Tag: dumbass

Gruesome (Also, Stupid) Injury of the Day: Rony Jason Punches Wall, Juliennes Arm Backstage at ‘Fight Night 32? [UPDATED]


(MOOOOOOOONDAYYYYYYYYYS!!!!!!!)

Update: The Brazilian MMA Athletic Commission has given Rony Jason a 30-day suspension for unsporstmanlike conduct due to the backstage incident, which will go into effect after his 180-day medical suspension is completed.

Perhaps one of the lesser talked about moments from last weekend’s finish-heavy-star-scarce Fight Night 32 event was that of the main card-opening bout between Jeremy Stephens and Rony Jason. In his second fight at featherweight, “Lil Heathen” managed to finish the TUF: Brazil winner the only way he knows how: via uber-violent knockout.

The finish came just 40 seconds into the first round, ending a three fight UFC win streak for Jason and making for his first loss since 2009. While the knockout loss would have probably earned Jason a two-ish month suspension, the injury he suffered in the locker room after the fight will likely keep him sidelined for quite a while longer.

MMAFighting is reporting that apparently Jason didn’t take his loss to Stephens with the grace and poise we have come to expect from Brazilians. No, he instead chose to punch himself in the face (twice) and elbow a wall backstage, slicing himself to pieces in the process and requiring 22 stitches to fix by the time all was said and done. Said Jason through the lens of hindsight:

I hurt my elbow, but I’m okay. I was crying, angry with my loss, and I landed my elbow on the door. It’s hurt, but didn’t break any bones. I was just devastated at that moment.

I’ve trained for a long time for this fight. I was undefeated for four years. Unfortunately, this is an individual sport and I have to deal with it.

I needed 15 stitches in my elbow and seven over my eye. I punched my head twice after the fight, I was so angry. But that’s nothing compared to my loss. I’m devastated.

Locker room walls. They’re this year’s haunted saunas.


(MOOOOOOOONDAYYYYYYYYYS!!!!!!!)

Update: The Brazilian MMA Athletic Commission has given Rony Jason a 30-day suspension for unsporstmanlike conduct due to the backstage incident, which will go into effect after his 180-day medical suspension is completed.

Perhaps one of the lesser talked about moments from last weekend’s finish-heavy-star-scarce Fight Night 32 event was that of the main card-opening bout between Jeremy Stephens and Rony Jason. In his second fight at featherweight, “Lil Heathen” managed to finish the TUF: Brazil winner the only way he knows how: via uber-violent knockout.

The finish came just 40 seconds into the first round, ending a three fight UFC win streak for Jason and making for his first loss since 2009. While the knockout loss would have probably earned Jason a two-ish month suspension, the injury he suffered in the locker room after the fight will likely keep him sidelined for quite a while longer.

MMAFighting is reporting that apparently Jason didn’t take his loss to Stephens with the grace and poise we have come to expect from Brazilians. No, he instead chose to punch himself in the face (twice) and elbow a wall backstage, slicing himself to pieces in the process and requiring 22 stitches to fix by the time all was said and done. Said Jason through the lens of hindsight:

I hurt my elbow, but I’m okay. I was crying, angry with my loss, and I landed my elbow on the door. It’s hurt, but didn’t break any bones. I was just devastated at that moment.

I’ve trained for a long time for this fight. I was undefeated for four years. Unfortunately, this is an individual sport and I have to deal with it.

I needed 15 stitches in my elbow and seven over my eye. I punched my head twice after the fight, I was so angry. But that’s nothing compared to my loss. I’m devastated.

Locker room walls. They’re this year’s haunted saunas.

If Jackass has taught me anything, it’s that stupidity + bodily harm = fans, so expect Jason to tweet a photo of the damage any minute now. While we can sympathize with Jason’s frustration following such a tough loss, there’s also a reason they make Japanese moe body pillows. For sex. But they also work for rage-punching.

In any case, here’s what Dana White had to say about the incident, because apparently we MMA Media types need The Baldfather’s opinion on every last MMA-related issue, no matter how trivial. His opinions are the lifeblood the makes us whole. All Hail Zorp.

