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[VIDEO] – The MMA Fighter Who Got Choked Out By a Girl Gets a “Web Redemption” on Tosh.0

(Hey, if it can happen to Joe Lauzon, it can happen to anyone, right?)

Featuring special appearances by Arianny Celeste and Bruce Buffer, the most recent “Web Redemption” on Tuesday’s episode of Tosh.0 was probably the most star studded redemption to date. That’s not saying much for a show whose “celebrity” guest list has included the Cobra Kai Sensei, Carrot Top, and whoever David Archuleta is, but still, you get what we’re saying.

Starring Brandon “Bitch Boy” Han a.k.a the wuss who got choked out by a girl, and Courtnie Korpela a.k.a the woman who will haunt his dreams forever, this web rematch carried the fate of the male sex on its shoulders. With Ronda Rousey already making bold claims that she could beat up most of the male fighters in her weight division, we needed to suppress this notion of “equality in the cage” once and for all.

Join us after the jump to see how the rematch played out.

(Hey, if it can happen to Joe Lauzon, it can happen to anyone, right?)

Go figure, Buffer showed up and totally stole the show, combining childlike enthusiasm with some clever insults such as, ”…in the adorable, non-threatening blue trunks,” “standing 5’1 and weighing none of your goddamn business,” and my personal favorite, ”…and in the kitchen, I’m sorry, I meant the secretary desk.”

Tosh, on the other hand, opts for a mix of ignorance, latent homosexuality, and a Brock Lesnar-esque microphone tattoo in order to get his laughs, most of which hit their mark (especially the rip on Affliction t-shirts). But mocking Randy Couture’s record? Oh no you di’int.

That’s Captain America you’re talking about you fucking Kraut.

But thank Christ, the 17 year old Han was able to emerge victorious over Korpela, securing a mounted triangle for the victory. Its safe to say that every man on this Earth will sleep better tonight.

Fun fact: Korpela trains with UFC veteran Eric Schafer over at Red Schafer Mixed Martial Arts. So at least you learned something today.

-J. Jones

WTF?! Videos of the Day: Arianny Dances, Rampage Slaps, and More

(Just another day researching hard-hitting stories here at the CP offices.)

Arianny Celeste is officially a triple threat. Not only can she strike a pose with the best of them, but she can sing the roof off the rafters. And now….this.

Cast as “Japanese schoolgirl” in the latest video by electro pop band Manufactured Superstars, Ms. Celeste turns in a performance that will surely go down as the single greatest piece of acting in a four minute party sequence of all time. Simply put, it brought tears to my ~~penis~~ eyes. As for the music itself, well, it roughly reminds me of something I’d come upon if I happened to be playing Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, so make what you want of that, and join us after the jump for the video.

Also after the jump: everyone’s favorite HR disaster, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson slaps a willing fan, and Brendan Schuab goes ghost hunting.

(Just another day researching hard-hitting stories here at the CP offices.)

Arianny Celeste is officially a triple threat. Not only can she strike a pose with the best of them, but she can sing the roof off the rafters. And now….this.

Manufactured Superstars – “Silver Splits the Blue”

Now that you’ve punctured both your eardrums with a spork, check out something mildly more entertaining– a drunk Quinton Jackson slapping a fan in the face outside of a club. The fan said it was by request, but we think he may have asked Quinton when that album of his was dropping.

And now for something completely different…

Set to take on Ben Rothwell at UFC 145, Brendan Schuab recently took a little time to go ghost hunting with the crew of Ghost Show #315, or the creatively titled Ghost Adventures, which airs on the Travel Channel. Though it is only a preview of the upcoming episode, we’re going to go ahead and take a guess at what happens over the course of the actual show.

1. Three to four chairs will either creek or tip over.
2. Wind will be passed off as a paranormal encounter.
3. Grown men will wander around in the darkness, repeatedly asking/shouting questions that never get answered.
4. They will conclude that the building they entered was in fact haunted.

Thrilling stuff.

