According to our poll, a staggering 55.3% of you believed that former TUF star and current Bellator badass War Machine had the hottest pornstar girlfriend of them all in Ms. Christy Mack (to the 2 people who suggested “our mom,” that doesn’t even make sense. To the man/woman who suggested GSP & Dakota Cochrane, bravo.). Clearly, Mr. Machine agrees with this sentiment, which is why he and his significant other got coordinating tattoos over the weekend. Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned about a pornstar’s love, it’s that it’s forever.
According to our poll, a staggering 55.3% of you believed that former TUF star and current Bellator badass War Machine had the hottest pornstar girlfriend of them all in Ms. Christy Mack (to the 2 people who suggested “our mom,” that doesn’t even make sense. To the man/woman who suggested GSP & Dakota Cochrane, bravo.). Clearly, Mr. Machine agrees with this sentiment, which is why he and his significant other got coordinating tattoos over the weekend. Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned about a pornstar’s love, it’s that it’s forever.
(“You’re lucky enough to be different, never change.” – Taylor Swift.)
We can’t remember the last time a card produced such brutal outcomes that it resulted in two longtime veterans of the sport calling it quits, but such appears to be the case with Bellator 96. After Babalu Sobral announced his retirement from the sport following a third round TKO loss to Jacob Noe on Wednesday, fellow UFC veteran and one-half of MMA’s Ambiguously Gay Duo, Seth Petruzelli, has decided to hang up the gloves as well. He took to his Facebook page to make the announcement:
I want to thank my family, friends, fiancée and fans for being by my side these past 13 years plus of my MMA career. Every time I fought it was to please and excite you but most of all make you proud of me. Up until a couple years ago it pleased and excited me as well. That is where I went wrong, for the past couple years I have been fighting for the wrong reasons, I don’t have the desire or drive to fight like I used to and the past couple fights have shown it. So at this point in my life I would like to officially announce my retirement from the sport of MMA. Competing has been a part of my life since I was 6 years old, now I would like to put more of an effort into seeing my students/fighters do the same and making my gym grow and flourish. MMA has taken me around the world, let me meet the best and worst of people and made me feel like the brightest star but also like a black hole at times … and I have no regrets because I did it all my way.
After the jump: We take a look back at “The Silverback’s” aforementioned upset of Kimbo Slice (ROCKY! ROCKY IS HERE!) as well as another personal favorite of ours.
(“You’re lucky enough to be different, never change.” – Taylor Swift.)
We can’t remember the last time a card produced such brutal outcomes that it resulted in two longtime veterans of the sport calling it quits, but such appears to be the case with Bellator 96. After Babalu Sobral announced his retirement from the sport following a third round TKO loss to Jacob Noe on Wednesday, fellow UFC veteran and one-half of MMA’s Ambiguously Gay Duo, Seth Petruzelli, has decided to hang up the gloves as well. He took to his Facebook page to make the announcement:
I want to thank my family, friends, fiancée and fans for being by my side these past 13 years plus of my MMA career. Every time I fought it was to please and excite you but most of all make you proud of me. Up until a couple years ago it pleased and excited me as well. That is where I went wrong, for the past couple years I have been fighting for the wrong reasons, I don’t have the desire or drive to fight like I used to and the past couple fights have shown it. So at this point in my life I would like to officially announce my retirement from the sport of MMA. Competing has been a part of my life since I was 6 years old, now I would like to put more of an effort into seeing my students/fighters do the same and making my gym grow and flourish. MMA has taken me around the world, let me meet the best and worst of people and made me feel like the brightest star but also like a black hole at times … and I have no regrets because I did it all my way.
After the jump: We take a look back at “The Silverback’s” aforementioned upset of Kimbo Slice (ROCKY! ROCKY IS HERE!) as well as another personal favorite of ours.
