(That BJ Penn’s UFC Gym is churning out some killers, I tells ya!”)
Without giving myself too much credit, I think it’s safe to say that the #WeekofDanga was an unequivocal success that is destined to become an annually-celebrated tradition here at CP. Likewise, the #WeekofDanga caption contest churned out a ton of great entries and more fat jokes than your average King of Queens episode. I’m sure Forrest would be proud if he weren’t so steaming mad right now.
But alas, there can be only one winner, as I have but one copy of In the Blood to give. And that winner is B. Donovan Fousel for an updated take on a classic idiom:
One sometimes misses the Forrest for all the trees… And by trees I mean bacon.
I’m not 100% sure if the metaphor even works in this instance, but that’s the kind of pun that forces me to ask the tough questions, you know? For ambition alone I say bravo, Mr. Fousel. Shoot us your mailing address and I’ll get your copy of In the Blood in the mail ASAP. Thanks to everyone who entered!
(That BJ Penn’s UFC Gym is churning out some killers, I tells ya!”)
Without giving myself too much credit, I think it’s safe to say that the #WeekofDanga was an unequivocal success that is destined to become an annually-celebrated tradition here at CP. Likewise, the #WeekofDanga caption contest churned out a ton of great entries and more fat jokes than your average King of Queens episode. I’m sure Forrest would be proud if he weren’t so steaming mad right now.
But alas, there can be only one winner, as I have but one copy of In the Blood to give. And that winner is B. Donovan Fousel for an updated take on a classic idiom:
One sometimes misses the Forrest for all the trees… And by trees I mean bacon.
I’m not 100% sure if the metaphor even works in this instance, but that’s the kind of pun that forces me to ask the tough questions, you know? For ambition alone I say bravo, Mr. Fousel. Shoot us your mailing address and I’ll get your copy of In the Blood in the mail ASAP. Thanks to everyone who entered!
CP staff writers Jared Jones and Seth Falvo have a few bones to pick with this weekend’s UFC 175: Weidman vs. Machida card. Mainly, its non-existent advertising, lack of good underdog bets, and blatant bait-and-switch tactics regarding its FS1 prelims. Read along to understand what it’s like to watch two grown-ass men slowly march down the path of insanity.
Al Bundy gifs will reign.
Despite being just one day out from the biggest UFC event of the summer, the hype surrounding this card seems non-existent. Have you even seen an advertisement for this event that didn’t take place during a lesser UFC card? The UFC can’t possibly believe that this is adequate advertising…can they?
SF: Buddy, I haven’t seen a single advertisement for this card, period. What, did you really think I’d be one of the nine people who watched UFC Ultimate Step to This Never Back Down: Live from New Zealand?
As for whether or not this is adequate advertising, you’re missing the point entirely. The public isn’t burnt out from a lack of advertising efforts, they’re burnt out from constant exposure to generic cards composed of completely meaningless fights.
JJ: I already touched on the complete lack of advertising for this card in my UFC 175 fight hype article on Wednesday, so I’ll (try to) be brief. While I’d personally rather see no advertising at all for a UFC event than be repeatedly subjected to the music of Linkin Park, I must admit that the UFC’s decision to not advertise a card with two title fights (two!) is a bit puzzling. I mean, sure, one of them is a Japanese freak show-level squash match, but still, UFC 175 has a lot more to offer from a marketing standpoint than several cards prior.
Honestly, I’m starting to thinking Dana’s barely beneath the surface hatred for MMA fans with discernable taste is starting to affect his business decisions. He’s gone from trying to convince us that every fight is of the same quality, no matter how blatant a lie he must craft, to simply trolling us with his “Fuck You, Take It” understanding of how to advertise his product. “You say no one cares about little flyweights? Beat them over the head with ads. A double title fight card? PULL ALL SPONSORS.”
My point is, the UFC no longer cares about advertising, because they no longer care about the quality of the cards they expect us to pay $60 for. They’re just going to keep doing their thing while reiterating that business is in fact “booming” and barely pausing to consider that their customers might actually be right every now and again. It’s a brilliant business strategy if you’ve never learned a thing about how a business is run.
