Cutting Through The Bullsh*t: UFC 179 Edition

By Alex Giardini

UFC 179: “Aldo vs. Mendes 2” proved to be exactly what we expected it to be, and that was a one-fight boxing card with a scintillating main event for the ages. The “greatest featherweight fight in history” was nothing short of amazing, with Jose Aldo defeating Chad Mendes for the second time after knocking out “Money” at UFC 142 almost three years ago. The battle was full of wild punches, eye pokes, a lot of heavy breathing, and at times, flying shit that didn’t land.

With a certain “joker” sitting cageside, let’s examine UFC 179, and why it was great and equally pathetic…


(Photo via Getty)

By Alex Giardini

UFC 179: “Aldo vs. Mendes 2” proved to be exactly what we expected it to be, and that was a one-fight boxing card with a scintillating main event for the ages. The “greatest featherweight fight in history” was nothing short of amazing, with Jose Aldo defeating Chad Mendes for the second time after knocking out “Money” at UFC 142 almost three years ago. The battle was full of wild punches, eye pokes, a lot of heavy breathing, and at times, flying shit that didn’t land.

With a certain “joker” sitting cageside, let’s examine UFC 179, and why it was great and equally pathetic:

Jose Aldo vs. Chad Mendes Was The Business

Aldo’s presence alone is like waiting to unwrap that PS4 your significant other bought you for Christmas. You’ve got to wait a while for it to happen, but when it does, you can bet your ass it was worth it. “Scarface” was met with a lot of criticism before this fight, seeing how he didn’t really sell the contest, and truth to be told, he’s not really one to generate great interest in the media when he fights. Say what you will about his output winding down, since it’s almost as if his battle against Ricardo Lamas at UFC 169 never happened, yet he’s the UFC’s most dominant champion right now.

You’ve got your Jon Jones and your Cain Velasquez, however, keep in mind the gold has been around Aldo’s waist since 2009, stemming from his WEC years. Last night, he was dragged into a dogfight and he delivered, with the whole of Brazil on his back to preserve the country’s identity in the fight world, since he’s the only champion left from a place that dominated the MMA landscape for so long. He’s pretty great, too.

As for Mendes, he certainly rocked the champion on multiple occasions and did the most damage anyone has done to his main event foe. The Team Alpha Male product’s striking has gotten much better, and it’s really depressing to say this, but he really cemented his status as the division’s number two guy. When he dropped Aldo in the first round after connecting with clean shots, it summoned the spirit of T.J. Dillashaw, yet things didn’t really go the Californian’s way. When he was hit with two shots after the horn in round one, it’s tough to say how much damage was done, and if Aldo truly had any bad intentions since he claimed he didn’t hear the buzzer.

This fight reminded us why MMA is truly awesome, much like the Dillashaw upset, and when Lyoto Machida took Chris Weidman to the deep waters at UFC 175. This featherweight tussle holds the pole position for “Fight of The Year,” and we can’t help but get that fuzzy feeling inside just thinking about it. At the same time, it’s not like we don’t have to put up our fair share of bullshit just to get to the center of the Tootsie Roll.

As for Conor McGregor, you might think UFC really missed an opportunity to have him enter the cage and do the dirty work to sell a fight against a champion that doesn’t care much about that stuff. After all, both the winner and the loser called him out. But maybe UFC isn’t jumping the gun after all, now that the Irishman is tied up with Dennis Siver, and that if you really had to look at it from a fair standpoint, the winner of Frankie Edgar vs. Cub Swanson deserves the next crack at the belt. It’s not really the wisest option, based on McGregor’s hype train riding from coast to coast across the globe, yet one has to think UFC wants us to believe Siver has a chance to win.

“A Light Heavyweight Matchup With True Title Implications”

UFC broadcaster supreme Mike Goldberg says a lot of drunk-white-girl things, but this takes the freaking cake. Once Phil Davis vs. Glover Teixeira concluded, he spat out this gem, which is borderline scary. Davis was coming off a crushing loss to Anthony Johnson at UFC 172, while “Bones” dominated Teixeira in a 205-pound title fight on the same exact card.

As for the fight, all you need to know is that the wrestler did what wrestlers do, neutralizing the power-puncher’s offense, and bringing him down to the mat over and over again. Maybe we should give a bit more credit to “Mr. Wonderful,” because it was arguably his best performance in the Octagon thus far. The Brazilian had trouble finding his range with Davis on his bicycle, and that’s pretty much how the three-round scrap went.

