(“We’re not angry with you, Ryan. We’re just disappointed.” Photo via Getty.)
Since ReX was finally able to unearth the Potato Index Supercomputer from his “Rave Cave” last week — which, FYI, is just a storage bin packed to the brim with CP t-shirts, used glowsticks, regifted blenders and vintage German porno mags — we figured we might as well continue running with this outdated piece of technology for the sake of nostalgia. For CagePotato readers, if anything, are a nostalgic bunch. Stubbornly trapped in the past and all but refusing to accept change you might even go as far as to say, but I digress. In any case, here are the numbers the CP Supercomputer was able to churn out based on the results of UFC 164 and Fight Night 28.
Anthony Pettis +108
Two promotions. Two title fights. Two clear cut victories. Not only did Pettis earn an eternal place in Ben Henderson’s nightmares with one kick during their first encounter, but now he done went and submitted him inside of 5 minutes in their second. Lock up your daughters, lock up your wife, lock up your back door and run for your life. “Showtime” is back in town and he don’t mess around.
Bendo -47
Shit happens when you start talking about beating Anderson Silva’s title defense record with 0 finishes in 7 UFC fights. We don’t mean to kick a classy guy like “Smooth” while he’s down, so for now we’ll just say that it doesn’t look like he’ll be getting another crack at the new champ anytime soon. It’s called the Koscheck Rule of Twos.
Josh Barnett +33
Regardless of whether or not his thrashing of Frank Mir could have gone on a little longer, “The Warmaster” made a huge statement in his return bout nonetheless. Perhaps a fight with Travis Browne is on the horizon? Indubitably, you guys. Now will someone give the poor bastard a lift to the bus stop? He’s got these cheeseburgers, man…
Frank Mir -86
He may still be an elite heavyweight by most standards, but ol’ Franky boy is a couple more beatdowns away from never being able to play Jenga with his kids again.
Chad Mendes +45
Fighting Clay Guida is like trying to wrangle a chicken in an amusement park while wearing a blindfold. Finishing the Energizer Blanket is even tougher. Clearly, smoking weed and watching fight videos with Duane Ludwig is paying off in spades for Team Alpha Male. But if we have to hear Chad talk about that dude in the bushes on the back of his twenties ONE MORE TIME.
Clay Guida -20
Another tough break for the UFC’s hardest working and hardest playing star doesn’t do much for Guida’s stock. He’s a tough son of a bitch, that’s for sure, and a guy who will probably never become a champion or even an outright contender while still remaining a legitimate threat to those who are. Not much else to say, really.
Ben Rothwell (on TRT) +71
+11 for chasing Brandon Vera around for two and a half rounds, +60 for the sweet ass dance moves that kickstarted his finishing flurry.
Brandon Vera -45
We don’t know if we’ve ever seen a fighter as visibly confused as Brandon Vera was in the moments before Rothwell uncorked that beating on him in the third round. Unless you count Brandon Vera in the moments after Shogun Rua uncorked that beating on him in the fourth round last year. Welcome to No Man’s Land, Brandon. The summers are nice but the employment opportunities are somewhat scarce.
Dustin Poirier +28
Another fantastic fight punctuated with violent exchanges is in the books for “Diamond,” who is quickly becoming one of the most exciting fighters at 145. At just 24 years old, he’s got a long UFC career ahead of him.
Erik Koch -13
Can you believe that this guy was slated to face Jose Aldo at one point? What a slaughter that would’ve been.
Click on the “next page” tab for a by-the-numbers breakdown of yesterday’s Fight Night event…