Tag: MMA t-shirts

Worst Christmas Ever: The 15 Most Depressing UFC Items Currently Available at UFCStore.com


(This is a Tank Abbott professional wrestling action figure produced and sold by the WWE. Spoiler alert: It is easily a much better Christmas present for the MMA fans in your life than ANYTHING on this list.)

By Seth Falvo

From ugly t-shirts to video games with comically deformed characters, MMA fans don’t exactly have a ton of half-decent options for Christmas presents. So it should probably go without saying that if you see that one of your presents is from UFCStore.com tomorrow morning, you should just throw the damn thing in the trash without opening it. Trust me, whatever is inside of that box is a Christmas tragedy the likes of which would make Agatha Christie blush.

The UFC’s official shop is not only littered with exactly the ugly, trashy, tasteless merchandise that you’d expect to see the Eddie Justbleeds of the world own, but also some incredibly confusing, useless products that suggest that maybe the UFC isn’t fully comfortable catering to said Justbleeds. I mean, for a company whose fan base is constantly measuring its collective dick, you’d think they’d be selling things like a UFC Belt Sander instead of a hyper-masculine UFC Shoe Bag.

So it’s in that spirit that I’ll be ranking the fifteen most depressing UFC items that you can currently buy — or, likely, receive as a Christmas present tomorrow — from UFCStore.com. Two rules: Number one, only UFC and UFC Gym brand items are eligible for inclusion, because as much as I’d love to include this eyesore, I’m not nearly enough of a masochist to rank every last item that awful place has up for grabs. And number two: It isn’t enough for an item to simply be extremely ugly, pointless, overpriced, dated or just plain stupid. No, for an item to make this list, it has to be that magical brand of awfulness that actually makes you feel sad and empty upon seeing that people are being asked to pay money in order to own it. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s begin our trip to the Island of Misfit UFC Merchandise…


(This is a Tank Abbott professional wrestling action figure produced and sold by the WWE. Spoiler alert: It is easily a much better Christmas present for the MMA fans in your life than ANYTHING on this list.)

By Seth Falvo

From ugly t-shirts to video games with comically deformed characters, MMA fans don’t exactly have a ton of half-decent options for Christmas presents. So it should probably go without saying that if you see that one of your presents is from UFCStore.com tomorrow morning, you should just throw the damn thing in the trash without opening it. Trust me, whatever is inside of that box is a Christmas tragedy the likes of which would make Agatha Christie blush.

The UFC’s official shop is not only littered with exactly the ugly, trashy, tasteless merchandise that you’d expect to see the Eddie Justbleeds of the world own, but also some incredibly confusing, useless products that suggest that maybe the UFC isn’t fully comfortable catering to said Justbleeds. I mean, for a company whose fan base is constantly measuring its collective dick, you’d think they’d be selling things like a UFC Belt Sander instead of a hyper-masculine UFC Shoe Bag.

So it’s in that spirit that I’ll be ranking the fifteen most depressing UFC items that you can currently buy — or, likely, receive as a Christmas present tomorrow — from UFCStore.com. Two rules: Number one, only UFC and UFC Gym brand items are eligible for inclusion, because as much as I’d love to include this eyesore, I’m not nearly enough of a masochist to rank every last item that awful place has up for grabs. And number two: It isn’t enough for an item to simply be extremely ugly, pointless, overpriced, dated or just plain stupid. No, for an item to make this list, it has to be that magical brand of awfulness that actually makes you feel sad and empty upon seeing that people are being asked to pay money in order to own it. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s begin our trip to the Island of Misfit UFC Merchandise…

15. UFC Ladies Fight Girl Racerback Tank Top

Price: $24.95
From the UFCStore.com Product Description: “With this tank, everyone will know you’re a ferocious contender.”

Everyone may know that you’re a ferocious contender [Author Note: Please excuse me, I need to go vomit now…], but they’ll certainly wonder if you can actually read English. “UFC Fight Girl?” That’s how I’d expect an offensively stereotypical foreign tourist to describe Ronda Rousey. That this shirt was likely designed by a native English speaker to be worn by native English speakers both confuses and depresses me.

14. UFC Pewter Logo Pin

Price: $39.95
From the UFCStore.com Product Description: “Great for hats or lapels, this accessory will let everyone see your loyalty to the UFC!”

You’re honestly telling me that there are people who both fret over their inabilities to show the world that they’re UFC fans in their business professional attire and also want to spend $39.95 on a novelty lapel pin? I refuse to believe it. In fact, I bet if you tried to buy one of these, you’d be redirected to a page that explains how this item was just an anthropologist’s experiment to see if MMA fans really are stupid enough to buy anything with the letters “UFC” on it. There’s no damn way that the UFC has a box of lapel pins cluttering up a warehouse somewhere.