CP staff writers Jared Jones and Seth Falvo have a few bones to pick with this weekend’s UFC 175: Weidman vs. Machida card. Mainly, its non-existent advertising, lack of good underdog bets, and blatant bait-and-switch tactics regarding its FS1 prelims. Read along to understand what it’s like to watch two grown-ass men slowly march down the path of insanity.
Al Bundy gifs will reign.
Despite being just one day out from the biggest UFC event of the summer, the hype surrounding this card seems non-existent. Have you even seen an advertisement for this event that didn’t take place during a lesser UFC card? The UFC can’t possibly believe that this is adequate advertising…can they?
SF: Buddy, I haven’t seen a single advertisement for this card, period. What, did you really think I’d be one of the nine people who watched UFC Ultimate Step to This Never Back Down: Live from New Zealand?
As for whether or not this is adequate advertising, you’re missing the point entirely. The public isn’t burnt out from a lack of advertising efforts, they’re burnt out from constant exposure to generic cards composed of completely meaningless fights.
JJ: I already touched on the complete lack of advertising for this card in my UFC 175 fight hype article on Wednesday, so I’ll (try to) be brief. While I’d personally rather see no advertising at all for a UFC event than be repeatedly subjected to the music of Linkin Park, I must admit that the UFC’s decision to not advertise a card with two title fights (two!) is a bit puzzling. I mean, sure, one of them is a Japanese freak show-level squash match, but still, UFC 175 has a lot more to offer from a marketing standpoint than several cards prior.
Honestly, I’m starting to thinking Dana’s barely beneath the surface hatred for MMA fans with discernable taste is starting to affect his business decisions. He’s gone from trying to convince us that every fight is of the same quality, no matter how blatant a lie he must craft, to simply trolling us with his “Fuck You, Take It” understanding of how to advertise his product. “You say no one cares about little flyweights? Beat them over the head with ads. A double title fight card? PULL ALL SPONSORS.”
My point is, the UFC no longer cares about advertising, because they no longer care about the quality of the cards they expect us to pay $60 for. They’re just going to keep doing their thing while reiterating that business is in fact “booming” and barely pausing to consider that their customers might actually be right every now and again. It’s a brilliant business strategy if you’ve never learned a thing about how a business is run.
This has gotten off to a depressing start.
Lyoto Machida presents a very interesting matchup for Chris Weidman. If you’re looking to gamble on an underdog this weekend, is he your smartest option?
SF: A bet on Machida definitely isn’t the worst way to spend a few bucks, that’s for sure. But how about we look over the rest of the card before we call a (+155) underdog the smartest option. Let’s see…Alexis Davis and Alex Caceres are strictly “never gonna happen $5 for shiggles” picks, so they’re both out. I’m keeping my money as far away from Struve vs. Mitrione as possible, so Mitrione is out. Doane vs. Brimage is currently at pick ‘em odds, and I’ve never even heard of most of these undercard fighters. However, Urijah Hall (-450) vs. Thiago Santos (+325) is exactly the kind of underdog odds that I like, so I’m going to say that Santos is the slightly-smarter option.
Maybe the $80 I made off of Santos when he stepped into the cage as a +800 underdog against an overrated Ronny Markes in March is clouding my judgment, but I really don’t see why “Anderson Silva 3.0 (LOL)” is such a heavy favorite here. Are the oddsmakers really that impressed by the fact that the Uriah Hall who was fighting for his job after an 0-2 UFC run managed to defeat the unmotivated, fading Chris Leben who retired immediately after the fight? “Bro, Hall defeated a DISINTERESTED FADING LEGEND! Do you even know how hard that is? HE IS READY TO FACE! THE PAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNN!” No thanks. I’ll gladly throw another $10 down on Santos, which will return over twice as much money as a bet on Machida would.
JJ: Bro, Chris Leben is a *BEAST* with a granite chin and K1-level striking, bro! Seriously, bro?! BRO!!
