(“Cmm ert mih brrr.” / Photo via MMAFighting.com)
They’ve smushed chins. They’ve mushed lips. But tonight at UFC 162 in Las Vegas, Anderson Silva and Chris Weidman will let their fists do the love-making, and the only bodily fluids being exchanged will be BLOOD. [Ed. note: Look, I’m doing my best here.] Whether the Brazilian G.O.A.T. makes his 11th middleweight title defense, or the “All-American” lives up to his Rocky-esque underdog hype, I think we’re in for a hell of a battle.
Also on the pay-per-view lineup, Frankie Edgar steps into his first non-title fight since 2009 when he tangles with featherweight Charles Oliveira, while divisional standouts Cub Swanson and Dennis Siver jockey for their place in the 145-pound contender chain. Meanwhile in the middleweight division, Strikeforce vets Tim Kennedy and Roger Gracie look to make a good first impression in the UFC, while familiar contenders Tim Boetsch and Mark Munoz try to bounce back to the win column.
Handling our liveblog for the “Silva vs. Weidman” main card is Alex Giardini, who will be slingin’ live results after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for the latest updates, and feel free to mouth off in the comments section.
Good evening gentlemen (let’s be honest, your girlfriends are out cheating on you)…the Potato’s resident spaghetti-bender here, guiding you through UFC 162: Silva vs. Weidman. After yesterday’s attempt to dethrone Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling’s moment of the century, both Anderson Silva and Chris Weidman will battle for the middleweight title in a main event we actually give a shit about (it’s rough in the bubble these days, my patates). After a hectic week full of fighter pay controversies, Ken Shamrock sleazebaggary and a video that surfaced where Chael Sonnen looks severely out of place, the focus should be on Silva’s legacy and if the time has finally come for us to witness his first Octagon loss. Despite over a dozen fighters siding with Weidman, Silva will never be an underdog in a middleweight fight (for you Jon Jones fanny’s out there). He has been a gift for us to watch and you’ll agree with me when I say I never want this dude to go away. Weidman, a 9-0 Serra-Longo fight team product, really caught everyone’s eye when he submitted Tom Lawlor in just over two minutes back at UFC 139. I don’t have to remind you of what he did to Mark Munoz in his last fight to bring you up to speed on where we’re at today. He is also making $24,000 to show, which is less than the average Cage Potato reader’s annual salary.
The co-main event features Frankie “Lil’ Balboa” Edgar against Brazilian submission ace Charles Oliveira. Edgar is on a three-fight losing streak and despite still being viewed as one of the best fighters in the world; he desperately needs to win tonight…which is why this slight mismatch was made in the first place.
Also on the card is everyone’s favorite complainer Tim Kennedy, as he squares off against fellow Strikeforce vet Roger Gracie. Mark Munoz takes on Tim Boetsch and Cub Swanson meets Dennis Siver in what should be the fight of the night. Sit tight, refresh and don’t stream this one illegally, you vile combat sports enthusiast – scam your parents into thinking you’re visiting them tonight and order it on their satellite provider, because that’s exactly what I’m doing.
Intro video has Anderson Silva declaring the fans will like what they see tonight. Weidman says he will look to submit him and take his belt. And of course, cue the “Bring the pain, it’s insane, make em’ step to this” song that has never left us.
Cub Swanson vs. Dennis Siver
Round 1: Dennis Siver comes out to fucking Papa Roach and Swanson to something that kids who take molly’s listen to. Herb Dean summons them both and they touch gloves. Siver misses with a low legkick. Both men exchange low legkicks, as Siver bounces up and down repeatedly. Swanson gets a nice jab in as Siver misses with a big overhead right. Siver throws a headkick but it doesn’t connect. Nice right hand by Swanson. Siver catches a kick by Swanson and throws him to the ground. Siver trying to work as Swanson has his right leg stuck in his half-guard. Siver trying to clinches Swanson’s head and arm, and then ends up in side control. Siver attempting a crucifix and throws a few punches. Siver now has Swanson’s hips and Swanson attempts a guillotine. Both men are back on their feet, Swanson now in a southpaw stance. Siver lands another kick and a flurry before the bell sounds. 10-9 Siver.
