Heading into their “Fight Night” headlining scrap at the TD Garden this weekend, it’s become apparent that both Mauricio “Shogun” Rua and Chael “P.” Sonnen have made some significant changes to their training routines. The former one-time light heavyweight champion has brought in Freddie Roach to tighten up his boxing, and has improved from “punching like a girl” to “punching like a boy” according to the world-renowned trainer. Great, Freddie, now you’ve gone and sent Forrest Griffin into another Xanax-laced shame spiral. You can check a video of Shogun hitting the mitts with Freddie above.
On the contrary, it appears that former/future middleweight Chael Sonnen has stopped training altogether in order to brush up on his Longfellow and hone his already brilliant poetry skills. It’s a bold strategy, Cotton, and we’ll have to see if it pays off for him.
Last night, Sonnen appeared on UFC Tonight to arrogantly cut off hosts Kenny Florian and Daniel Cormier and perform “A Poem to Shogun.” It wasn’t his best work (I like my poetry to contain far more profanity) but I’d say it went over better than his recent failed stand up bit on Def Comedy Jam. Check it out after the jump, because there’s seriously nothing better going on out there and you know it.
Heading into their “Fight Night” headlining scrap at the TD Garden this weekend, it’s become apparent that both Mauricio “Shogun” Rua and Chael “P.” Sonnen have made some significant changes to their training routines. The former one-time light heavyweight champion has brought in Freddie Roach to tighten up his boxing, and has improved from “punching like a girl” to “punching like a boy” according to the world-renowned trainer. Great, Freddie, now you’ve gone and sent Forrest Griffin into another Xanax-laced shame spiral. You can check a video of Shogun hitting the mitts with Freddie above.
On the contrary, it appears that former/future middleweight Chael Sonnen has stopped training altogether in order to brush up on his Longfellow and hone his already brilliant poetry skills. It’s a bold strategy, Cotton, and we’ll have to see if it pays off for him.
Last night, Sonnen appeared on UFC Tonight to arrogantly cut off hosts Kenny Florian and Daniel Cormier and perform “A Poem to Shogun.” It wasn’t his best work (I like my poetry to contain far more profanity) but I’d say it went over better than his recent failed stand up bit on Def Comedy Jam. Check it out after the jump, because there’s seriously nothing better going on out there and you know it.
To sum it up, Sonnen is banking on a knockout victory that ends Rua’s career and sends him on the quickest boat back to Brazil. In light of the new evidence, I see him defeating Shogun via Rua-Rua-bo-bua banana-fana-fo-fua Irish Fling, but if there is a boat that travels from Boston directly to Brazil then I AM MICKEY MOUSE!
(Referee Yves Lavigne scrambles to clean up the pool of Vaseline he dumped on the canvas to turn Sonnen’s perfectly-timed spinning backfist into a subject of parody at UFC 148. Photo via Getty.)
We are shocked, Potato Nation. SHOCKED WE TELLS YOU.
For reasons that are not yet understandable despite being clearly explained to us, P4P G.O.A.T., multi-division UFC champion, possessor of the arms and the charms, the hefty lefty, the flyin hawaiian, the Juggernaut, bitch, Chael Phinneus Sonnen Esq., recently announced that he will be returning to the middleweight division after he defeats Mauricio “Shogun” Rua at Fight Night: Sonnen vs. Shogun on August 17th.
It’s a goddamn travesty is what it is. As we all know, Sonnen was last “defeated” by light heavyweight “champion” Jon Jones via technical knock out (emphasis on “technical”) at UFC 159 in a fight that he would have undoubtedly won had referee Keith Peterson not been in Jones’ pocket and prematurely stopped the fight. So discouraged by the evident corruption at 205, Sonnen broke the news of his middleweight return on UFC Tonight yesterday:
I’ve moved to Southern California and am training at Reign with Mark Munoz. My new contract, which is a five-fight deal, was finalized today.
I’ll return to middleweight after beating Shogun. There are two guys I want to get matched up with: Vitor Belfort, because he’s awesome and he’s on an incredible roll. And Wanderlei Silva, who I’ve heard is going back to middleweight. The landscape has completely changed. I’ve got a new contract and I’m returning to the weight class.
(Referee Yves Lavigne scrambles to clean up the pool of Vaseline he dumped on the canvas to turn Sonnen’s perfectly-timed spinning backfist into a subject of parody at UFC 148. Photo via Getty.)
We are shocked, Potato Nation. SHOCKED WE TELLS YOU.
For reasons that are not yet understandable despite being clearly explained to us, P4P G.O.A.T., multi-division UFC champion, possessor of the arms and the charms, the hefty lefty, the flyin hawaiian, the Juggernaut, bitch, Chael Phinneus Sonnen Esq., recently announced that he will be returning to the middleweight division after he defeats Mauricio “Shogun” Rua at Fight Night: Sonnen vs. Shogun on August 17th.
It’s a goddamn travesty is what it is. As we all know, Sonnen was last “defeated” by light heavyweight “champion” Jon Jones via technical knock out (emphasis on “technical”) at UFC 159 in a fight that he would have undoubtedly won had referee Keith Peterson not been in Jones’ pocket and prematurely stopped the fight. So discouraged by the evident corruption at 205, Sonnen broke the news of his middleweight return on UFC Tonight yesterday:
I’ve moved to Southern California and am training at Reign with Mark Munoz. My new contract, which is a five-fight deal, was finalized today.
I’ll return to middleweight after beating Shogun. There are two guys I want to get matched up with: Vitor Belfort, because he’s awesome and he’s on an incredible roll. And Wanderlei Silva, who I’ve heard is going back to middleweight. The landscape has completely changed. I’ve got a new contract and I’m returning to the weight class.
“To those of you who think I am only doing this because Anderson Silva has finally been dethroned,” Sonnen continued whilst one-arming a 90 pound dumbbell and smoking a corncob pipe, “I will remind you that I am still up 5 rounds to 2 on that chickenshit.”
In even more shocking news, Chael Sonnen apparently respects (most) Brazilians now *vomits*. First he declared that “Rua seems like a really great guy” and now he’s calling Vitor Belfort “awesome.” Marriage has truly revealed some cracks in his grizzly exterior, but REGARDLESS, who would you prefer to see “The American Gangster” take on after he finishes putting a spanking on Rua?
