Tag: Christmas gifts

Worst Christmas Ever: The 15 Most Depressing UFC Items Currently Available at UFCStore.com


(This is a Tank Abbott professional wrestling action figure produced and sold by the WWE. Spoiler alert: It is easily a much better Christmas present for the MMA fans in your life than ANYTHING on this list.)

By Seth Falvo

From ugly t-shirts to video games with comically deformed characters, MMA fans don’t exactly have a ton of half-decent options for Christmas presents. So it should probably go without saying that if you see that one of your presents is from UFCStore.com tomorrow morning, you should just throw the damn thing in the trash without opening it. Trust me, whatever is inside of that box is a Christmas tragedy the likes of which would make Agatha Christie blush.

The UFC’s official shop is not only littered with exactly the ugly, trashy, tasteless merchandise that you’d expect to see the Eddie Justbleeds of the world own, but also some incredibly confusing, useless products that suggest that maybe the UFC isn’t fully comfortable catering to said Justbleeds. I mean, for a company whose fan base is constantly measuring its collective dick, you’d think they’d be selling things like a UFC Belt Sander instead of a hyper-masculine UFC Shoe Bag.

So it’s in that spirit that I’ll be ranking the fifteen most depressing UFC items that you can currently buy — or, likely, receive as a Christmas present tomorrow — from UFCStore.com. Two rules: Number one, only UFC and UFC Gym brand items are eligible for inclusion, because as much as I’d love to include this eyesore, I’m not nearly enough of a masochist to rank every last item that awful place has up for grabs. And number two: It isn’t enough for an item to simply be extremely ugly, pointless, overpriced, dated or just plain stupid. No, for an item to make this list, it has to be that magical brand of awfulness that actually makes you feel sad and empty upon seeing that people are being asked to pay money in order to own it. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s begin our trip to the Island of Misfit UFC Merchandise…


(This is a Tank Abbott professional wrestling action figure produced and sold by the WWE. Spoiler alert: It is easily a much better Christmas present for the MMA fans in your life than ANYTHING on this list.)

By Seth Falvo

From ugly t-shirts to video games with comically deformed characters, MMA fans don’t exactly have a ton of half-decent options for Christmas presents. So it should probably go without saying that if you see that one of your presents is from UFCStore.com tomorrow morning, you should just throw the damn thing in the trash without opening it. Trust me, whatever is inside of that box is a Christmas tragedy the likes of which would make Agatha Christie blush.

The UFC’s official shop is not only littered with exactly the ugly, trashy, tasteless merchandise that you’d expect to see the Eddie Justbleeds of the world own, but also some incredibly confusing, useless products that suggest that maybe the UFC isn’t fully comfortable catering to said Justbleeds. I mean, for a company whose fan base is constantly measuring its collective dick, you’d think they’d be selling things like a UFC Belt Sander instead of a hyper-masculine UFC Shoe Bag.

So it’s in that spirit that I’ll be ranking the fifteen most depressing UFC items that you can currently buy — or, likely, receive as a Christmas present tomorrow — from UFCStore.com. Two rules: Number one, only UFC and UFC Gym brand items are eligible for inclusion, because as much as I’d love to include this eyesore, I’m not nearly enough of a masochist to rank every last item that awful place has up for grabs. And number two: It isn’t enough for an item to simply be extremely ugly, pointless, overpriced, dated or just plain stupid. No, for an item to make this list, it has to be that magical brand of awfulness that actually makes you feel sad and empty upon seeing that people are being asked to pay money in order to own it. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s begin our trip to the Island of Misfit UFC Merchandise…

15. UFC Ladies Fight Girl Racerback Tank Top

Price: $24.95
From the UFCStore.com Product Description: “With this tank, everyone will know you’re a ferocious contender.”

Everyone may know that you’re a ferocious contender [Author Note: Please excuse me, I need to go vomit now…], but they’ll certainly wonder if you can actually read English. “UFC Fight Girl?” That’s how I’d expect an offensively stereotypical foreign tourist to describe Ronda Rousey. That this shirt was likely designed by a native English speaker to be worn by native English speakers both confuses and depresses me.

