It Begins (Again (For Serious This Time)): Josh Barnett Inks Multi-Fight Deal With the UFC

(We assume that this is how Barnett’s contract negotiation went down.)

Although we might have jumped the gun when we noticed that Josh Barnett’s profile had been added to UFC.com some weeks back — which honestly, can you blame us? — it finally appears that the perennial top heavyweight IS in fact headed back to the UFC despite rejecting his initial contract. For serious this time (via MMAJunkie/USA Today):

USA TODAY Sports/MMAjunkie.com today confirmed with promotion officials that former UFC heavyweight champion Barnett has signed a new multi-fight deal with the promotion and is expected to make his return to the octagon later this year. An official announcement is expected soon. 

“The Warmaster” has not competed since effortlessly strangling out some dude at the final Strikeforce event, but his addition to the UFC’s apparently shallow heavyweight division will undoubtedly make for some fireworks. Who would you like to see Barnett face first, Potato Nation? Personally, I’d like to see him rematch Nandor Guelmino, the scary-looking sumbitch who if I recall correctly gave Barnett one hell of a fight at…what’s that? You say Nandor *is* the guy Barnett effortlessly tapped at the final Strikeforce event? Joe Silva, I don’t know how you pull it off, you magnificent “mean little f*cker.”

To celebrate Barnett’s sure-to-be-triumphant return, we’ve compiled the definitive collection of Warbringer songs (and the Bolt Thrower song after which Barnett is nicknamed) after the jump. If you don’t understand why, well then you just don’t know Josh Barnett.


(We assume that this is how Barnett’s contract negotiation went down.)

Although we might have jumped the gun when we noticed that Josh Barnett’s profile had been added to UFC.com some weeks back — which honestly, can you blame us? – it finally appears that the perennial top heavyweight IS in fact headed back to the UFC despite rejecting his initial contract. For serious this time (via MMAJunkie/USA Today):

USA TODAY Sports/MMAjunkie.com today confirmed with promotion officials that former UFC heavyweight champion Barnett has signed a new multi-fight deal with the promotion and is expected to make his return to the octagon later this year. An official announcement is expected soon. 

“The Warmaster” has not competed since effortlessly strangling out some dude at the final Strikeforce event, but his addition to the UFC’s apparently shallow heavyweight division will undoubtedly make for some fireworks. Who would you like to see Barnett face first, Potato Nation? Personally, I’d like to see him rematch Nandor Guelmino, the scary-looking sumbitch who if I recall correctly gave Barnett one hell of a fight at…what’s that? You say Nandor *is* the guy Barnett effortlessly tapped at the final Strikeforce event? Joe Silva, I don’t know how you pull it off, you magnificent “mean little f*cker.”

To celebrate Barnett’s sure-to-be-triumphant return, we’ve compiled the definitive collection of Warbringer songs (and the Bolt Thrower song after which Barnett is nicknamed) after the jump. If you don’t understand why, well then you just don’t know Josh Barnett.





J.Jones

Strikeforce: Marquardt vs. Saffiedine Aftermath — The Awkward Goodbyes

I’ll be completely honest: I didn’t watch Strikeforce’s farewell card live last night. I recorded it, and watched it when I was done watching football. Am I just that dedicated of a 49ers/Packers fan? Not quite; last night was the first time I watched either team play all season. Rather, my mentality was that I haven’t been changing my schedule to accommodate Strikeforce events for the past two years now [Author Note: Damn, was the buyout really two years ago already? Time flies when you’re watching something die.], so why start now for the promotion’s grand finale.

Reading through the collection of Strikeforce tributes online, it’s obvious that I’m not the only one feeling this way. Articles and tweets about the demise of Strikeforce have been respectful, but not overly-sentimental, and the comments sections of various liveblogs covering the event didn’t exactly blow up for the occasion. There were none of the regrets, what-nows and what-could-have-beens that usually come along with failed business ventures – just a few awkward goodbyes as Zuffa prepared to pull the plug on the machine that no longer served any purpose.

