(If this man does not strike you as the kind of person who spends most of his free time getting stoned, playing Xbox, and waxing poetic about the flaws of Jiu-Jitsu, then we don’t know who does.)
When we first heard word that Stephan Bonnar and Dave Herman failed their UFC 153 drug tests — for Drostanolone and Marijuana respectively — we couldn’t help but reflect on the timeless words of George W. Bush when he stated, “Fool me once…..shame on………..shame on you. Fool me, I can’t get fooled again.” Unfortunately for Bonnar and Herman, they failed to fool the piss test even once while in the UFC (at least to our knowledge) and have felt the unforgiving wrath of the Interwebs as a result of their insolence. Hearts were broken. Tears were shed. Butts were hurt.
(If this man does not strike you as the kind of person who spends most of his free time getting stoned, playing Xbox, and waxing poetic about the flaws of Jiu-Jitsu, then we don’t know who does.)
When we first heard word that Stephan Bonnar and Dave Herman failed their UFC 153 drug tests — for Drostanolone and Marijuana respectively — we couldn’t help but reflect on the timeless words of George W. Bush when he stated, “Fool me once…..shame on………..shame on you. Fool me, I can’t get fooled again.” Unfortunately for Bonnar and Herman, they failed to fool the piss test even once while in the UFC (at least to our knowledge) and have felt the unforgiving wrath of the Interwebs as a result of their insolence. Hearts were broken. Tears were shed. Butts were hurt.
Go figure, the general sentiment seems to be that penalizing a fighter for smoking marijuana is overkill. That being said, no one is exactly quick to forgive a so-called professional like Herman who has tested positive for marijuana twice now in just a four fight UFC career.
When asked on the issue of Mary J, Tyrone Spong can only nonchalantly remind us that “I’m from Amsterdam,” with a smile. Point taken, Tyrone. Eddie Alvarez, on the other hand, couldn’t give a fuck if your were huffing cat piss and lighting off fire crackers in your ass before you fought him, because it probably wouldn’t improve your chances anyway.
Although the general public reaction to Bonnar’s second failed test has been that he was simply going honey badger for his final UFC fight, you have to imagine that “The American Psycho” suffered some undisclosed injury in training that forced him to hit the juice. Why else would he cheapen the value of the final fight of his career, especially when he asked for such a big fight to begin with? If it turns out that Bonnar was just juicing for the hell of it, it will really call into question what exactly he was thinking heading into UFC 153.
Look at me, trying to to understand the mind of this man. It’s like asking your dog why he chases his own tail. Or why your favorite prostitute will never say “I love you” back.
(Kirk Lazarus gave this performance five out of five crab apples.)
I have never met Jason Miller before. Like most of you, the only perception I have of “Mayhem” as a person has been constructed through interview snippets, heavily-edited reality shows, Twitter ramblings, and the occasional MMA fight. And while this criteria alone may be enough for me to declare my dislike for certain fighters, I have always found it difficult to assess just who exactly this Miller character is — especially in light of recent events — let alone render a verdict on the guy. Because that’s what Mayhem is: a character. And for people to believe that he is truly this completely bonkers, attention-starved individual at every waking moment seemed as ridiculous to me as believing that Chael Sonnen truly is the character he plays on TV. Yet in both instances, there is a strong majority of people who seem to feel this way.
What am I going on about? Well, it just so happens that Mayhem recently agreed to partake in a lengthy interview with Ariel Helwani, having finally shed the “Lucky Patrick” alter-alter-ego that saw him storm off Helwani’s show just a few weeks ago. In the interview that awaits you after the jump, Miller discusses everything from the Twitter war he and Dana White engaged in shortly after his firing to his bizarre arrest in a San Viejo church. And while I was happy to see that Miller appeared to be in sound mental shape for the time being, I couldn’t help but feel as if his explanation for those events was a little fishy.
If you’ve got the time, check out the video and let us know if you agree.
(Kirk Lazarus gave this performance five out of five crab apples.)
