Fame is a funny thing. One second it has you teaching tomorrow’s youth how to rape transsexuals in parking garages, and the next it has you teaching women (and possibly transsexuals) to defend themselves from said rapists. Such is the case with former UFC light heavyweight champion, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, who recently posted the above flyer on the Twitter account of his fitness academy along with the following info:
Rampage is giving back to the community and hosting a free self defense seminar for women on March 28th.
Who wants to bet that Page’s first bit of sage-like defense advice will be to purchase a pair of his patented anti-rape shoes? After staring at a pair for over an hour at my local Foot Locker the other day, I’ve determined that the only possibly explanation for the millipede-like protrusions on the underside of those things is that they act like some sort of Inspector Gadget spring device when someone is cornered. Or being raped.
Fame is a funny thing. One second it has you teaching tomorrow’s youth how to rape transsexuals in parking garages, and the next it has you teaching women (and possibly transsexuals) to defend themselves from said rapists. Such is the case with former UFC light heavyweight champion, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson, who recently posted the above flyer on the Twitter account of his fitness academy along with the following info:
Rampage is giving back to the community and hosting a free self defense seminar for women on March 28th.
Who wants to bet that Page’s first bit of sage-like defense advice will be to purchase a pair of his patented anti-rape shoes? After staring at a pair for over an hour at my local Foot Locker the other day, I’ve determined that the only possibly explanation for the millipede-like protrusions on the underside of those things is that they act like some sort of Inspector Gadget spring device when someone is cornered. Or being raped.
Are you a fat, nerdy MMA fan who lives with his mother and spends his time trolling the Internet? Well, obviously not, so you’ll have to play along here. But if you were overweight, and also decided that the whole “eating healthier and exercising” thing didn’t involve enough former UFC champions for your liking, then would I have a treat for you. Tim Sylvia has founded The Maine-Iac 90 Day Weight Loss Challenge, so that you can get in shape with the former UFC champion.
So what is inspiring Tim Sylvia to challenge his loyal fans? Is he trying to persuade people that fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son? Is he concerned about the rising obesity rates in our children? Believe it or not, it appears he’s doing this due to his own weight issues. I know, I can’t think of a single mean-spirited, sarcastic comment to make here, either, so let’s hear it from the former champion himself:
Are you a fat, nerdy MMA fan who lives with his mother and spends his time trolling the Internet? Well, obviously not, so you’ll have to play along here. But if you were overweight, and also decided that the whole “eating healthier and exercising” thing didn’t involve enough former UFC champions for your liking, then would I have a treat for you. Tim Sylvia has founded The Maine-Iac 90 Day Weight Loss Challenge, so that you can get in shape with the former UFC champion.
So what is inspiring Tim Sylvia to challenge his loyal fans? Is he trying to persuade people that fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son? Is he concerned about the rising obesity rates in our children? Believe it or not, it appears he’s doing this due to his own weight issues. I know, I can’t think of a single mean-spirited, sarcastic comment to make here, either, so let’s hear it from the former champion himself:
Well as most of you know, I am in my late 30?s and getting towards the end of my fighting career and I have noticed that it is getting harder and harder to maintain my weight. I received a short notice on a fight opportunity and weighed 330 lbs. at the time. To be in ultimate fighting shape – I needed to be 265 lbs! I only had 5 weeks to drop so a friend of mine turned me onto the Body by Vi Challenge. Within 3 weeks I lost 35 lbs but I had to bust by butt to get there!!! With that being said I was so surprised at how easy this diet was and how great the shakes tastes. Needless to say I am a believer and happy to share this with all my friends and fans. Join me in this journey to a better lifestyle. So please if you’re interested in a better way of life and just want to feel better – Join Me Today in the Body by Vi 90 day Challenge!
I know what you’re thinking: How can a guy with such an intense workout routine balloon up to 330 pounds? The answer, of course, is a lack of $249 Transformation Kit -proudly labeled “Tim’s Kit” – in his diet. Said kit contains some protein powder, a multivitamin, some flavor packets, and a whole lot of snake oil scientific weight loss stuff.
