(Fedor, seen here seconds before appearing in the most famous MMA sex tape of all time: “Two Scoops, One Emperor”)
Just a few weeks out from what could be his last fight as a mixed martial artist (Author’s note: I just held back vomit whilst typing that.), Russian demigod Fedor Emelianenko recently popped up in a Mercedes-Benz commercial, if only for a few seconds of ultra slo-mo glory. For some reason, the creative talent in charge of said commercial thought it would be cooler for Fedor to don a tuxedo rather than his Glorious Sweater of Absolute Victory, which is as big a travesty as anything we’ve ever seen in the five years we’ve been in existence. Not since Overeem/Dos Santos has such an opportunity been squandered, so shame on you, Mercedes-Benz. Looks like our company car is going to be a Ferrari next year.
Check out the ad and let us know whether or not you will be boycotting Mercedes-Benz for this glaring oversight along with us.
They had us until they tried to pass off diving as a sport. Like we all don’t know it’s just falling with style. Just ask Jason Statham.
Moving on.
(The “dancing” starts around the 3:42 mark.)
You guys remember when Frank Mir nearly tore Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira’s arm off at UFC 141, subsequently bringing the hopes and dreams of legions crashing to the ground like an Angry Birds house after you launch one of the bomb birds at it? If not, then we’d like to congratulate you on your ability to effectively blackout memories that stand a chance of harming you. Surely an episode of Law and Order: SVU will be devoted to you in the future.
But for us non-sociopaths out there, imagine if Mir had torqued Nog’s arm for a good three or four minutes in a row, and you will understand how painful it was to watch Big Nog’s recent appearance on the Brazilian version of Dancing with the Stars. Considering he was, you know, run over by a truck and all as a child, it wasn’t exactly surprising to learn that he wasn’t be the most flexible guy in the world, but dear God. To say that his moves were rigid would be like saying that Roy Nelson is underpaid and looks like a well fed homeless person — low hanging fruit. So we’re going to take the high road for once and just give Nogueira props for putting himself out there…
…dammit, we can’t resist. Nog was as stiff as a polio victim dressed in a cardboard robot costume. On stilts.