I have never met Jason Miller before. Like most of you, the only perception I have of “Mayhem” as a person has been constructed through interview snippets, heavily-edited reality shows, Twitter ramblings, and the occasional MMA fight. And while this criteria alone may be enough for me to declare my dislike for certain fighters, I have always found it difficult to assess just who exactly this Miller character is — especially in light of recent events — let alone render a verdict on the guy. Because that’s what Mayhem is: a character. And for people to believe that he is truly this completely bonkers, attention-starved individual at every waking moment seemed as ridiculous to me as believing that Chael Sonnen truly is the character he plays on TV. Yet in both instances, there is a strong majority of people who seem to feel this way.
What am I going on about? Well, it just so happens that Mayhem recently agreed to partake in a lengthy interview with Ariel Helwani, having finally shed the “Lucky Patrick” alter-alter-ego that saw him storm off Helwani’s show just a few weeks ago. In the interview that awaits you after the jump, Miller discusses everything from the Twitter war he and Dana White engaged in shortly after his firing to his bizarre arrest in a San Viejo church. And while I was happy to see that Miller appeared to be in sound mental shape for the time being, I couldn’t help but feel as if his explanation for those events was a little fishy.
If you’ve got the time, check out the video and let us know if you agree.
Look, I honestly want to believe what Miller is saying. I truly do. For some reason, I find him to be a smart yet misguided but overall likable guy once he sheds the “Mayhem” image. Hell, I’d rather listen to a million Lucky Patrick rants than have to hear even one more fighter spit out the same cliched, almost pre-determined interview answers that we are so used to hearing. And I am not going to call Miller a liar, but suffice it to say, I found some of his answers to the questions we have all been wondering to be just a bit…off. Perhaps appropriately so.
On his “Lucky Patrick” meltdown: “I’m always trying to learn and get better at whatever it is I’m trying to do. Like the acting thing. I got you with the whole Patrick thing because I really stayed in character, I had like a developed backstory, you know, these are methods that actors have used forever. And I just do the same thing I did in fighting to make myself successful. At 19, I got up in Tito Ortiz’s face and was like ‘Hey man, let’s wrestle’…because I wanted to get some of that magic off him.”
Now, I have not seen Here Comes the Boom because I have the ability to recognize a turd even before it has reached my small intestine, but according to Jim Genia’s review (and several others), Miller’s part in the film accounts for roughly five minutes of screen time and features none of the lush backstory that he is describing. As a film fanatic/student, I appreciate his effort to immerse himself as deeply as possible into his role, as minute as it may have been, but if he honestly expects me to believe that he had to go through what he did to accurately portray an MMA fighter with green hair, I call bullshit.
On his “kill yourself” tweet to Dana White: “When I said that, what I meant [was] kill the man that you are today, mentally. Kill him, become someone new. And that was what I was getting at. But it was also a joke.”
This one is a classic example of wanting to have your cake and eat it too. I could be wrong here, but I’m pretty sure that no one in the history of Twitter has ever even attempted to convey a message as pseudo-philosophical as this, let alone in the context of a joke. Twitter is a place we collectively gather to tell rape jokes, spew hatred and intolerance, and show a complete disregard for the fundamental principles of the English language. Basically, it’s the internet’s version of a Tea Party convention (BAZING!). And Miller wants us to believe that he was offering spiritual advice to a man who not only “never looked him in the eye,” but had just fired and publicly lambasted him days earlier? Child please. The only bit of advice I’ve ever offered an ex-employee or boss of mine was that they metaphorically copulate with themselves at the nearest convenience and I’m sure the same goes for most of you.
On his recent arrest: “Like I said, I live a very exciting life. That’s simply a misunderstanding, and really, it’s between me and my pastor. And that’s it. Brian Anderson, Mission Hills Church! Shout out to you! I’ll tell you what happened. I have performed under the moniker “Mayhem” for many years. And, most recently have got the title “Ultimate” slapped in front of my job. These combination of things makes any well meaning cop pull his pistol. Cause I look like a psycho. Understand? And I understand that. I just didn’t have time to clean up…I was waking up in the morning, I didn’t have time to say anything, I just had a pistol shoved in my face.”
Miller also stated that he wasn’t nude and was actually wearing a bathrobe, but none of that even begins to clarify what actually went down. Who is this pastor/coach Anderson fellow? Why was Miller wearing a bathrobe and sleeping in a church in the first place? Why would he vandalize a church he apparently attended on a regular basis? I guess The Case of the Nude Loon is just one that this gang will never be able to solve.