13. Mens UFC Indigo Star Tri-Blend T-Shirt

Price: $44.95
From the UFCStore.com Product Description: “While you may not be stepping into the octagon, with this tee, you’ll be ready to show the world how much dedication you have for the sport.”

If you wore this shirt in the same room as Joe Son, Thiago Silva, Bryan Caraway and Rob Emerson, my first thought would be “That guy in the star-spangled UFC shirt is a total douche.”

12. UFC The Ultimate Fighter 20: Team Melendez Womens Reversible Bikini Bottoms

Price: $79.95 ON SALE NOW FOR ONLY $55.99
From the UFCStore.com Product Description: “These cute swimsuit bottoms will definitely show off your UFC style at the beach.”

“Great news, babe. I saved up some cash to buy you these BIKINI BOTTOMS! Not only are they inexcusably repulsive, but if you look really, really, closely at them, you’ll notice that they have OCTAGONS on them! THIS WAY EVERYONE WILL KNOW THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND WATCHES THE UFC!!!!”

11. UFC Sterling Silver Octagon Championship Bracelet

Price: $799.95. That’s not a typo. Seven hundred ninenty-nine dollars and ninety-five cents.
From the UFCStore.com Product Description: “Your UFC pride won’t be clearer when you wear this bracelet!”

This is the most expensive item currently available from UFCStore.com, and it looks like it’s held together by a goddamn hair scrunchie. If this isn’t symbolic of how much the UFC “respects” its fans, then I really do not know what is.

On the next page: Things get worse. Much, much worse.

Behold, The Worst MMA T-Shirt of All Time. OF ALL TIME.


(Yes, this is a real shirt, and not a cut-scene from Leisure Suit Larry.)

Today’s jumping spinning hook-kick knockout video raised a couple of uncomfortable questions. For instance: Isn’t XFS the same promotion that was plagued by a record-padding scandal earlier this year? And why was one of the cage posts advertising something called Tomato Can MMA?

The answers to both questions are reflected in the atrocious t-shirt you see above. As a tongue-in-cheek reference to its notorious use of jobbers and palookas, the Xplode Fight Series has launched a charity drive called “Tomato Can MMA,” in which it will (allegedly) donate a can of food to a food bank or homeless shelter for every one of its “Melon” t-shirts that are purchased. (Just $19.99 plus $4.95 shipping!) As you read these words, there’s a homeless guy in Escondido farting out two cans’ worth of sauerkraut, all thanks to the philanthropic souls at XFS.

This is the worst MMA-related t-shirt in history, hands down. The phrase on the shirt — “Don’t let my melons get in the way of your CANS!™” — is cringe-worthy, and basically incoherent when you think about it. (Although I do like the ironic usage of the trademark symbol, as if anybody would steal any of this.) Obviously, the message is printed in comic sans, beloved font of dull children and sociopaths.


(Yes, this is a real shirt, and not a cut-scene from Leisure Suit Larry.)

Today’s jumping spinning hook-kick knockout video raised a couple of uncomfortable questions. For instance: Isn’t XFS the same promotion that was plagued by a record-padding scandal earlier this year? And why was one of the cage posts advertising something called Tomato Can MMA?

The answers to both questions are reflected in the atrocious t-shirt you see above. As a tongue-in-cheek reference to its notorious use of jobbers and palookas, the Xplode Fight Series has launched a charity drive called “Tomato Can MMA,” in which it will (allegedly) donate a can of food to a food bank or homeless shelter for every one of its “Melon” t-shirts that are purchased. (Just $19.99 plus $4.95 shipping!) As you read these words, there’s a homeless guy in Escondido farting out two cans’ worth of sauerkraut, all thanks to the philanthropic souls at XFS.

This is the worst MMA-related t-shirt in history, hands down. The phrase on the shirt — “Don’t let my melons get in the way of your CANS!™” — is cringe-worthy, and basically incoherent when you think about it. (Although I do like the ironic usage of the trademark symbol, as if anybody would steal any of this.) Obviously, the message is printed in comic sans, beloved font of dull children and sociopaths.

As for the art…man, it’s not good. You’ve got a cage filled with a pyramid of tomato cans, a googly-eyed fighter walking up some stairs who appears to have been pre-Nelmarked, and a dozen other crudely-drawn white people. Only one poor soul has paid the extra charge for cageside seating, but boy oh boy, is he getting his money’s worth, as evidenced by the distance of his tongue from his mouth.

