GIF Party: Ten Techniques That Excite the Savage in All of Us


This guy knows what we’re talking about.

The nature of mixed martial arts competition means that you never know what you’re going to get when you tune in. Maybe a stand-up war, maybe a kinetic chess match. For some fans, there is nothing so thrilling as a technical back-and-forth mat battle. Hell, some people even enjoy watching Ben Askren catch a firm grip on his opponent and breakdance all over him for fifteen minutes, and they get all hot and bothered seeing a good hip heist or X-guard sweep. We enjoy all that stuff. Then there are a double handful of techniques that bridge the gap — that excite every single person in the arena, every fight fan at the bar, and every keyboard warrior watching at home. In the interest of finding common ground with all fans of this crazy fad that is ultimate fighting, we present to you this not-at-all exhaustive list of moves that seem more likely to be pulled off with an XBoX controller, rather than by a human being who is bound by the laws of physics.

Come one in past the jump, and let’s talk about the kinds of moves that make everyone jump up and spill their beer.

Special thanks to MMA-Core, IronForgesIron, mmaGIF, UpstandingCitizens.com, Tapology, Large Midget and The Forum Assholes, and GIF ninjas everywhere.


This guy knows what we’re talking about.

The nature of mixed martial arts competition means that you never know what you’re going to get when you tune in. Maybe a stand-up war, maybe a kinetic chess match. For some fans, there is nothing so thrilling as a technical back-and-forth mat battle. Hell, some people even enjoy watching Ben Askren catch a firm grip on his opponent and breakdance all over him for fifteen minutes, and they get all hot and bothered seeing a good hip heist or X-guard sweep. We enjoy all that stuff. Then there are a double handful of techniques that bridge the gap — that excite every single person in the arena, every fight fan at the bar, and every keyboard warrior watching at home. In the interest of finding common ground with all fans of this crazy fad that is ultimate fighting, we present to you this not-at-all exhaustive list of moves that seem more likely to be pulled off with an XBoX controller, rather than by a human being who is bound by the laws of physics.

Come one in past the jump, and let’s talk about the kinds of moves that make everyone jump up and spill their beer.

Special thanks to MMA-Core, IronForgesIron, mmaGIF, UpstandingCitizens.com, Tapology, Large Midget and The Forum Assholes, and GIF ninjas everywhere.

Kneeing a grounded opponent

No ground and pound attack showcases a fighter’s grappling dominance (or perhaps his opponent’s unwillingness to fight) more decisively than a dozen unanswered knees to the kidney. While knees on the ground have become more rare since the demise of Pride rules, you can still spot them occasionally.

Pride never die.  Because “Pride Never Stop Pissing Blood” just sounds weird.

Oh yeah, GSP *did* have a stoppage victory celebration.  Forgot about that.

Shogun decides pretty quickly that absorbing knees on the ground is a bad idea.

Bellator Summer Series Kicks Off June 25, People Will Try To Hurt One Another for Your Entertainment

“I believe you yanks call this a mean mug?” PicProps: Bellator.com

Since we mentioned it yesterday in that blatant vanity post, we’ll go ahead and fill you in with some of the details about Bellator’s plans for the summer. As you may remember, a BFC press release announcing the deal with MTV2 made a vague mention of “a collection of special feature events” on top of two full seasons a year. Details at the time were sketchy, and we weren’t really sure what those special feature events would entail. As the season four tournaments unfolded, we heard more and more about tournament action between seasons, initially referred to as a “mini-tournament”. We’d been thinking that this meant perhaps a couple of four-man brackets, maybe some of those Super Fights that Bellator digs so much.

Man, we were way off. Bjorn Rebney, head honcho of the BFC, has put together another intriguing tournament at 145, and that, ladies and germs, will be your main course for the summer series. If you are interested in that kind of thing, we’ve prepared a short primer on the featherweight tourney, plus a preview of Bellator 46, where the four quarterfinals will kick off in that other Hollywood.

Although we suppose you could come in and just throw poop at the new guy. Whatever.