As Fightlinker pointed out, Sylvia’s challenge is really just an affiliate thing of the Body by Vi Challenge, meaning that Tim makes money off of everyone who buys something from his site. Eh, we’ve seen worse attempts at paying bills from former MMA fighters. Much worse. So how about picking up some protein powder from a former champion?
We’re less than one month away from UFC 158, where welterweight kingpin Georges St-Pierre will take on Nick Diaz in a fight we’ve been waiting almost eighteen months to see. At this point, it’s too late for a petty disagreement to cancel this fight. Nothing short of an act of God is going to stop this fight from finally happening, which is obviously great news when Nick Diaz is involved, because once again, Diaz has apparently been no-showing his media obligations.
At least that’s what Dana White had to say during the post-event press conference for yesterday’s UFC on FUEL TV 7. According to him, everyone’s favorite welterweight from the 209 hasn’t been showing up for Countdown tapings. This also explains why Nick Diaz vs. GSP didn’t get its own UFC Primetime episodes even though the much less interesting bout between Rousey vs. Carmouche did; Primetime requires much more effort from the fighters being profiled to film. As Dana White said yesterday (transcribed by MMAWeekly):
“Nick Diaz would be an interesting Countdown show, too,” White shot back sarcastically, “if we could get him to show up for those.
We’re less than one month away from UFC 158, where welterweight kingpin Georges St-Pierre will take on Nick Diaz in a fight we’ve been waiting almost eighteen months to see. At this point, it’s too late for a petty disagreement to cancel this fight. Nothing short of an act of God is going to stop this fight from finally happening, which is obviously great news when Nick Diaz is involved, because once again, Diaz has apparently been no-showing his media obligations.
At least that’s what Dana White had to say during the post-event press conference for yesterday’s UFC on FUEL TV 7. According to him, everyone’s favorite welterweight from the 209 hasn’t been showing up for Countdown tapings. This also explains why Nick Diaz vs. GSP didn’t get its own UFC Primetime episodes even though the much less interesting bout between Rousey vs. Carmouche did; Primetime requires much more effort from the fighters being profiled to film. As Dana White said yesterday (transcribed by MMAWeekly):
“Nick Diaz would be an interesting Countdown show, too,” White shot back sarcastically, “if we could get him to show up for those.
“Imagine how good his Countdown show would be. You think his video blog would be great? How about if he had a professionally shot, by professionals, the best in the business, the best at cutting and producing features on athletes. Imagine how (expletive) good that would be.”
“First we gotta get him to show up for the (expletive) interviews and then we can do it. How many has he missed, four? Three. He’s missed three,” White revealed.
“So we’ve got a crew rolling around Stockton not doing a (expletive) thing. It costs us a lot of money and we can’t properly sell the fight or Nick Diaz.”
Except for one thing: According to the Nick Diaz camp, Nick hasn’t been blowing off the camera crews. Rather, Nick Diaz simply isn’t being told about the media obligations he apparently has. As Jonathan Tweedale – a lawyer with the Nick Diaz camp – told MMAWeekly.com:
“Dana is mistaken. There is no ‘crew rolling around Stockton’ and Nick did not ‘miss’ three interviews. In fact, several earlier dates were arranged without Nick’s knowledge and with no notice to Nick. When Nick learned what had happened, I assisted him in arranging a date and time directly (Thursday, Feb. 14). Nick arrived early and was in good spirits at that Feb. 14 date – the one and only date he knew about in advance. Nick requires things to be done in an organized and orderly manner. That is the kind of professional he is.”
Did someone just call Nick Diaz a “professional” in a non-sarcastic manner? There’s a first time for everything.
It isn’t up to me to determine who is telling the truth in this game of he said/he said. I will just say that when Nick Diaz is in full-blown Macho Man-esque ranting mode, he cuts the best interviews on the planet, and that part of me hopes that Nick Diaz defeats GSP simply for the headaches that UFC Welterweight Champion Nick Diaz will cause.
Who do you think is telling the truth here? Is Nick Diaz no showing his media obligations, because that’s what Nick Diaz does? Or is Dana White saving face for not promoting UFC 158 as much as fans would like? Let us know in the comments section. Keep it civil, guys.
