Useless List: 33 Random Google Searches That Return CagePotato in the First Result [UPDATED]


(We couldn’t have landed #16 without you, MMc AA)

I’m going to be honest with you, here — it’s a slow news day. But instead of phoning in a post about the Comcast/FOX deal or Holly Holm’s Bellator debut, I’m going to try something much, much less interesting.

This morning, I discovered that a Google search for ‘new york mma regulation’ returns CagePotato articles in the first three spots, which is kind of exciting for us SEO-minded types. So I started wondering: What other general MMA-related search terms return CagePotato articles in the #1 spot? After about 15 minutes of idle searching, I was able to find dozens of them, and I decided to rank the top 30 below, based on total number of results that come back from that search. As it turns out, the list is a fairly complete overview of the coverage we’ve produced over the last five years — and a reminder of where our priorities tend to land.

The moral of the story? CagePotato might be marginalized as a jokey shitsite from time to time, but our impact on the Internet is kind of indisputable. So let’s give ourselves a self-high-five and proceed…

1. nba mma (#1 out of 114,000,000 results)
2. punch face
 (#1 out of 107,000,000)
3. bad ufc journalism (#1 out of 68,900,000; we also rank #1 for shitty ufc journalism — success!)
4. british ring girls (#1 out of 40,800,000)
5. mma funny (#1 and #2 out of 39,500,000)
6. brazilian ring girls (#1 and #2 out of 35,600,000)
7. worst fighters (#1 and #2 out of 29,600,000)
8. nude ring girls (#1 and #2 out of 21,000,000)
9. mma weight cuts (#1, #2, and #3 out of 16,200,000)
10. ugly mma t-shirts (#1 and #2 out of 13,900,000)
11. japanese freak show (#1 out of 9,160,000)
12. fist pose (#1 and #2 out of 7,240,000)


(We couldn’t have landed #16 without you, MMc AA)

I’m going to be honest with you, here — it’s a slow news day. But instead of phoning in a post about the Comcast/FOX deal or Holly Holm’s Bellator debut, I’m going to try something much, much less interesting.

This morning, I discovered that a Google search for ‘new york mma regulation’ returns CagePotato articles in the first three spots, which is kind of exciting for us SEO-minded types. So I started wondering: What other general MMA-related search terms return CagePotato articles in the #1 spot? After about 15 minutes of idle searching, I was able to find dozens of them, and I decided to rank the top 30 below, based on total number of results that come back from that search. As it turns out, the list is a fairly complete overview of the coverage we’ve produced over the last five years — and a reminder of where our priorities tend to land.

The moral of the story? CagePotato might be marginalized as a jokey shitsite from time to time, but our impact on the Internet is kind of indisputable. So let’s give ourselves a self-high-five and proceed…

1. nba mma (#1 out of 114,000,000 results)
2. punch face
 (#1 out of 107,000,000)
3. bad ufc journalism (#1 out of 68,900,000; we also rank #1 for shitty ufc journalism — success!)
4. british ring girls (#1 out of 40,800,000)
5. mma funny (#1 and #2 out of 39,500,000)
6. brazilian ring girls (#1 and #2 out of 35,600,000)
7. worst fighters (#1 and #2 out of 29,600,000)
8. nude ring girls (#1 and #2 out of 21,000,000)
9. mma weight cuts (#1, #2, and #3 out of 16,200,000)
10. ugly mma t-shirts (#1 and #2 out of 13,900,000)
11. japanese freak show (#1 out of 9,160,000)
12. fist pose (#1 and #2 out of 7,240,000)

13. mma pua (#1 out of 5,650,000)
14. mma porn (#1 out of 3,620,000)
15. new york mma regulation (#1, #2, and #3 out of 2,790,000)
16. mma fleshlight (#1 out of 2,630,000)
17. mma steroids (#1 and #2 out of 1,920,000)
18. falling tree knockout (#1, #2, #3, and #4 out of 1,760,000)
19. ufc performance bonuses (#1 and #2 out of 1,560,000)
20. ufc 151 live blog (#1 out of 1,460,000)
21. mma cursed (#1 out of 1,040,000)
22. lawn chair knockout (#1 out of 1,040,000)