“I believe you yanks call this a mean mug?”  PicProps: Bellator.com

Since we mentioned it yesterday in that blatant vanity post, we’ll go ahead and fill you in with some of the details about Bellator’s plans for the summer. As you may remember, a BFC press release announcing the deal with MTV2 made a vague mention of “a collection of special feature events” on top of two full seasons a year. Details at the time were sketchy, and we weren’t really sure what those special feature events would entail. As the season four tournaments unfolded, we heard more and more about tournament action between seasons, initially referred to as a “mini-tournament”. We’d been thinking that this meant perhaps a couple of four-man brackets, maybe some of those Super Fights that Bellator digs so much.

Man, we were way off. Bjorn Rebney, head honcho of the BFC, has put together another intriguing tournament at 145, and that, ladies and germs, will be your main course for the summer series. If you are interested in that kind of thing, we’ve prepared a short primer on the featherweight tourney, plus a preview of Bellator 46, where the four quarterfinals will kick off in that other Hollywood.

Although we suppose you could come in and just throw poop at the new guy. Whatever.

Marlon Sandro (17-2) vs Genair “Junior PQD” da Silva (10-3)

Of course you guys remember Marlon Sandro, the Zombifier in Chief out of Brazil’s Nova Uniao, and you of course remember that he signed with Bellator back in February.  Sandro, a consensus Top-5  here in the office, will match firepower with Brazilian Genair da Silva, a Renovacao Fight Team rep who likes knockouts, puppy breath, knockouts, long walks on the beach, knees on the ground, and knockouts.  There’s a bit of a rivalry between the two styles (no really), so have your popcord ready.   

Ronnie “Kid Ninja” Mann (19-2-1) vs Adam Schindler (9-1)

When Ronnie Mann made his Bellator debut a month ago, we thought it was some guy’s fifteen year old son that snuck into the cage.  While he managed to do very unkind things to the face of some poor guy whose name escapes us at this time, he failed to actually end the fight, instead earning a lopsided decision and a spot in this tournament.  Mann did make a good impression with his wrestling prowess–not something you expect from a Brit– and some serious offense on the ground.  Meeting him will be submission wrestler Adam Schindler, a West Virgina native who won the state’s wrestling championship twice.  An Air Force vet (My man! -RX), Schindler has victories at StrikeForce and Bellator, and it will be interesting to see how Mann’s wrestling matches up.  The fight will be Schindler’s first at 145, after fighting at lightweight since his 2007 debut. 

Pat Curran (13-4) vs Luis “Baboon” Palomino (16-6)

We passed along the news that Pat Curran was dropping down to 145, after a controversial Cinderella run through the season two brackets and subsequent loss to fade model and all-around BAMF Eddie Alvarez.  Now fighting at a more natural weight, expect Curran to be a force to be reckoned with.  Curran draws Peruvian-American contender Luis Palomino, who frequently competes at 155, including wins over Jorge Masvidal and Jose Figueroa and losses to Yves Edwards and Johnathan Brookins.  Palomino took part in the first Bellator featherweight tournament, losing a split decision at Bellator 1 just two short years ago.  On paper, it seems like an easy win for Curran, but Baboon has the tools to make it interesting.

Nazareno Malegarie (19-1) vs Jacob Devree (10-1)

After the 24 year old Argentine’s battle with eventual tourney finalist Daniel Straus, we reported that we would pay to see him fight again.  Since Bellator listens to its fans, here’s Naza again in tournament action.  Now carrying his first loss at 19-1 (which is still, you know, pretty alright as far as pro fighting record go), the Thiago Tavares training partner will be hungry for a win.  His opponent is Jacob Devree, who we’ll admit not being familiar with. Apparently the PR folks at Bellator aren’t too sharp on his background either, since he rates exactly one sentence in the press release they sent to us. He’s probably legit though: they totally referred to him as “fast-rising”.

Jessica “Jag” Aguilar (10-4) vs Carla Esparza (5-1)

Also slated for action at Bellator 46 is a return to the women’s 125, with tournament vets Carla Esparza and Jessica Aguilar set to lock horns. Esparza had an excellent showing against Megumi Fujii at Bellator 24, despite being a relative MMA n00b at 3-0 and taking the fight on just three days notice (replacing an injured Angela Magana).  Now with two wins between her and that first loss, the former high school wrestler has an intriguing matchup with Jag.  Aguilar rebounded with a submission victory in November after her screwjob-loss to Zoila Frausto-Gurgel, and she will bring her fierce intelligence and unending positivity to the cage for this one.  Oh wait, she’s also one of the most complete fighters in WMMA, repping American Top Team.  If you still believe that women don’t have the skills for MMA, go ahead and DVR this fight.  Then we’ll accept your apology.