No, the above image is not something that was drawn up by a 7 year-old Japanese schoolboy in between classes, nor is it Dr. Scholl’s experiment gone awry involving a rubber factory and an army of millipedes. The utterly ridiculous mishmash of trampoline springs and synthetic leather pictured above is actually the Rampage Jackson-endorsed Reebok shoe responsible for Page’s latest tantrum aimed at the UFC. I cannot emphasize enough that I am not joking here. On a Rampage-Jackson-alternative-business-venture scale of “Rampage Punch” to “Now shake it, *you* shake it, I wanna see that ass butt-naked,” I give it a solid “Transsexual rape video.” No, I will not go into further detail.
Set to hit the shelves on February 1st, the only thing more outlandish than the look of this thing is the 140 dollars it will cost you to pick up a pair. For one third of that price, I will gladly push you down a flight of stairs, trip you in a crowd, or use whatever method you prefer to achieve the sprained ankle you will inevitably suffer while wearing these moon shoes. Jackson says that the design was inspired by all terrain vehicles, but could someone please explain to me what sport or everyday activity these things could possibly be useful for? Or what group of people Reebok is trying to promote with these? Unless competitive hopscotching troglodytes are a huge undiscovered market that has just been waiting to be tapped into, I expect that these things will be filling the bargain bins at Reebok stores nationwide by Christmas. Anyone disagree?
No, the above image is not something that was drawn up by a 7 year-old Japanese schoolboy in between classes, nor is it Dr. Scholl’s experiment gone awry involving a rubber factory and an army of millipedes. The utterly ridiculous mishmash of trampoline springs and synthetic leather pictured above is actually the Rampage Jackson-endorsed Reebok shoe responsible for Page’s latest tantrum aimed at the UFC. I cannot emphasize enough that I am not joking here. On a Rampage-Jackson-alternative-business-venture scale of “Rampage Punch” to “Now shake it, *you* shake it, I wanna see that ass butt-naked,“ I give it a solid “Transsexual rape video.” No, I will not go into further detail.
Set to hit the shelves on February 1st, the only thing more outlandish than the look of this thing is the 140 dollars it will cost you to pick up a pair. For one third of that price, I will gladly push you down a flight of stairs, trip you in a crowd, or use whatever method you prefer to achieve the sprained ankle you will inevitably suffer while wearing these moon shoes. Jackson says that the design was inspired by all terrain vehicles, but could someone please explain to me what sport or everyday activity these things could possibly be useful for? Or what group of people Reebok is trying to promote with these? Unless competitive hopscotching troglodytes are a huge undiscovered market that has just been waiting to be tapped into, I expect that these things will be filling the bargain bins at Reebok stores nationwide by Christmas. Anyone disagree?
Then again, the existence of Movie 43 (and the millions of dollars it will likely make this weekend. Just watch.) proves that we as a society are still not capable of distinguishing good products from terrible ones, so I guess we should just start preparing ourselves for the herds of wobbly-legged wankers who will be stumbling onto subways across the country donning these beauties.
So how many of you Taters will be camping out in line for a chance to own a pair of Page’s signature kicks? Get it? Kicks?! Because he never throws any?
(To be fair, Means’ should have seen something like this coming when he decided to frequent the creepy sauna in the middle of a swamp.)
You guys remember how the booking of Tim Means and Abel Trujillo — two former convicts — on the undercard of UFC on FOX 5 raised some interesting questions regarding just who the UFC should allow to fight under their banner? Well, we can put that debate to rest for now in the case of Means, as Dana White announced over Twitter just a couple hours ago that “The Dirty Bird” has been pulled from the card for — we shit you not — slipping in the sauna and knocking himself unconscious:
(To be fair, Means’ should have seen something like this coming when he decided to frequent the creepy sauna in the middle of a swamp.)
You guys remember how the booking of Tim Means and Abel Trujillo — two former convicts — on the undercard of UFC on FOX 5 raised some interesting questions regarding just who the UFC should allow to fight under their banner? Well, we can put that debate to rest for now in the case of Means, as Dana White announced over Twitter just a couple hours ago that “The Dirty Bird” has been pulled from the card for — we shit you not — slipping in the sauna and knocking himself unconscious:
If this sounds familiar, it’s because a very similar situation occurred at UFC 24 when Kevin Randleman slipped on a pipe backstage and knocked himself right out of the headlining heavyweight title match he was scheduled to compete in opposite Pedro Rizzo. At least we’re only dealing with an undercard injury for the time being.
