(Wait, you brought Koscheck? NO WONDER NO ONE LIKES YOU. via Getty.)
Should I even bother dressing this article up with fancy words and intro paragraphs? It would just be reiterating that same sh*t New York-born/based MMA fans have been dealing with for as long as I can remember, with the lone exception being the arrest of Sheldon Silver — one of the biggest opponents of the MMA in NY bill — being arrested on corruption charges in January. Nah, I think I’ll just cut to the chase.
The bill to legalize professional MMA in NY has died once again before it reached the legislature. In other news: The sky is blue. Water is wet. Arrested Development was cancelled way too soon.
(Wait, you brought Koscheck? NO WONDER NO ONE LIKES YOU. via Getty.)
Should I even bother dressing this article up with fancy words and intro paragraphs? It would just be reiterating that same sh*t New York-born/based MMA fans have been dealing with for as long as I can remember, with the lone exception being the arrest of Sheldon Silver — one of the biggest opponents of the MMA in NY bill — being arrested on corruption charges in January. Nah, I think I’ll just cut to the chase.
The bill to legalize professional MMA in NY has died once again before it reached the legislature. In other news: The sky is blue. Water is wet. Arrested Development was cancelled way too soon.
Here’s some politician saying political words about why the bill failed.
My big challenge today is that a number of members who are counted as supporters were just unavailable today because of the scheduling, that we weren’t expected to be here this long,” Assembly Majority Leader Joseph Morelle, D-Irondequoit, Monroe County, the bill’s sponsor, told Gannett’s Albany Bureau.
“And it’s really complicated efforts to get to 76. I think it’s looking less likely as the day wears on.”
I really don’t feel like wasting any more mental energy on this, so I’ll just chalk up the fact that professional, sanctioned MMA has failed in New York for the billionth time to “the ebb and flow of life.” At least everyone is now free to love who they want to, which is a slightly bigger deal than some dumb state being dumb. Ebb and flow. Ebb and flow.
We all knew that this day would come. Between the next-level trash-talk, the unprecedented world tour, the insane promos — both of which were described by Dana White as “the most expensive ever” — and the talks that the event would need to sell 1 million+ pay-per-views for the UFC to break even (which early figures indicated would happen), we knew that the MMA Gods would simply never allow the UFC 189 megafight between Conor McGregor and Jose Aldo to come to fruition. We knew this, yet we held out hope.
Which is why, perhaps more than ever before, it hurts so much to say this.
According to various sources (but first broke by Combate’s Anna Hissa), Jose Aldo fractured a rib in training early this morning. Two and a half weeks out from UFC 189. While his fight with McGregor has yet to be officially called off, one has to imagine that it’s only a matter of time.
We all knew that this day would come. Between the next-level trash-talk, the unprecedented world tour, the insane promos — both of which were described by Dana White as “the most expensive ever” – and the talks that the event would need to sell 1 million+ pay-per-views for the UFC to break even (which early figures indicated would happen), we knew that the MMA Gods would simply never allow the UFC 189 megafight between Conor McGregor and Jose Aldo to come to fruition. We knew this, yet we held out hope.
Which is why, perhaps more than ever before, it hurts so much to say this.
According to various sources (but first broke by Combate’s Anna Hissa), Jose Aldo fractured a rib in training early this morning. Two and a half weeks out from UFC 189. While his fight with McGregor has yet to be officially called off, one has to imagine that it’s only a matter of time.
God. Dammit.
Now of course, some have been quick to note that Aldo’s injury has come just weeks after his drug testing fiasco, but can we just not right now? Can’t we all just wallow in misery and drink ourselves into a midday coma before Johnny Conspiracy starts spouting his mouth off? GAHHH I HATE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW.
This sport is the worst, you guys. THE WORST. We’ll have more on this story as it develops. Go f*ck yourselves.
(“Can we hurry this up? I’m on my way to the scene of Aleks’ latest crime against humanity.”)
It has been many moons since we had our last caption contest, and boy oh boy did it show in last week’s results. I’d like to think this was you Taters working out the comedy ring rust, so to speak. Some of you opted for stoner jokes, because Nick Diaz, some of you opted to make fun of the gentleman on the right’s attire (WSOF vet Martin Sano, FWIW), and some of you didn’t really even attempt jokes at all, but merely observed that Diaz was in the same picture as the GOAT. Overall, I’d say this was a moderate success.
