Catch the ‘UFC 163: Aldo vs. Korean Zombie’ Weigh-Ins Right Here Starting at 3 p.m. EST! [UPDATED w/RESULTS]

You gotta love how the UFC continues to promote Chan Sung Jung’s awesome nickname above his actual name for every event he headlines, to the point that the casual fan probably couldn’t tell you who Jung was without first being informed that he was in fact “The Korean Zombie.” Who knows, maybe the UFC is hoping to reel in some last second buys from drunk shut-ins who thought they were ordering a Syfy movie On Demand — it wouldn’t be the first time that the two entities combined forces. If only Wanderlei Silva was a featherweight, we would all be talking about how Axe Murderer vs. Korean Zombie made DinoCroc vs. Supergator look like Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus* around the water cooler on Monday.

I apparently cannot stop rambling today, so let’s wrap things up here. Starting at 3 p.m. EST, the weigh-ins for UFC 163 will be going down from the HSBC arena. We will be hosting a viewing party of said weigh-ins, complete with popcorn (BLAST-O-BUTTER, obvs.), footy pajamas and your mom. Will Jose Aldo triumphantly sprint into the crowd after making weight? Will Phil Davis or Lyoto Machida do anything to convince us that their fight won’t suck? Tune in and find out!

You gotta love how the UFC continues to promote Chan Sung Jung’s awesome nickname above his actual name for every event he headlines, to the point that the casual fan probably couldn’t tell you who Jung was without first being informed that he was in fact “The Korean Zombie.” Who knows, maybe the UFC is hoping to reel in some last second buys from drunk shut-ins who thought they were ordering a Syfy movie On Demand — it wouldn’t be the first time that the two entities combined forces. If only Wanderlei Silva was a featherweight, we would all be talking about how Axe Murderer vs. Korean Zombie made DinoCroc vs. Supergator look like Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus* around the water cooler on Monday.

I apparently cannot stop rambling today, so let’s wrap things up here. Starting at 3 p.m. EST, the weigh-ins for UFC 163 will be going down from the HSBC arena. We will be hosting a viewing party of said weigh-ins, complete with popcorn (BLAST-O-BUTTER, obvs.), footy pajamas and your mom. Will Jose Aldo triumphantly sprint into the crowd after making weight? Will Phil Davis or Lyoto Machida do anything to convince us that their fight won’t suck? Tune in and find out!

MAIN CARD (PPV, 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT)
Jose Aldo (145) vs. Chan Sung Jung (145)
Phil Davis (205) vs. Lyoto Machida (205)
Cezar Ferreira (185) vs. Thiago Santos (183)
Thales Leites (185) vs. Tom Watson (185)
John Lineker (129**) vs. Jose Maria Tome (126)

PRELIMINARY CARD (FX, 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT)
Vinny Magalhaes (205) vs. Anthony Perosh (205)
Sheila Gaff (135) vs. Amanda Nunes (136)
Neil Magny (171) vs. Sergio Moraes (170)
Ian McCall (125) vs. Iliarde Santos (125)

PRELIMINARY CARD (Facebook, 6:30 ET / 3:30 PT)
Josh Clopton (145) vs. Rani Yahya (145)
Francimar Barroso (204) vs. Ednaldo Oliveira (205)
Viscardi Andrade (170) vs. Bristol Marunde (171)

*And for that matter, what is the difference between a DinoCroc and a Crocosaurus? Are they not both prehistoric giant crocodiles come to life via a science experiment gone awry? Or was one thawed out after millions of years in ice a la Godzilla? And would that make any difference? Oh, Syfy channel, you are never afraid to make us ask the tough questions, are you?

**Lineker chose to forfeit 20% of his purse as a fine, rather than attempt to cut down to 126 pounds. The match will proceed as a catchweight bout.

–J. Jones