then forced the burglar to CLEAN UP HIS OWN BLOOD off the carpet as they waited for the police to arrive. These are the actions of a boss, ladies and gentlemen. The thief was later identified as Mostafa Kamel Hendi, so if anyone out there knows this guy, send us his address so we can in turn send him a crushed ice pack and our condolences for failing at every turn in his life thus far.

It is clear that Hendersonville gets its name from you know who, because all of its residents seemingly posses H-bomb technology and aren’t afraid to use it, especially when it comes to foreigners. I know, I know, that photo makes me giggle like a little schoolgirl, too.

And to think that all of this could have been avoided if Hendi was an avid CP reader. But knowing today’s society, it will only be a matter of time until he sues Mothershead for using excessive force to thwart his robbery attempt. Hell, he’ll probably win.

-Danga