Again, I am in no place to call Miller out on his reasoning, and even if I did, I’m pretty sure Mayhem couldn’t really give two shits about what I have to say. So for now, I guess we should just be thankful that he is back to normal, whatever that is, and move on. That being said, it is interesting to finally see an interview with the guy where he isn’t bouncing off the walls or attempting a publicity stunt.
Miller also goes on to detail the knee injury he suffered in his match against CB Dolloway, as well as his future in MMA and Jacob Volkmann’s politics, for some reason. So check it out and let us know what you think.
(Trust us, when this moment arrives you will be doing anything but laughing.)
When Jason “Mayhem” Miller was fired from the UFC, he was basically left with two career paths to follow. He could follow the path of guys like Joey Beltran or — to a lesser degree — Anthony Johnson, which is to say, recognizing his mistakes/flaws and trying to earn his way back into the promotion through hard work, a couple decent wins, and in his case, probably some begging. Or, he could take a page out of someone like Rampage Jackson’s book, which consists of complaining a lot, going on nonsensical Twitter rants, and acting like a delusional pyschopath at every possible turn.
It saddens us to inform you that Miller has apparently chosen the path of Charlie Sheen.
There are simply no words that aptly describe Miller’s recent appearance on The MMA Hour, but I’ll try to use a few: batshit, kerfuffle, delirium, wantwit, rudesby. Like sharting in a hot tub while on a blind date.
In a terribly misguided attempt to plug his upcoming film, Here Comes the Boom, Miller appeared on the radio show as his character from the movie, Lucky Patrick. But what began as a simple ruse quickly devolved into one of the most bizarre and outright sad things we have witnessed in the continually depressing downfall of “Mayhem” Miller. He referred to “Arius Heelwani” as a “Jew,” refused to break character or answer questions as to his current mental state (or perhaps answered them all, really), and vehemently stormed off the set 45 minutes short of its expected run time. As Helwani noted, Miller was clearly attempting to channel Andy Kaufman, but unfortunately came off looking a lot more like Crispin Glover.
Video after the jump.
(Trust us, when this moment arrives you will be doing anything but laughing.)
When Jason “Mayhem” Miller was fired from the UFC, he was basically left with two career paths to follow. He could follow the path of guys like Joey Beltran or — to a lesser degree — Anthony Johnson, which is to say, recognizing his mistakes/flaws and trying to earn his way back into the promotion through hard work, a couple decent wins, and in his case, probably some begging. Or, he could take a page out of someone like Rampage Jackson’s book, which consists of complaining a lot, going on nonsensical Twitter rants, and acting like a delusional pyschopath at every possible turn.
It saddens us to inform you that Miller has apparently chosen the path of Charlie Sheen.
There are simply no words that aptly describe Miller’s recent appearance on The MMA Hour, but I’ll try to use a few: batshit, kerfuffle, delirium, wantwit, rudesby. Like sharting in a hot tub while on a blind date.
In a terribly misguided attempt to plug his upcoming film, Here Comes the Boom, Miller appeared on the radio show as his character from the movie, Lucky Patrick. But what began as a simple ruse quickly devolved into one of the most bizarre and outright sad things we have witnessed in the continually depressing downfall of “Mayhem” Miller. He referred to “Arius Heelwani” as a “Jew,” refused to break character or answer questions as to his current mental state (or perhaps answered them all, really), and vehemently stormed off the set 45 minutes short of its expected run time. As Helwani noted, Miller was clearly attempting to channel Andy Kaufman, but unfortunately came off looking a lot more like Crispin Glover.
Ariel was willing to play along with Miller’s shtick at first, but when it began to wear thin roughly two minutes in, Helwani tried to steer the conversation in a somewhat comprehensible direction. It is at this point that Mayhem decided to go full retard. I should not have to warn you about why one should never go full retard.
Helwani’s reaction quickly changed from jovial to concerned as he continued to try and “talk to Mayhem.” Suddenly, it’s as if we are watching a doctor try and reach the traumatic center of a schizophrenic child, and the gravity of Mayhem’s plight begins to settle in. After a few minutes of pointless back-and-forth, Miller became enraged that Helwani kept referring to him as “Mayhem” and stormed off the set amidst a cloud of cuss words and childish banter.