And honestly, why would anyone other than Strikeforce’s employees, fighters and Scott Coker feel any differently? The death of Strikeforce doesn’t mark the end of a promotion that has been pumping out relevant fights for the past two years. It isn’t the death of an alternative option for fighters not wanting to sign with Zuffa. It isn’t the even the end of free MMA on basic cable.

I guess it would be different if this card was stacked with the fighters who made Strikeforce Strikeforce, such as Cung Le, Nick Diaz, Alistair Overeem, Ronda Rousey, Gilbert Melendez and Luke Rockhold, but they’ve either been assimilated into the UFC by now or they’ve pulled out of the event due to injury/apathy. Instead, this card served as one final night of squash fights – one of which actually ended differently than you may have expected.

I’ll be completely honest: I didn’t watch Strikeforce’s farewell card live last night. I recorded it, and watched it when I was done watching football. Am I just that dedicated of a 49ers/Packers fan? Not quite; last night was the first time I watched either team play all season. Rather, my mentality was that I haven’t been changing my schedule to accommodate Strikeforce events for the past two years now [Author Note: Damn, was the buyout really two years ago already? Time flies when you’re watching something die.], so why start now for the promotion’s grand finale.

Reading through the collection of Strikeforce tributes online, it’s obvious that I’m not the only one feeling this way. Articles and tweets about the demise of Strikeforce have been respectful, but not overly-sentimental, and the comments sections of various liveblogs covering the event didn’t exactly blow up for the occasion. There were none of the regrets, what-nows and what-could-have-beens that usually come along with failed business ventures – just a few awkward goodbyes as Zuffa prepared to pull the plug on the machine that no longer served any purpose.

And honestly, why would anyone other than Strikeforce’s employees, fighters and Scott Coker feel any differently? The death of Strikeforce doesn’t mark the end of a promotion that has been pumping out relevant fights for the past two years. It isn’t the death of an alternative option for fighters not wanting to sign with Zuffa. It isn’t the even the end of free MMA on basic cable.

I guess it would be different if this card was stacked with the fighters who made Strikeforce Strikeforce, such as Cung Le, Nick Diaz, Alistair Overeem, Ronda Rousey, Gilbert Melendez and Luke Rockhold, but they’ve either been assimilated into the UFC by now or they’ve pulled out of the event due to injury/apathy. Instead, this card served as one final night of squash fights – one of which actually ended differently than you may have expected.

So let’s talk about the upset on the main card. Tarec Saffiedine shocked us all not simply by defeating Nate Marquardt, but rather, by how easily he managed to do so. Saffiedine made effective usage of his crisp striking by absolutely battering Nate the Great throughout the bout, peppering Marquardt with leg kicks until his leg resembled Junior Dos Santos’ face. Saffiedine felt he needed to win in order to get an offer from the UFC, and it showed in his effort. Saffiedine’s conditioning, game plan and overall performance was far more convincing than Marquardt’s output last night, plain and simple.

And for those of you preparing for MMA Jeopardy, yes, Tarec Saffiedine is officially the final welterweight champion in Strikeforce history.

As for the rest of the card, there isn’t much to honestly say. We knew Cormier was going destroy what’s his name, and he did. Cormier may have been too ambitious with his callouts of both Frank Mir and Jon Jones after the fight, but if he gets past Frank Mir, I know I’m not the only person who is curious to see how he would do at 205. The fact that Josh Barnett was sick throughout fight week, yet still utterly dominated the big, scary-looking Nandor Guelmino was a testament to both Barnett’s skills and the lopsided nature of this matchup. Don’t get too excited about seeing Barnett back in the UFC though; it doesn’t sound like he’s in a rush to sign back on. Gegard Mousasi choked Mike Kyle into retirement in a little over four minutes, while Jacare Souza kicked off the night by locking UFC-loaned jobber Ed Herman in a kimura in just three minutes and ten seconds.

