Tag: The Bob Sapp Challenge

VIDEO: Another Khalidov Victory, and the New “Mamed Khalidov Challenge”

(Khalidov vs. Falcao, recorded on a potato for your viewing pleasure.)

We’ve been dick-ridin‘ Polish middleweight Mamed Khalidov for what seems like a decade now, and for good reason. Currently 29-4-2 as a pro, Khalidov has suffered just one defeat in the past four years and has showcased equally impressive knockout power and submission skills (not to mention, spinning sh*t) during his unblemished run under the KSW banner. Even though he already turned down a lowball offer from the UFC in 2012, we named Khalidov one of four European fighters the UFC should sign in 2014 because we are dying to see what this man can do in a promotion known for something more than its hilariously incompetent judges.

In fact, Khalidov has more or less built his fierce reputation on the graves of UFC veterans young and old in recent years, notching victories over Jesse Taylor, Rodney Wallace, James Irvin, and Matt Lindland among others. Khalidov continued with his conquest of all things UFC waste-related at KSW 27 last weekend, submitting one-time Gas Station FC contender Maiquel Falcao with an armbar in the first round of their main event scrap and earning a big pat on the back from the MMA world in doing so.

And that’s the thing; Khalidov has not only been clowning any UFC veteran placed before him since 2011; he’s been doing it quickly. Like, first round quickly. So in light of Bob Sapp’s shocking retirement from the sport, it seems fitting that we should replace the Bob Sapp Challenge™ with something more fitting on this legendary day, does it not?

The new rules of the Mamed Khalidov Challenge™ await you after the jump.


(Khalidov vs. Falcao, recorded on a potato for your viewing pleasure.)

We’ve been dick-ridin‘ Polish middleweight Mamed Khalidov for what seems like a decade now, and for good reason. Currently 29-4-2 as a pro, Khalidov has suffered just one defeat in the past four years and has showcased equally impressive knockout power and submission skills (not to mention, spinning sh*t) during his unblemished run under the KSW banner. Even though he already turned down a lowball offer from the UFC in 2012, we named Khalidov one of four European fighters the UFC should sign in 2014 because we are dying to see what this man can do in a promotion known for something more than its hilariously incompetent judges.

In fact, Khalidov has more or less built his fierce reputation on the graves of UFC veterans young and old in recent years, notching victories over Jesse Taylor, Rodney Wallace, James Irvin, and Matt Lindland among others. Khalidov continued with his conquest of all things UFC waste-related at KSW 27 last weekend, submitting one-time Gas Station FC contender Maiquel Falcao with an armbar in the first round of their main event scrap and earning a big pat on the back from the MMA world in doing so.

And that’s the thing; Khalidov has not only been clowning any UFC veteran placed before him since 2011; he’s been doing it quickly. Like, first round quickly. So in light of Bob Sapp’s shocking retirement from the sport, it seems fitting that we should replace the Bob Sapp Challenge™ with something more fitting on this legendary day, does it not?

The new rules of the Mamed Khalidov Challenge™ await you after the jump.

Mamed Khalidov is damn near unstoppable when fighting in his native Poland. In the past three years, TUF 3 alum Kendall Grove has been the only UFC vet to make it out of the first round against him while fighting for the KSW promotion. Falcao was a mere 8 seconds away from doing so before being submitted on Saturday, and even then, lasted longer than Wallace, Lindland, and Irvin did against Khalidov combined. Clearly, a precedent needs to be set here.

So, future UFC castaways who agree to face Khalidov, our challenge is simple: See how long you can last against Khalidov before he inevitably defeats you. Jab and jog. Lay and pray. Pull a Kalib Starnes and just run away until the first round bell rings if you have to. Do whatever you can to make Khalidov truly earn the mountain of Monopoly money he is being paid to outclass you for the delight of his fellow Polish.