Ariel took a few minutes to collect himself and gave the following response:
Now, we understand that this write-up is only keeping Miller’s name on all of our tongues like he set out to do, but we are legitimately concerned for Mayhem’s well-being at this point. The fact that he wouldn’t even talk straight with Ariel when the segment was over should be the only indication we need as to the direction he is heading. We don’t know about you, but while watching the fourteenth season of The Ultimate Fighter, we thought Mayhem came across as a generally likable and intelligent guy. The fact that he’s let himself disintegrate into this is utterly tragic, and we sincerely hope that it doesn’t end in Miller harming himself or those around him.
I’m not normally one to offer inspirational words of advice, but I would recommend Miller take some time and reflect upon those penned by Marilyn vos Savant:
Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
Aside from displaying a much improved striking game in his second round TKO win over up-and-coming prospect Stipe Miocic last weekend, veteran heavyweight Stefan Struve put to rest all of the speculation regarding his chin (at least for the moment) by successfully eating the Clevelander’s best punches without looking much worse for the wear. But what most of the general public was completely unaware of heading into last weekend’s main event was the plight of Struve’s father, who had been diagnosed with cancer just a couple months ago and has been battling the disease ever since.
Obviously the news did not come easy to Struve, who was training for his fight with Miocic at the time, but the Dutchman managed to push through the onslaught of emotions and turn in a Brett Favre-esque performance on Saturday night. It wasn’t until his victorious post-fight interview that Struve brought everything to light, breaking down in heartrending fashion:
My dad [found out he had] cancer two months ago. He’s in therapy. He’s doing well, but, still. Yeah, I’ve been wanting to go home. It will be good to go home and see him again.
Having recently lost a family member to cancer, I can tell you first hand how difficult a process it is to deal with for all parties involved. I’m sure many of you readers could say the same. But like Struve said, his father is doing fine for the time being, so Struve should rest assured that he will be bringing his biggest victory inside the octagon home with him. We here at CP would like to let the Struve family know that our thoughts and prayers are with them in this difficult time. If Stefan’s performances inside the octagon are any indication, we imagine that his father will likely beat that pussy cancer inside of three rounds.
After the jump: A full video of the UFC on FUEL 5 post-fight press conference in which Dana White discusses his broner for Brad Pickett, pokes fun at the emotionless cyborg known as Gunnar Nelson, and tells everyone who thought the card sucked to stick it “right up your ass.” If only the President of this great nation could be so frank.
Aside from displaying a much improved striking game in his second round TKO win over up-and-coming prospect Stipe Miocic last weekend, veteran heavyweight Stefan Struve put to rest all of the speculation regarding his chin (at least for the moment) by successfully eating the Clevelander’s best punches without looking much worse for the wear. But what most of the general public was completely unaware of heading into last weekend’s main event was the plight of Struve’s father, who had been diagnosed with cancer just a couple months ago and has been battling the disease ever since.
Obviously the news did not come easy to Struve, who was training for his fight with Miocic at the time, but the Dutchman managed to push through the onslaught of emotions and turn in a Brett Favre-esque performance on Saturday night. It wasn’t until his victorious post-fight interview that Struve brought everything to light, breaking down in heartrending fashion:
My dad [found out he had] cancer two months ago. He’s in therapy. He’s doing well, but, still. Yeah, I’ve been wanting to go home. It will be good to go home and see him again.
Having recently lost a family member to cancer, I can tell you first hand how difficult a process it is to deal with for all parties involved. I’m sure many of you readers could say the same. But like Struve said, his father is doing fine for the time being, so Struve should rest assured that he will be bringing his biggest victory inside the octagon home with him. We here at CP would like to let the Struve family know that our thoughts and prayers are with them in this difficult time. If Stefan’s performances inside the octagon are any indication, we imagine that his father will likely beat that pussy cancer inside of three rounds.
After the jump: A full video of the UFC on FUEL 5 post-fight press conference in which Dana White discusses his broner for Brad Pickett, pokes fun at the emotionless cyborg known as Gunnar Nelson, and tells everyone who thought the card sucked to stick it “right up your ass.” If only the President of this great nation could be so frank.
(For the last time, I don’t know where any WMD’s are, and would appreciate if you stopped asking me questions taken from Chael’s Twitter account.)