(Like I said, betting money on Petruzelli would be a *terrible* idea. / Photo via Facebook.com/BellatorMMA)
Bellator’s 2013 Summer Series kicked off last night in Thackerville, Oklahoma — population: 404 — with the semifinals of the promotion’s latest light-heavyweight and heavyweight tournaments. The televised card was an overall success, featuring fast action, brutal stoppages, and much-needed wins for a pair of marquee names. But it didn’t go well for everybody. Here are the important points…
War Machine Is Back in General Population
In a non-tournament bout that opened the broadcast, charmingly outspoken welterweight War Machine returned to competition for the first time since his latest stint in jail, facing journeyman Blas Avena. Machine appeared to be in fine form, putting Avena on his back in the second half of the opening round, trapping his arm, and slugging Avena with left hands until the match was stopped at the 3:55 mark. Random thought: War really needs to be a coach on season 2 of Fight Master. You want drama? There’s your drama.
Heavyweights Gonna Heavyweight
Both of the heavyweight tournament semi-finals resulted in gnarly first-round knockouts. During the prelims, Ryan Martinez — who came in as a short-notice replacement for the injured Vinicius Queiroz — slugged out Richard Hale with punches from the top. And on the main card, undefeated Russian prospect Vitaly Minakov needed just 32 seconds to beat the crap out of Ron Sparks. Minakov is now 11-0, with six of those wins coming in the first minute of the fight. He and Martinez will now face each other at Bellator 97, July 31st in Albuquerque.
Farewell, Sweet Babalu
(Like I said, betting money on Petruzelli would be a *terrible* idea. / Photo via Facebook.com/BellatorMMA)
Bellator’s 2013 Summer Series kicked off last night in Thackerville, Oklahoma — population: 404 — with the semifinals of the promotion’s latest light-heavyweight and heavyweight tournaments. The televised card was an overall success, featuring fast action, brutal stoppages, and much-needed wins for a pair of marquee names. But it didn’t go well for everybody. Here are the important points…
War Machine Is Back in General Population
In a non-tournament bout that opened the broadcast, charmingly outspoken welterweight War Machine returned to competition for the first time since his latest stint in jail, facing journeyman Blas Avena. Machine appeared to be in fine form, putting Avena on his back in the second half of the opening round, trapping his arm, and slugging Avena with left hands until the match was stopped at the 3:55 mark. Random thought: War really needs to be a coach on season 2 of Fight Master. You want drama? There’s your drama.
Heavyweights Gonna Heavyweight
Both of the heavyweight tournament semi-finals resulted in gnarly first-round knockouts. During the prelims, Ryan Martinez — who came in as a short-notice replacement for the injured Vinicius Queiroz — slugged out Richard Hale with punches from the top. And on the main card, undefeated Russian prospect Vitaly Minakov needed just 32 seconds to beat the crap out of Ron Sparks. Minakov is now 11-0, with six of those wins coming in the first minute of the fight. He and Martinez will now face each other at Bellator 97, July 31st in Albuquerque.
Farewell, Sweet Babalu Renato “Babalu” Sobral vs. Jacob Noe was certainly the most competitive fight on the main card, with both light-heavyweights landing well through the first two rounds. The third round could have been the deciding frame, but Noe didn’t let it go to the judges. After stunning Sobral with punches and opening up a cut near his left eye, Noe threw the kitchen sink at Babalu, who stumbled around and ate punches until the ref called a standing TKO at the 3:32 mark of the final round. Despite his wooziness, Sobral didn’t appear too pleased with the call.
If you’re a well-traveled MMA veteran who has fought for the biggest organizations in the world, but you’re now being stopped by a virtual unknown in the opening round of a Bellator tournament, it might be a good sign to hang up the gloves — and that’s exactly what Babalu did after the fight, announcing his retirement in the cage. It’s hard to say if Sobral’s retirement will be permanent, or one of those temporary retirements that fighters seem to love so much. But for now, the BJJ black-belt leaves behind a 37-11 career record, and can claim victories over Chael Sonnen, Mauricio Rua, Robbie Lawler, Jeremy Horn, and Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou.
