Start placing your bets on Glover Teixeira to win big, Potato Nation, because Jon Jones just done screwed up the rest of his career.
The curse of the EA Sports cover is an urban legend as old as time itself, predating that of the Sasquatch, the choking Doberman, Bloody Mary, Paul Harris (a.k.a The Brazilian, Ankle-Eating Sasquatch), and even The Babysitter and the Man Upstairs. Unlike all of those other legends, however, the EA Sports Cover Curse has been proven to be 100% true. And it appears that Jon Jones — insolent, arrogant Jon Jones — has decided to doom his career to an endless string of injuries and underwhelming performances by appearing on the cover of EA’s inaugural UFC game. Said Jones in a press release:
It’s another one of those surreal moments, one of those moments you just have to step back and pinch yourself and realize I’m not dreaming. I’m trying to achieve it all. I’m trying to start a precedent for fighters of the future. I’m trying to give people a lot to live up to. This means a lot to me.
It was additionally revealed that Entwal Armoris, the pagan God of misfortune and pestilence embodied by the EA curse, will be joining Jones on next year’s cover. That’s him shrouded in darkness to Jones’ right…(*checks earpiece*)…I’m sorry, I’m being told that the shadowy figure is not actually Entwal Armoris, but a placeholder for a fighter who will be voted in by the fans at UFC.com/covervote. I’m also being told that there is no pagan God of misfortune or pestilence. I apologize for misleading you.
We’ve thrown a preview of EA SPORTS UFC after the jump. Check it out and then pray that I never have to write about video games again.
Start placing your bets on Glover Teixeira to win big, Potato Nation, because Jon Jones just done screwed up the rest of his career.
The curse of the EA Sports cover is an urban legend as old as time itself, predating that of the Sasquatch, the choking Doberman, Bloody Mary, Paul Harris (a.k.a The Brazilian, Ankle-Eating Sasquatch), and even The Babysitter and the Man Upstairs. Unlike all of those other legends, however, the EA Sports Cover Curse has been proven to be 100% true. And it appears that Jon Jones — insolent, arrogant Jon Jones — has decided to doom his career to an endless string of injuries and underwhelming performances by appearing on the cover of EA’s inaugural UFC game. Said Jones in a press release:
It’s another one of those surreal moments, one of those moments you just have to step back and pinch yourself and realize I’m not dreaming. I’m trying to achieve it all. I’m trying to start a precedent for fighters of the future. I’m trying to give people a lot to live up to. This means a lot to me.
It was additionally revealed that Entwal Armoris, the pagan God of misfortune and pestilence embodied by the EA curse, will be joining Jones on next year’s cover. That’s him shrouded in darkness to Jones’ right…(*checks earpiece*)…I’m sorry, I’m being told that the shadowy figure is not actually Entwal Armoris, but a placeholder for a fighter who will be voted in by the fans at UFC.com/covervote. I’m also being told that there is no pagan God of misfortune or pestilence. I apologize for misleading you.
We’ve thrown a preview of EA SPORTS UFC after the jump. Check it out and then pray that I never have to write about video games again.
(Literally every street corner in Istanbul, sans heroin.)
Want to know how I know that none of the other MMA sites who reported on this morning’s UFC/EA Gamescom presentation actually watched a second of it? Because not one of them noted that the presentation began with Bruce Buffer introducing Head of EA Sports, Andrew Wilson, and Executive Vice President and Managing Director of UFC Europe, Garry Cook, via A GOLDEN MICROPHONE, the glossy reflection of which would have burned a hole in Thor’s retina had the albino shut-ins who go to these things allowed even a crack of sunlight into the building. And behind Buffer on the jumbotron during his epic introduction? You best believe it was a giant photo of himself in action — his eyes more piercing as the night, his suit classier than your Grandfather’s high school portrait. A visual echo, if you will.
Anyway, it was at this presentation that Cook announced the UFC’s international plans for 2014. Although he got off to a rough start when he said that mixed martial arts integrates such “popular Olympic sports as wrestling,” Cook quickly recovered by reciting some diversity stats like he was MMA Supercomputer Bjorn Rebney before laying out the UFC’s goals for 2014:
We have athletes representing 37 countries. We broadcast our events in 28 languages. And we’ve established major broadcasting partnerships in 145 countries around the world.
And in 2014, you’ll see more live events. England, Sweden, Poland, Ireland, Turkey, and most importantly, we will be back in Germany in 2014.
Cook conveniently neglected to mention Scotland, which also was highlighted on the jumbotron, as among the UFC’s scheduled trips in the coming year. Man, those British sure can carry a grudge.
(Literally every street corner in Istanbul, sans heroin.)
Want to know how I know that none of the other MMA sites who reported on this morning’s UFC/EA Gamescom presentation actually watched a second of it? Because not one of them noted that the presentation began with Bruce Buffer introducing Head of EA Sports, Andrew Wilson, and Executive Vice President and Managing Director of UFC Europe, Garry Cook, via A GOLDEN MICROPHONE, the glossy reflection of which would have burned a hole in Thor’s retina had the albino shut-ins who go to these things allowed even a crack of sunlight into the building. And behind Buffer on the jumbotron during his epic introduction? You best believe it was a giant photo of himself in action — his eyes more piercing as the night, his suit classier than your Grandfather’s high school portrait. A visual echo, if you will.
Anyway, it was at this presentation that Cook announced the UFC’s international plans for 2014. Although he got off to a rough start when he said that mixed martial arts integrates such “popular Olympic sports as wrestling,” Cook quickly recovered by reciting some diversity stats like he was MMA Supercomputer Bjorn Rebney before laying out the UFC’s goals for 2014:
We have athletes representing 37 countries. We broadcast our events in 28 languages. And we’ve established major broadcasting partnerships in 145 countries around the world.
And in 2014, you’ll see more live events. England, Sweden, Poland, Ireland, Turkey, and most importantly, we will be back in Germany in 2014.
Cook conveniently neglected to mention Scotland, which also was highlighted on the jumbotron, as among the UFC’s scheduled trips in the coming year. Man, those British sure can carry a grudge.
Unfortunately, this recent announcement all but closes the door on the possibility of a Paraguay vs. Uruguay: One Guay Out season of The Ultimate Fighter in 2014. We really tried, you guys, but sometimes a petition with 7 signatures just isn’t enough. Perhaps even more befuddling than Eitherguay’s exclusion from the list of future UFC visits was the inclusion of Turkey. Then again, perhaps the move is simply part of the UFC’s plan to treat ONE FC like a child who has never played Risk before. Yes, perhaps.
One thing’s for sure: If the UFC plans on holding an event in Poland, they might want to look into the judging situation over there. I personally cannot have another one of my bets coming down to which judge is on Team Coco and which is not. My bookie has already warned me about this like three times.