Look, the light heavyweight division is pretty bad these days, and if you want proof of that, just listen to the Penn State alumnus calling out Anderson Silva in his post-fight interview. With Anthony Johnson’s uncertain future, along with the plans to have Alexander Gustafsson fight Rashad Evans, Davis kind of is “in the mix.” One more win, and the guy is inching closer to a title shot, as odd as that sounds. The promotion will most likely book Davis to fight Ryan Bader next, because frankly, nothing else really makes much sense.

Main Card Woes And The Need For Change

Credit the fighters on the prelims for bringing it, since five out of six fights were over before the final horn. With that said, the three other main card contests almost put everyone to sleep, with takedown-heavy game plans and fighters that just don’t cut the mustard on the big stage.

Fabio Maldonado’s comeback win over Hans Stringer seemed like a shot in the dark, but more so for the event in general. It was like a Hail Mary thrown to save the interest of the main card, after witnessing Darren Elkins vs. Lucas Martins and Beneil Dariush vs. Carlos Diego Ferreira stink up the joint. Maybe every fighter deserves his or her chance to shine on the big stage, but we’re also in the entertainment business, or even better, the $50 to $60 price-tag business.

Before you accuse us of hating the UFC and being these snotty historians that wish it was 2006 all over again, please understand what is happening. More MMA isn’t a bad thing at all. Hell, I’d watch live MMA every night if I had to, or at least be content with the fact that it’s available in those circumstances. On the flip side, the quality just isn’t there anymore, and there’s a reason why you don’t want to watch the Jacksonville Jaguars against the New York Jets every single weekend. This card is a perfect example of what Dana White criticized for so long, and that’s a boxing event with one high-profile fight on it. The UFC needs to change its PPV and television model fast.

Nobody is forcing you to watch the prelims, or the fights outside the main and co-main events on the main card. We get that. Although how exactly is this sport supposed to grow, and shouldn’t we at least be concerned with the lack of thereof? You’ll have an event like UFC Fight Night 46, followed by UFC on FOX 12, and observers will come out in full force and trash the oversaturation bit. But in terms of consistency, UFC just doesn’t have it anymore. Injuries are one thing, but it can’t be the basis of an argument, either.

If a tree falls a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Maybe. If a main event is described as one of the best fights of the year, but only 200,000 people saw it because nobody really gave it the time of day, was it still as great as it was? Yes, but we’ll definitely need to put time aside to convince those that didn’t watch. One of the best fights of the year was on one of the worst PPV’s of the year, period. If you need to any further convincing, please refer to this.

At the end of the day, it’s no skin off our backs. That title fight was a prime example of why we need to put up with some dry stuff to have a good time. But UFC needs to think of something to get the casual fan’s interest back, because The Ultimate Fighter and celebrity tweets aren’t doing it anymore. If not, the “bubble” is going to get smaller and smaller, with limited selling points.

Cutting Through The Bullshit: UFC 178 Edition


Low and behold, the answer to all of our political problems. (Photo by Esther Lin of MMA Fighting)

UFC 178 is in the books, and it was arguably the best UFC event of the year. Leading up to the extravaganza at MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, the fight card looked promising, even though the cancellation of Jon Jones vs. Daniel Cormier for the light heavyweight championship had us all pretty bummed out.

With Demetrious Johnson and Chris Cariaso stepping up to the plate, nobody was truly interested in their flyweight title fight, simply because the rest of the card had more compelling stories, alongside fights deemed a little too difficult to call in order to bet the house, Coleman style.

That being said, let’s take a look at the most compelling scraps, and what to make of it all after we spent the last eight hours shadowboxing, binging on dollar store mini donuts, and obsessively searching the web for that CRUZ sweater.

Welcome to “Cutting Through The Bullshit,” UFC 178 style.


(Photo via Getty)

UFC 178 is in the books, and it was arguably the best UFC event of the year. Leading up to the extravaganza at MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, the fight card looked promising, even though the cancellation of Jon Jones vs. Daniel Cormier for the light heavyweight championship had us pretty bummed out.

With Demetrious Johnson and Chris Cariaso stepping up to the plate, nobody was truly interested in their flyweight title fight, simply because the rest of the card had more compelling stories, alongside fights deemed a little too difficult to call in order to bet the house, Coleman style.

