(Clay Guida’s party-animal status: Unchanged. Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com)
Now that we’re halfway through a six-week stretch featuring a UFC or Strikeforce event every weekend, it might be time to take a deep breath, drag out a semi-retired recurring feature, and assign some totally meaningless scores to some of the notable trends and fighters we’ve seen lately. Who’s up, who’s down, and by how much? Well…
The UFC heavyweight division +113
Some have already labeled Shane Carwin’s loss at UFC 131 the “end of an era” for gargantuan heavyweights. (Didn’t last long, did it?) At the top of the division, we’re left with two guys who are smaller, faster, and better-conditioned than their predecessors; Velasquez vs. Dos Santos could be an all-time classic. Meanwhile, prospects like Travis Browne and Dave Herman continue to add depth at 265.
Cageside monitors -98
Nope, the judging in this sport still sucks, and the problem doesn’t appear to be technological. When you have shit for brains, every angle is a bad angle.
Demian Maia -184
Ugh. Bro, nobody wants to see you kickbox your way to another decision. Submitting people used to be Demian’s gimmick — and it was a great one. But he hasn’t been able to do that since UFC events were still numbered in the double-digits. Maia is officially a stepping stone in the middleweight division, and it’s a shame to see it.
Sam Stout +250
Meanwhile, Hands of Stone scored the first stoppage victory of his five-year, 11-fight UFC career at “Dos Santos vs. Carwin,” snapped a seven-fight decision streak in the process, and gobbled up his sixth performance bonus, like a boss.
Meaningless rumors -322
That’s the last time you fool us, Internet. THE LAST TIME.
Michihiro Omigawa -62
Yeah, he got his win bonus, but officially he’s 0-4 in the Octagon now. You know who else went 0-4 in the Octagon? Tiki Ghosn. You’re in good company, Michi.
The Ultimate Fighter +138
Season 13 might have been a drag, but with the booking of Bisping vs. Mayhem in the coaching slots and the debut of bantamweights and featherweights on the show, we’ll actually have a reason to watch this thing again.
Trying to win a fight off your back -241
Miguel Torres couldn’t do it against Demetrious Johnson, and Anthony Pettis couldn’t do it against Clay Guida. Top-game rules in this sport. Resistance is futile.
Joe Rogan +300/-300
…depending on your feelings about the word “cunty.”
Quinton Jackson +276
Beats up Matt Hamill, earns a title shot, and mock-motorboats Karyn Bryant without getting pepper-sprayed. Alpha.
Brian Stann +437
An American hero who’s now a legit threat at middleweight. Stann TKO’d former Top-10 fighter Jorge Santiago on Memorial Day, picking up his second Fight of the Night bonus in his last three fights.
Guys who get ranked in the Top 10 by dominating local talent in Japan, then get squashed the first time they fight in (or return to) the Octagon -602
See above.
(BG)