Some people watch sports to cheer their favorites. Others to mercilessly boo athletes they’ve come to despise. If you are one of those people, this series of articles is for you. Do you know you hate Stephan Bonnar but can’t say exactly why? Allow me to help. This is no reflection on Stephan as a person. He might be lovely. But as a TV character his smug face has plagued us way too long. It ends now.
Stephan Bonnar had the whole world within his grasp. It was right there for the taking—fame, fortune, women and legacy. All squandered. Bonnar comes into the main event of UFC 153 dragging a career’s worth of failure behind him, chained to his past like all of us are, a cautionary tale and a story of what might have been.
Bonnar, instead of building to this crescendo, that magical UFC pay-per-view main event, has once again backed into success. Bonnar‘s fight against the great Anderson Silva at UFC 153 wasn’t earned in the cage. Like so many things in his career, it was a gift from the UFC, a thank you for the night seven years ago, a night that saw Bonnar and Forrest Griffin define for many new fans exactly what mixed martial arts is all about.
Bonnar has sucked off the Zuffa teat for his entire career, taken full advantage of all the goodwill he built in 15 magical minutes against Griffin. He’s like the ultimate legacy, a screw up and a failure, but a failure who has the goods on his boss.
UFC President Dana White owes Stephan Bonnar. And, seven years after the first season on The Ultimate Fighter, it’s a debt White is still repaying.
For Griffin, it was the launching point, the first step that eventually led him all the way to the championship of the world. His is a legacy of success, making the most of his limited physical tools and dragging himself all the way to the pinnacle, a UFC title in the sport’s prestige weight class.
For Bonnar, The Ultimate Fighter was a high point. He was never again as relevant, never again mattered. The two men, so evenly matched, saw their career paths diverge so wildly, that it’s easy to forget that there even was a time Stephan Bonnar seemed the more promising of the two.
Bonnar, despite his fearless standup and Carlson Gracie pedigree on the ground, never amounted to anything in the cage. In his professional career, he’s never once beaten an opponent ranked in the top 10. Against the Sam Hogers and Eric Schafers of the sport he’s a monster. Against the cream of the crop? He melts away into nothing.
Of course, failure in sports is commonplace. The pro ranks are filled with college stars who could never adapt to the next level of competition. If that was Stephan Bonnar‘s story, it wouldn’t be especially remarkable. But Bonnar‘s failures have come in all areas of life.
He didn’t just, for example, lose to Forrest Griffin in a 2006 rematch. He lost to Griffin with the proverbial needle dangling, falling short in the cage and in the post-fight drug test. Bonnar tested positive for Boldenone, which would have made sense if he was a horse, seeing as it’s a drug only sold legally by veterinarians. Since he’s a man, it led to a nine-month suspension.
Bonnar, being Bonnar, didn’t even manage to dope right. Hundreds of MMA fighters manage their cycles right and pass athletic commission drug tests with flying colors. Bonnar, instead, chose a drug best known in body building circles for both its effectiveness and for how long it stays in your system. Even when it came to doping, Bonnar could only be bothered to give a smidgen of effort.
Like many fighters, Bonnar looked to supplement his on again, off again paychecks with his own clothing line. A tried and true formula for most fighters. Stephan Bonnar is not “most fighters.” Bonnar managed to come up with a pretty cool idea, presenting himself and his fellow UFC stars as “Garbage Pail Kid” style cartoons.
The problem?
He never got fellow Ultimate Fighter alumnus Josh Koscheck‘s permission to use his image. In fact, he was expressly denied the right to use Koscheck‘s image. He did so anyway, then when sued, challenged the wrestler (who competes at 170 pounds, a full 35 pounds below Bonnar‘s 205) to a fight.
“Words cannot describe how bad I want to kick Josh Koscheck‘s ass right now,” Bonnar said during a UFC Fight Club Q&A session. “Sometimes I can’t sleep at night because I’m up just thinking about all the things I want to do to him – and kick his ass.”
That’s classic Bonnar. He’s so used to being given something for nothing, he actually gets angry when called out for doing the wrong thing. He eventually settled down and offered Koscheck an apology. But his true colors were clear for all to see.
Bonnar, somehow, even managed to botch his own retirement. Citing a desire to fight someone with a lot of Twitter followers, despite Twitter followers being a weird metric easily faked by anyone with $50 and 24 hours, Bonnar kind of, sort of, maybe, said he was done. UFC on Fuel host Jay Glazer attempted to clarify (HT: Cage Potato):
Glazer: “Let’s clear this up. What are you saying here?”
Bonnar: “Hey who knows…um…”
Glazer: “It sounds like you’re saying you’re retiring.”
Bonnar: “Maybe they’ll still let me fight Forrest. Maybe there’s the chance that Rampage wants to fight again. That’s a fight I really wanted too. But, hey, if he doesn’t got a lot of Twitter followers, then maybe it’s God’s way of saying maybe do something else.”
Anderson Silva has more than 2 million Twitter followers. That, it seems, is enough to drag Bonnar back into the cage for a fight no one was demanding. God, it seems, wants to see Stephan Bonnar punched in the face a few more times. I can’t say that idea displeases me either.
Plenty of fans are down for this bout. They expect a televised murder, or an MMA approximation at least. In other words, good clean fun.
The UFC’s commercial for the event seems to be promising a spectacular Silva performance. Bonnar is merely an afterthought, the glorified punching bag, there only to allow Silva a target for his punches and kicks. Here’s hoping that comes to pass.
The best of all possible outcomes here is an easy and exciting Silva win, a fat check to send Bonnar off into retirement and Stephan disappearing from the MMA scene—for real this time.
Previous Hatefests: Vitor Belfort.
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