(“No way! You were the completely innocent victim of a vast conspiracy aimed at soiling your reputation TOO?! Somebody call Lance, we’ve got some work to do.”)
You know, just once I would like to hear an athlete take full responsibility for their actions without needing an hour-long Oprah special to do so. I realize that as fans, we often refuse to acknowledge that the people we falsely idolize are capable of wrongdoing, but if the athletes that continue to get busted for banned substances/steroids/stevia were truly concerned about their fanbase, they probably wouldn’t be trying to cheat the system in the first place.
So you’ll excuse my rush to judgement, but suffice it to say, I ain’t buying the conspiracy theory that former Strikeforce light heavyweight champion Rafael “Feijao” Cavalcante laid out in a recent interview with Globo Esporte. As you might recall, Cavalcante tested positive for Stanozolol in the aftermath of his win over Mike Kyle last May, and was subsequently denied an appeal by the California State Athletic Commission in the months that followed. Although if you were to ask Rafael, he would tell you that the blood — or rather, the urine — is on the CSAC’s hands:
The organizers wanted to harm me. I had conducted a test in Brazil a week before the fight. I would not be so stupid to take any banned substance, the type of anabolic they claimed I took in fact makes a person gain weight. I’m already a heavyweight, would not take that.
The urine sample was manipulated. When the form was submitted, it was dated on May 18, 2012, but in reality the sample was collected a day later on may 19. When we checked the form more carefully, we saw that there was another mistake. The collection was made at the HP Pavilion, where the event was held, but in the form it says collection was made at the hotel where we were staying.
Now, it’s a well known fact that CSAC has bungled a drug test or two in their day — most notoriously in the case of Sean Sherk — to the point that they vowed to completely revamp their drug-testing system in the past. But like we said, that was years ago, and unless CSAC is still going around using dirty vials to take their samples, Cavalcante is probably just bullshitting us here.
In either case, Cavalcante continued to lob accusations at the members of the athletic committee like it was going out of style:
You filed a lawsuit against the CSAC?
Went in and managed to dissolve the committee. The chief inspector of the commission, Che Guevara, lied in front of the judge. He said that it was he who collected my urine, and was the inspector of the commission Roy Fahri. Until the documents were signed with different people.Why do you think they did this?
Tough talk, do not want to accuse anyone (Author’s note: Yeah, except you just did.), but they did not accept the defeat of Mike, big star of the event.
Let’s back the truck up here for a second: The chief inspector’s name was Che Guevara? CHE FREAKING GUEVARA?! Either Cavalcante actually was the victim of some dirty shit last May or he is some kind of Verbal Kint/Keyser Soze evil genius who crafted a completely fictional story based on book titles and stray papers that littered the interviewer’s office in order to cover his tracks. Or Google translate sucks donkey rectum. Based on my past experience uncovering conspiracy theories, I’m going to go with option #2. There’s no way that you’re going to convince me that Mike Kyle was the big star of any MMA event.
Anyone buying Cavalcante’s story?