That being said, let’s take a look at the biggest scraps, and what to make of it all after we spent the last eight hours shadowboxing, binging on dollar store mini donuts, and obsessively searching the web for that CRUZ sweater.

Welcome to “Cutting Through The Bullshit,” UFC 178 style:

Demetrious Johnson Is Incredible, But So Was Jesus Christ

Look, it’s pretty obvious Johnson is a spectacular combatant, the most dominant champion in the organization, and a fighter so technically sound he generates silence throughout the arena because the fans are simply in awe of him.

Well, no.

It’s apparent “Mighty Mouse” isn’t really a pay-per-view star, and he’s suited best for FOX broadcasts moving forward. He’s definitely capable of generating interest in a co-main event, much like he and Cariaso were supposed to do at UFC 177, yet headlining the whole PPV shebang may not be his forte.

But that really isn’t his fault. He’s more so a victim of consequence here. The flyweight title fight wasn’t supposed to headline this card, however, a title fight should have enough power to generate interest on its own. You can say he’s still in a transitional phase, yet UFC 174 is still pretty fresh in our minds.

Anyhow, his win over Cariaso was like watching Sid Justice maul a jobber on Saturday mornings, and it’s funny to think that even though the champ was in a relatively easy fight, nobody is mentioning that it’s his third stoppage victory in his pas four title defenses. He was also asked one question at the post-fight presser (well, two, but from the same person … so, one).

Donald Cerrone vs. Eddie Alvarez Was One of The Best Main Events Of The Year

2014 has been fairly good to us in the main event department. If Johnson vs. Cariaso lacked that particular oomph, then Cerrone vs. Alvarez was straight up going to be some deep-fried organized violence.

It turned out to be a great fight, one all too familiar for “Cowboy.” After a difficult and lopsided first round, Cerrone turned it on in the second and started to hack away at the Bellator champion’s legs, eventually breaking that tree down and earning the unanimous decision victory.

Cerrone’s been through the thick and thin, and by defeating Alvarez, he’s either going to be in another title eliminator bout, or finally challenge for UFC gold. As for the “Underground King,” it wasn’t the worst of debuts, yet that’s just what UFC wanted … another Bellator guy stifled by a golden boy employee who takes on all jobs.

Conor McGregor Is The Next Anderson Silva, Georges St-Pierre, Michael Jordan, And Walt Disney

If you watched the post-fight press conference, you noticed the Irishman sitting there glowing in his ivory elephant trunk suit, with every member of the media asking him the same three questions he’s been asked for the past year. Hell, he even got a post-fight media scrum.

Don’t get it twisted; “Notorious” truly is the biggest prospect in the UFC right now, and to be honest, he pretty much surpassed that status last night with a first-round TKO over the always-game Dustin Poirier. Did that shot hit “Diamond” in the back of the head? Did McGregor land more shots to the back of the head when following up?

It’s kind of subjective at this point. Whether he did or didn’t, it shouldn’t overshadow his performance. He was awarded the victory after all, and we’ve seen a lot more clusterfucks than that in the past.

UFC’s legendary Hall of Fame broadcaster Mike Goldberg compared him to Michael Jordan, not to mention Uncle Dana saying he was bigger than Brock Lesnar, the biggest draw the sport had ever seen. McGregor is going to Brazil to sit cageside with his homies at UFC 179, so don’t be surprised if he’s slotted in the Octagon as the next contender to the featherweight strap. We’re not going to assess if he deserves a title shot or not … we’re just going to predict what we think will happen, seeing that UFC as a whole thinks he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Yoel Romero Sitting On His Stool, Giving Less Fucks Than Ricky Rozay

Romero’s battle alongside Tim Kennedy was pretty good while it lasted, and subject to a boatload of controversy. Romero was basically out on his stool, and after “a UFC employee put too much Vaseline on him,” he sat there for about half a minute while his corner “attempted” to leave the cage.

There’s no question that if any of us were the American, we’d be pissed. “Soldier of God” was dazed, and it looked like he was prepared to vomit at any moment. Still, he comes out in the third round and completely torches Kennedy in the biggest win of his career.

Sorry UFC, but victim blaming won’t work here. That one was on “Big” John McCarthy, and it’s puzzling to think one of the best officials in the game let that one slip by. Like, dude, at least tell the guy to stand up and ask him questions.

