It’s good to be back.
After days of anticipation, Ask the Potato is finally back and as credible as ever. The deepest thinkers among us have emerged with a series of questions- some of which even came in the form of complete sentences, with question marks and everything. The rest of you? Well, you at least tried to have a coherent thought, right? And even though the thought doesn’t count, you’re still special to us. So, without further delay, the triumphant return of Ask the Potato awaits after the jump.
El Famous Burrito asks: Let’s say you and Don Frye are in an elevator together, and a whole bunch of women get on at the next floor. Frye rips a nasty fart and you notice, but when the ladies notice he blames it on you. Do you say anything, or just let it slide?
Answer: We’d always just assumed that Don Frye’s gas was toxic, but we’ll honor the spirit of the question. Whether we man up or play the punk role comes down to one simple factor: How drunk is Don at the time? He doesn’t exactly have a great record in intoxicated elevator fights.
Dibs asks: Who would you rather have…Arianny or Brittney? That’s a tough choice. I think I would have to pick Brittney, she looks a little dirtier if you know what I mean.
Answer: We’re here to answer questions, Dibs, not break hearts, but if you must know, it’s Brittney for two key reasons:
1) According to some sources, we’ve already screwed Arianny.
2) Sorry, but we’re not following up Tiki, no matter how much of a prude he may be.
RwilsonR asks: Is Anderson Silva’s new obsession with Justin Bieber just him taking his Michael Jackson impersonation too far?
Answer: We’ve heard that Silva is looking into acquiring the bones of Helio Gracie and a chimpanzee companion, so…maybe?
noahnasty asks: Who’s gonna be UFC champion in every division, including the flywieghts, at the end of 2012?
Answer: It’s easy to hold onto the belt a little bit longer when you’re sitting on the shelf, which was the M.O. for UFC champs this past year, but we’ve also got some established title holders that aren’t likely to be going anywhere for awhile. Assuming that each champ defends his belt at least twice next year, we see it playing out like this:
Joseph Benavidez, Dominick Cruz, Chad Mendes, Gil Melendez, GSP, Anderson Silva, Jon Jones, Junior Dos Santos.
Call your bookie and lock it in. Do it. No, seriously, do it.
KarmaAteMyCat asks: What color should I dye my mustache for Movember?
Answer: You should do half pink, half purple and just dare a motherfucker to call you gay.
skeletor asks: If each of the columnists on CP were sex positions who would be what. Please explain.
Answer: Ben doesn’t care about the position. He just wants to be fucked worse than he’s ever been fucked before. Mike Russell would be missionary because it’s the most classy, polite position, and he’s easily the most classy, polite person on this website. And judging by the way that Matt Kaplan shamelessly plows through liveblogs, he’d be the jackhammer.
Now, let’s let the rest of these jokers answer your question in their own words:
Danga: Without question The Alligator Fuckhouse.
ReX13: I’m “lazy dog“, but I didn’t think anyone would want to know.
Jason Moles: The Body Builder – Cuz that’s how I roll
Chris Colemon: Front dick, back dick, side check dick, all of that.
Seth Falvo: I’d be the Little Jack Hornher, because that’s just how you spell “classy”.
Well, that about wraps it up for this week. Tune in next week as we answer even more of your (hopefully at least kind of) MMA related questions. Just as last time, you can send us questions through our Facebook page. You can tweet them to our Twitter account. You can register for our forums and post your questions there. Or you can just post them in the comments section of this article. If we didn’t get to your question this time around, look on the bright side: You have an entire week to come up with a better question. Get to it!