………….
I’m sorry, I think I just had a mini aneurysm. But as far as underdogs go, I’m running into the same issue as you, in that I don’t know who enough of these guys are to place bets on them. Machida doesn’t present a good enough cashback option to warrant a bet on him, and there’s no way I’m betting on Davis or the likelihood of Stefan Struve’s heart *not* imploding (too soon?). Fuck it, I’ll go with a 20 spot on the debuting Rob Font. He’s paired up against one of the most consistently inconsistent fighters of them all in George Roop, and a quick look over his record shows that he does possess the kind of KO power to finish the always KO-able Roop.
I’d also be tempted to throw a few bills at returning TUF 17 vet Kevin Casey, who is fresh off a first round blistering of Andrew Sanchez at RFA 15 to capture the promotion’s middleweight title. Then again, the guy he’s fighting is named Bubba Bush, so yeah, he’s probably f*cked.
JJ: Uh…it could do 500k buys if it…uh…ah screw it. Keep on dancing, Al!
Urijah Faber headlining the FS1 prelims behind Brimage vs. Doane on the card we’re supposed to pay money for is quite possibly the most blatant bait-and-switch the UFC has ever pulled. Does the UFC really lack as much respect for its fans as it seems to?
SF: I’m not sure I’d call this a bait-and-switch. I see what they’re trying to do, I just don’t think it’s going to work. By putting Urijah Faber on the preliminary card, they’re encouraging the casual fans who would otherwise skip the prelims to tune in. This boosts their dreadful FS1 ratings – by the way, I’m willing to bet Faber on Fox was more Fox’s decision than the UFC’s decision – and because the go-home show before a pay-per-view is extremely influential on buy rates, this may also encourage the dudebro tuning in for a free Faber fight to purchase the pay-per-view.
Of course, this line of thinking really falls apart once you begin to question it. For starters, how many fans do they actually think are going to tune in for the preliminaries just because Uriah Faber is fighting on the preliminaries? Call me crazy, but I firmly believe that if you actually care about preliminary fights, you aren’t a casual fan, and one recognizable name isn’t going to change this. As for the idea that the fans tuning in for Faber are now more likely to buy the pay-per-view, who exactly is going to watch a Urijah Faber fight that wasn’t already planning on watching Weidman, Machida, and Ronda Rousey? And even if these fans actually exist, does anyone think those fans are going to pay for fights that they don’t care about, simply because they just watched a fight that they do care about for free? Do they actually believe their own “All it takes is just one fight to turn a person into a hardcore fan” insanity?
Or maybe they’re somehow lacing the Faber fight with black tar heroin, in which case, yeah, that’s pretty disrespectful to get me addicted to drugs unknowingly, UFC.
JJ: I’m sure that Yahoo reporter/UFC shill Kevin Iole would tell you that placing Faber on the prelims makes perfect sense, before supporting his argument with a line of reasoning so backwards and illogical you’d think it had been dreamed up by David Lynch. And I get it, placing Faber on the prelims to boost FS1 ratings could work, but at what cost, Seth? AT WHAT COST.
Urijah Faber is a main card fighter. Russell Doane is not. Case closed.
JJ: BJ PENN CAME OUT OF RETIREMENT?!!! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?!!!!
SF: …that’s a real event?
One final *final* question: Is the #WeekofDanga destined to go down as one of the greatest, most creative endeavors in CagePotato history?
SF: No question! #WeekofDanga #DangaArmy #NOLA
JJ: You’re right, Seth, it *isn’t* an actual question. I just added threw it in (and wrote your response) after you were finished drafting up your answers. Thanks for the kind words, though! #WeekofDanga #FarrahAbrahamforPresident
Four chefs, three courses, only one chance to win! The challenge: Create an unforgettable meal from the mystery items hidden in these baskets before time. runs. out. Our distinguished panel of chefs will critique their work, and one by one, they must face the dreaded chopping block. Who will win the $10,000 prize, and who will be…Chopped?
