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Jon Jones and the Top 5 Fighters Most Likely to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

Think of this as a “reboot,” to borrow a Hollywood term. I’ve currently done this list two times: one in article form, another in audio form. But the thing about it is: the fighters keep changing, and the zombies keep coming back. They’re zombies; they do that. So allow me to present to you another look into an apocalyptic future filled with fighters: here’s a revised list of the top five fighters most likely to survive a zombie apocalypse.

5. Ben Askren

Think about it: have you ever seen a Ben Askren fight? You think you did, but you can’t remember. Either you were so bored that you became a zombie yourself, or you fell asleep moments into the fight.

And that’s Askren’s greatest weapon: the ability to be 100 percent forgettable. Roaming marauders will leave him alone because they won’t remember ever meeting him. Even zombies will become so bored with him that eventually they’ll just shamble away mindlessly. Ben Askren would be an invaluable tool to any fledgling post-outbreak society… so long as they remember they have him, which may be a tougher challenge than even the zombie menace.

4. Rousimar Palhares

On an average day, Paul Harris has to struggle to contain the demon within himself. Thrust into a zombie apocalypse, Palhares could let go of his inhibitions and transform into the savior that humanity needs but doesn’t deserve.

Imagine a world where zombies can’t hurt you anymore because all their heels have been torn to shreds and all they can do is crawl weakly towards you on the floor like slimes, practically serving themselves up on a silver platter. Just don’t get caught in the middle of a Paul Harris Heel Hook Feeding Frenzy, or he may accidentally tear your heel apart as well.

And then you’re zombie food.

3. Benson Henderson

Throughout his run in the WEC and especially in the UFC, Benson Henderson always seems to find a way to win. The loss to Anthony Pettis aside, Henderson’s resiliency and ability to thrive under pressure makes him a natural leader in almost any group. He’ll make the tough choices, and he’ll give your team the motivation they need when the going gets tough.

Unless we’re in one of those movies where the zombies have superpowers (95 percent of those movies suck, by the way) and are able to leap off of things and kick people in the face, Henderson should be able to pull you and your team through any situation.

2. Dan Henderson

Much like Randy Couture (who has also been featured on this list), Dan Henderson is the perfect example of the grizzled, war-torn veteran that could lead a community, or become the No. 1 protector of the community, or even maybe both.

He’s experienced enough to know how a plan needs to go down and wise enough to keep the community in check and not at each other’s throats. And if all else fails, all it takes is one “H-Bomb” right into a zombie’s jaw to send that zombie’s head flying.

1. Jon Jones

In a zombie apocalypse, Jon Jones would literally be “The Chosen One.” He’s done so many amazing things in such a short time that it wouldn’t surprise me if it was revealed post-outbreak that Jones was somehow immune to becoming a zombie.

I see Jon Jones as a mixture of Will Smith in “I Am Legend” and Denzel Washington in “The Book of Eli”: a roaming badass that could chop you in half but seemingly can’t be hurt, and even if he’s hurt he’s completely immune to any zombie bites. Jones would probably become a softly-whispered often-rumored urban legend, but there’s no doubt that he’d survive a zombie apocalypse.

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Dana White: The Five Dumbest Things He’s Said in Recent Years

Whether you’re a fan, a fighter, or even a newcomer, you’ve probably got a strongly-held opinion on Dana White. My personal opinion of the man is simple: despite his many shortcomings, I truly think White starts and ends every day wanting t…

But the man has an ocean of critics who love to point out how controversial and foul-mouthed the man is. But today I’m not focusing on the obscenities that have come out of “Uncle Dana’s” mouth; I’m focusing on the stupidities. Since I have so much to work with, I’m sticking within the last few years.

There’s probably a lot more than five, and you probably have your own favorites, but here are what I think are the five dumbest things Dana White has said… in recent years.

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UFC 146: 5 Simple Reasons Why Alistair Overeem’s Test Was High

As a big fan of Alistair Overeem, I’m honestly sick of all these rumors and speculation regarding Overeem’s recent drug test failure. “The Reem” is one of the best fighters walking the planet, and it appears that people are so j…

So I’m here to tell you: There is an abundance of good, sound reasons why Overeem tested positive for that whatever it’s called—the ratio thing. Who cares what it’s called? Do we even know what it means?

Anyway, there are too many good reasons to choose from, but I picked five. Let’s start from the top.

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‘Rally for Mark Hunt’ Final Thoughts: Sure Was Fun While It Lasted

I have impeccable timing. A few days ago I wrote about why I had decided to join the “Rally for Mark Hunt” movement. A day later, one single day later, it was reported that Dana White had effectively handed down a death sentence to the caus…

So now I’m putting up a post that is one-third response and two-thirds “it was fun while it lasted,” hence the name of the article. Three days later.