Until today, the title of Worst MMA T-Shirt Ever Created was proudly held by Alpha Male Shit’s “PC” tee. But I could actually picture a handful of morons wearing that one. Nobody in their right mind is paying $25 to rock “Melons.” Nobody.

If there is a worse MMA-related t-shirt actually available for purchase, please inform us in the comments section or shoot us a link on twitter @cagepotatomma.

Hunt vs. Bigfoot x Scramble Fight-Picking Contest: And the Winners Are…


(Image courtesy of Scramble. Buy the shirt for $44.99 right here.)

Thanks to everybody who entered last week’s UFC Fight Night 33 fight-picking contest! I kind of enjoyed the free-for-all style that we tried this time, and I think we’ll do it like that from now on. Anyway, we’ve just sifted through your entries, and while there were a bunch of basically-correct guesses, a couple were more correct than the others. They were…

– Simon Cossette, for predicting a unanimous decision win for Ryan Bader against Anthony Perosh. With his entry of (30-27, 30-27, 30-27), Simon nailed two of the three judges’ scores, and missed the third one (30-26) by a single point.

– Lasha Lasha (?), for being the only person to predict that Soa Palelei would beat Pat Barry by first-round knockout. In fact, L.L. was the only person to predict a win for Palelei, period.

Those two talented fight-pickers have just won an official Sakuraba t-shirt from Scramble. So Simon and Lasha, please check the “other” folder of your Facebook messages today, as we’ll be sending you instructions on how to claim your prize. Thanks again to Scramble for hooking us up with all these shirts. If you need any Christmas gifts for the MMA/grappling fan in your life, swing by Scramble today!


(Image courtesy of Scramble. Buy the shirt for $44.99 right here.)

Thanks to everybody who entered last week’s UFC Fight Night 33 fight-picking contest! I kind of enjoyed the free-for-all style that we tried this time, and I think we’ll do it like that from now on. Anyway, we’ve just sifted through your entries, and while there were a bunch of basically-correct guesses, a couple were more correct than the others. They were…

– Simon Cossette, for predicting a unanimous decision win for Ryan Bader against Anthony Perosh. With his entry of (30-27, 30-27, 30-27), Simon nailed two of the three judges’ scores, and missed the third one (30-26) by a single point.

– Lasha Lasha (?), for being the only person to predict that Soa Palelei would beat Pat Barry by first-round knockout. In fact, L.L. was the only person to predict a win for Palelei, period.

Those two talented fight-pickers have just won an official Sakuraba t-shirt from Scramble. So Simon and Lasha, please check the “other” folder of your Facebook messages today, as we’ll be sending you instructions on how to claim your prize. Thanks again to Scramble for hooking us up with all these shirts. If you need any Christmas gifts for the MMA/grappling fan in your life, swing by Scramble today!

Hunt vs. Bigfoot Fight-Picking Contest: Win a Sakuraba T-Shirt From Scramble!

We still have a couple of those awesomely official Kazushi Sakuraba t-shirts from Scramble laying around, so how bout we put ’em up for grabs in one more fight-picking contest? This weekend in Brisbane, Australia, hard-hittin’ heavyweights Mark Hunt and Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva will meet in the five-round main event of UFC Fight Night 33. Also, Mauricio “Shogun” Rua returns against James Te Huna, Pat Barry slugs it out with Soa Palelei, and Ryan Bader faces Anthony Perosh. (Are you noticing an Oceania vs. The World theme, here?)

To make things a little more interesting for this contest, we’re going to tweak the rules a little bit: Instead of having you submit predictions for the main event only, we’re going to allow you to submit a prediction for any fight on the card. The two closest guesses will win the Saku shirts. Your picks should be in this format…

We still have a couple of those awesomely official Kazushi Sakuraba t-shirts from Scramble laying around, so how bout we put ‘em up for grabs in one more fight-picking contest? This weekend in Brisbane, Australia, hard-hittin’ heavyweights Mark Hunt and Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva will meet in the five-round main event of UFC Fight Night 33. Also, Mauricio “Shogun” Rua returns against James Te Huna, Pat Barry slugs it out with Soa Palelei, and Ryan Bader faces Anthony Perosh. (Are you noticing an Oceania vs. The World theme, here?)

