Tag: video blogs

Why Can’t War Machine Just Get a Motherf*ckin Slurpee? [VIDEO]

(Warning: Language is waaaaaay NSFW. Props: YouTube.com/AlphaMaleShit)

Along with his recently launched Alpha Male Shit clothing line, War Machine‘s media empire now includes a YouTube channel where he rants in his car about strangers who he would have beaten up if he wasn’t on probation. War’s latest video blog is above, and it officially places him in the pantheon of batshit car-rant Hall of Famers like Dan Quinn and Nick Diaz.

Here’s the basic premise: WM goes to a 7-11 to satisfy a Slurpee craving, and the clerk on duty immediately asks him to lower his hoodie, since that’s become a rule in places that are often robbed. Not a huge fan of rules in general, War Machine refuses, and literally uses the phrase “I thought this was America.” Another 7-11 worker threatens to call the cops, so War Machine dumps his Slurpee on the floor in protest — you know, like a child would — then leaves. Re-telling the story fills War Machine with the kind of barely contained rage that Werner Herzog should be narrating over.

War Machine gets himself scarily amped up to obtain a Slurpee at a different 7-11 location. He leaves his phone in the car, still recording (“I don’t want evidence in case I freak out”), and then disappears for an agonizingly long two minutes. Anything could be happening in those two minutes. When he returns with his Slurpee, it’s a relief for everyone. The guy who sold War Machine that Slurpee didn’t know how close he came.


(Warning: Language is waaaaaay NSFW. Props: YouTube.com/AlphaMaleShit)

Along with his recently launched Alpha Male Shit clothing line, War Machine‘s media empire now includes a YouTube channel where he rants in his car about strangers who he would have beaten up if he wasn’t on probation. War’s latest video blog is above, and it officially places him in the pantheon of batshit car-rant Hall of Famers like Dan Quinn and Nick Diaz.

Here’s the basic premise: WM goes to a 7-11 to satisfy a Slurpee craving, and the clerk on duty immediately asks him to lower his hoodie, since that’s become a rule in places that are often robbed. Not a huge fan of rules in general, War Machine refuses, and literally uses the phrase “I thought this was America.” Another 7-11 worker threatens to call the cops, so War Machine dumps his Slurpee on the floor in protest — you know, like a child would — then leaves. Re-telling the story fills War Machine with the kind of barely contained rage that Werner Herzog should be narrating over.

War Machine gets himself scarily amped up to obtain a Slurpee at a different 7-11 location. He leaves his phone in the car, still recording (“I don’t want evidence in case I freak out”), and then disappears for an agonizingly long two minutes. Anything could be happening in those two minutes. When he returns with his Slurpee, it’s a relief for everyone. The guy who sold War Machine that Slurpee didn’t know how close he came.

People seem to fuck with War Machine more than the average human being, and that’s undeniable. I’ve gone to dozens of gyms and convenience stores, and have never gotten hassled by anybody, ever. But there’s something about this guy that creates a revulsion in others. They have to challenge him, or give him negative feedback. He’s like a walking shit-stain, and I don’t mean that as a judgment of his character — I’m sure War Machine is a super nice guy once you get to know him — but he seems to elicit the same reaction of general disgust from the people he encounters. It’s sad, really. What do you think it feels like to be that hated? To cause suffering no matter where you go? To have a spit-bag placed over your head because the cops are afraid of the vile, contagious filth that might come out of your mouth? To be treated like a disease in human form?

Poor War Machine, you guys.

‘WTF?’ of the Day: Kimo Leopoldo is Alive and Well and Belly-Flopping Three Stories Into Motel Pools

(Props: THEkimoleopoldo via HammerFisted)
Kimo Leopoldo — everybody’s favorite officer-impersonating, meth-possessing death-hoax victim — may be long out of the MMA game, but he hasn’t stopped living, you dig? HammerFisted.com du…

(Props: THEkimoleopoldo via HammerFisted)

Kimo Leopoldo — everybody’s favorite officer-impersonating, meth-possessing death-hoax victim — may be long out of the MMA game, but he hasn’t stopped living, you dig? HammerFisted.com dug up the above video, taken this summer, which shows Kimo ascending a staircase at some sort of motel or apartment complex or assisted living facility, then diving into a pool from three stories up. Well, "diving" might be an overstatement. He basically falls into the water in the most painful-looking way possible.

But as we’ve learned in the past, Kimo Leopoldo is indestructible. He will remain above-ground even after War Machine dies of syphilis, even after Dan Quinn drives into an oncoming semi while shouting down Fred Reeva in his final video blog. Kimo gets out of the water, shouts "Awright," demands to know how the splash was, and explains "I hadda like, not let my second-guess guess me on that one." We’d say that’s good advice for anybody…

Can Anybody Explain What the F*ck Gabriel Gonzaga Is Talking About?

(Props: gonzagabjj via butcher4)
Putting a video camera in your car and speaking in bizarre stream-of-consciousness may look easy — see esp., Quinn, Diaz — but as Gabriel Gonzaga proves in this video (titled "Joke you are a bad&qu…

(Props: gonzagabjj via butcher4)

Putting a video camera in your car and speaking in bizarre stream-of-consciousness may look easy — see esp., Quinn, Diaz — but as Gabriel Gonzaga proves in this video (titled "Joke you are a bad"), not everybody can pull it off. Especially if your grasp on the English language is slippery, to say the least. Basically, Gonzaga says you shouldn’t laugh about bad jokes about people’s problems, because it makes you a bad person. I’m paraphrasing, here. But then he flips the entire script by saying that he also laughs at a lot of bad jokes. In other words, we are all one. For more of Napao’s deep thoughts, we also recommend you check out "This car don’t have a key" and "Big tv in Vegas." Gonzaga will return to the Octagon against Brendan Schaub at UFC 121.