It wasn’t exactly the most glamorous way for Strikeforce to have gone out – and it certainly wasn’t the preferable way – but Strikeforce went out on the highest possible low note. The fights may have been squash matches of little significance, but damn it, they were at least fun to watch, so that has to count for something. Fun fights that don’t really matter in the long run – if that’s not Zuffa-owned Strikeforce in a nutshell, then what is?

Farewell, Strikeforce. You did what you could with what you had to work with, for the few people who still cared in the end. Now, back to business as usual.

Full Results

Main Card:

Tarec Saffiedine def. Nate Marquardt via unanimous decision
Daniel Cormier def. Dion Staring via TKO (punches), 4:02 of Round Two
Josh Barnett def. Nandor Guelmino via submission (arm-triangle), 2:11 of Round One
Gegard Mousasi def. Mike Kyle via submission (rear-naked choke), 4:09 of Round One
Ronaldo Souza def. Ed Herman via submission (Kimura), 3:10 of Round One

Preliminary Card:

Pat Healy def. Kurt Holobaugh via unanimous decision
Roger Gracie def. Anthony Smith via submission (arm-triangle), 3:16 of Round Two
Tim Kennedy def. Trevor Smith via sumission (guillotine), 1:36 of Round Three
Ryan Couture def. K.J. Noons via split decision
Adriano Martins def. Jorge Gurgel vie unanimous decision
Estevan Payan def. Mike Bravo via TKO (strikes), 4:01 in Round Two

@SethFalvo 

Strikeforce: Marquardt vs. Saffiedine — Live Results and Commentary


(I know what you’re thinking: Why the hell did they leave Nandor Guelmino off the poster? Well I don’t mean to alarm you, but that bright shining ball of fire in the background *is* Nandor Guelmino.)

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the end of the world. Tonight’s last-ever Strikeforce event went from a championship triple-header to Squash City in a hurry, and it’s okay to feel depressed about it. (If you need somebody to talk to, call 1-888-BRO-TATO and one of our mental health professionals will be on the line shortly.)

On the main card this evening, Nate Marquardt puts his welterweight title on the line against Belgian standout Tarec Saffiedine, Daniel Cormier and Josh Barnett try not to shit the bed against their unheralded opponents, Gegard Mousasi returns from a long layoff to face Mike Kyle, and Ed Herman crosses the UFC/Strikeforce DMZ to bang with the always-dangerous Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza.

Like a spirit guide leading us from one realm of existence to the next, Jim Genia will be sticking round-by-round results from the “Marquardt vs. Saffiedine” Showtime broadcast after the jump, beginning at 10 p.m. ET. Make your voices heard in the comments section, and please, let’s honor this moment.


(I know what you’re thinking: Why the hell did they leave Nandor Guelmino off the poster? Well I don’t mean to alarm you, but that bright shining ball of fire in the background *is* Nandor Guelmino.)

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the end of the world. Tonight’s last-ever Strikeforce event went from a championship triple-header to Squash City in a hurry, and it’s okay to feel depressed about it. (If you need somebody to talk to, call 1-888-BRO-TATO and one of our mental health professionals will be on the line shortly.)

On the main card this evening, Nate Marquardt puts his welterweight title on the line against Belgian standout Tarec Saffiedine, Daniel Cormier and Josh Barnett try not to shit the bed against their unheralded opponents, Gegard Mousasi returns from a long layoff to face Mike Kyle, and Ed Herman crosses the UFC/Strikeforce DMZ to bang with the always-dangerous Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza.

Like a spirit guide leading us from one realm of existence to the next, Jim Genia will be sticking round-by-round results from the “Marquardt vs. Saffiedine” Showtime broadcast after the jump, beginning at 10 p.m. ET. Make your voices heard in the comments section, and please, let’s honor this moment.