[RX]

I’m Totally Up In This B*tch, You Guys

“Remember when ReX13 was just the goofy extra?”

Best part of being a not-at-all professional blogger contributing to this website? Being able to blatantly violate a CagePotato ban without fearing any reprisals from the powers that be. Because let’s face it, the expectations for yours truly are set lower than the credibility bar to be a 2012 Republican candidate in good ol’ ‘Merica. (Suck it, Dundas, i can pick low-hanging political fruit, too!) You bastards can expect plenty more rule-breaking from me in the future, because i color outside the lines. I’m a rebel. I walk on the wildside. I do not consistently capitalize self-referential pronouns. It’s just how i am. At least until BG and GusBuster pull my editing privileges–feel free to start a pool on how long i last, provided i can get in on the action.

“Remember when ReX13 was just the goofy extra?”

Best part of being a not-at-all professional blogger contributing to this website? Being able to blatantly violate a CagePotato ban without fearing any reprisals from the powers that be.  Because let’s face it, the expectations for yours truly are set lower than the credibility  bar to be a 2012 Republican candidate in good ol’ ‘Merica.  (Suck it, Dundas, i can pick low-hanging political fruit, too!)  You bastards can expect plenty more rule-breaking from me in the future, because i color outside the lines.  I’m a rebel. I walk on the wildside. I do not consistently capitalize self-referential pronouns. It’s just how i am.  At least until BG and GusBuster pull my editing privileges–feel free to start a pool on how long i last, provided i can get in on the action.

Some of you may have noticed that i haven’t been around much lately, and you may have heard a nasty rumor that i was hospitalized after taking part in an underground hotdog-eating contest that was unsanctioned by the Major League Eating government body.  I’d like to squash those rumors, but since my reported performance was on par with that Kobayashi cat, i’ll just let you all use your imaginations as to my status for the past month. 

Thanks to the weekend crew for soldiering on with the Bellator coverage, but i could have done without Goldstein typing up a succinct but LOL-worthy recap of Hector Lombard’s performance.  Way to go Beej, now stop making me look bad.  I’ll still be sharing my own perspective on the goings-on at BFC, even though i deuced out for the last two cards of the season.  Now i know that there are literally tens of you saying, “Oh noes, the Bellator season is over! Now where will we get a regular serving of MMA competition on the cheap?”  Relax:  Bellator will return for a full season in September, plus they have a few shows planned for the summer to tide us over until then. 

Oh and by the way, Potato Nation, i really need you to pick up your game in the caption contests and commenting strings. Assuming that you are out of practice, expect me to frequently post WTF-worthy pics and encourage you to caption them, because the less work i have to do, the better. Like having kids and orgies, if i can get you to entertain one another and still take the credit, i win. Do your worst, Nation.  No, there will be no prizes, save the amusement and admiration of your fellow readers. Similarly, i’ll be looking to resurrect the old “Ask the Potato” feature (so submit some damn questions), as well as a new regular feature involving fictional conversations between MMA personalities, since you have received our previous attempts at fictional entertainment so well.

So that’s it, Nation. Just wanted to drop a line letting you know that i’m still alive, still linking to other peoples’ hard work to entertain you, and yes, Drano, you still my boy. But damn, ya’ll — can we take it easy on MRuss? It’s only a matter of time until some big media outlet needs a real MMA reporter, and trust me, you don’t want me trying to pick up that slack, too. I really suck at interviews. Or at least, that’s what you guys have said.

[RX]

Bryan Baker Puts a Ring On It at Bellator 43, Continues to Make the Rest of Us Look Bad

“No word yet on who startled the witch.”  (VidProps: Bellator)

Bellator action returned to Newkirk, Oklahoma, last night, and Byran Baker continued his campaign to steal the hearts and minds of pretty much everyone.  The welterweight final was the main event for the evening, matching up Olympic judoka Rick Hawn and Jay “The Brooklyn-Born Thoroughbred Long Islander” Hieron (still nothing on Horwich).  A bantamweight season five qualifier featuring Chase Beebe and Jose Vega was also on the menu, which illustrates the depth that Bellator is developing at 135.  Follow us in past the jump for spoilers, and before we forget — your mom said for you to call her.