Round 2: Siver working with those low legkicks as a part of his gameplan. Nice left hook by Swanson forces Siver to reshuffle his positioning. Patented spinning heel kick by Siver lands but doesn’t do too much damage. Swanson checks another headkick from Siver. Swanson goes for a left hook and Siver ducks under, working for a takedown but its stuffed. Solid kick by Swanson and Siver is slightly bloodied in the nose. Both men circling more and more, looking for openings. Another headkick blocked by Swanson and he throws one of his own that also gets blocked. Siver pushed forward with the jab and Swanson gets a good kick in to the body. A solid left jab rocks Swanson back a few steps. Big uppercut by Swanson and Siver tries to go for a takedown and Swanson judo flips the living hell out of Siver. Swanson in full mount and defends positioning well as Siver tries to get up. Sloppy display by Swanson has Siver reverse positioning but he doesn’t have any time to work. 10-9 Swanson.
Round 3: Siver lands a decent left hook and Swanson returns the favor with a solid headkick. Siver looking slightly tired as Swanson jukes back and forth. Nice right hand by Swanson; he’s getting into the groove now with his combinations. Siver misses with a spinning heel kick. Jab by Siver but it doesn’t faze Swanson. Another right hand by Swanson and another – Swanson drops Siver and continues to pummel him on the ground with hammerfists. Herb Dean steps in and that’s it for Siver.
Cub Swanson def. Dennis Siver by TKO (Strikes), Round 3, 2:23.
Notable celebs in attendance include Mike Tyson and according to Mike Goldberg, “one of the greatest in the world”, Usher. A shot backstage sees Anderson Silva looking like a badass Bruno Mars in a fitted, while Weidman gets booed by the home crowd.
Mark Munoz vs. Tim Boetsch
Round 1: Munoz looking hella in shape. Mazzagatti gets booed and the fighters touch gloves. Frontkick by Boetsch and gets a takedown but Munoz flips him over. That doesn’t last for long as both men are back up but Boetsch gets a big takedown. Both men back up and Boetsch clinching Munoz against the fence. They break apart to the center of the Octagon. Boetsch pushes forward and clinches Munoz against the fence. Nice knee to the body by Boetsch but Munoz takes him down. Boetsch gets back up and eats a punch on the way. Munoz gets another takedown but Boetsch rolls and ends up on top. Boetsch works a guillotine while Munoz takes him down but Boetsch hangs on. Boetsch rolls but loses it. Back on their feet, Munoz catches him with a solid right hand. Munoz has Boetsch clinched up against the fence. Munoz with a knee to the body as Boetsch tries to work for something. Combination by Munoz includes an uppercut but Boetsch looks alright. Tough round to score. 10-9 Boetsch.
Round 2: Nice kick to the body by Boetsch. Munoz returns the favor and adds a solid hook in the process. Munoz has Boetsch clinched against the fence but Boetsch reverses the positioning. Right hand by Boetsch but he cannot capitalize as Munoz scores a takedown. Munoz on top, looking for those Donkey Kong punches. Boetsch is controlling Munoz’s left wrist. Hammerfist by Munoz followed by huge shots to the body (specifically the ribcage). Boetsch gets up but he cannot stop Munoz’s wrestling, as the “Filipino Wrecking Machine” scores another takedown. Munoz is now controlling this fight. More shots to the body by Munoz, as he is playing seesaw with Boetsch’s head and ribcage. Knee to the body by Munoz as he stands over Boetsch. The horn sounds and Boetsch has got to be hurting. 10-9 Munoz.
Round 3: Munoz backing up towards the fence and sets up a big right hand as he lunges forward. Munoz goes for another takedown but Boetsch goes for a guillotine. He cannot secure the choke and goes for a Japanese necktie but he can’t get that either. Boetsch now going for Munoz’s arm but Munoz explodes out of the position and takes his back, raining down hammerfists. Munoz continues his assault with hammerfists to the head, thigh and ribs. Boetsch covering up and Munoz continues with relentless ground and pound. Kimura attempt by Munoz in half-guard, stretching Boetsch’s arm back. Munoz loses it but continues to ground and pound. Munoz sneaks an arm behind Boetsch’s neck for a rear-naked choke but Boetsch isn’t having any of it. Munoz now continues with his ground strikes as Boetsch tries a kneebar. Munoz tries a jumping donkey punch but misses as the round ends. 10-9 Munoz.