Four MMA fighters-turned chefs think they have what it takes to win. Lets meet them. First up, Tito Ortiz…
[*Cue a montage of Ortiz hitting truck tires with a sledgehammer, pointing to business documents that clearly have nothing written on them*]
Tito Ortiz: “My name’s Ito Tortiz. I mean, Tito Ortiz. For years, people have been doubting my ability to compete at the highest level of reality show cooking competitions. But I’m here to prove them all wrong today and show that ‘The People’s Champ’, like no other, cooks like no other.”
Tim Sylvia: (*while eating jelly doughnut*) “I’m a real outside the box thinker when it comes to preparing meals. Just the other day, I filled an old oil barrel with ham hocks and melted cheese. It was a fantastic mid-afternoon snack.”
Four chefs, three courses, only one chance to win! The challenge: Create an unforgettable meal from the mystery items hidden in these baskets before time. runs. out. Our distinguished panel of chefs will critique their work, and one by one, they must face the dreaded chopping block. Who will win the $10,000 prize, and who will be…Chopped?
Four MMA fighters-turned chefs think they have what it takes to win. Lets meet them. First up, Tito Ortiz…
[*Cue a montage of Ortiz hitting truck tires with a sledgehammer, pointing to business documents that clearly have nothing written on them*]
Tito Ortiz: “My name’s Ito Tortiz. I mean, Tito Ortiz. For years, people have been doubting my ability to compete at the highest level of reality show cooking competitions. But I’m here to prove them all wrong today and show that ‘The People’s Champ’, like no other, cooks like no other.”
Tim Sylvia: (*while eating jelly doughnut*) “I’m a real outside the box thinker when it comes to preparing meals. Just the other day, I filled an old oil barrel with ham hocks and melted cheese. It was a fantastic mid-afternoon snack.”
Jon Jones: “There’s a lot of misconceptions about Jon Jones. Jon Jones is arrogant. Jon Jones is cocky. Jon Jones is a death machine behind the wheel of a car. All I can say is that Jon Jones comes to win, and if you don’t like it, you can bite my bird.” (*looks to cameraman*) “Can you delete all that in about 15 seconds?”
And finally, Chael Sonnen…
Chael Sonnen: (*yelling at the top of his lungs*) “At long last, it’s the man with the flan! The shot caller with the lemon baller! The bad guy who makes a great apple pie! The-”(cut off by camera)
Alright chefs, please open your baskets for the appetizer round.
Your ingredients are: Skirt steak, Matzo Crackers, Orange Gelatin cups, and Collard Greens. Your time starts…now!
[*Cue a montage of all four fighters cooking ferociously/talking to the camera about their personal struggles*]
Alright chefs, let’s see what you’ve created!
Tito Ortiz
Tito Ortiz: “What I have for you today, heretofore, are skirt steak meatballs mixed with matzo crackers for texture, sauteed colored greens, and an orange gelatin reduction.”
Alex Guarnaschelli: “They’re actually pronounced ‘collard greens’, Mr Ortiz.”
Tito Ortiz: “That doesn’t make any sense. They’re not the *collar* green, are they?”
Aaron Sanchez: “I like your presentation, but I’m missing a bit of heat here.”
Tito Ortiz: “Well…uh…you know…I’m not making any excuses, but I’m competing with four fractured vertebrae and lupus today, so I’m just trying to prove all my doubters wrong like no other.”
Jon Jones
Jon Jones: “I’ve prepared ground skirt steak wrapped in collard greens with an orange gelatin dressing.”
Marc Murphy: “This is absolutely delicious, and the presentation is spot on, but I’m missing the matzo crackers here. Did you use them?”
Jon Jones: “I was not given adequate time to prepare a gameplan for matzo crackers with coach Jackson, so no, I did not use them. If we can reschedule a meeting between myself and matzo crackers in three weeks, I will gladly take them on then.”
Marc Murphy: “That’s not how this show works, Mr. Jones.”
Tim Sylvia: “Damn! If it’s OK with you guys, I am going to tweet about my desire for another shot on Chopped every single day for the next five years.”