“No word yet on who startled the witch in the crowd.” (VidProps: Bellator)

Bellator action returned to Newkirk, Oklahoma, last night, and Byran Baker continued his campaign to steal the hearts and minds of pretty much everyone.  The welterweight final was the main event for the evening, matching up Olympic judoka Rick Hawn and Jay “The Brooklyn-Born Thoroughbred Long Islander” Hieron (still nothing on Horwich).  A bantamweight season five qualifier featuring Chase Beebe and Jose Vega was also on the menu, which illustrates the depth that Bellator is developing at 135.  Follow us in past the jump for spoilers, and before we forget – your mom said for you to call her.

Ron ”The Monster” Sparks and Vince Lucero fought one another in what was billed as a “heavyweight feature fight”, meaning Bellator’s not ready to hand out a tournament berth to the winner quite yet, even though they assume it will be Sparks.  More well-known for being mentioned as an opponent for crossover athletes starting out in MMA (even though those fights wind up not happening), Sparks is nonetheless a giant man (6’5″, 255) with an undefeated record.  Lucero is a veteran of forty fights against competition you’ve heard of, but you’ve never heard his name before, and you’ll probably forget it in a half hour.  After the announcers practically guaran-damn-tee a knockout, the fight goes to the ground quickly, where Ron “Now He’ll Ground and Pound” Sparks twists up an Americana. Sparks defeats Vince Luceno via submission at 2:58 of the first round — not a bad showing, but we’ll wait to see more of Sparks against some better competition before we start getting excited about another heavyweight tournament.

On deck for the televised broadcast, Chase “The Rage” Beebe and Jose Vega faced off for a slot in next season’s 135 pound tournament.   Beebe started his pro career with a string of impressive victories that earned him the WEC bantamweight strap, which he then turned over to Miguel Torres and started a troubling five-fight skid.  (In fairness, the decision loss to Mike Easton was a bonafide robbery, so there’s that.)  Vega was impressive in season three, scoring a highlight reel knockout over Jerrod Card and making his way to the semifinals before losing to eventual finalist Ed West.  In another quick match, Beebe methodically tried out a few guillotines before he found one in Vega’s size, and sunk it in at the end of the first round.  Chase Beebe defeats Jose Vega via submission at 4:06 of the first round, putting another good win on his record. Next season’s 135 tourney is going to be some good fights, y’all.

Since we have a couple of  short fights, we get a chance to see some undercard action with Richard Bouphanouvong (rhymes with “Mo’ Fun-a-thon”) vs. David “The Caveman” Rickels.  After Rickels stuns Bouphanouvong early on, he spends the remainder of the round on his back defending himself from grinding ground and pound.  Rickels works his legs up for a triangle choke, but he’s unable to sink it in the first.  The second round starts similarly, with Bouphanouvong shooting for a takedown after catching some sharp strikes from Rickels.  The Caveman throws his legs up again, and envelopes his opponent’s head in a triangle.  The tap comes soon after.  David Rickels defeats Richard Bouphanouvong via submission (triangle choke) at 1:11 of the second round.

Bryan “The Beast” Baker and Joe “Diesel” Riggs were next, looking to perhaps score an invite to the next middleweight tournament.  Riggs changes weight classes more than Scarlett Johansson changes hair colors, and with almost fifty fights under his belt, Diesel is showing some wear.  Coming off a TKO loss to Jordan Mein, Riggs is ready to put a stamp on somebody.

Bryan Baker was diagnosed with leukemia just over a year ago, just days before his first tournament fight for Bellator.  Baker soldiered on, continuing to train even as he underwent cancer treatments.  He performed so well that we had him as a heavy favorite to win the finals against Alexander Shlemenko, even going so far as to suggest you bet the house on a Baker victory.  (If anyone did lose their home because of our advice, we’d like to point out that, you know, dude had leukemia.  If we’d known that, it may have influenced our picks.  Just sayin’.)