To clarify, future UFC castaways who agree to face Khalidov, you shouldn’t try and actually win the fight. You won’t. Kahlidov is too well-rounded for you, and let’s be honest, your best days are behind you. If they weren’t, you probably wouldn’t be traveling to Poland to get served on a silver platter to some mid-level MMA promotion’s standout fighter for less money than your plane ticket cost. You’d probably still be fighting for the UFC (unless you were one of those Jake Shields types).

But every challenge warrants some sort of reward, right? Being a mid-level MMA blog comprised of UFC haters and basement-dwelling troglodytes, we only have so much to give, but we can offer you the following prizes dependent on how well you fare against Khalidov:

Second Round: A CagePotato “Pull No Punches” T-Shirt

Second Round, 2:00: A CP “Pull No Punches” T-Shirt and a copy of Tank Abbott’s masterpiece Bar Brawler

Second Round, 3:00: Bar Brawler, a copy of UFC 91 signed by Randy Couture that I won playing UFC Fantasy League back when it was a thing, and a lifetime’s supply of Corn Nuts (one bag is a lifetime’s supply)

Second Round, 4:00: A gift basket that includes a CP “Famous Hairstyles” T-Shirt, five bottles of assorted Buffalo Wild Wings sauces, a Tater Williams “Five of These Across the Sneeze” bumper sticker, tickets to the red carpet premiere of the Kickboxer remake starring Georges St. Pierre (assuming it has one, which it probably won’t), and a Bud Light beach towel, because Coors Light ain’t paying us sh*t

Third Round (!): A carafe of Gina Carano‘s sweat we obtained from our Black House connection, no questions asked.

Get to it, you guys!

–J. Jones

Can-Crushing Roundup: Tim Sylvia and Jong Dae Kim Win with Little Opposition


Hope you jerks are having a better Father’s Day than some of us.

Yesterday didn’t just provide us with depressing fights from former contenders. We also got to witness a fight from former champion Tim Sylvia and Jong Dae Kim attempt to win The Bob Sapp Challenge™. Okay, so it was still somewhat depressing. But at least you won’t feel guilty for pointing and laughing at anyone involved, so what else can you ask for?

Tim Sylvia has been making a valiant effort to win fights and get back to the UFC as of late- although the overwhelming majority of his battles have taken place on Twitter and YouTube. Fresh off of back-to-back TKO losses to Patrick Cote and dignity, Tim Sylvia decided to do his fighting inside the cage last night against Randy Smith, a thirty-eight year old journeyman who entered the bout with a 13-10-1 professional record. A can of his caliber shouldn’t last ten seconds in the cage with a former UFC champion, yet Smith defied the odds by being knocked twelve seconds into the first round.

Impressive victory over a game opponent? Not so much. Will it take our minds off of his last effort, a forgettable decision over Andreas Kraniotakes at the abysmal Pro Elite 2: Big Guns? Trick question- we’ve blocked that fight from our memories a long time ago. Low-Quality to the point of being virtually unwatchable video after the jump? You betcha.


Hope you jerks are having a better Father’s Day than some of us.

Yesterday didn’t just provide us with depressing fights from former contenders. We also got to witness a fight from former champion Tim Sylvia and Jong Dae Kim attempt to win The Bob Sapp Challenge™. Okay, so it was still somewhat depressing. But at least you won’t feel guilty for pointing and laughing at anyone involved, so what else can you ask for?

Tim Sylvia has been making a valiant effort to win fights and get back to the UFC as of late- although the overwhelming majority of his battles have taken place on Twitter and YouTube. Fresh off of back-to-back TKO losses to Patrick Cote and dignity, Tim Sylvia decided to do his fighting inside the cage last night against Randy Smith, a thirty-eight year old journeyman who entered the bout with a 13-10-1 professional record. A can of his caliber shouldn’t last ten seconds in the cage with a former UFC champion, yet Smith defied the odds by being knocked out twelve seconds into the first round.