For those of you who still think the life of a UFC champion is little more than punching dudes and collecting a paycheck, it might sadden you to see this behind-the-scenes video of Jon Jones‘ day at ESPN studios, which contained no less than a hundred and fifteen interviews over the course of a few hours. Seriously, Jones spent more time answering questions under a heat lamp than a person of interest, who he is ironically beginning to look like with that beard.
All kidding aside, the pure number of interviews Jones has to deal with in a day is probably a facet of his personality that many people don’t consider when lobbing their hate at him. When you’re trying not to look stupid hour after hour — and in front of millions of people nonetheless — you will eventually jumble your words, your thoughts, and have said words and thoughts misinterpreted by the strangers who are interviewing you left and right. It’s not exactly an easy process to get used to, especially when you lack the freakish confidence of a Chael Sonnen, a Floyd Mayweather, or a Deion Sanders, and you can see that Bones still gets a little nervous when trying to take it all in. Hence why he could not correctly answer which NFL-playing brother of his had which birthday, or what bone connects your shoulder to your elbow (which honestly would have stumped 99% of American audiences if Jay Leno was the one asking the question.)
We’re not saying that Jones should be completely forgiven for his repeatedly poor choicesof words, we’re just saying that, given enough time spent stepping on eggshells and answering the same mind-numbing questions over and over, most of us would probably comes off as unlikable too.
Video after the jump.
(For the last time, I don’t know where any WMD’s are, and would appreciate if you stopped asking me questions taken from Chael’s Twitter account.)
For those of you who still think the life of a UFC champion is little more than punching dudes and collecting a paycheck, it might sadden you to see this behind-the-scenes video of Jon Jones‘ day at ESPN studios, which contained no less than a hundred and fifteen interviews over the course of a few hours. Seriously, Jones spent more time answering questions under a heat lamp than a person of interest, who he is ironically beginning to look like with that beard.
All kidding aside, the pure number of interviews Jones has to deal with in a day is probably a facet of his personality that many people don’t consider when lobbing their hate at him. When you’re trying not to look stupid hour after hour — and in front of millions of people nonetheless — you will eventually jumble your words, your thoughts, and have said words and thoughts misinterpreted by the strangers who are interviewing you left and right. It’s not exactly an easy process to get used to, especially when you lack the freakish confidence of a Chael Sonnen, a Floyd Mayweather, or a Deion Sanders, and you can see that Bones still gets a little nervous when trying to take it all in. Hence why he could not correctly answer which NFL-playing brother of his had which birthday, or what bone connects your shoulder to your elbow (which honestly would have stumped 99% of American audiences if Jay Leno was the one asking the question.)
We’re not saying that Jones should be completely forgiven for his repeatedly poor choicesof words, we’re just saying that, given enough time spent stepping on eggshells and answering the same mind-numbing questions over and over, most of us would probably comes off as unlikable too.
Video after the jump.
So what do you think, Potato Nation; does a look into an average day in the life of JBJ make you feel any less resentment for him? Or did the manufacturers at the industrial warehouse where you were constructed forget to implant you with an empathy chip?
One thing’s for sure, I never want to be so famous that I have a guy following me around 24/7 just to update my Twitter status.
(Benavidez REALLY lets Bisping have it at the 4:05 mark. That is sarcasm, by the way.)
It used to simply surprise me each time someone raced to defend the actions of Michael Bisping after we had given him the public tongue-lashing he so rightfully deserved, be it for his coaching exploits, his insistence on insulting every middleweight he comes across, or his general dickishness when alcohol is involved. His supporters, whom I can only assume are as crass, doltish, and incoherent as the subject at hand, often label us “anti-British,” because clearly Bisping’s ancestry is at the forefront of our issues with the guy, not the relentless douchbaggery he displays at every conceivable opportunity. But over the years, I’ve come to realize that no matter how sound a given argument is, there will always be a minority rallying against it. It’s why Old Dad was recently lambasted by the readers over at MMAJunkie for declaring that Brock Lesnar and all 8 of his professional fights had not earned him a spot in the UFC Hall of Fame because he had helped the sport get some fans (bring it on, bitches!). And it’s undoubtedly why some of you — for God knows what reason — will always be quick to defend the hooley-hoo punk-ass jabroni known as Count Bisping (seriously, BRING IT ON!).