As I said: impeccable timing. Nevertheless, let’s begin.

Would it have been so bad if Hunt challenged for the UFC heavyweight championship? I don’t think so. If I go into specifics we’ll be here all day and we’ll skew far away from the good-natured intent of this post.

But just off the top of my head: Brock Lesnar, three-fight win streak, a vocal and passionate fan following, styles make fights, Frank Mir sucks against strikers, something something, Overeem cycles horse meat.

Feel free to debate any of those points at your leisure, I’ll more than likely join in on the conversation. But, for now, let’s move on to the core argument of this little blurb:

Sure was fun while it lasted, wasn’t it?

Admit it: We like arguing. Sports fans argue, but MMA fans tend to take things to the next level. You know you secretly love it. I know I do.

And while some of the debate and some of the threads turned really nasty and hateful on both sides, for the most part I really enjoyed both reading and discussing the pros and cons of Hunt getting a shot at the UFC heavyweight championship.

Also, let’s not forget how, for the briefest of instances, a large section of the MMA world stood united under the “Rally for Mark Hunt” banner.

This extended way past just a bunch of fans trying to get their voice heard. Popular MMA Web sites featured prominent news stories covering the growing movement. Several pro fighters gave their thoughts (mostly of support) through Facebook and/or Twitter. Even NickTheFace, the be-all and end-all when it comes to UFC hype videos on YouTube, posted a “Rally For Mark Hunt” video.

So, yeah—it was a whole hell of a lot of fun while it lasted.

And I hope that’s what we all take away from this situation, in all honesty. Yes, I do think it sucks that White responded to such an interesting and engaging movement with one single sentence. Yes, I do think UFC fans should feel slighted that White more or less swept all this under the rug.

But even if we didn’t accomplish our goal of getting Hunt to replace Overeem, we still accomplished something important. Despite being some of the most polarizing, opinionated, argumentative fans in all of sports, for the briefest of moments we were united as one.

And I’m damn proud of that.

I hope you are, too. I don’t regret jumping on the “Rally For Mark Hunt” bandwagon. I can even laugh at myself and realize how funny it is that a day after I jump on the bandwagon and give my big rallying cry, we finally got our answer: a big, loud “not happenin’.”

But no regrets, so I’ll say it again: It sure was fun while it lasted.

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UFC 145: Knowing Jon Jones Will Win, Yet Hoping Rashad Evans Upsets

This Saturday, the latest in an ever-longer line of UFC superfeuds gets its chance to reach a conclusion.By now, you’ve probably heard all there is to hear and read all there is to read when it comes to UFC light heavyweight champion Jon Jones ta…

This Saturday, the latest in an ever-longer line of UFC superfeuds gets its chance to reach a conclusion.

By now, you’ve probably heard all there is to hear and read all there is to read when it comes to UFC light heavyweight champion Jon Jones taking on former teammate and former UFC light heavyweight champion Rashad Evans. My prediction for this fight is actually quite simple, and yet it honestly startled me the first time I saw it written on my screen: I know with as much certainty as is possible that Jon Jones will win, but nevertheless I hope Rashad Evans pulls off the upset.

Let’s start simple. A while ago I completely botched a prediction and said Vladimir Matyushenko would beat Jon Jones. Of course, what ended up happening was that Jones utterly destroyed “The Janitor” in what had to have been one of (if not the!) most humbling losses of Matyushenko’s professional career.

Immediately following that fight, I made a promise to never again bet against Jon Jones.

I admit that, in hindsight, maybe I jumped onto the bandwagon too early and too eagerly. Back when people thought Jones was a talented up-and-comer amongst a field of talented up-and-comers, I was already more or less calling him “The Chosen One” and predicting that he would break “the curse” of UFC light heavyweight champions losing their belts in their first few fights since winning the gold.

Nevertheless, I have kept that promise, and it has served me well.

Which brings us back to the first part of the equation. With as much certainty as possible, I know Jon Jones will win. He’s going to do what he does best—he’ll find a hole in your game, no matter how small you may think it is or how small it actually really is, and he’ll exploit it; and then he’ll exploit it so well that he ends up finishing you in highlight-reel fashion.

That’s what he does. That’s what he’ll continue to do.

That’s what’s going to happen to Rashad Evans.

And yet…I hope Evans wins. Thanks to all the pre-fight hype leading up to this fight (in too many articles and videos to list) I just can’t shake the fact that the talk of Jones being “fake” may be truer than I ever wanted to believe.

Rashad Evans may not be the nicest person. To be frankly honest, a lot of the time he can come off as a self-assured, cocky jerk, but at least that’s the real Evans we’re looking at and listening to.

