Speaking of things that happened last night that were laughably predictable, Kimbo Slice is still earning his bread as a professional boxer. Well, perhaps “earning” is the wrong word. Earning implies that he is making it by winning competitive matches against reasonably credible opponents. Really, $kala is just giving Kimbo his bread at this point. Or, if you’re cheesy enough to go there, Shaw is just feeding the guy.
I will say this much: At least last night’s fight wasn’t the (potentially-worked) shitstorm that was his last fight against Brian Green. After watching Kimbo get saved by the bell against a fitness instructor making his professional boxing debut on one day’s notice followed by his aforementioned bout with Brian Green, Shaw was taking absolutely no chances when searching for an opponent this time around.
His opponent last night was a Lamar, Arkansas pugilist named Jesse Porter*, who entered the bout with a 3-4 professional boxing record. Porter had never gone the distance in his boxing career, with all seven fights ending by knockout. Furthermore, he was coming off of a knockout loss to Lee Bagan forty two seconds into the second round of their bout, which marked the longest that Porter had lasted in a fight he lost.
Sorry, spoiler alert.
Kimbo Slice is now 5-0 as a professional boxer, while Jesse Porter gets to drift back into obscurity where he belongs. But look on the bright side: It was a quick fight that delivered a knockout, and both fighters got paid more for this bout than I got paid to mock it. There’s (something resembling) dignity in knowing that.
* There’s actually some confusion as to who the hapless can was. A lot of sites are reporting that 1-0 boxer Richard Dawson was his opponent last night instead of Jesse Porter. AllTheBestFights.com’s review of the bout sums up the confusion with the unintentionally hilarious ”at the moment we don’t know exactly who is his opponent”. In a way, that’s probably for the best.