23. ufc firings
(#1, #2, and #3 out of 1,020,000; similar results return for “mma firings“)
24. mma excuses (#1 and #2 out of 931,000)
25. glorious sweater of absolute victory (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, and #6 out of 912,000)
26. jade bryce nude (#1 out of 687,000)
27. mma craigslist (#1 and #2 out of 677,000)
28. joe rogan cunty (#1 and #2 out of 465,000)
29. lionheart blevins interview (#1 out of 391,000)
30. war machine bologna sandwich (#1 and #2 out of 233,000)
31. cheick kongo cheater (#1 and #2 out of 210,000)
32. overeem horsemeat (#1 out of 125,000)
33. machida piss (#1 out of 108,000)

Honorable mentions: cpt. swingdick, #1, #2, #3, #4, and #5 of 26 results. “chocolate al” also works (#1 and #2 out of 436,000), but you have to search for it in quotes.

Pointless Beef of the Week: Sean McCorkle vs. Kit Cope

When Anderson Silva called out George St. Pierre a little over a week ago, the MMA blogosphere’s reactions ranged from overwhelming enthusiasm to bitter resentment. Being that this is the Internet, the majority of those who voiced their opinions apparently sided in the latter category, dubbing Silva –whom you may recall is a UFC champion — a “lazy coward,” a “bitch,” and a “pussy” whose “bitchassness” would hopefully lead to GSP “smashing his skull through the canvas.” The main issue seemed to be that Silva was calling out someone below him in weight, which therefore made him a bitch considering that Jon Jones would be totally willing to fight him if he were to move up to 205. In your humble opinions, Silva was basically being an O’Doyle and picking on the smallest kid in gym class, which is totally not cool behavior for a supposed pound-for-pound great.

That being the case, we’d just love to hear what you think of this. Last week, former MMA fighter Kit Cope declared that “MMA dudes are vaginas” compared to kickboxers in the above video, successfully drawing the attention and ire of any MMA fighter or fan dimwitted enough to take anything that Kit Cope says seriously. One of those people was CagePotato aficionado Sean McCorkle, a can crushing super heavyweight who spends more time arguing on the UG than any grown ass man ever should. McCorkle took it upon himself to defend the honor of the hundreds of thousands of tens of fighters who found themselves reeled in by the whimsical musings of Kit fucking Cope and posted a lengthy diatribe on his old stomping grounds while “bored on a Friday night.” As is often the case in Internet warfare (and therefore Sean McCorkle), the rant was little more than a series of personal attacks and gay jokes culminating in a futile challenge that has zero chance of coming to fruition in any country other than Japan.

Here’s just a little taste:

Hey, here’s a fun fact for you. You lost to Tiki Goshen. Let me repeat that. You lost to Tiki Goshen. In a fight. That means that if Tiki Goshen broke into your house, and you did not have a gun or other significant weapon readily available, Tiki Goshen would have little trouble subduing you, and rendering you completely helpless in a short amount of time. Then he would he proceed to take your belongings, and/or harm your family in any way he chooses.

This of course begs one to ask what would happen to McCorkle’s family if Brian Heden were to break into his house. You see, Sean? We can pick the low-hanging fruit too!

When Anderson Silva called out George St. Pierre a little over a week ago, the MMA blogosphere’s reactions ranged from overwhelming enthusiasm to bitter resentment. Being that this is the Internet, the majority of those who voiced their opinions apparently sided in the latter category, dubbing Silva –whom you may recall is a UFC champion — a “lazy coward,” a “bitch,” and a “pussy” whose “bitchassness” would hopefully lead to GSP “smashing his skull through the canvas.” The main issue seemed to be that Silva was calling out someone below him in weight, which therefore made him a bitch considering that Jon Jones would be totally willing to fight him if he were to move up to 205. In your humble opinions, Silva was basically being an O’Doyle and picking on the smallest kid in gym class, which is totally not cool behavior for a supposed pound-for-pound great.