Then again, maybe he missed this, too?

Cat Zingano Win Inspiring, But Please, Leave Her Alone

“Alpha” has been through a lot in the past year. Joe Rogan hinted at in her post-fight interview after her comeback win over Amanda Nunes in the third round, but failed to say what happened, which led to an honest assessment of Zingano saying she just wanted to go home, spend time with her son, and happy she got that shit over with.

Zingano’s third-round stoppage over the Brazilian was ultra inspiring, with the majority of the sport’s observers feeling genuinely happy for the next women’s bantamweight number one contender. However, let’s give it a rest, and leave her alone. I’ve always felt indifferent when it comes to exploring one’s personal circumstances in a difficult time, and unlike the next fighter on the list, Zingano went through hardship that nobody deserves to go through. So for next time, let’s not hint at her troubles multiple times (Rogan & Goldie) without mentioning what happened, and let her enjoy possibly the biggest win of her life?

It could be worse, though. Cue Ben Askren in 3 … 2 … 1 …

Dominick Cruz Is The Best Pound-For-Pound Athlete In The Universe, Currently Sitting In CRUZ Control

Imagine what you live for is taken away from you for three years. We’re not talking about being abstinent, you horny pervert. In Cruz’s case, we had no idea how he was going to look. He never lost the bantamweight championship, yet his last bout was three years ago, and there was a plethora of questions regarding his physical and mental state.

Call it a travesty that his fight against Takeya Mizugaki was on the FS1 prelims, although it was the best-case scenario. Dozens of thousands of viewers witnessed DOMIN8TION for free, with Cruz mauling Mizugaki after landing a takedown which may or may not have given most of us at this website an instant erection.

Credit the brass for booking Cruz against T.J. Dillashaw next, because frankly, that’s the only sensible option. “Dominator” could have fought Urijah Faber, too, especially after his post-fight jab, but let’s not pretend last night’s winner lost his title and didn’t beat Faber in convincing fashion three years ago.

All In All …

It was a perfect night of fights. Truth be told, it was the type of card we live for, and the reason we still wake up at freaking 5AM to watch putrid battles featuring foreign fighters with 2-0 records. Honestly, it felt like 2007 all over again.

In the end, we got a main event that had less drawing power than a George Lopez sitcom, a superstar’s official coming out party, #stoolgate, and two competitors that were granted guaranteed title shots (with two others in the championship limelight, also). That’s the UFC we know. That’s the pain we face. That’s why after all this time, we still put up with Stemm.

Enjoy it while you can. It’s not like we’re treated to these gifts every weekend anymore, however, something tells me the rest of the year heading into the next could be something special.

Mark Munoz Removed From UFC Rankings, Pending Contract Negotiations…No, Seriously


(You’ll always be a star in our eyes, bro.)

This morning, the UFC Rankings voting panel was informed that middleweight Mark Munoz (previously ranked #9) would be removed from the rankings as of this afternoon. Oddly enough, the sudden removal has nothing to do with the fact that Munoz has suffered first-round stoppage losses in his last two fights. It’s business, not personal:

A UFC official later informed MMAWeekly.com that, “Mark is no longer under contract at this time. However, we are negotiating towards a new agreement.”

One would assume that if negotiations go well, Munoz will be placed back in the UFC top ten. And if not…well, good luck in World Series of Fighting.

I don’t even know why I care about this crap. From the very beginning, the UFC’s official rankings have been a useless exercise, carried out by a random assortment of credentialed media with too much time on their hands. In terms of actual competition and match-making, the rankings mean exactly zero.


(You’ll always be a star in our eyes, bro.)

This morning, the UFC Rankings voting panel was informed that middleweight Mark Munoz (previously ranked #9) would be removed from the rankings as of this afternoon. Oddly enough, the sudden removal has nothing to do with the fact that Munoz has suffered first-round stoppage losses in his last two fights. It’s business, not personal:

A UFC official later informed MMAWeekly.com that, “Mark is no longer under contract at this time. However, we are negotiating towards a new agreement.”

One would assume that if negotiations go well, Munoz will be placed back in the UFC top ten. And if not…well, good luck in World Series of Fighting.

I don’t even know why I care about this crap. From the very beginning, the UFC’s official rankings have been a useless exercise, carried out by a random assortment of credentialed media with too much time on their hands. In terms of actual competition and match-making, the rankings mean exactly zero.

