Useless List: 33 Random Google Searches That Return CagePotato in the First Result [UPDATED]


(We couldn’t have landed #16 without you, MMc AA)

I’m going to be honest with you, here — it’s a slow news day. But instead of phoning in a post about the Comcast/FOX deal or Holly Holm’s Bellator debut, I’m going to try something much, much less interesting.

This morning, I discovered that a Google search for ‘new york mma regulation’ returns CagePotato articles in the first three spots, which is kind of exciting for us SEO-minded types. So I started wondering: What other general MMA-related search terms return CagePotato articles in the #1 spot? After about 15 minutes of idle searching, I was able to find dozens of them, and I decided to rank the top 30 below, based on total number of results that come back from that search. As it turns out, the list is a fairly complete overview of the coverage we’ve produced over the last five years — and a reminder of where our priorities tend to land.

The moral of the story? CagePotato might be marginalized as a jokey shitsite from time to time, but our impact on the Internet is kind of indisputable. So let’s give ourselves a self-high-five and proceed…

1. nba mma (#1 out of 114,000,000 results)
2. punch face (#1 out of 107,000,000)
3. bad ufc journalism (#1 out of 68,900,000; we also rank #1 for shitty ufc journalism — success!)
4. british ring girls (#1 out of 40,800,000)
5. mma funny (#1 and #2 out of 39,500,000)
6. brazilian ring girls (#1 and #2 out of 35,600,000)
7. worst fighters (#1 and #2 out of 29,600,000)
8. nude ring girls (#1 and #2 out of 21,000,000)
9. mma weight cuts (#1, #2, and #3 out of 16,200,000)
10. ugly mma t-shirts (#1 and #2 out of 13,900,000)
11. japanese freak show (#1 out of 9,160,000)
12. fist pose (#1 and #2 out of 7,240,000)


(We couldn’t have landed #16 without you, MMc AA)

I’m going to be honest with you, here — it’s a slow news day. But instead of phoning in a post about the Comcast/FOX deal or Holly Holm’s Bellator debut, I’m going to try something much, much less interesting.

This morning, I discovered that a Google search for ‘new york mma regulation’ returns CagePotato articles in the first three spots, which is kind of exciting for us SEO-minded types. So I started wondering: What other general MMA-related search terms return CagePotato articles in the #1 spot? After about 15 minutes of idle searching, I was able to find dozens of them, and I decided to rank the top 30 below, based on total number of results that come back from that search. As it turns out, the list is a fairly complete overview of the coverage we’ve produced over the last five years — and a reminder of where our priorities tend to land.

The moral of the story? CagePotato might be marginalized as a jokey shitsite from time to time, but our impact on the Internet is kind of indisputable. So let’s give ourselves a self-high-five and proceed…

1. nba mma (#1 out of 114,000,000 results)
2. punch face (#1 out of 107,000,000)
3. bad ufc journalism (#1 out of 68,900,000; we also rank #1 for shitty ufc journalism — success!)
4. british ring girls (#1 out of 40,800,000)
5. mma funny (#1 and #2 out of 39,500,000)
6. brazilian ring girls (#1 and #2 out of 35,600,000)
7. worst fighters (#1 and #2 out of 29,600,000)
8. nude ring girls (#1 and #2 out of 21,000,000)
9. mma weight cuts (#1, #2, and #3 out of 16,200,000)
10. ugly mma t-shirts (#1 and #2 out of 13,900,000)
11. japanese freak show (#1 out of 9,160,000)
12. fist pose (#1 and #2 out of 7,240,000)

13. mma pua (#1 out of 5,650,000)
14. mma porn (#1 out of 3,620,000)
15. new york mma regulation (#1, #2, and #3 out of 2,790,000)
16. mma fleshlight (#1 out of 2,630,000)
17. mma steroids (#1 and #2 out of 1,920,000)
18. falling tree knockout (#1, #2, #3, and #4 out of 1,760,000)
19. ufc performance bonuses (#1 and #2 out of 1,560,000)
20. ufc 151 live blog (#1 out of 1,460,000)
21. mma cursed (#1 out of 1,040,000)
22. lawn chair knockout (#1 out of 1,040,000)

23. ufc firings (#1, #2, and #3 out of 1,020,000; similar results return for “mma firings“)
24. mma excuses (#1 and #2 out of 931,000)
25. glorious sweater of absolute victory (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, and #6 out of 912,000)
 26. jade bryce nude (#1 out of 687,000)
27. mma craigslist (#1 and #2 out of 677,000)
28. joe rogan cunty (#1 and #2 out of 465,000)
29. lionheart blevins interview (#1 out of 391,000)
30. war machine bologna sandwich (#1 and #2 out of 233,000)
31. cheick kongo cheater (#1 and #2 out of 210,000)
32. overeem horsemeat (#1 out of 125,000)
33. machida piss (#1 out of 108,000)

Honorable mentions: cpt. swingdick, #1, #2, #3, #4, and #5 of 26 results. “chocolate al” also works (#1 and #2 out of 436,000), but you have to search for it in quotes.