Impressive victory over a game opponent? Not so much. Will it take our minds off of his last effort, a forgettable decision over Andreas Kraniotakes at the abysmal Pro Elite 2: Big Guns? Trick question- we’ve blocked that fight from our memories a long time ago. Low-Quality to the point of being virtually unwatchable video after the jump? You betcha.

As for Jong Dae Kim? He fought Bob Sapp at last night’s Road FC 8 in Seoul, South Korea. And believe it or not, Bob Sapp actually fought back. For a few moments, it even looked like Bob Sapp would win. We’re only one week removed from Tölegen Akylbekov setting the bar for The Bob Sapp Challenge™ at one minute, twenty four seconds, yet the bar has already been raised to three minutes, fourteen seconds of round two. That’s not a typo. Enjoy.

[VIDEO] Tölegen Akylbekov Attempts to Win the “Bob Sapp Challenge”


Italian Wikipedia does not have the same quality standards as its English counterpart.

Before we go any further, the answer is yes. That image is a real screenshot of Bob Sapp’s MMA record on both the English version of Wikipedia and its Italian counterpart, taken around 2:30 (CT) this afternoon. Those who follow MMA already know that Bob Sapp is nothing more than a joke and a disgrace, and with Wikipedia cracking down on UFC events that aren’t important enough to deserve their own pages, it should come as little surprise that yet another effortless loss from Bob Sapp has yet to be added to his fight record.

Friday night, Bob Sapp set out to mock our sport professional sports once again in Kazakhstan against Tölegen Akylbekov. Knowing that Bob Sapp was going to put up as much of a fight as The Brooklyn Brawler, Akylbekov decided that he was going to attempt to win The Bob Sapp Challenge™. For those uninitiated, the rules are simple: Rather than defeating Bob Sapp as quickly as possible, one must force Bob Sapp to actually put up something resembling a fight for as long as possible. Sounds easy enough…until you realize you’re attempting to make a guy who has tapped out to a double-leg takedown actually put up a fight.

Video after the jump


Italian Wikipedia does not have the same quality standards as its English counterpart.

Before we go any further, the answer is yes. That image is a real screenshot of Bob Sapp‘s MMA record on both the English version of Wikipedia and its Italian counterpart, taken around 2:30 (CT) this afternoon. Those who follow MMA already know that Bob Sapp is nothing more than a joke and a disgrace, and with Wikipedia cracking down on UFC events that aren’t important enough to deserve their own pages, it should come as little surprise that yet another effortless loss from Bob Sapp has yet to be added to his fight record.

Friday night, Bob Sapp set out to mock our sport professional sports once again in Kazakhstan against Tölegen Akylbekov. Knowing that Bob Sapp was going to put up as much of a fight as The Brooklyn Brawler, Akylbekov decided that he was going to attempt to win The Bob Sapp Challenge™. For those uninitiated, the rules are simple: Rather than defeating Bob Sapp as quickly as possible, one must force Bob Sapp to actually put up something resembling a fight for as long as possible. Sounds easy enough…until you realize you’re attempting to make a guy who has tapped out to a double-leg takedown actually put up a fight.


Props, I guess, to MiddleEasy

Once Tölegen Akylbekov got Bob Sapp to the ground, he threw some ground-and-pound that was so light that even Bob Sapp couldn’t tap out to it. Akylbekov has the right idea by standing up and backing away, but when Sapp refuses to stand back up, the Kazakhstan fighter threw some comically slow punches that would have made a real fighter do something other than turtle up and wait for the referee to stop the fight.

But it was all for nothing. Two minutes and twelve seconds into the video, we see the inevitable tapout from Bob Sapp due to hammerfists. Immediately after the Sappmission, the referee lands the most significant blow of the fight when he tackles Tölegen Akylbekov.

Okay, the bar for The Bob Sapp Challenge™ has been set at one minute, twenty four seconds. Your move, Jong Dae Kim.