(WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY SPRAY TAN?!)
Just three days ago, Alan Belcher was fed to the lions. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, but like those who choose to stay in Omelas, the Zuffa head-honchos knew that a sacrifice had to be made for the good of the community. For if the insatiable beast known as “Toquinho” was not fed his daily quotient of appendages, theirs would surely be next. So they sent forth the only American brave enough to tattoo Kim Jong-il on his arm to narfle the Garthok, so to speak. But like the mighty Beldar Conehead before him, Alan Belcher emerged from the monstrosity’s repugnant dwelling unscathed, and earned a lifetime supply of free wishes for doing so.
At least that’s how “The Talent” sees it, because when asked on who he’d like to face next (if a title shot was out of the question, of course) Belcher was rather adamant about his options, telling the following to BloodyElbow’s Steph Daniels:
I think a fight with Michael Bisping makes a lot of sense. I mean, Boetsch looks like a beast at 185, and I’ve got to admit, he looks pretty scary. The other guys in the division, in my mind, I’ve already beat them so many times, and I know everything about them, and I know they don’t have anything really threatening. Boetsch has got some pretty powerful tools, and is a pretty scary dude.
Bisping, of course, is getting to be a professional point fighter, and he’s kind of hard to beat like that. That fight would be a nice payday, and a big fight for the media, so I’m kind of leaning towards that one. It would make sense, and the fans would love it. I can almost feel the energy I would get from the fans if I put him to sleep.
In case you’re keeping track, Belcher has now joined a list of fighters who have called out the British “point fighter” that includes Mark Munoz, Brian Stann, Tim Boetsch (who was successful in doing so), and Jorge Rivera (who was less than successful).
For the record, we’re not counting either of the men who coached opposite Bisping on his TUF gigs, even though one of those led to the most satisfying beatdowns of all time.
But believe it or not, Belcher’s desire to fight Bisping is not the result of some backstage incident where Bisping managed to get under his skin, as is usually the case, but rather out of general disdain for “The Count”:
No, nothing personal. I don’t know what to think about him. I can already kind of feel the kind of smack talking that he would be doing, and I think that he just honestly believes that he’s better than he is. I don’t think he respects me or considers me to be one of the top guys. It would feel good to beat him, but I don’t want to let those type of personal emotions get in the way of what’s really important, and that’s competing for the world championship and winning.
Belcher went on to state that, “There is just something about his face that makes me want to deliver a fist right in his suckhole, and if he doesn’t change his face, I’m going to change it for him.” We may have made that part up, but he was more than likely thinking it at the time of the interview.
Belcher was also quick to point out that, although he was successful, it wasn’t exactly his gameplan to stick his foot in the bear trap that is Rousimar Palhares:
I knew that I would shock some people. It wasn’t my intention to get into a grappling match with him. A lot of people thought that was my intent going in, and that the media sort of pushed me into it, trying to prove something, but that was surely not the case at all.
I knew I would be able to handle myself if he got me in a situation. I was prepared, and I’d been training with some of the best guys that do that kind of thing. I was probably kind of psyching myself up a little too much, and I was expecting some kind of super powers or super strength, but it was a lot easier once I actually got in there.
I knew that it was going to take some real tight mental preparation to beat somebody like this. I recognized that it was my time, not only in my career, in the title picture, but it was my time in the fight to finish him and make a big splash, and I think that’s what I did.
I think people will think twice about taking me down. Now they know I can grapple with the best of them. It was pretty nice watching him try to squirm out of the twister position, and out of all those submissions I was trying to throw on him. It was the highlight of the fight for me. I was pretty proud of it.
In a way, Belcher’s performance last Saturday night reminded me a lot of The Hurt Locker. “The Talent” showed incredible patience and precision when wiggling his way out of Palhares’ attacks, which impede one’s walking ability to the same degree as stepping on a landmine, if you think about it. And not only did he manage to avoid Palhares’ death grip, he attempted a twister and even a banana split at one point, I believe, all on one of the best Jiu-Jitsu practitioners in the game.
All I’m saying is, if Alan Belcher is asking for anything or anyone in terms of matchups, he’s earned it, don’t you think?