Please stand by…

“Like a spirit guide”? Is that a reference to my Native American heritage? Booyah, Jim Genia here, ready to deliver some tender hospice care to the terminally ill Strikeforce. But shed not a tear for its passing, as it lived a long, fruitful life.

Also, this past year Strikeforce kinda sucked.

Results from the prelims:

-Ryan Couture def. KJ Noons via Split Decision (29-28, 27-30, 29-28)

-Tim Kennedy def. Trevor Smith via Submission (Guillotine) at 1:36, R3

-Pat Healy def. Kurt Holobaugh via Unanimous Decision (29-28, 30-27, 30-27)

-Roger Gracie def. Anthony Smith via Submission (Arm-Triangle Choke) at 3:16, R2

-Adriano Martins def. Jorge Gurgel via Unanimous Decision (30-27, 29-28, 29-28)

-Estevan Payan def. Michael Bravo via TKO (Punches) at 4:01, R2

 

First bout of the main card: Jacare Souza vs. Ed Herman.

As a former Strikeforce middleweight champ who’d faced just about everyone worthwhile in what has traditionally been an anemic division, Souza literally had no one to dance with at this last Strikeforce event. Wat do?! Well, the options were to either put an ad on Craiglist or get someone from the UFC to slum it. Enter: TUF runner-up Herman, because, hey, why not.

Round 1: These two waste no time mixing it up, with Herman and Souza getting up close and personal against the cage and banging on each other with their fists. They separate, and when Herman lurches forward to re-engage, the Brazilian easily changes levels and takes him down. From his back, Herman furiously fires off upkicks to his opponent – which, uh, with Souza on his knees trying to pass the American’s guard, is pretty illegal. The referee stands them up, warns Herman but inexplicably does not dock him a point, and to add insult to injury, restarts them on the feet. No matter. Souza blasts Herman in the grill with a front kick, dumps him back onto the canvas, and nails the shoulder-busting kimura submission that has Herman tapping at 3:10 of the first round.

Jacare Souza def. Dave Herman via Submission (Kimura) at 3:10, R1

Next up, Mike Kyle vs. Gegard Mousasi.

Once upon a time, Kyle was a dude who’d fight you, bite you, and kick you in the head when you were on the ground. But after a lengthy suspension and possibly a readjustment of his psychotropic drug regimen, Kyle has returned a calmer, more mature competitor. Mousasi was once a Strikeforce light-heavyweight champ, a title he earned by virtue of his pinpoint-accurate boxing – and a title he lost by virtue of his dismal wrestling. So, yeah, good times.

Round 1: Kyle comes out headhunting, and Mousasi answers with some solid head-movement and a kick that slams into the American’s leg with a sound like a baseball bat slapping into a slab of meat. They trade more kicks and punches, and the former champ ducking low and grabbing Kyle around the waist. No takedown comes, so they separate and bang it out some more. With three minutes left, Mousasi gets the takedown, and on the ground he slowly but surely begins the prison rape that results in Kyle’s doom. First it’s side-control, then mount, then massive blows from above, and the end comes when Mousasi slips on the rear naked choke and forces Kyle to tap at 4:09 of the first round.

Gegard Mousasi def. Mike Kyle via Submission (Rear Naked Choke) at 4:09, R1

Next, Josh Barnett vs. Nandor Guelmino. 

Barnett was once a UFC champ before he pissed hot and had to give up the belt, yet he’s remained relevant throughout the years by kicking ass just about everywhere else. He of course fell short in Strikeforce’s much-maligned heavyweight grand prix, coming in second place to Daniel Cormier, but his opponent tonight is literally just some dude with a cool name and nothing else.

Round 1: It takes about all of nine seconds for Barnett to get Guelmino down. He spends a minute there, methodically dropping a forearm or two, then falls back into a heelhook attempt that Guelmino escapes from by getting back to his feet. The former UFC champ follows him up, clinches, and pulls him down, then slides into mount and deftly applies an arm-triangle choke. Guelmino taps out at 2:11, and we never hear from him again.