At this point, the injury curse of 2012 has officially gone full-retard. Drunk on power and arrogance, it is basically stumbling through mess halls and vomiting into harpsichords, looking for the nearest hapless gent to pick a fight with. It’s beyond the point of parody, really, kind of like how fast food drive-thru window pranks and AIDS jokes just aren’t as funny as they used to be. The question is, will 2013 be just as bad? There’s truly no earthly way of knowing which direction the injury curse is going, but not a spec of light is showing, so the danger must be growing. YES, the danger MUST be growing, for the woe-ers keep on woeing, and they’re certainly not showing ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!!
Ahem.
As DW mentioned, stepping up on short notice to face Trujillo will be Marcus LeVesseur, who lost his original opponent in TUF 15 winner Mike Chiesa due to a sudden illness that forced him to pull out from the fight at the last minute. If I were one to buy into conspiracies, this is where I’d start speculating that a Higher Power was behind all this, perhaps attempting to prevent some sort of ecological disaster or terrorist attack through a series of frivolously connected events that begin with this fight. Thankfully, I’m not one of those loons.
Gentlemen, have you ever found yourself watching a Miesha Tate fight and thought, “You know what, that woman is a great fighter, I would love to show her my penis over the internet.” Well today is your lucky day, because a thread on the UG recently brought to light that the former Strikeforce bantamweight women’s champion has apparently launched a “members only” website, where just $4.99 a month (!!!!) gets you access to the following:
-Latest and up to date news
-Latest and up to date appearances and schedule -Exclusive photos not found anywhere else -Exclusive videos not found anywhere else
-Access to store for merchandise and memorbilia
-Contests available to fans only
-Be able to submit your picture with Miesha that will be permanently on her website
-Chance to Video Chat with Miesha herself (times and days TBD)
-Book 1 on 1 video chat
-See Marzia stream live from her phone (coming soon)
Gentlemen, have you ever found yourself watching a Miesha Tate fight and thought, “You know what, that woman is a great fighter, I would love to show her my penis over the internet.” Well today is your lucky day, because a thread on the UG recently brought to light that the former Strikeforce bantamweight women’s champion has apparently launched a “members only” website, where just $4.99 a month (!!!!) gets you access to the following:
-Latest and up to date news
-Latest and up to date appearances and schedule -Exclusive photos not found anywhere else -Exclusive videos not found anywhere else
-Access to store for merchandise and memorbilia
-Contests available to fans only
-Be able to submit your picture with Miesha that will be permanently on her website
-Chance to Video Chat with Miesha herself (times and days TBD)
-Book 1 on 1 video chat
-See Marzia stream live from her phone (coming soon)
In all seriousness (or at least as serious as we can be while discussing this), the items on this “members only” list seem to range from whatever the opposite of business savvy is to downright strange. Why would you limit who can purchase your merchandise to only those who have signed up for an additional fee to do so? Does she realize that most of these “exclusive” videos and photos will be made public as soon as they are put up on her website? And what kind of basement-dwelling sad sack would actually pay to have their fanboy photo with Miesha on her website? Though to be fair, it could bring a whole new meaning to the term “fist-posing.”
I went there. I apologize.
But rather than continue to mock this idea all over again, I’d rather let the anonymous members of the UG who came across this news do it, because they pretty much cover all the pseudo-sexual and downright mean comments were planning to say anyway. Enjoy.
YellowWrkedByTapIn: She is going to see a LOT of dicks.
Hocky Balboa: I’m kinda broke at the moment, so I’ve been jerking off to Giant Silva video chats for less than a dollar a month. (Ed note: This is my personal fav.)
58miles: Well when even elite WMMA fighters make less than a 17yr old full-time cashier at Walmart, these kinds of situations are going to occur.
_33 24: How long till Honda pays for a chat to break her balls?
And finally, Card, who proves that life, as in movies, is about showing, not telling:
According to the thread, Ronda Rousey has apparently already been notified of this and if history tells us anything, we can expect and epic surprise chat session any day now.