Mark Munoz def. Tim Boetsch by Unanimous Decision (30-26, 30-27, 29-28)
Man, Tim Boetsch is a tricky name to write over and over. It’s no Nurmagomedov…but it’s still tough. Finally, they show Roy Jones in the crowd…and then Ronda, of course.
Tim Kennedy vs. Roger Gracie
Round 1: Both men touch gloves and Kennedy immediately crouches coming forward. Gracie looking quite huge next to Kennedy. Gracie clinches and grabs control of Kennedy’s waist, as plenty of morons in attendance commence to boo. Kennedy is back up and goes for double-underhooks. Both men exchange jabs as the fight gets back to the center. Gracie catches Kennedy’s legkick but cannot capitalize. Gracie clinches Kennedy against the cage and ends up on top of him on the way down. Gracie now takes his back but Kennedy is doing a good job of controlling Gracie’s wrists. Brazilian fans chant for Gracie in Portugese. Kennedy spins out of the position and ends up on top but does not have any time to do something significant. 10-9 Gracie.
Round 2: Kennedy throws a kick to Gracie’s knee, followed by another legkick. Kennedy gets a takedown and ends up taking Gracie’s back. He starts to ground and pound and Gracie is covering up. Gracie rolls out and both fighters are back to their feet. Both men grappling against the cage and Kennedy has superior position over the Brazilian. Gracie reverses and now has Kennedy against the cage, who looks at the clock. Takedown by Kennedy and is now in half-guard. Kennedy is doing a good job of staying clear from submissions but he isn’t working and Kim Winslow stands them back up. Frontkick misses by Kennedy and pits Gracie against the fence once more. 10-9 Kennedy.
Round 3: Another frontkick that misses by Kennedy opens the round. Kennedy throws a big left but misses. Gracie has his hands down and isn’t throwing many punches except for a jab here and there. Not much going on with both fighters throwing a strike every few seconds. Gracie works for a takedown and eventually gets it but Kennedy gets right back up. Gracie is pushed against the fence and looks exhausted. This round is so lackluster than a wave has started in the crowd and Kim Winslow seems to acknowledge it by breaking up the fighters. Left hook by Kennedy lands right on the chin. Gracie’s hands are still down, looking quite Frankensteinesque at this point. Kennedy lands a knee with Gracie against the fence as the fight ends. 10-9 Kennedy.
Tim Kennedy def. Roger Gracie by Unanimous Decision (30-27, 30-27, 29-28)
No post-fight interview for Kennedy. Time constraints or conspiracy, you decide. GSP in attendance, as Goldberg says Dana White has a special announcement for us regarding the welterweight champ. Co-main event time…here comes Lil’ Balboa.
Frankie Edgar vs. Charles Oliveira
Round 1: Both men looking pumped at the staredown. Yves Lavigne brings them together. Both men start out with a furious pace. Edgar with a right hand and Oliveira immediately goes for a takedown. Edgar lands on top and gets a harsh warning for hanging on to the cage. Edgar looking faster on the feet but Oliveira is keeping up so far. Edgar is landing the jab over and over again. Oliveira tries to climb the Edgar tree but Edgar slams him down. Edgar is now in Oliveira’s guard and escapes to his feet before Oliveira can get a hold of his ankle. Edgar lands a legkick as Oliveira misses a flying scissor-kick. Frankie lands a left hook but Oliveira answers with a solid right hand. Big left hook by Edgar slightly rocks Oliveira. Edgar goes for a takedown but cannot get it. Edgar has a little bit of blood trickling out of his nose. Oliveira is thrown down again but is staying active with elbows from the bottom. 10-9 Edgar.