But in light of Nate Diaz’s recent removal for “inactivity” — made more ludicrous by Dominick Cruz‘s continued existence in the bantamweight top ten — it’s clear that the UFC’s rankings are just another way to punish fighters for getting out of line. “Oh, so some media nerds said you were a top ten fighter? Well, until you sign this contract and/or bout agreement, you don’t even exist. #UFCisRAW

Dear UFC rankings panel: Stop supporting this crap. When top ten fighters are ineligible for voting due to purely political reasons, you’re just wasting your time. You’re only helping the promotion exert pressure on fighters, and you’re not even getting paid for it. Is it really that important to your ego, to have your name included on the most meaningless rankings system in professional sports? Who’s side are you on, anyway?

BREAKING: Every UFC Title Fight Will Now Determine #1 Pound-for-Pound Fighter in the World


(Fan-made poster by graphzilla)

See, this is exactly why we put a ban on asking Dana White’s opinion about every little goddamned thing. The last time we saw the UFC’s hyperbolic carnival barker, he was making the absurd claim that bantamweight champion Renan Barao would probably become the #1 pound-for-pound fighter in the world if he stops Urijah Faber — a dude who Barao already beat before.

That win would represent Barao’s first defense of his brand-new unified title. Meanwhile, Jon Jones has defended his light-heavyweight belt six times so far, a tally that includes wins against four former LHW champs. But for the purposes of desperately hyping up a mid-level pay-per-view that could end up competing with the Super Bowl, we’ll just pretend that Jones doesn’t exist.

One week later, Dana White is pulling the same transparent bullshit for a different fight altogether:

“[If Weidman beats Belfort] he’s the best. He’s No. 1. How is he not No. 1 pound-for-pound in the world if he beats Vitor Belfort?” White exclaimed. “It’s impossible not to call him the No. 1 pound-for-pound guy.”

You hear that? IMPOSSIBLE! Don’t even try it, ya dummy! When a reporter pointed out that White recently made the same proclamation about Renan Barao, White made a very cogent argument in support of his new stance. Just kidding:


(Fan-made poster by graphzilla)

See, this is exactly why we put a ban on asking Dana White’s opinion about every little goddamned thing. The last time we saw the UFC’s hyperbolic carnival barker, he was making the absurd claim that bantamweight champion Renan Barao would probably become the #1 pound-for-pound fighter in the world if he stops Urijah Faber — a dude who Barao already beat before.

That win would represent Barao’s first defense of his brand-new unified title. Meanwhile, Jon Jones has defended his light-heavyweight belt six times so far, a tally that includes wins against four former LHW champs. But for the purposes of desperately hyping up a mid-level pay-per-view that could end up competing with the Super Bowl, we’ll just pretend that Jones doesn’t exist.

One week later, Dana White is pulling the same transparent bullshit for a different fight altogether:

“[If Weidman beats Belfort] he’s the best. He’s No. 1. How is he not No. 1 pound-for-pound in the world if he beats Vitor Belfort?” White exclaimed. “It’s impossible not to call him the No. 1 pound-for-pound guy.”

You hear that? IMPOSSIBLE! Don’t even try it, ya dummy! When a reporter pointed out that White recently made the same proclamation about Renan Barao, White made a very cogent argument in support of his new stance. Just kidding:

“If [Weidman] beats Vitor, Barão’s [expletive] No. 2!”

You hear that? You’re DOGSHIT, Barao! The potential coronation of Chris Weidman as New P4P King is ridiculous for the same reasons that White’s hype of Barao was ridiculous: 1) Jon Jones still exists, you guys, and 2) What exactly would Weidman prove by beating Belfort, that he hasn’t already proven with his two wins against the greatest MMA fighter who ever lived? And don’t forget, if Belfort’s application for a TRT exemption is rejected, Weidman will be beating up on an old, sick man who lacks fully-functioning testicles due to previous steroid abuse. That doesn’t even seem fair.

So I guess this is what we’re doing from now on, huh? If Ronda Rousey whoops Sara McMann next month, she’s the #1 pound-for-pound fighter in the world? And if Jones beats Teixeira in April (if!), maybe he’ll reclaim his rightful spot at the top? The stakes are high, people! Buy the pay-per-view today, drink your Ovaltine, and watch the money card at all times

Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Stop a Knife Attack…WITH A TOWEL!