Josh Barnett def. Nandor Guelmino via Submission (Arm-Triangle Choke) at 2:11, R1

Next, Daniel Cormier vs. Dion Staring.

After winning the aforementioned heavyweight grand prix, Cormier is pretty much a lock on being someone of note in the UFC. But first he has to get through the always-dangerous Staring, who… who… Ah man, I can’t do it. I can’t lie to you. Staring is the only man on the planet not named Nando Guelmino who was dumb enough to agree to face a top-level heavyweight he has no business being in the cage with. So hold onto your hats, because this one might be ending with a deep voice declaring “Fatality!”

Round 1: Staring stands in front of Cormier with his hand outstretched, perhaps as some sort of gesture of peace or maybe a distraction. Cormier doesn’t fall for the trick, though, and nails him in the face with a high-kick. Seconds later Cormier tries a trip that Staring avoids, but the follow-up throw does it, and the number one heavyweight in Strikeforce scrambles around threatening his foe with a crucifix and an armbar. Staring escapes back to his feet, gets taken down again, escapes back to his feet, and gets taken down even more easily. From mount, Cormier simply batters him, and to the surprise of many, Staring makes it to the end of the round.

Round 2: Staring comes out aggressive, and is immediately stifled against the cage by Cormier’s far-superior wrestling. They break after a minute and Staring is huffing and puffing, and when they tie up, Cormier uses a textbook inside-trip to put his opponent down. Staring rolls and turtles, eats punches and rolls some more, all the while eating enough leather to choke a horse. Cormier is on him like white on rice no matter where he goes, and with the beating delivered nonstop and Staring’s defense nonexistent, referee John McCarthy is forced to step in at 4:02 of Round 2 lest Staring die.

Daniel Cormier def. Dion Staring via TKO (Punches) at 4:02, R2 

Next and final bout: Nate Marquardt vs. Tarec Saffiedine.

Marquardt was always the bridesmaid but never the bride in his tenure with the UFC, but when he showed up at Strikeforce’s doorstep and had a stellar performance against Tyron Woodley, he was suddenly a man with a championship belt. Saffiedine has been a top contender in the organization for a while, and his keen striking and Team Quest-honed wrestling should make for a nice little scrap in this main event.

Round 1: It takes 30 seconds for one of these guys to break their steady circling and land something, and it’s a fast kick to the thigh by Saffiedine. They circle some more, and Marquardt lands kicks of his own. It’s pretty much tit-for-tat, until the champ comes forward, eats a punch and drops to a knee for a split second. Saffiedine attempts to capitalize, yet he’s met with a takedown attempt, and when he stuffs it and they separate, one thing is clear: the challenger is faster and crisper with his strikes. Perhaps cognizant of that fact, Marquardt makes sure the rest of the round is spent clinching against the fence.

Round 2: Like the opening of the first, they start off this round circling, and after a minute expires Marquardt goes for a takedown. He doesn’t get that one, but gets the next one 30 seconds later. Saffiedine pops right up, and Marquardt resumes trying to push the Belgian fighter through the fence like he’s a piece of cheese on a grater. Referee McCarthy gets sick of the man-huggery after a bit and pulls them apart, and Saffiedine continues to chips away at his foe with lightning-like leg-kicks. The horn sounds with Marquardt looking like he’s shook.

Round 3: Saffiedine continues on with his mission to turn Marquardt’s leg into hamburger, so of course Marquardt tries hug him to death against the cage (with varying levels of success). They make some space and Saffiedine walks forward covering up but coiled like a cobra, and Marquardt attempts a flying knee that really does nothing. The two bang on each other a bit, Marquardt with punches and Saffiedine with his kicks, and the horn sounds with the champ going for a fruitless takedown attempt.