Look, I still think making Muhammad Lawal a 15-1 favorite in this fight was ludicrous. This wasn’t exactly Cro Cop vs. Dos Caras Jr. — it was a halfway legitimate matchup. But King Mo won, and he made it look easy. As soon as Lawal completed his first takedown, it was the beginning of the end. With Petruzelli on his back, Lawal grabbed his feet, swung them out of the way, and dived in with one of the most savage haymakers-from-above in MMA history. Nobody could have survived that shot, and Petruzelli was no exception. And so, Lawal bounces back from his surprise upset against Emanuel Newton at Bellator 90, and will now face Jacob Noe in the finals of the light-heavyweight summer tourney at Bellator 97. Meanwhile, Petruzelli’s Bellator record drops to 1-2.
And now, full results from Bellator 96…
MAIN CARD
Muhammed Lawal def. Seth Petruzelli via KO, 1:35 of round 1
Jacob Noe def. Renato Sobral via TKO, 3:32 of round 3
Vitaly Minakov def. Ron Sparks via TKO, 0:32 of round 1
War Machine def. Blas Avena via TKO, 3:55 of round 1
PRELIMINARY CARD
Damon Jackson def. Keith Miner via TKO, 2:00 of round 1
Raphael Butler def. Jeremiah O’Neal via TKO, 2:57 of round 1
Ryan Martinez def. Richard Hale via KO, 2:19 of round 1
Brandon Halsey def. Joe Yager via split decision (30-28 x 2, 28-30)*
Derek Campos def. Brandon Girtz via unanimous decision (29-28 x 3)
Justin McNally def. Steven Artoff via verbal submission (triangle choke), 2:44 of round 1
UNAIRED MATCHES (FOLLOWING THE MAIN CARD BROADCAST)
Chas Skelly def. Jarrod Card via unanimous decision (29-28 x 3)
Keith Berry def. Cortez Coleman via split decision (29-28 x 2, 28-29)
Mike Maldonado def. Chavous Smith via submission (rear-naked choke), 2:27 of round 1
* That 28-30 has to be a scoring error by the judge. Yager had a point deducted for groin-strikes, so even if he won every round, the highest score he could have received would be 29.
Let that sink in for a moment. Still with us? Good. So, after losing that match, Lawal has somehow become an even more immense favorite against a guy who is BEST KNOWN FOR A DRAMATIC UPSET, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
At this point, you can get Seth Petruzelli for +725 at SportBet and 5Dimes, meaning that a $100 bet on the Silverback would return $725 in profit if he wins. Meanwhile, a $1,545 wager on Lawal would return $100 in profit if he wins, which has to be the dumbest investment in the history of world currency.
If you want to bet on Petruzelli, do it now before the oddsmakers sober up.
(Be honest: How many of you were even aware that this fight was happening? / Image via Facebook.com/King.Mo.FH)
Let that sink in for a moment. Still with us? Good. So, after losing that match, Lawal has somehow become an even more immense favorite against a guy who is BEST KNOWN FOR A DRAMATIC UPSET, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
At this point, you can get Seth Petruzelli for +725 at SportBet and 5Dimes, meaning that a $100 bet on the Silverback would return $725 in profit if he wins. Meanwhile, a $1,545 wager on Lawal would return $100 in profit if he wins, which has to be the dumbest investment in the history of world currency.
If you want to bet on Petruzelli, do it now before the oddsmakers sober up.
(Blatantly contradicting yourself in less than 150 characters? Dear lord, how we’ve missed this man.)
It seems like it’s been an eternity since we’ve checked in with our buddy War Machine, peddler of all things conspiracy and sexer of all things bologna. After a nasty ACL tear and a couple rough stints in the clink, the mixed martial artist formerly known as Prison Mike John Koppenhaver is finally set to make his Bellator debut on June 19th at Bellator 96. Perhaps to boost some awareness of his return, or perhaps because he is crazier than a shithouse rat, Machine has once again taken aim at one of his enemies using the power of the Internet. No, not President Obama, we’re talking about tightwad MMA sponsors, obviously.
In any case, Machine has been tweeting up a storm as of late, and his tweets contain the usual mix of hilarious ignorance and self sabotage that we have come to expect from the porn world’s most notorious bad boy. We’ve compiled our top 10 favorites (via @WarMachine170) for your viewing pleasure below. Welcome back, old friend.
(Blatantly contradicting yourself in less than 150 characters? Dear lord, how we’ve missed this man.)
It seems like it’s been an eternity since we’ve checked in with our buddy War Machine, peddler of all things conspiracy and sexer of all things bologna. After a nasty ACL tear and a couple rough stints in the clink, the mixed martial artist formerly known as Prison Mike John Koppenhaver is finally set to make his Bellator debut on June 19th at Bellator 96. Perhaps to boost some awareness of his return, or perhaps because he is crazier than a shithouse rat, Machine has once again taken aim at one of his enemies using the power of the Internet. No, not President Obama, we’re talking about tightwad MMA sponsors, obviously.
In any case, Machine has been tweeting up a storm as of late, and his tweets contain the usual mix of hilarious ignorance and self sabotage that we have come to expect from the porn world’s most notorious bad boy. We’ve compiled our top 10 favorites (via @WarMachine170) for your viewing pleasure below. Welcome back, old friend.
7, 6, 5, 4, and 3. War Machine: Future Fighter’s Union Rep
2. SMH
1. One Can Only Hope
And hot off the press…
May the Wunderbar Gods smile upon you on this day, you crazy son of a bitch. For your sake, we just hope that Evan Tanner does not have an in with those Gods.
(“Don’t worry, Mo, we’re pretty sure your belt just got lost in the mail.”)
On the heels of his first successful title defense over Rick Hawn at Bellator 85, Bellator lightweight champion Michael Chandler has officially been booked to take on his next challenger at Bellator 96, which goes down from the WinStar World Casino in Thackerville, Oklahoma on June 19th.
Undefeated in his mixed martial arts career, Chandler has won eight straight fights under the Bellator banner, including victories over Akihiro Gono, Patricky Freire, and a 4th round submission over Eddie Alvarez in an absolute war back in November of 2011 that secured him the title.
Also set for the June 19th card will be a clash between former Strikeforce light heavyweight champion Muhammed “King Mo” Lawal and UFC/EliteXC veteran Seth Petruzelli that will in no way draw comparisons to Petruzelli’s infamous knockout of Kimbo Slice, we assure you (ROCKY! ROCKY IS HERE!! THE MOST INCREDIBLE…VICTORY…IN THE HISTORY OF MIXED MARTIAL ARTS!).
(“Don’t worry, Mo, we’re pretty sure your belt just got lost in the mail.”)
On the heels of his first successful title defense over Rick Hawn at Bellator 85, Bellator lightweight champion Michael Chandler has officially been booked to take on his next challenger at Bellator 96, which goes down from the WinStar World Casino in Thackerville, Oklahoma on June 19th.
Undefeated in his mixed martial arts career, Chandler has won eight straight fights under the Bellator banner, including victories over Akihiro Gono, Patricky Freire, and a 4th round submission over Eddie Alvarez in an absolute war back in November of 2011 that secured him the title.
Also set for the June 19th card will be a clash between former Strikeforce light heavyweight champion Muhammed “King Mo” Lawal and UFC/EliteXC veteran Seth Petruzelli that will in no way draw comparisons to Petruzelli’s infamous knockout of Kimbo Slice, we assure you (ROCKY! ROCKY IS HERE!! THE MOST INCREDIBLE…VICTORY…IN THE HISTORY OF MIXED MARTIAL ARTS!).