Take his recent squabble with the UFC’s flyweight division, for instance. With no clear motivation (other than being billed below them at UFC 152), Bisping decided to launch into a diatribe aimed at the 125-pounders, declaring that “no one cares about little flyweights.” Bisping continued his attack at the UFC 152 press conference, where, when forced to deal with a response from Joseph Benavidez, stated that “when you were a glint in your dad’s eye, I was kicking ass in the UFC,” which makes sense because AGE IS DETERMINED BY HEIGHT AND WEIGHT AND THAT’S IT SHUT UP. Benavidez, along with most of us who can subtract 28 from 33, dismissed Bisping’s comments as “ridiculous” and moved on. However, when Benavidez was asked by teammate Urijah Faber in the “fighter diary” above if he thought he hit harder than Bisping, he nonchalantly declared that yes, he believed he did.
This was the kind of insolence that Bisping would simply not tolerate.
(Benavidez REALLY lets Bisping have it at the 4:05 mark. That is sarcasm, by the way.)
It used to simply surprise me each time someone raced to defend the actions of Michael Bisping after we had given him the public tongue-lashing he so rightfully deserved, be it for his coaching exploits, his insistence on insulting every middleweight he comes across, or his general dickishness when alcohol is involved. His supporters, whom I can only assume are as crass, doltish, and incoherent as the subject at hand, often label us “anti-British,” because clearly Bisping’s ancestry is at the forefront of our issues with the guy, not the relentless douchbaggery he displays at every conceivable opportunity. But over the years, I’ve come to realize that no matter how sound a given argument is, there will always be a minority rallying against it. It’s why Old Dad was recently lambasted by the readers over at MMAJunkie for declaring that Brock Lesnar and all 8 of his professional fights had not earned him a spot in the UFC Hall of Fame because he had helped the sport get some fans (bring it on, bitches!). And it’s undoubtedly why some of you — for God knows what reason — will always be quick to defend the hooley-hoo punk-ass jabroni known as Count Bisping (seriously, BRING IT ON!).
Take his recent squabble with the UFC’s flyweight division, for instance. With no clear motivation (other than being billed below them at UFC 152), Bisping decided to launch into a diatribe aimed at the 125-pounders, declaring that “no one cares about little flyweights.” Bisping continued his attack at the UFC 152 press conference, where, when forced to deal with a response from Joseph Benavidez, stated that “when you were a glint in your dad’s eye, I was kicking ass in the UFC,” which makes sense because AGE IS DETERMINED BY HEIGHT AND WEIGHT AND THAT’S IT SHUT UP. Benavidez, along with most of us who can subtract 28 from 33, dismissed Bisping’s comments as “ridiculous” and moved on. However, when Benavidez was asked by teammate Urijah Faber in the “fighter diary” above if he thought he hit harder than Bisping, he nonchalantly declared that yes, he believed he did.
This was the kind of insolence that Bisping would simply not tolerate.
As is typically the case for shit-stirring fighters like Bisping, the TUF 3 winner truly cannot take it as well as he can dish it out. Bisping recently declared “Pepsi Challenge” war on Benavidez for his off-the-cuff remark, even going as far as to say that Benavidez had somehow started their whole verbal quarrel in the first place. He spoke with MMAJunkie radio:
That smug-faced little t— in a prepubescent boy’s body needs to shut the f— up because I’ll take the Pepsi Challenge with that short-ass any day of the week.
People are going to say that I’m talking crap, but he’s the one trying to start in with me. [Benavidez] needs to recognize his weight class because my 11-year-old boy will take care of him.
Those of us who maintain the ability to recall basic information from less than a month ago should see the main flaw in Bisping’s argument: He did in fact start it. He always starts it. It’s this kind of willful ignorance that makes you wonder if Bisping is suffering from a Leonard Shelby-esque syndrome where he convinces himself that each person he sees is really the man who fictitiously raped and killed his wife. Of course, an H-bomb as epic as the one he received could easily be responsible for such a condition, so perhaps we should stop making fun of Bisping’s shortcomings as a human being and start being concerned for his mental health. On second thought, fuck that.
And as is usually the case when arguing with a wall, Benavidez was short and to the point in his response, posting the following on his twitter:
Wow didn’t think a big, tough, secure guy like @bisping would get all butt hurt at my blog. Pretty funny.