Round 4: Marquardt’s thigh is a bright shade of purple, and Saffiedine resumes chopping it to bits. The champ turns up the heat with his punches, yet each successive shin to his leg threatens to crumble him. Marquardt changes tact and tries to catch those kicks, but to no avail, and from the punching exchanges he ends up with blood on his face. It is almost all Saffiedine at this point.

Round 5: The limb destruction continues, and to show he’s got other tricks, Saffiedine throws a sweet question mark-kick that Marquardt barely dodges. They end up grinding against the cage for a bit, then separate and kickbox – an endeavor that the Belgian striker cannot lose. With 45 seconds to go, Saffiedine flips the script and nails a takedown, and finishes the round beating on Marquardt from above. There is no doubt he’s got the unanimous decision in the bag when all is said and done.

Tarec Saffiedine def. Nate Marquardt via Unanimous Decision (48-47, 49-46, 49-46)

That’s all she wrote, folks. Have a nice night. Or don’t. I don’t care.

Strikeforce: Marquardt vs. Saffiedine — Live Results and Commentary


(I know what you’re thinking: Why the hell did they leave Nandor Guelmino off the poster? Well I don’t mean to alarm you, but that bright shining ball of fire in the background *is* Nandor Guelmino.)

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the end of the world. Tonight’s last-ever Strikeforce event went from a championship triple-header to Squash City in a hurry, and it’s okay to feel depressed about it. (If you need somebody to talk to, call 1-888-BRO-TATO and one of our mental health professionals will be on the line shortly.)

On the main card this evening, Nate Marquardt puts his welterweight title on the line against Belgian standout Tarec Saffiedine, Daniel Cormier and Josh Barnett try not to shit the bed against their unheralded opponents, Gegard Mousasi returns from a long layoff to face Mike Kyle, and Ed Herman crosses the UFC/Strikeforce DMZ to bang with the always-dangerous Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza.

Like a spirit guide leading us from one realm of existence to the next, Jim Genia will be sticking round-by-round results from the “Marquardt vs. Saffiedine” Showtime broadcast after the jump, beginning at 10 p.m. ET. Make your voices heard in the comments section, and please, let’s honor this moment.


(I know what you’re thinking: Why the hell did they leave Nandor Guelmino off the poster? Well I don’t mean to alarm you, but that bright shining ball of fire in the background *is* Nandor Guelmino.)

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the end of the world. Tonight’s last-ever Strikeforce event went from a championship triple-header to Squash City in a hurry, and it’s okay to feel depressed about it. (If you need somebody to talk to, call 1-888-BRO-TATO and one of our mental health professionals will be on the line shortly.)

On the main card this evening, Nate Marquardt puts his welterweight title on the line against Belgian standout Tarec Saffiedine, Daniel Cormier and Josh Barnett try not to shit the bed against their unheralded opponents, Gegard Mousasi returns from a long layoff to face Mike Kyle, and Ed Herman crosses the UFC/Strikeforce DMZ to bang with the always-dangerous Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza.

Like a spirit guide leading us from one realm of existence to the next, Jim Genia will be sticking round-by-round results from the “Marquardt vs. Saffiedine” Showtime broadcast after the jump, beginning at 10 p.m. ET. Make your voices heard in the comments section, and please, let’s honor this moment.

Please stand by…

“Like a spirit guide”? Is that a reference to my Native American heritage? Booyah, Jim Genia here, ready to deliver some tender hospice care to the terminally ill Strikeforce. But shed not a tear for its passing, as it lived a long, fruitful life.

Also, this past year Strikeforce kinda sucked.

Results from the prelims:

-Ryan Couture def. KJ Noons via Split Decision (29-28, 27-30, 29-28)

-Tim Kennedy def. Trevor Smith via Submission (Guillotine) at 1:36, R3

-Pat Healy def. Kurt Holobaugh via Unanimous Decision (29-28, 30-27, 30-27)

-Roger Gracie def. Anthony Smith via Submission (Arm-Triangle Choke) at 3:16, R2

-Adriano Martins def. Jorge Gurgel via Unanimous Decision (30-27, 29-28, 29-28)

-Estevan Payan def. Michael Bravo via TKO (Punches) at 4:01, R2

 

Josh Barnett Draws One Scary Looking Sumbitch for His Final Strikeforce Appearance


(DO ANYTHING YOU WANT TO THE GIRL, JUST DON’T HURT ME.) 