But onto the winning caption, which came via our Facebook page and completely destroyed the competition…
(“Can we hurry this up? I’m on my way to the scene of Aleks’ latest crime against humanity.”)
It has been many moons since we had our last caption contest, and boy oh boy did it show in last week’s results. I’d like to think this was you Taters working out the comedy ring rust, so to speak. Some of you opted for stoner jokes, because Nick Diaz, some of you opted to make fun of the gentleman on the right’s attire (WSOF vet Martin Sano, FWIW), and some of you didn’t really even attempt jokes at all, but merely observed that Diaz was in the same picture as the GOAT. Overall, I’d say this was a moderate success.
But onto the winning caption, which came via our Facebook page and completely destroyed the competition…
B Donovan Fousel: ”A stoner and a metrosexual walk into a bar. It was an armbar.”
With 66 likes, I think it’s safe to say that the people have spoken. Well done, Donovan, now if you’ll kindly send us your contact info via [email protected], I’ll get right on sending you a random DVD from my vault. I hope you like torture porn as much as I do…
Describing the atmosphere of a Bellator weigh-in — especially one headlined by the freakiest freakshow fight this side of Kinnikuman vs. Bob Sapp — is a difficult thing to do on paper. The energy is not quite as high as at the typically UFC event (well, a pay-per-view, anyway) and the loudest bouts of applause from the half-filled floor seating generally are oft reserved for the bevy of local fighters competing on the evening’s undercard. There is a distinct lack of frills at a Bellator event, which makes sense given that the promotion is now run under the guidance of Scott “No Nonsense” Coker.
At yesterday afternoon’s Bellator 138: Unfinished Business weigh-ins, which took place at the Scottrade Center in downtown St. Louis, the atmosphere was similarly underwhelming for a card that features the likes of Patricky Pitbull, Daniel Straus, and Michael Chandler to name a few. It was the featherweight champion who made the biggest impact, however, both on and off the scale. After missing weight on his first try, Pitbull frustratingly addressed the media about being the co-main event to a couple of fighters he felt “sorry for” before openly admitting that he would NOT be watching their fight. Talk about a company man, amiright?
Describing the atmosphere of a Bellator weigh-in — especially one headlined by the freakiest freakshow fight this side of Kinnikuman vs. Bob Sapp – is a difficult thing to do on paper. The energy is not quite as high as at the typically UFC event (well, a pay-per-view, anyway) and the loudest bouts of applause from the half-filled floor seating generally are oft reserved for the bevy of local fighters competing on the evening’s undercard. There is a distinct lack of frills at a Bellator event, which makes sense given that the promotion is now run under the guidance of Scott “No Nonsense” Coker.
At yesterday afternoon’s Bellator 138: Unfinished Business weigh-ins, which took place at the Scottrade Center in downtown St. Louis, the atmosphere was similarly underwhelming for a card that features the likes of Patricky Pitbull, Daniel Straus, and Michael Chandler to name a few. It was the featherweight champion who made the biggest impact, however, both on and off the scale. After missing weight on his first try, Pitbull frustratingly addressed the media about being the co-main event to a couple of fighters he felt “sorry for” before openly admitting that he would NOT be watching their fight. Talk about a company man, amiright?
Patricky would make weight on his second try, which is more than you could say for undercard fighters Chris Heatherly and Matt Helm, who both showed up heavy for their respective fights with Garrett Gross and Rashard Lovelace.
But onto the reason why we’re all here: The main event. We’d been lucky enough to steal some timewith Ken Shamrock recently, who at 51-years-old appears to be in some of the best shape of his life (thanks to genetics and hard work, of course). On top of that, his recent interviews have painted him as a honest, humbled, and most importantly, reinvigorated man with a renewed passion to end his career on a high note. The “World’s Most Dangerous Spray Tan” he was rocking at yesterday’s weigh-ins, on the other hand…
Oooh boy.
As for Slice, well, what is there to say, really? The man showed up sporting a Dude Wipes sponsorship across his backside — which, if there has ever been a product that epitomizes this fight, it’s freaking Dude Wipes.
Other than that, it appears that Slice has developed a little bit of a paunch since we last saw him, but has not lost one bit of pep in that excellent beard. (I swear, I saw a small squirrel poking out of it at one point. A squirrel with a switchblade.)