Marc Murphy: “That’s fine. Just please, get out of here. You smell like you shit yourself midway through the appetizer round.”
Chael Sonnen
Chael Sonnen: “My esteemed judges, if you would so kindly direct your eyes to the culinary creation before you: A grilled skirt steak salad, with collard greens, matzo cracker croutons, and a balsamic, orange-gelatin vinaigrette.”
Alex Guarnaschelli: “Seriously? After all that trash you talked about crafting ‘The Manliest Meal Ever Manifested by a Mixed Martial Artist’, you take a punt and make a salad? You are all bark and no bite, Mr. Sonnen.”
Chael Sonnen: “Well, you see Alex, I am a new father, and its not my fault that you went and changed the rules on me. I had no opportunity to go before the Chopped commission and disclose that I physically could not craft the meal I had hyped up due to a chemical imbalance in my system. What I’m saying is, *you* are to blame for my mistakes.”
Alex Guarnaschelli: “You’re right. I’m sorry, Chael.”
Chael Sonnen: “Apology accepted.”
Aaron Sanchez: “I really like what you did with the orange gelatin and the balsamic. Just a fantastic vinaigrette that really brightens up the salad. The steak is a little tough, however.”
Chael Sonnen: “You’re damn right it’s tough! Tougher than any of the steaks these pansies cooked up, that’s for sure! And if you want to see what a real tough piece of meat looks like, knock on Wanderlei Silva’s door and ask for his wife!”
(*rushes camera, screams*) “Tune into Metamrois 4 on August 9th to see me lay a good ol’ fashioned whooping on Andre Galvao, and after that, I’m coming for the rest of these dimwitted, bus-feeding Brazilians! That’s Metamoris 4! August 9th!”
(*Sonnen is dragged off by security*)
Well, that leaves just the two of you, Mr. Jones and Mr. Ortiz.
Jon Jones: “I am ready to achieve the greatness I was destined for…” (*crouches down in crab pose*)
How about you, Tito?…..
……Tito? Does anyone know where Mr. Ortiz has gone?
Jon Jones: “He ducked out ten minutes ago, holding his back and limping.”
Well, I guess that makes you Chopped champion, Jon Jones! Congratulations!
Jon Jones: “Thank you, Todd. Now where do you keep all the booze at?”
Many of you newer readers might not know that, long before I was ever a dumb shit douchebag writer hack here, I was just a dumb shit douchebag commenter. You know, in the pre-Facebook times. The long-long ago, as it’s called. In any case, one of my favorite features of the ‘Tato back in the day was their/our caption contests, which have waned off a bit in recent years. So, being that this is the soon-to-be celebrated annually #WeekofDanga, I figured that I might as well revive an old relic as a way to give back to you, our fiercely-loyal-except-when-you-aren’t readers.
Unfortunately, I don’t have much to offer in the way of MMA memorabilia. I do, however, have an extra copy of In the Blood (read our review here) on DVD collecting dust in my room. It’s still in the plastic and everything. So if it’s a physical copy of the movie in which Gina Carano has her underwear ripped off while handcuffed that you’re seeking, join me after the jump to find out how you can win one fo’ free.
Many of you newer readers might not know that, long before I was ever a dumb shit douchebag writer hack here, I was just a dumb shit douchebag commenter. You know, in the pre-Facebook times. The long-long ago, as it’s called. In any case, one of my favorite features of the ‘Tato back in the day was their/our caption contests, which have waned off a bit in recent years. So, being that this is the soon-to-be celebrated annually #WeekofDanga, I figured that I might as well revive an old relic as a way to give back to you, our fiercely-loyal-except-when-you-aren’t readers.
Unfortunately, I don’t have much to offer in the way of MMA memorabilia. I do, however, have an extra copy of In the Blood (read our review here) on DVD collecting dust in my room. It’s still in the plastic and everything. So if it’s a physical copy of the movie in which Gina Carano has her underwear ripped off while handcuffed that you’re seeking, join me after the jump to find out how you can win one fo’ free.