Meet Nandor “The Hun” Guelmino, a.k.a the man Josh Barnett will face in his final Strikeforce appearance at the hilariously mistitled Strikeforce: Champions event on January 12th. As you might have noticed, he is a terrifying individual who looks something like the freakish offspring of The Tall Man, The Silver Surfer, Imhotep, and an eighty pound bag of cement. With a record of 11-3, Guelmino has collected 7 straight victories not by consuming the souls of his opponents before pulling their spinal chords through their assholes as one would imagine, but rather by two earthly TKO’s, three submissions, and a pair of decisions. At 6’3” and just over 230 pounds, perhaps the most freakish thing about Guelmino is that he will actually be giving away some size to Barnett, who usually weighs in at just under 250lbs.

Having collected 6 victories by way of submission, it will be interesting to see how Guelmino will deals with the aggressive grappling attack of a guy like Barnett. My prediction: By lifting Barnett above his head, putting him in The Torture Rack, and spiking him through the canvas like a football. He will then grab the microphone from Gus Johnson and proclaim himself to be Ashta, Devourer of Worlds before unleashing a hellish sand monster in his likeness that descends upon the audience and wipes them out in one final flurry. Despite the massive loss of life, the moment will ultimately be declared a bit of redemption for Strikeforce.

Get familiar with “The Hun” after the jump.


(DO ANYTHING YOU WANT TO THE GIRL, JUST DON’T HURT ME.) 

Meet Nandor “The Hun” Guelmino, a.k.a the man Josh Barnett will face in his final Strikeforce appearance at the hilariously mistitled Strikeforce: Champions event on January 12th. As you might have noticed, he is a terrifying individual who looks something like the freakish offspring of The Tall Man, The Silver Surfer, Imhotep, and an eighty pound bag of cement. With a record of 11-3, Guelmino has collected 7 straight victories not by consuming the souls of his opponents before pulling their spinal chords through their assholes as one would imagine, but rather by two earthly TKO’s, three submissions, and a pair of decisions. At 6’3” and just over 230 pounds, perhaps the most freakish thing about Guelmino is that he will actually be giving away some size to Barnett, who usually weighs in at just under 250lbs.

Having collected 6 victories by way of submission, it will be interesting to see how Guelmino will deals with the aggressive grappling attack of a guy like Barnett. My prediction: By lifting Barnett above his head, putting him in The Torture Rack, and spiking him through the canvas like a football. He will then grab the microphone from Gus Johnson and proclaim himself to be Ashta, Devourer of Worlds before unleashing a hellish sand monster in his likeness that descends upon the audience and wipes them out in one final flurry. Despite the massive loss of life, the moment will ultimately be declared a bit of redemption for Strikeforce.

Although Guelmino may not hold any victories over any notable opponents — and in fact, was defeated by his only notable opponent in Semmy Schilt back in 2008 — he hasn’t exactly been fighting a bunch of cans. I mean sure, there’s a few in there, but Guelmino is fresh off a victory over the 19-5 Emil Zahariev and fought to a draw with a dude named Atilla “The Machine” Ucar. Huh. Seems like a real missed opportunity there.

Anyway, check out a few of Guelmino’s more recent fights below and let us know how good of a chance you think he stands on a scale of The Diaz brothers vs. MMA judges to Anderson Silva vs. Stephan Bonnar, with Guelmino being Silva in the latter.

Guelmino vs. Sasa Lazic 

Guelmino vs. Ivo Cuk

Guelmino vs. Ajlin Ahmic 

J. Jones