All joking aside, this card is loaded with great fighters and should make for an action packed night of fights. Former champion Daniel Straus looks to get back on the road to another title fight as he takes on undefeated Bellator newcomer Henry Corrales. Patricio Pitbull defends his feather weight title against Daniel Weichel, and hometown fight Michael Chandler will square off with 15-4 Derek Campos. And finally, one lucky fan may get to take home the head of last minute replacement Dan Charles after Bobby Lastly knocks it into the 17th row.
A full video of the Bellator 138 weigh-ins is below along with a full list of results.
Main card (Spike at 9 p.m. ET)
Kimbo Slice (232) vs. Ken Shamrock (204.4)
Patricio Freire (144.9) vs. Daniel Weichel (144.5)
Bobby Lashley (239) vs. Dan Charles (228)
Daniel Straus (144.4) vs. Henry Corrales (144.9)
Michael Chandler (155.6) vs. Derek Campos (152.5)
Undercard
Miles McDonald (115.3) vs. Dan O’Connor (115.3)
Justin Lawrence (145.7) vs. Sean Wilson (145.8)
Eric Irvin (155.6) vs. Hugh Pulley (155.2)
Rashard Lovelace (160.6) vs. Matt Helm (164.8)
Kain Royer (184.6) vs. Enrique Watson (185.8)
A.J. Siscoe (135.5) vs. Garrett Mueller (135.6)
Adam Cella (170.3) vs. Kyle Kurtz (171)
Justin Guthrie (170.3) vs. Steven Mann (169.8)
Garrett Gross (155.2) vs. Chris Heatherly (160*)
(The Greatest and The Realest, seen here discussing Russian trade policies and how to properly roll a blunt. via Martin Sano Jr.)
Can I level with you for a second, Nation? I’ve spent the last two days combatting a sickness something awful — chest congestion, stomach bug, milk leg, hot tub foot, scrotal migraines…the whole nine. It’s just been an absolute bacchanal of contamination and infection going on inside my body, the root of which I highly speculate to be the cobra whiskey I bought off a street urchin in (Boston) Chinatown earlier in the week.
But having awoken today with the internal storm mostly behind me, I feel like switching things up and passing along the positive vibes to you, the readers, with a good old fashioned caption contest. Lucky for me, this photo of Fedor Emelianenko and Nick Diaz made its way onto r/mma this morning, giving me/you the perfect opportunity to cash in on my newfound generosity.
You know the deal by now. Come up with your best captions for this photo — either in the comments section below, or on our Facebook page if said comments section isn’t working (which, let’s be honest, it probably isn’t). If you’re funny enough, you’ll win a random DVD from my extensive video library. Will it be an event DVD, like UFC 91 or 111? An unapologetically terrible movie starring an MMA fighter, like In the Blood or Scorpion King XVIII? Or maybe just highlights from my family trip to Myrtle Beach? BRING THE FUNNY AND FIND OUT!
(The Greatest and The Realest, seen here discussing Russian trade policies and how to properly roll a blunt. via Martin Sano Jr.)
Can I level with you for a second, Nation? I’ve spent the last two days combatting a sickness something awful — chest congestion, stomach bug, milk leg, hot tub foot, scrotal migraines…the whole nine. It’s just been an absolute bacchanal of contamination and infection going on inside my body, the root of which I highly speculate to be the cobra whiskey I bought off a street urchin in (Boston) Chinatown earlier in the week.
But having awoken today with the internal storm mostly behind me, I feel like switching things up and passing along the positive vibes to you, the readers, with a good old fashioned caption contest. Lucky for me, this photo of Fedor Emelianenko and Nick Diaz made its way onto r/mma this morning, giving me/you the perfect opportunity to cash in on my newfound generosity.
You know the deal by now. Come up with your best captions for this photo — either in the comments section below, or on our Facebook page if said comments section isn’t working (which, let’s be honest, it probably isn’t). If you’re funny enough, you’ll win a random DVD from my extensive video library. Will it be an event DVD, like UFC 91 or 111? An unapologetically terrible movie starring an MMA fighter, like In the Blood or Scorpion King XVIII? Or maybe just highlights from my family trip to Myrtle Beach? BRING THE FUNNY AND FIND OUT!