Riggs and Baker took their time with the feeling out process, even receiving some boos for their first round dance-off.  Baker slowly finds his distance, and uses knees as his primary weapon.  Riggs opens his defenses up a bit in the second, trying to answer Baker with knees of his own, but he comes up second in a exchange of punches, and goes down hard.  Baker stands over Riggs and seems ready to fire another hook when the ref waves it off, but Riggs is done.  Bryan Baker defeats Joe Riggs via KO at 3:53 of round two, and his girlfriend is in the stands screaming like a banshee.  Baker calls her into the ring and asks her to marry him, and all the girls in the crowd sigh at once.  Awwwwww.  It’s like a Nicholas Sparks book, except backwards.

The main event was the welterweight final, for the giant check and the date with Bellator’s reigning 170 pound Champion of Funk.  Rick Hawn fought through Jim Wallhead and Lyman Good to make it here, and says that he’s in better shape than the Thoroughbred, turning the vet’s cage experience against him, at least in Hawn’s mind.

Jay Hieron surprised no one by making it to the finals, making his way through Anthony Lapsley and Brent Weedman, but he’s got to deal with Hawn’s brutally strong clinch game to close the deal.

It’s a close three rounder, and it would be worth watching the fight to make up your own mind.  Hawn kept the pressure on Hieron for the full fifteen minutes, moving continually forward and biulding momentum throughout the fight. Hieron was evasive and counterpunched effectively, but seemed to be tired and in full retreat by the third round.  The judges were divided as to who did more to whom, awarding Jay Heiron a split decision victory over Rick Hawn (29-28 x2, 28-29 x1).  Naturally, Hawn will be back to judo slam the piss out of some poor guy enroute to a return to the tournament format, while Hieron will get his Publisher’s Clearing House check  and a shot at the sweestest whiteboy ‘fro in MMA.

In other undercard action, Michael Osborn made quick work of Mike Schatz, earning a TKO victory due to strikes at 1:58 of the first round, and it was the only fight to not make the broadcast.  Seems like they could have shoehorned a two minute fight in there somehow…

Now seriously, go call your mom.  Tell her we said “thanks”.

[RX]

Bellator Weekly News: Featherweight Primer

(That’s no mean mug, that’s really just Warren’s normal expression.  PicProps:  Bellator.com)We bid you good morning, Potato Nation, and we present you with our second installment of preview materials for the upcoming Bellator tournaments, t…


(That’s no mean mug, that’s really just Warren’s normal expression.  PicProps:  Bellator.com)

We bid you good morning, Potato Nation, and we present you with our second installment of preview materials for the upcoming Bellator tournaments, this time running down the 145ers set to do battle in March.  By now you should know that Bellator will be airing live on Saturdays on MTV2, so we’re really going to stop telling you.  But don’t come crying to us when your DVR doesn’t magically start recording the fights in the new time slot, all teary-eyed with your bare face hanging out, asking us what went on and who advanced, because we totally won’t even tell you.

Sorry about that.  Listen, go grab some coffee, and venture in past the jump for introductions and videos for all eight featherweights confirmed for the brackets. 
 

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Oh *SNAP* He Say Bisping Can’t Hit

(Damn, son.  Rivera just put you on blast in front of everybody forever.)
With UFC 126 officially behind us, it is now time to look ahead to UFC 127, and Jorge Rivera and his friends at RangerUp have already called in an insult mortar strike.&nbs…

(Damn, son.  Rivera just put you on blast in front of everybody forever.)

With UFC 126 officially behind us, it is now time to look ahead to UFC 127, and Jorge Rivera and his friends at RangerUp have already called in an insult mortar strike.  Or maybe it’s smack attack helicopter.  Napalm strike of disrespect?  Whatever.  He’s on some Black Ops shit, is all we’re saying.

Now,  this is taking trash talk to a whole ‘nother level.  Rivera scores points for keeping his name out there as a fun dude and generating interest in a fight that could have gotten lost in the shuffle, and if this actually rattles Bisping a bit and throws off his mind set?  Well, then Rivera–who by the way will turn 39 years old the day after the Bisping fight–may have another reason to sing. 

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