Yep, that’s TUF 1 winner and former UFC light heavyweight champion Forrest Griffin looking…fit, while hanging out backstage at a UFC charity event yesterday. The photo was snapped by none other than fellow TUFer/former light heavyweight champ Rashad Evans, along with the caption:
I’m so excited for the return of Forrest Griffin! He looked ripped at the pre,pre, pre weigh-ins today! His abs were so defined!
Not bad, Suga, but I think you Taters can do better. Caption this photo however you see fit, using as many attempts at humor as you can, and I’ll select a winner for the In the Blood DVD on Monday. But again, this is the #WeekofDanga, so feel free to be as brutal and/or dark with your captions as humanly possible. And if our comment section goes down, tweet your captions at either CagePotato or myself with the hashtag #WeekofDanga.
Have I not mentioned that it’s the #WeekofDanga yet? Because it’s kind of a big deal. Good luck, you guys!
As you might’ve heard (from me, earlier today), BG is on vacation for the week, which can only mean one thing: The #WeekofDanga is now in full swing. That means no rules, no filters, and most likely, no readers. (*self burn-five*)
What it also means is that I’ll be taking any and all suggestions/submissions in regards to potential news items from the few of you readers who haven’t already removed CagePotato from your bookmarks bars in light of this (albeit brief) coup d’etat, via [email protected]. But let’s get one thing straight; I will not be devoting any coverage to fighter beefs on Twitter, mundane fight-bookings, or other such articles that none of you care to read anyway.
Instead, let us use this week to highlight the absurd, the hysterical, and the just plain bizarre aspects of our once-proud sport that we all know and love. Got a sweet muay Thai fight/KO that you think deserves more coverage? Pass it along. A tenuously-connected gallery idea of hot women doinginsert workout here? Let me know about it. In short, this is the week that your opinions actually matter, Tater Nation, so let’s make full use of it.
Take the video above, for instance, in which a small child bitchslaps a foe *while* ghost riding his bicycle. I found it in my inbox this morning, and have watched it no less than 15 times since. Is it in anyway related to MMA? Not really, except for that whole “fighting is in our DNA” shtick Daddy Dana seems to love. Is it undeniably entertaining? Absolutely. Therefore, relevant.
What? I’m just following the business model laid out by the UFC in recent years, best known as “Fuck You, Take It.” If you don’t like the content we churn out this week, you’re probably not a real fight fan anyway. Let the #WeekofDanga commence, Taters.
As you might’ve heard (from me, earlier today), BG is on vacation for the week, which can only mean one thing: The #WeekofDanga is now in full swing. That means no rules, no filters, and most likely, no readers. (*self burn-five*)
What it also means is that I’ll be taking any and all suggestions/submissions in regards to potential news items from the few of you readers who haven’t already removed CagePotato from your bookmarks bars in light of this (albeit brief) coup d’etat, via [email protected]. But let’s get one thing straight; I will not be devoting any coverage to fighter beefs on Twitter, mundane fight-bookings, or other such articles that none of you care to read anyway.
Instead, let us use this week to highlight the absurd, the hysterical, and the just plain bizarre aspects of our once-proud sport that we all know and love. Got a sweet muay Thai fight/KO that you think deserves more coverage? Pass it along. A tenuously-connected gallery idea of hot women doinginsert workout here? Let me know about it. In short, this is the week that your opinions actually matter, Tater Nation, so let’s make full use of it.
Take the video above, for instance, in which a small child bitchslaps a foe *while* ghost riding his bicycle. I found it in my inbox this morning, and have watched it no less than 15 times since. Is it in anyway related to MMA? Not really, except for that whole “fighting is in our DNA” shtick Daddy Dana seems to love. Is it undeniably entertaining? Absolutely. Therefore, relevant.
What? I’m just following the business model laid out by the UFC in recent years, best known as “Fuck You, Take It.” If you don’t like the content we churn out this week, you’re probably not a real fight fan anyway. Let the #WeekofDanga commence, Taters.