-J. Jones

Must-See: Rampage Jackson’s Rap Music Debut in Tokyo [VIDEO]

A million arigatos to our friends at TerezOwens for sending us actual footage of the rap concert that Quinton Jackson did in Tokyo immediately following his loss to Ryan Bader at UFC 144. We can’t tell if this clip is an excerpt from Rampage’s new “doggy style” tribute, but either way, the lyrics are $kala-caliber. FYI, the performance went down at a club called Vanity in Tokyo’s Roppongi district. (As in, “vanity project.” As in, “My God this vanity project.”) Allow us to half-assedly transcribe:

Rampage:
Get on sowaggichain
Get down with Rampage
We party like we paid
Move! Yo ass, like you wanna get laid
Now shake it, *you* shake it
I wanna see that ass butt-naked

Rampage’s Asian hype-man:
Yo, whassup?
Everybody get down on the floor wuhsay
HALT! Sup?
New York [Ed. note: You’re in Tokyo, idiot.]

The video was uploaded to the YouTube account ShuHirata1968; Hirata is like the Ed Soares of Japan, and he always seems to have his video camera with him. For example, here’s another recent clip from Shu’s account that made us even more uncomfortable than Rampage’s rap show…

Rampage:
Get on sowaggichain
Get down with Rampage
We party like we paid
Move! Yo ass, like you wanna get laid
Now shake it, *you* shake it
I wanna see that ass butt-naked

Rampage’s Asian hype-man:
Yo, whassup?
Everybody get down on the floor wuhsay
HALT! Sup?
New York [Ed. note: You’re in Tokyo, idiot.]

That’s UFC “babysitter to the stars” Burt Watson, by the way. As the video description puts it, “Burt Watson and we went out to the hostess bar in Roppongi!! ”

So yeah, Burt slammed that chick afterwards.

Robert ‘The Watermelon-Assasin’ Burneika Is Your MMA Freak of the Day

(Props: YouTube.com/RobertBurneika via CagePotato reader Piotr B. Skip to 1:47 for the good stuff.)

Robert Burneika is a cartoonishly bulky, Lithuanian-born bodybuilding champion who goes by the nickname “Hardkorowy Koksu,” which Google tells me is Polish for “Hardcore Coke.” (I guess the dude likes to party?) Following in the footsteps of Mariusz Pudzianowski, Burneika is set to make his MMA debut in the main event of MMA Attack 2, April 27th in Spodek, Poland. Coincidentally, or maybe not coincidentally, Burneika will be facing off against Marcin Najman (0-2), best known as the guy who Pudzianowski steamrolled in his own MMA debut.

To this point, Burneika’s martial arts experience has been limited to fucking up watermelons, although he’s apparently been picking up some knowledge from Robert Drysdale lately. Here’s a clip of Hardcore Coke in action, showing off his Gallagher-inspired high-kicks. If he can land that thing on Najman, we’ll have a new super-hulk contender on our hands. After the jump: Burneika works the heavy bag and shows off his cooking skills.

(Props: YouTube.com/RobertBurneika via CagePotato reader Piotr B. Skip to 1:47 for the good stuff.)

Video of the Day: The Will Ferrell/Bruce Buffer Collaboration That Needs to Become a Reality

We gotta say, we are really digging these rogue movie parody advertisements for UFC events that have been popping up lately. First we were trated to G.I. Joe’s discussing all things horse related, then Nick Diaz scared us into locking our doors. Now it seems that perennial funnyman Will Ferrell has gotten into the mix of things, or at least his Anchorman character, Ron Burgundy, has.

Along with the classic Anchorman scene, the video combines clips from Buffer’s introductions with a recent appearance by Ferrell at a New Orleans Hornets/Chicago Bulls game in which he introduced the starting lineup. As with many Will Ferrell movies, the clip starts off strong before kinda pitter-pattering its way to the end. Enjoy, or don’t. It’s Friday, so wacky clips are kind of our thing today.

Join us after the jump for another mashup that will make you go into full montage mode.

(Props to Karma for the find.)

We’re not sure what the anonymous narrator is saying (something about linens?) , but goddamn it if this video isn’t inspiring. Will Frankie Edgar be able to pull of another victory come Saturday night? Discuss.

-J. Jones