That being the case, we’d just love to hear what you think of this. Last week, former MMA fighter Kit Cope declared that “MMA dudes are vaginas” compared to kickboxers in the above video, successfully drawing the attention and ire of any MMA fighter or fan dimwitted enough to take anything that Kit Cope says seriously. One of those people was CagePotato aficionado Sean McCorkle, a can crushing super heavyweight who spends more time arguing on the UG than any grown ass man ever should. McCorkle took it upon himself to defend the honor of the hundreds of thousands of tens of fighters who found themselves reeled in by the whimsical musings of Kit fucking Cope and posted a lengthy diatribe on his old stomping grounds while “bored on a Friday night.” As is often the case in Internet warfare (and therefore Sean McCorkle), the rant was little more than a series of personal attacks and gay jokes culminating in a futile challenge that has zero chance of coming to fruition in any country other than Japan.

Here’s just a little taste:

Hey, here’s a fun fact for you. You lost to Tiki Goshen. Let me repeat that. You lost to Tiki Goshen. In a fight. That means that if Tiki Goshen broke into your house, and you did not have a gun or other significant weapon readily available, Tiki Goshen would have little trouble subduing you, and rendering you completely helpless in a short amount of time. Then he would he proceed to take your belongings, and/or harm your family in any way he chooses.

This of course begs one to ask what would happen to McCorkle’s family if Brian Heden were to break into his house. You see, Sean? We can pick the low-hanging fruit too!

McCorkle’s entire post, which admittedly has its moments of hilarity, is below.

Just saw your interview where you claim MMA fighters are “Vaginas”. Are you sure you didn’t mean we’re “A——s”? Because from the looks of you, I’m pretty sure you’ve seen more a——s than vaginas in your life.

Hey, here’s a fun fact for you. You lost to Tiki Goshen [sic]. Let me repeat that. You lost to Tiki Goshen. In a fight. That means that if Tiki Goshen broke into your house, and you did not have a gun or other significant weapon readily available, Tiki Goshen would have little trouble subduing you, and rendering you completely helpless in a short amount of time. Then he would he proceed to take your belongings, and/or harm your family in any way he chooses.

Please tell me, how does it feel knowing that anytime you wake up to a “bump” in the middle of the night, you have to worry that it’s either Tiki Goshen, or someone who is equally tough, or tougher than Tiki Goshen? That must be a terrifying way to live. I wouldn’t walk down a street day or night anywhere in the world without a gun, if I didn’t think I could beat up Tiki Goshen.

Oh and I heard a rumor about you being on “MTV True life, I’m a gay kickboxer” or whatever the show was called. That’s awesome! Being on that show is like being on Jersey Shore but for only one episode as one of the skanks that The Situation bring home after a night of fistpumping. (not the kind you’re used to)

I’ve got an idea, since I’m an MMA fighter, and we’re all vaginas, how about you and I set up a Muay Thai fight with each other? My standup admitted sucks so you should have no problem at all. I know I weigh literally twice as much as you, but don’t be a vagina. You can even take steroids before the fight (again). Which reminds me, how in the F-ing hell does a 6 ft tall “man” take steroids before a fight and still weigh in at 155 lbs? That has to be some kind of a record. It’s like if we found out Roy Nelson was being treated for anorexia in the weeks leading up to a fight. That would be like if we found out Bob Sapp had swollen balls going into a fight.

I also can’t figure out how a dude that looks like Aaron Brink with Down’s Syndrome can walk around so cocky. Your body art looks like Roger Huerta’s tattoo artist did it, except while he was completely plastered.

Nobody cares about your little alleged bullshit bare knuckle “titles”. I watched some of your stuff on youtube, and I’m pretty sure even Kimbo Slice is embarrassed for you.

PS: Your MMA record is the complete opposite of the number of men your mom has likely been with. And by that I mean it’s “under 500″

Have a nice day ;)

To be clear, we’re not taking Kit Cope’s side on this issue, because the dude is an asshole by all accounts, but did Sean McCorkle, a 300+ pound man, just challenge all 155 lbs of Kit Cope to a Muay Thai fight? Has the local bowling alley where Sean scouts his future opponents been shut down for renovation?

We know, we know, acknowledging this potential feud only keeps the farces that are “Big Sexy” and Kit Cope alive and running, but sometimes you just have to feed the troll, or in our case, troll the troll who is trolling the troll [TROLLCEPTION]. And honestly, if you didn’t find the Aaron Brink or Roy Nelson jokes to be at least a little bit funny, then you probably stumbled upon CagePotato accidentally. So with that, we ask unto you, Potato Nation, where does McCorkle vs. Cope place on your all-time fantasy freak show fights list?

J. Jones