14. UFC Pewter Logo Pin

Price: $39.95
From the UFCStore.com Product Description: “Great for hats or lapels, this accessory will let everyone see your loyalty to the UFC!”

You’re honestly telling me that there are people who both fret over their inabilities to show the world that they’re UFC fans in their business professional attire and also want to spend $39.95 on a novelty lapel pin? I refuse to believe it. In fact, I bet if you tried to buy one of these, you’d be redirected to a page that explains how this item was just an anthropologist’s experiment to see if MMA fans really are stupid enough to buy anything with the letters “UFC” on it. There’s no damn way that the UFC has a box of lapel pins cluttering up a warehouse somewhere.

13. Mens UFC Indigo Star Tri-Blend T-Shirt

Price: $44.95
From the UFCStore.com Product Description: “While you may not be stepping into the octagon, with this tee, you’ll be ready to show the world how much dedication you have for the sport.”

If you wore this shirt in the same room as Joe Son, Thiago Silva, Bryan Caraway and Rob Emerson, my first thought would be “That guy in the star-spangled UFC shirt is a total douche.”

12. UFC The Ultimate Fighter 20: Team Melendez Womens Reversible Bikini Bottoms

Price: $79.95 ON SALE NOW FOR ONLY $55.99
From the UFCStore.com Product Description: “These cute swimsuit bottoms will definitely show off your UFC style at the beach.”

“Great news, babe. I saved up some cash to buy you these BIKINI BOTTOMS! Not only are they inexcusably repulsive, but if you look really, really, closely at them, you’ll notice that they have OCTAGONS on them! THIS WAY EVERYONE WILL KNOW THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND WATCHES THE UFC!!!!”

11. UFC Sterling Silver Octagon Championship Bracelet

Price: $799.95. That’s not a typo. Seven hundred ninenty-nine dollars and ninety-five cents.
From the UFCStore.com Product Description: “Your UFC pride won’t be clearer when you wear this bracelet!”

This is the most expensive item currently available from UFCStore.com, and it looks like it’s held together by a goddamn hair scrunchie. If this isn’t symbolic of how much the UFC “respects” its fans, then I really do not know what is.

On the next page: Things get worse. Much, much worse.

The Procrastinating Fight Fan’s Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide


(“One minute, mom. I’m just getting your gift out of my closet.”)

If you’re like us, you likely haven’t started Christmas, Festivus, Hannukah or Kwanza shopping yet since it isn’t December 24.

There’s nothing worse than that embarrassed feeling you get when a friend or family member shows up at your house unannounced, bearing gifts, and you wrap up one of your half-full bottles of hand lotion or an old alarm clock in newspaper and hope they don’t notice that you forgot to buy them something.

We’ve done you a solid this year, Potato Nation has compiled a list of awesome last-minute gifts you can pick up and have on hand in case someone actually buys you something worth more than a slightly stained coffee mug with your initials on it. The beauty of these presents is that they’re actually items that you can keep for yourself if nobody pays you a holiday visit.

Check them out after the jump.


(“One minute, mom. I’m just getting your gift out of my closet.”)

If you’re like us, you likely haven’t started Christmas, Festivus, Hannukah or Kwanza shopping yet since it isn’t December 24.

There’s nothing worse than that embarrassed feeling you get when a friend or family member shows up at your house unannounced, bearing gifts, and you wrap up one of your half-full bottles of hand lotion or an old alarm clock in newspaper and hope they don’t notice that you forgot to buy them something.

We’ve done you a solid this year, Potato Nation has compiled a list of awesome last-minute gifts you can pick up and have on hand in case someone actually buys you something worth more than a slightly stained coffee mug with your initials on it. The beauty of these presents is that they’re actually items that you can keep for yourself if nobody pays you a holiday visit.

Check them out after the jump.

No Mas’ Chuck Wepner Signature Tee ($34)

Chuck Wepner was an unlikely working class hero who at the age of 36 nearly went the distance with Muhammad Ali, knocking the boxing legend down in the ninth round of their 1975 title fight with a surprise right that sprawled the champ on his back. The Bayonne, New Jersey native, who inspired Sylvester Stallone to pen Rocky, went toe-to-toe with the man formerly known as Cassius Clay, earning him a legion blue collar fans.

