(The CagePotato HR Department: Boldly squashing inter-office disputes since 2007.)
Just like pictures of hot womens and irresponsible opinions, pre-UFC event bickering has become a fixture here at CagePotato. In advance of this weekend’s card in Toronto, we locked Danga and ReX in a miniature Octagon with energy drinks, a blow-up doll, and a set of questions. We were dubious about the doll, but ReX insisted that hilarity would ensue, and he assures us that it did. It wasn’t mentioned in the final article, but some things you just don’t want to ask about.
Now, to the questions:
Does Lyoto stand a Crane kick’s chance in hell of winning this weekend?
RX: Funny you should mention the Crane kick, since I think Machida’s offense will give Jones some pause. Let’s not forget, quite a few pro fighters have been stymied by Machida’s style. In the Rampage fight, Jones was wary in the first round; he didn’t want to catch a big hook and go nighty-night. If he hesitates in the first, Machida can start firing off kicks to minimize Bones’ reach advantage, and it takes exactly one (1) Machida Dragon Kick to separate you from all of your earthly concerns. So… yeah, he’s got a chance. And all this has nothing to do with Machida being on my Official CagePotato Fantasy MMA Team, ok?
Look, I just want to see Jones take a good punch, ok?
Danga: Same here brother, but let’s think about this for a second: Lyoto Machida is known for one thing, utilizing distance and being elusive. Ok, two things.
RX: We’re not mentioning the other other thing?
Danga: No, now pay attention. Aside from being far too tentative, Machida’s main problem is that no kind of flying razzmatazz manuever is going to make up for the fact that he suffers nearly a foot reach disadvantage to Bones. I don’t care how much smaller his practice octagons were, come Saturday night he is going to have nowhere to go. Hell, Rua barely had a reach advantage on him and managed to keep Machida at bay for the most part. I’d also like to note that the size of Machida’s chin is significant in…er…nevermind.
Which fight is the Dark Horse for FOTN?
RX: Well, I’d think Hominick-Jung is the favorite to win FOTN, but dark horse candidate? Hamman-Phillippou could be a knockdown-dragout, what with Hamman’s ability to take punishment. How about Jabouin-Watson? Walel “The Gazelle” Watson is ridiculously long at bantamweight, has an arsenal of sick chokes, and he’s faster than my first lap dance. Plus he’s with Team Hurricane Awesome MMA Team of Awesomeness, which is a totally real thing –a CagePotato-approved camp out of San Diego — so i expect big things from him. Jabouin is no push-over of course, so we could be in for some fun back and forth exchanges. If it lasts more than sixty seconds, it could be a real crowd-pleaser.
Danga: When I initially looked at this list, I also thought that the Hominick-Jung scrap looked like a clear front runner for FOTN. Then I sat down, drank a Blue Moon with my lady, grew up, drank a Genesee Original Draft, and came to my senses. I know Jung has developed a new style and all, but Hominick is going to DESTROY him. I hate to use MMA math here, but Hominick DESTROYED the guy who DESTROYED Jung, and therefore will knock Jung out in the first 30 seconds.
RX: My head hurts. MMA MATH IS HARD. i never know what to do with the damn exponents. Do i add them or multiply? *inputs 58008 into calculator, snickers*
Danga: Haha. Boobs…what were we talking about again? Oh yeah, Fight of the Night, which is going to Mir/Nogueira. Mir is out to prove that the first match was no fluke, and is also in desperate need of an exciting match if he doesn’t want to float aimlessly amidst the heavyweight pool for the rest of his career. Plus, when has Big Nog ever been in a boring fight?
RX: Boobies?
Danga: Exactly.
Which Nog do you like more, not just on a personal level, but to win come Saturday night?
RX: Big Nog, all the way. First of all, because he’s fighting Frank Mir. Mir is a cerebral and articulate, and probably a great guy, but he just comes across as a pompous smarty-pants at times and people don’t like especially like him. That makes the already beloved Nogueira that much more likable on a personal level. Big Nog suffered his first stoppage loss ever to Mir three years ago (damn, has it been that long?), but i’m rolling with the “staph and injuries” story. Nogueira will be avenging that loss Saturday night. He has to. Otherwise Mir will be back in the championship hunt, and Nog will be in with Mark Hunt, and i’ll be confused and think it’s 2004 again.
Danga: Yeah, Big Nog. And don’t tell my skinny jeans that’s it’s not 2004.
Related: Little Nog is perilously close to losing three in a row, particularly if you felt that Jason Brilz deserved the decision win back at UFC 114. Would Dana cut a Nogueira?
Danga: There’s no way he’ll get cut, but do we really want to live in a world where Lil Nog is the Dan Hardy of the Light Heavyweight division? I feel icky just mentioning them both in the same sentence.
RX: Yeah, LOL j/k i’m a dumb n00b. With future plans in Brazil monster arenas and international TUF competitions, Dana will never never never never cut a Nogueira. (He will start getting lots of gatekeeper matchups, though.)
Will Canada go undefeated on the night? More importantly, what can we do to ensure Canada doesn’t go undefeated on the night?
RX: The Canucks have some tough fights on their hands, including Jabouin, Bocek (against Nik Lentz), and Claude Patrick, who matches up with the wildly unpredictable Brian Ebersole.
Danga: I’m going to go out on a limb and say yes. Bocek is better everywhere than Lentz, Patrick should be able to out grapple Ebersole, and Hominick and Jabouin are just on a different level than their opponents.
RX: I’ll say no, but it’s too close for comfort. We need to get an American agent up there for the weigh-ins to tempt the Canadian fighters with gummi bears and ice cream. Or poutine and Elsinore beer. Whatever it takes.
Danga: I think I know a guy who’d be more than willing.
What’s the over/under on the length of Dennis Ballman’s fight shorts?
RX: Doesn’t matter: i’ll take the over.
Danga: After the beating he took from both Ebersole and DW for his last…let’s call it wardrobe malfunction, I’m thinking Hallman makes his way to the octagon in snow pants, only to reveal a pair of Shinya Aoki/Karmaatemycat-esque pair of what I refer to as “the fighter’s Long Johns” for the fight itself. I’ve already thought too much about this…so how bout that Brittney Palmer?
RX: I wouldn’t be surprised if Hallman showed up in a burka. As a matter of fact, If Hallman wears anything less than knee-length board shorts in the cage, *i’ll* put on a Training Mask mankini.
Danga: Thanks, I totally didn’t want to eat any lunch today, anyway.
RX: Sorry, bro. Hey, how come Carmen Valentina hates you so much?
Danga: Three words: Prom dumpster baby.
If you feel there were some topics we missed, or have any inquiries for future debates, let us know in the comments section.