Knockout of the Day: How to End a Street Fight Before It Ever Begins

(Props to Fightlinker for the find.)

Before you guys start jumping on your soapboxes in regards to the legitimacy of street fight videos on an MMA website, just check this shit out right here. I’m not one to unnecessarily hype up a video, but I am going to go ahead and declare this THE GREATEST STREET FIGHT KNOCKOUT OF ALL TIME.

Here’s the backstory as I imagined it: Aryan Abe Lincoln was just coming home from a rough day at work. He blew a tire on the way in, forgot to pack a lunch, and got royally chewed out by his boss because Johnson in accounting had botched his quarterly reports (again!). And to make matters worse, his whore of a wife — I say “whore” because it was well known by Aryan Abe’s neighbors that she was a Bulgarian prostitute he had mail-ordered — had gone and jumped into bed with the pool boy, Ronie with one n, who was now standing outside Abe’s house declaring that he would fight for her love.

Unfortunately for Ronie, Aryan Abe had been studying Muay Thai over the past few years, you know, to cope with the fact that his wife was a whore, and quickly put the kibosh on Ronie’s proposal in emphatic fashion. That sound you heard, believe it or not, was not that of a bologna roll being dropped from a roof off screen, but that of poor Ronie’s dreams and aspirations coming to a crashing halt.


(Props to Fightlinker for the find.)

Before you guys start jumping on your soapboxes in regards to the legitimacy of street fight videos on an MMA website, just check this shit out right here. I’m not one to unnecessarily hype up a video, but I am going to go ahead and declare this THE GREATEST STREET FIGHT KNOCKOUT OF ALL TIME.

Here’s the backstory as I imagined it: Aryan Abe Lincoln was just coming home from a rough day at work. He blew a tire on the way in, forgot to pack a lunch, and got royally chewed out by his boss because Johnson in accounting had botched his quarterly reports (again!). And to make matters worse, his whore of a wife — I say “whore” because it was well known by Aryan Abe’s neighbors that she was a Bulgarian prostitute he had mail-ordered — had gone and jumped into bed with the pool boy, Ronie with one n, who was now standing outside Abe’s house declaring that he would fight for her love.

Unfortunately for Ronie, Aryan Abe had been studying Muay Thai over the past few years, you know, to cope with the fact that his wife was a whore, and quickly put the kibosh on Ronie’s proposal in emphatic fashion. That sound you heard, believe it or not, was not that of a bologna roll being dropped from a roof off screen, but that of poor Ronie’s dreams and aspirations coming to a crashing halt.

Seriously though, you have to respect the guy that will drag your lifeless corpse off the street after he’s bounced your head off said street, as to ensure that no careless driver out there accidentally finishes you off. I believe those are Marquess of Queensbury Rules, right?

–J. Jones