Listen, this stuff happens. Especially young guys. A big loss like that. A devastating loss like that, you do stupid stuff sometimes. I don’t think he expected to slice his arm open and get hurt, but it happens.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m just glad daddy Dana was around to inform us that “stuff” “happens.” I’ll sleep better tonight.

–J. Jones

The Next *Next* Big Dumb Thing is Here: “Footbrawl”

Maybe it’s just me, but my apathy for all the stupid, knock-off, hybrid MMA sports that have been created in the past few years has reached levels I previously thought unimaginable. Less than a year ago, I would have come across something as — for lack of a better word — retarded as Footbrawl and immediately launched into a three to five hundred word diatribe in which I explained to you exactly how retarded something like Footbrawl truly is. I would have pointed out that, sure, grappling is cool, but it loses some of its luster (or at least its practicality) when two men holding American Gladiator-style jousting sticks repeatedly doink you from above. That last sentence is only gay if you are.

Furthermore, I would have relentlessly mocked the minds behind this sportbortion for daring to combine Ultimate Ball and Jiu-Jitsu with the God’s honest intent of entertainment. I would have waxed poetic about a sport that, when carried out, most closely resembles a Plutonian laundromat riot circa 2033. But the XARM’s, the Wheeled Warriors, and the Warrior Islands of the past few years have all but completely desensitized me to the stupidity of humankind. And this shit doesn’t even have a Tater Williams.

So I beg of you, Potato Nation, to pick up where I have failed in the comments section. Trash this sport. Trash the ever-loving hell out of it.


(Just so we don’t come across as completely negative, a cheers is in order for whoever decided upon using Rage Against the Machine for background music. And that’s where the compliments stop.)

Maybe it’s just me, but my apathy for all the stupid, knock-off, hybrid MMA sports that have been created in the past few years has reached levels I previously thought unimaginable. Less than a year ago, I would have come across something as — for lack of a better word — retarded as Footbrawl and immediately launched into a three to five hundred word diatribe in which I explained to you exactly how retarded something like Footbrawl truly is. I would have pointed out that, sure, grappling is cool, but it loses some of its luster (or at least its practicality) when two men holding American Gladiator-style jousting sticks repeatedly doink you from above. That last sentence is only gay if you are.

Furthermore, I would have relentlessly mocked the minds behind this sportbortion for daring to combine Ultimate Ball and Jiu-Jitsu with the God’s honest intent of entertainment. I would have waxed poetic about a sport that, when carried out, most closely resembles a Plutonian laundromat riot circa 2033. But the XARM’s, the Wheeled Warriors, and the Warrior Islands of the past few years have all but completely desensitized me to the stupidity of humankind. And this shit doesn’t even have a Tater Williams.

So I beg of you, Potato Nation, to pick up where I have failed in the comments section. Trash this sport. Trash the ever-loving hell out of it. Trash it until someone claiming to be the CEO of Footbrawl is forced to defend the sport via several poorly-written comments. Hell, trash me for even recognizing its existence. And when you’re through with that, trash the Jets for sucking so bad at everything, because fuck ‘em. Several sources have declared the CP comments section to be “the cesspool of the MMA world,” so let’s see if we can lower that bar from “cesspool” to “AIDS-infested shithole” with this article. Make me proud, ladies and gents.

–J. Jones

Twitter Prison Blogs May Partially Lead to a Stiffer Prison Sentence for War Machine

(War Machine getting ready for the Miss Jail Rat 2010 pageant.)
We were disappointed, though not totally surprised today when we visited War Machine’s Twitter page and found that the beleaguered fighter’s prison blogs had been removed.
We figured it…


(War Machine getting ready for the Miss Jail Rat 2010 pageant.)

We were disappointed, though not totally surprised today when we visited War Machine’s Twitter page and found that the beleaguered fighter’s prison blogs had been removed.

We figured it was only a matter of time before prison or court officials got wind of War’s documented exploits behind bars that included drinking prison moonshine and finding a fellow inmate’s fishing line used to share contraband with other cons in his cell block.

Apparently we were right on the money with our estimate that he wouldn’t get through three weeks without getting in trouble and that his big house blogs would be his undoing.

Well, it was fun while it lasted.

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