To make things a little more interesting for this contest, we’re going to tweak the rules a little bit: Instead of having you submit predictions for the main event only, we’re going to allow you to submit a prediction for any fight on the card. The two closest guesses will win the Saku shirts. Your picks should be in this format…

Mark Hunt def. Antonio Silva via KO, 3:31 of round 3
or
Pat Barry def. Soa Palelei via submission (guillotine choke), 1:58 of round 1
or
Bethe Correia def. Julie Kedzie via split-decision (29-28, 29-28, 28-29)

In other words: Winner’s name first, and include the method of victory, time of stoppage, round of stoppage, or the judges’ scores if you think the fight will go all five rounds; we’ll need that in case of a tie-breaker. Please submit your picks to the comments section by Friday night at midnight ET. Winners will be announced the following Monday. Only one entry per person, please. Any questions, let us know in the comments. Good luck everybody, and visit ScrambleStuff.com to keep on top of Scramble’s latest sales and one-of-a-kind grappling/MMA gear.

St-Pierre vs. Hendricks Fight-Picking Contest: And the Winner Is…


(Photo via Esther Lin/MMAFighting)

The crazy thing about last week’s UFC 167/Scramble fight-picking contest was the fact that so many of you were basically right, even though the fight couldn’t have been any different from what we expected. Yes, Georges St-Pierre won by decision…again. He also took the longest sustained beating of his entire career. Who could have predicted that? Certainly not us.

But despite all the “GSP by decision” entries that came in, only one fight-picker predicted that St-Pierre would win by split-decision: Daniel Rogoff, who also got two of the judges’ scores exactly right. Congrats, Daniel, you’ve earned an official Kazushi Sakuraba t-shirt from Scramble! We’ve already sent you a Facebook message about how to claim your prize; please check your “Other” folder today.

Since only one person guessed the outcome correctly, we’re going to go back on our word a little and only award one t-shirt today instead of two. To make up for it, we’ll give you guys one more chance to win a Sakuraba t-shirt by the end of the month. Stay tuned, and thanks again to Scramble for making this happen.


(Photo via Esther Lin/MMAFighting)

The crazy thing about last week’s UFC 167/Scramble fight-picking contest was the fact that so many of you were basically right, even though the fight couldn’t have been any different from what we expected. Yes, Georges St-Pierre won by decision…again. He also took the longest sustained beating of his entire career. Who could have predicted that? Certainly not us.

But despite all the “GSP by decision” entries that came in, only one fight-picker predicted that St-Pierre would win by split-decision: Daniel Rogoff, who also got two of the judges’ scores exactly right. Congrats, Daniel, you’ve earned an official Kazushi Sakuraba t-shirt from Scramble! We’ve already sent you a Facebook message about how to claim your prize; please check your “Other” folder today.

Since only one person guessed the outcome correctly, we’re going to go back on our word a little and only award one t-shirt today instead of two. To make up for it, we’ll give you guys one more chance to win a Sakuraba t-shirt by the end of the month. Stay tuned, and thanks again to Scramble for making this happen.

St-Pierre vs. Hendricks Fight-Picking Contest: Win a Sakuraba T-Shirt From Scramble!

Maybe you struck out in last week’s caption contest, but the fine folks at Scramble are giving you guys another chance to win an official Kazushi Sakuraba t-shirt in this week’s fight-picking contest!

As you might have heard, Georges St-Pierre and Johny Hendricks are going toe-to-toe this weekend at UFC 167 in a welterweight title fight. According to the oddsmakers, GSP is a -225 favorite against Hendricks — the champ’s narrowest line in over four years. But how will the fight end exactly? Shoot us your prediction in the comments section, and the two closest guesses will each win a shirt. Your entry should be in this format…

Maybe you struck out in last week’s caption contest, but the fine folks at Scramble are giving you guys another chance to win an official Kazushi Sakuraba t-shirt in this week’s fight-picking contest!

As you might have heard, Georges St-Pierre and Johny Hendricks are going toe-to-toe this weekend at UFC 167 in a welterweight title fight. According to the oddsmakers, GSP is a -225 favorite against Hendricks — the champ’s narrowest line in over four years. But how will the fight end exactly? Shoot us your prediction in the comments section, and the two closest guesses will each win a shirt. Your entry should be in this format…

St. Pierre def. Hendricks via unanimous decision (49-46 x 2, 48-47)
or
Hendricks def. St. Pierre via TKO, 1:32 of round 2
or
St. Pierre def. Hendricks via submission (armbar), 3:08 of round 4

In other words: Winner’s last name first, and include the method of victory, time of stoppage, round of stoppage, or the judges’ scores if you think the fight will go all five rounds; we’ll need that in case of a tie-breaker. Please submit your picks to the comments section by noon PT on Saturday. Winners will be announced the following Monday. Only one entry per person, please. Any questions, let us know in the comments. Good luck everybody, and visit ScrambleStuff.com for all your rainbow spats and video-game inspired rashguard needs!