When it comes to Evans’ beef with Jones, it’s realer than real. I’ve heard the conviction in Evans’ voice when he talks of how he helped build Greg Jackson’s camp and how he helped train Jones, only to end up betrayed by both. Maybe that’s not the whole story—I’m almost certain that it’s not—but Evans believes it with such ferocity and tenacity and speaks with such brutal honesty that you at least have to respect him for being completely open about how he feels about the situation.

However, Jon Jones just feels like an enigma to me right now. And I only like it when a fighter’s style is an enigma, not his/her personality. Maybe it’s my own sense of insecurity and even a bit of jealousy, but more and more now, every single time I hear Jon Jones talk I keep feeling like it’s not the “real” Jon Jones talking.

I’m not saying Jon Jones will swerve us all and go from Hulk Hogan to Hollywood Hogan overnight, but I think he’s either hiding something or not saying all that he really wants to say.

Am I living in a fantasy world here? Maybe. I’ll admit it. I don’t feel ashamed about that, either. I’ve been wrong before, I’ve even been wrong about Jon Jones in particular before.

Nevertheless, and this is a point I raised in my recent Mark Hunt article, the heart wants what it wants. And the reason I love this sport is because anything can happen.

So for one fight, I’m stepping outside of the bandwagon. However, I still believe Jones is a phenomenal fighter. I still consider him one of the best fighters in the UFC right now. I’ll even go one step further and say I think Jones will more than likely be the greatest MMA fighter of all time once all is said and done.

I say all that so I can leave you with this: Jon Jones will more than likely defeat Rashad Evans, but I love a good underdog story.

War Rashad.

All day every day.

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Strikeforce’s Ronda Rousey: Loving the Hate and Hating to Love

It certainly feels weird to say this, but I now consider myself a fan of Ronda Rousey. This isn’t the first time I’ve gone from completely loathing a fighter to considering myself a fan, but it’s honestly a very rare occasion for me. The biggest example of this has been my stance on Nick Diaz throughout the years, and interestingly, Rousey reminds me a lot of Diaz in several different ways. But most importantly, the reason I’m switching stances on Rousey closely mirrors the reason I switched stances on Diaz: hate all you want, but you have to respect the skill.

A lot of this has to do with the “all hype” argument. You know what I’m talking about. There are a lot of great fighters who live up to their hype, but there are also a lot of fighters that come into the sport with a lot of hype and ultimately fail to live up to their potential, even if they begin their careers with a few good wins.

Think about that for a second: how many times in any other major sport do hot prospects come in with all eyes on them and then get smacked down? In MMA’s case they literally get smacked down. It’s one of the most interesting facets of the game, at least to me. We live in a world of “you’re only as good as your next fight” and “what have you done for me lately?”

In MMA, it’s not about proving your hype; it’s about living your hype. You don’t get to have one awesome performance and then all of a sudden you’ve realized your potential. It just doesn’t work that way.

And you know what? I wouldn’t have it any other way.

So, am I saying that Ronda Rousey has proved her hype? No. The reason I’ve become a fan of Rousey is because she’s living her hype.

For Rousey, every fight is another opportunity to add something to her highlight reel. So far she’s been completely unstoppable in MMA, and a lot of people are starting to notice that. She’s also not afraid to say mean things or be a mean person, but she’s also not afraid to show off her beauty.

So at this point you have to consider Ronda Rousey the face of Women’s MMA.

Like Gina Carano, her looks are turning a lot of heads. But once you think about it, you begin to realize that Rousey is so much more of a complete package than Gina.

Without any disrespect intended towards Ms. Carano, looks were pretty much the only thing she had going for her. She did well against decent (some would just say bad) competition, and bad against good competition. Her interviews were simply painful to listen to, always giving half-answers in hushed tones.

But Rousey? If it’s not the looks, it’s the fact that she’s undoubtedly the best talker we’ve seen in Women’s MMA so far. And if it’s not those two factors, it’s the fact that no one has been able to stop her from taking that person’s arm home as a trophy.

But let’s stop the hype train for a second: Ronda Rousey still has a long way to go. She needs to continue to live the hype, day in and day out, in order to continue to be the Face of Women’s MMA. But me, personally? I never hated Rousey so much that it would’ve taken years of proving herself as a champion to have finally made me a fan.

In all honesty, it only took one fight.

Don’t judge me! I’ve always had a thing for “bad boy” fighters, so of course I’d have a thing for “bad girl” fighters. It’s a “hate to love” thing, which goes back to the title of this article. To a greater extent, I love the fact that Rousey is getting so much hate, because at this stage in the development of Women’s MMA, any publicity is better than no publicity.

On a more personal level, Ronda Rousey has proven herself to be a big enough badass that I can’t help but call myself a fan.

So while there’s still plenty to be proven and many fights to be fought, I am now a Ronda Rousey fan. That’s my little confession for the day.

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