Oh for F*ck’s Sake: Jacob Volkmann Gave Himself a New Nickname, and It’s Terrible.


This image is a rare example of both foreshadowing the news and your reaction to it.

Giving yourself a nickname is one of the lamest things you can do, and MMA fighters are some of the most notable offenders. Perhaps I’m just a tad bit jaded from constantly seeing guys calling themselves “The Iceman” or “Hollywood” making their amateur MMA debuts, but I firmly believe that a nickname is something you have to earn. Face it, not everyone deserves the honor of being The White Mamba.

Which is all to say that I was already rolling my eyes at Jacob Volkmann when he announced during yesterday’s WSOF 3: pre-fight media call that he had changed his nickname. Even if he came up with something decent, I wouldn’t have liked his nickname – which is good because what he came up with is terrible.

The man you once knew as Jacob “Christmas” Volkmann would now like you to call him…


This image is a rare example of both foreshadowing the news and your reaction to it.

Giving yourself a nickname is one of the lamest things you can do, and MMA fighters are some of the most notable offenders. Perhaps I’m just a tad bit jaded from constantly seeing guys calling themselves “The Iceman” or “Hollywood” making their amateur MMA debuts, but I firmly believe that a nickname is something you have to earn. Face it, not everyone deserves the honor of being The White Mamba.

Which is all to say that I was already rolling my eyes at Jacob Volkmann when he announced during yesterday’s WSOF 3: pre-fight media call that he had changed his nickname. Even if he came up with something decent, I wouldn’t have liked his nickname – which is good because what he came up with is terrible.

The man you once knew as Jacob “Christmas” Volkmann would now like you to call him…

Jacob “Dr. Feelgood” Volkmann.

In fairness to Volkmann, I thought of a few reasons why this nickname actually makes sense:

– I actually look forward to Christmas, so he couldn’t keep calling himself that.

– Despite their reputation off-stage, Motley Crue’s music was pretty weak. Volkmann’s zero wins by knockout and eight decision victories stay true to this.

– The only people who still consider Motley Crue edgy are ultra-conservative Republicans.

I was about to make a similar list to argue why it’s an incredibly lame nickname, but come on, do I really need to explain that?

@SethFalvo