(They’re wearing camo so the technique must work.)

By Eric Linderman

Hey, everybody. I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. Frankly, I don’t care that you don’t care. But I’ve done this stuff for at least a decade, so I hope that adds some credibility to my destruction of bullshit martial arts techniques. I could go and list and all my belts and experiences, but really you don’t care. You just want to know this week’s Martial Arts Fail.

So what do you do in a knife attack? What is my defense? Do I stay out of range? Obviously not, because that would actually make sense. Do I get in really close? Yup, and not only do you get in really close but you also block and strip your attacker of his weapon.

I have seen a number of movies, YouTube videos and martial art seminar that come with a blistering array of stupid “katas” and series of moves to disarm a knife attack. As a result, it spawns all kind of stupidity.

Remember that movie Jason Bourne with Matt Damon? Yeah the one where he fights that foreign guy who has a knife and Matt Damon prevents being stabbed by stopping the knife wielder’s attacks with a towel? Yeah? Good. Sounds dumb when I spell it out don’t it?

Jump to the 1:10 mark to remind yourself.

In my time, I’ve had many good teachers and I’ve seen lots of crap. My problem with “cool moves” in action movies is that it spawns kids to go and find out what martial art style will teach them to fight “like that” or a martial art instructor who will teach them “crap” because it is what kids want to learn. So here, we go with stupidity demonstration number 1:


(They’re wearing camo so they must be for real.)

By Eric Linderman

Hey, everybody. I don’t know you, and you don’t know me. Frankly, I don’t care that you don’t care. But I’ve done this stuff for at least a decade, so I hope that adds some credibility to my destruction of bullshit martial arts techniques. I could go and list and all my belts and experiences, but really you don’t care. You just want to know this week’s Martial Arts Fail.

So what do you do in a knife attack? What is my defense? Do I stay out of range? Obviously not, because that would actually make sense. Do I get in really close? Yup, and not only do you get in really close but you also block and strip your attacker of his weapon.

I have seen a number of movies, YouTube videos and martial art seminar that come with a blistering array of stupid “katas” and series of moves to disarm a knife attack. As a result, it spawns all kind of stupidity.

Remember that movie Jason Bourne with Matt Damon? Yeah the one where he fights that foreign guy who has a knife and Matt Damon prevents being stabbed by stopping the knife wielder’s attacks with a towel? Yeah? Good. Sounds dumb when I spell it out don’t it?


Jump to the 1:10 mark to remind yourself.

In my time, I’ve had many good teachers and I’ve seen lots of crap. My problem with “cool moves” in action movies is that it spawns kids to go and find out what martial art style will teach them to fight “like that” or a martial art instructor who will teach them “crap” because it is what kids want to learn. So here, we go with stupidity demonstration number 1:

Personally, I like how the video starts with the title of “Real World Self Defense”. You know it has to be totally legit with a title like that. In fact, only menacing, bright red pants could make it more legit. In the video, you see a guy try to stab his victim only to leave his arm hanging out there. The heroine will STEP INTO HIS ATTACK and wrap his forearm in a towel and goes for a weak standing Americana, followed by a leg sweep. The attacker will allow all this to happen to him. That’ll work (that’s sarcasm if you couldn’t tell). The situation of being attacked with a knife while you’re holding a towel is so circumstantial anyway. Do people just prowl the streets clutching towels for safety in case of knife attacks?

Moving on to stupidity demonstration number 2:

This guy is much more legit because his attacker uses a shock knife and because it’s “In the name of science” (yeah he really says that). He is going to show you how to disarm a guy with a knife.

This clip is a little better in terms that the attacker doesn’t leave his arm out there. However, the attack is a bit over committed and the victim does the same thing by stepping into the attack! Not only does he step into the attack but also he goes to grab the arm and work his way down to the weapon. Seemed great right? Maybe you are thinking, “Wow, this guy’s Kali system really works!” WRONG. Notice the attacker does nothing to respond to being attacked. The attacker is not fighting back but instead is entirely concerned about losing the knife. Towards the end of the video, the victim is in a turtle position completely open for any secondary attackers and potentially just knees and punches to head from the primary attacker, while they scramble for this knife. I’m still confused as to how he disarms him. It looks more like the attacker just let go of the knife and ran away hysterically.

If you know where this stuff is taught legitimately, please tell us!

Let’s quickly discuss the reality of a fight between a guy with a knife and a guy without one.