Why it’s cool: The shirt is a near perfect replica of the one Wepner wore while training in the Catskills for the Ali fight.

Who to buy it for: Any fight or Rocky fan on your list, including your old man, your best friend and that brunette from 3B who keeps telling you she’ll have to come over some time and watch a fight with you on your new 60″ plasma she saw you struggling out of the elevator with.

Where to get it: Order it online HERE or check out some of No Mas’ other cool shirts like the PRIDE Japan or the Irish Mickey Ward Signature Tee (pictured below).

 

 

 

Headblade S4 Eclipse ($99)

When it comes to shaving heads, Headblade is the Rolls Royce of chrome domes. Whether you’re losing your feathers up top and are finally coming to terms with it or you want to look tough like Vin Diesel, do yourself a favor and pick one of these bad boys up. Your scalp will thank us later.

Why it’s cool: This razor looks like a cross between a Mad Max vehicle and a custom chopper.

Who to buy it for:  Your buddy who thinks that an expertly coiffed mohawk will disguise his thinning crown or your teammate who grinds his stubbly head into your face during jiu-jitsu class. Maneuvering one of these sleek stainless-steel dynamos is just as easy in the shower as it is in front of a mirror thanks to a pair of rear wheels and a rubberized handle. There’s no more discreet way to tell your dad to say no to the combover than to pop one of these little beauties in his stocking. You can always say Santa did it.

Where to get it: You can find it at select shaving specialty and drug stores or you can order it HERE.

 

TrauMMA Combat Roots Shirt

The roots of MMA go back thousands of years and intertwine in several countries and disciplines of fighting arts. The TrauMMA Combat Roots shirt pays subtle homage to those styles.

Why it’s cool: This is probably one of the least offensive MMA shirts on the market. There are no chains, no frothy-mouthed pitbulls and no religious statues — just a simple design that’s open to interpretation the way a good design should be.

Who to buy it for: Anyone on your list who enjoys MMA, but hates douchey MMA clothing. If he or she has fashion taste that’s arrogant and in your face, this isn’t the shirt for them.

Where to buy it: Order it online HERE.

 

Hayabusa Kanpeki Shorts ($69)

If you’re looking for a functional and durable pair of training and fight shorts that don’t look like board shorts with a logo slapped on the side, the Kanpeki series from Hayabusa is for you. Subtle and well made, these shorts are some of the nicest we’ve seen.

Why they’re cool: Hayabusa’s Kanpeki elite series of product line offers some of the plushest equipment around, including soft top grain leather constructed gloves and protective gear. These shorts feature an innovative tie system with indestructible webbing that makes for a distinct customized fit. Their exclusive mechanical PolyDirectional™ stretch fabric, Guardlock™ inner grip waistband system, reinforced T3 stitching,  high tensile strength stretch panel and split side seams combine to create a fight short that is equal parts strength, durability, comfort and functionality.

Where to get them: Select MMA equipment outlets including Sport Chek and National Sports in Canada, as well as online via sites like MMAWarehouse.com.

 

Jim Beam Devil’s Cut 90 Proof Bourbon ($24 for 750ml)

Jim Beam’s latest whiskey is made by extracting is made by emptying barrels of six-year Bourbon and extracting the remaining liquid from the wood of the cask and adding it to the new Devil’s Cut recipe. The result is a strong aromatic caramel-colored whiskey with wood and vanilla notes.

Why it’s cool: Did you read how this is made and what’s not cool about bourbon?

Who to buy it for: You can pretty much give this to anyone, but we suggest keeping it for yourself to help deal with your annoying relatives over the holidays.

Where to get it: At any liquor store that carries Jim Beam products.

 

And last, but certainly not least…

The CagePotato MMA Hairstyles T-Shirt ($22)

Trust us, there’s no better conversation starter than one of these beauties and if a girl doesn’t know any of the faceless MMA memes on the shirt, you don’t want to know them anyway.

Why it’s cool: Do we even need to say?

Where to get one: Buy it online HERE.