Round 2: Edgar keeps on landed his left hook by faking with his right. Frankie’s footwork looks great but Oliveira is keeping up like no other so far. Edgar trying to get a takedown but Oliveira is doing a good job defending. Nice legkick by Edgar followed by a big right hand. Nice jab lands by Oliveira, looking sharp with knees to the body in the clinch as well. Edgar takes him down but Oliveira wraps his long legs around Edgar, forcing him to find answers in the guard. Oliveira is keeping busy with elbows from the bottom but Edgar landing some solid shots. Back on their feet, Oliveira lands a solid combination. Edgar with a left hook but Oliveira answers with a sharp elbow. Oliveira with another jab and Edgar is bloody now. Edgar catches Oliveira’s kick but cannot make him pay as Oliveira moves backwards. Edgar clinches Oliveira back against the fence and scores a big takedown. Edgar finds himself in a guillotine but survives as the horn sounds. 10-9 Edgar.
Round 3: Edgar opens up with two left hooks. Oliveira picks up the pace with a nice combination but Edgar tags him with a big right. Edgar catches Oliveira’s leg and throws him to the ground. Lavigne stands up Oliveira who has done a remarkable job by keeping up with Edgar. Oliveira rocks Edgar with a right to the temple that forces Edgar to step back. Oliveira follows up with a knee that connects. Edgar goes for a takedown but it ends sloppily and Oliveira is back up. Oliveira lands another big right hand, followed by a left hook. Oliveira’s striking looks very impressive in this fight – a big improvement in his game. Another big right hand stuns Edgar. Edgar fights back with one of his own. Flying knee by Edgar but it doesn’t do damage. Oliveira sort of throws himself on the ground and Edgar jumps on top of him with some ground and pound. With Edgar in the guard, he tries to throw some big shots from the top. That’s got to be the Fight Of The Night. 10-9 Edgar.
Frankie Edgar def. Charles Oliveira by Unanimous Decision (30-27, 30-27, 29-28)
I think Oliveira surprised a lot of people, myself included. Definitely not the same dude that got rocked by Cub Swanson. How could you not love Frankie Edgar? How?
Steven Segal in attendance sporting a ridiculous goatee, which goes well with his ridiculous yellow shades. This will be a good time to tell you I actually love his movies…have I purchased any? Don’t be silly.
Main event time…holy shit, this is going to be something.
Anderson Silva vs. Chris Weidman
Round 1: Weidman extends his hand but Silva simply bows. Yikes. Dean summons them to the center and Silva starts to shuffle left to right. Silva with some nice footwork and Weidman goes for a takedown. Silva is on his back and Weidman ends up in his guard. Weidman pouring some ground and pound with some solid left shots. Silva is deflecting the shots and Weidman tries to pass. Weidman is back on his feet and keeps on punching Silva. Weidman goes for a heel hook while Silva spins out of it and they are back on their feet. Both fighters have their hands down and are trying to find openings. Both fighters are clinched together and break apart. Nice knee by Silva. Silva throws a vicious legkick. Weidman throws a jab and Silva returns the favor in nonchalant fashion. Silva continues with some legkicks and starts to taunt Weidman, asking him to bring it on. Both men embrace at the sound of the horn and Silva kisses him. A very tough round to score. 10-9 Weidman.
Round 2: Silva says “Come on, man!” in the corner. Weidman with a nice jab and Silva starts to dance. Silva now jogging while throwing kicks. Silva taunting his opponent as Weidman lands a jab. Silva doesn’t cover up and Weidman rocks him. Silva taunts him, gets hit with a left hook, falls and Weidman follows up with some big shots. Weidman has just knocked out Silva. Oh my god. New middleweight champion.
Chris Weidman def. Anderson Silva by Knockout (Round 2, 2:12), wins the UFC Middleweight Championship.
“It pisses me off when someone does that to me”, Weidman tells Rogan. Well, that’s how you win over the crowd. That’s quite the reversal, as the crowd relentlessly boos Silva. When asked if he wants a rematch, Silva declines and says he won’t fight for the belt. He has 10 fights left and what he is saying is that he is superfight bound at this point. When is the last time a fighter paid that high a price for slacking off? “Hello Japan”?!
Writing that last paragraph, I was five espressos deep and quite frankly I couldn’t feel my face as I watched that knockout. I think this is the biggest moment in MMA history and I can’t believe I was able to share it with Potato Nation. There is nothing else I can say. Let it simmer, I guess. Goodnight. Holy shit, man. Goodnight.