I have never seen a self-defense technique that is foolproof against a knife attack; such strikes are dynamic and it’s difficult to protect oneself against them. Lyoto Machida is the master of getting out of the way of being attacked and he still gets knocked out!

Anyone who teaches a foolproof system is full of more crap than Yoel Romero. A knife attack is quick, up close and personal, and it is $&#@ing brutal! There seems to be two schools of thought: Some people teach this concept of grabbing the weapon hand, and other people teach to strike the attacker and forget the weapon hand. There is nothing that I have found to date that is 100% functional. If you have the unfortunate experience of getting into a confrontation with a person with a knife. Expect to get cut.

So what do I say to you? I would recommend that you get out of the way. No one will ever criticize you for giving up your wallet to guy with a knife. People will criticize you for trying to fight a guy who had a knife (unless your name is Guy Mezger).

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected]

Traditional Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Finnish Jedi Knight Looks Like a Tool

(Video via Break.com)

Ready to see some bullshit “martial arts” get exposed in hilarious fashion?

Good! Because that’s just what we have in store for you with our new somewhat-regular feature: Traditional Martial Arts Fail of the Week.

From now on, on each weekend that doesn’t host a UFC event we’ll be posting the most laughably atrocious foibles, gaffes, and mishaps from traditional styles (and other Bullshido like Dim Mak).

For the inaugural video, our friends at Break.com have uncovered a Finnish Jedi by the name of Jukka Lampila. Lampila claims mastery of the “Empty Force”—a mysterious power that can control an attacker that requires no physical prowess or martial proficiency. Though, according to the official website, we’re not doing this formless art justice in our description.

“There is a multitude of descriptions for the term but none of them might reveal its meaning in all aspects,” is how the site describes Empty force or “Efo” for short.

But get this, they even advertise that there’s zero technique involved and that you can skip classes without missing out on learning:

With Efo, there are no specific forms or technics [sic] and each trainee applies it the way it best fits oneself. In Efo there are no “courses” that would start and end somewhere.  Instead, the fundamental principles (relaxation, mind and breathing) are exercised during every session. Thus, anyone can join and train any time. And if you can’t join each and every session, you won’t miss anything irreplaceable.

Judging from the video, the Efo website is telling the truth; you won’t miss anything at all from ditching this guys classes.

When confront by students cult-like true believers, Jukka Lampila—a man who has “trained in budo since 1985″—comes across as a modern-day Luke Skywalker, disposing of foes with Force-powered strikes.

But when skeptics step up to the plate, things change. We don’t want to spoil it for you, so check out the video and enjoy watching this fraud eat crow.

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected].


(Video via Break.com)

Ready to see some bullshit “martial arts” get exposed in hilarious fashion?

Good! Because that’s just what we have in store for you with our new somewhat-regular feature: Traditional Martial Arts Fail of the Week.

On each weekend that doesn’t host a UFC event, we’ll be posting the most laughably atrocious foibles, gaffes, and mishaps from traditional styles (and other Bullshido like Dim Mak).

For the inaugural video, our friends at Break.com have uncovered a Finnish Jedi by the name of Jukka Lampila. Lampila claims mastery of the “Empty Force”—a mysterious power that can control an attacker and requires no physical prowess or martial proficiency. Though, according to the official website, we’re not doing this formless art justice in our description.

“There is a multitude of descriptions for the term but none of them might reveal its meaning in all aspects,” is how the site describes Empty force or “Efo” for short.

But get this, they even advertise that there’s zero technique involved and that you can skip classes without missing out on learning:

“With Efo, there are no specific forms or technics [sic] and each trainee applies it the way it best fits oneself. In Efo there are no “courses” that would start and end somewhere.  Instead, the fundamental principles (relaxation, mind and breathing) are exercised during every session. Thus, anyone can join and train any time. And if you can’t join each and every session, you won’t miss anything irreplaceable.”

Judging from the video, the Efo website is telling the truth; you won’t miss a damn thing from ditching this guy’s classes.

When confront by students cult-like true believers, Jukka Lampila—a man who has “trained in budo since 1985″—comes across as a modern-day Luke Skywalker, disposing of foes with Force-powered strikes.

But when skeptics step up to the plate, things change. We don’t want to spoil it for you, so check out the video and enjoy watching this fraud eat crow.

If you see a video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected].