(“They be like Hendo…what…can you teach me how to Biz Bang?“)
Last week, we took a look at snake-oil salesman Chael Sonnen pitching the Nexersys, which sort of looked like a high-tech version of the Bas Rutten Body Action System. By comparison, the Jam Gym is just a rubber band you hang over your door, brought to you by Dan Henderson, a man who will pretty much endorse anything. It doesn’t matter what kind of fancy names they invented for these exercises — THE SKULL CRUSHER! THE DEATH DROP! THE HEAD-BANGER! THE BIZ BANG? — we’ve seen this same exact piece of crap before. Even the talents of genius pitchman Henderson can’t save this dog. (“Are you ready? Are you tough enough to get in the ring with me? Come oan.”)
As with most exercise equipment ads, this video is loaded with unrealistic images — from the impossibly fit models who didn’t actually get their bodies through Jam Gymming, to the steel-reinforced door sitting in the middle of a warehouse — with one exception. Pay attention at the 0:18-0:19 second mark and you’ll see a dude in a bedroom that features a dart-board next to a mini-basketball hoop next to a sword on the wall, with a “Dead End” sign on the door. Yeah, that’s about right. Even creepy man-child loners can rock the Jam Gym. And that blonde cutie at the very end? Oh yeah. She definitely hangs it and bangs it, you guys.